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| singaporeso currently i am in singapore for a long weekend. this is my second time here, the last time being a business trip with my manager sunny.
this place is clean like everyone says, for the most part. much cleaner than malaysia. that is for sure. the city is very much cosmopolitan. i like to think of it as hong kong, except mandarin speaking. it is so much easier for me to communicate and get around over here. cabs are readily available and the mrt is built to go around the city, much like hong kong. it is very convenient to get around.
i wonder what it would have been like to stay here long term. unfortunately, i will not get a chance to. sometimes i wonder if the big city if for me. just like my fascination with hk, i get the same feeling with this place. i wonder if it's a nice setting to live in, or just a fun place to play in. And again, regrettably, I will not get the chance to find out. It seem like my trip here has been so short.
however, i do feel ready to return home. as much as i like it here and have adjusted to the environment, the bottom line is that i am different, and i am not a local. home for me will always the states for me. although i have assimilated to the culture, customs and settings around me, it is not home for me. i still feel very much an outsider, in my language, to my expectations and standards of things, to my actions and habits. it is not easy to change overnight, and though i have lived here for about 5 months now, i still think differently and act differently from everyone.
i don't know if it is because of the fact that i am american or whatever, but there is definitely some certain aspects of me that others scoff at. there is definitely a lot of anti-american sentiment here in asia, and the people are very quick to turn on you if you express or exhibit any of the characteristics that they do not appreciate. so in many ways, i cannot be myself here, which i find quite hard. i sometimes get the feeling that i cannot bring my culture over here, but as i see it, it doesn't work the other way around. all the foreigners that i have met back in the states have always been able to express and exercise their culture. i think that's what really sets america back from the rest. that we can accept so many things (which does work against us sometimes), but at least in this light it is good.
but i find it very funny how american these countries try to be, and yet scoff at the ideals and the people of the country. i mean really, you cannot have one without the other. they all want to live like we do, but then ridicule all the people who have gotten us to where we are, giving us no credit whatsoever. it does seem backward, but what can we do.
how did i go from singapore to all this this? anyhow, once again, i wish i could have stayed here longer, but i am ready to go home now. hope to see all my friends and family soon. | | |
| i am a relationship quitteri'm sure it's a number of things that attribute to it. first thing i can think of is effort it took for me to reel in my first real girlfriend. it took a year. i remember how draining it was. another thing is having friends like the same person. my parents' divorce. all the rejections over the years. i no longer think persistence pays off. have i lost faith in relationships of love? i know i'm much more grounded now, which is something i've wanted to be again for awhile. but the road to getting back to this point has not been smooth at all.
now when any of the above is an issue, i will pull back and let the person go. i hate the conditions, because should those really be stoppers for potential love? what is fair game? the most recent case is one for the ages. there was a 3 day training, but because i was up to my neck with work, i didn't attend the first day. i went to day 2. immediately i took notice of a girl as she was sitting in the front row and i against the back wall. and with these trainings the attendees come from all over malaysia. somehow we were put into the same small group for the day, which i was hoping for, lol. so we were going to see each other the whole day. now that that was settled, i just had to find the right time to talk to her. say something stupid like "where are you from". but again, i get really nervous around pretty girls, so i didn't say anything. then i remembered, getting a good look at her face during lunch, since she was sitting at the next table over facing me. that day, my GM also sat at my table, and he was pointing out the fact that my shirt was really wrinkled and not ironned and told me not to come to work if i was going to look like that. of course he was joking.... i think. anyhow, towards the end of lunch, i rushed upstairs to my desk to check something, and lo and behold she's talking to my colleague. my colleague knew better, so she introduced me to the girl. apparently we work in the same company. just that she works at a branch office up in penang. her name is may. so we chatted for awhile and spent the rest of the day training. so there was free food after work that day, so of course i went. free food, lovely lady, why not? by the end of the night, i got her number. things were looking good. she said she was going to be in KL for a couple more days, and that we would get together. next day, never got her call. so i called, no response til like late at night. apparently she was busy. so that was that.
so we've kept in contact for the rest of april. initially, i was not joining the company trip. then i met her. so i decided to go. i mean i kind of wanted to go to begin with, but the cost would really set me back from my goal of making out of this country with more money than i started with. but i changed my mind at the last second, which was very troublesome for our HR person. i felt so bad. but i was able to go, so i thought this was the perfect chance to get to know her better. i definitely had a crush on her.
so i'm not going to go into details, but i was and am getting mixed signals, and i'm just so confused. but the stopper in this case, is that it's obvious her manager (who also went on the trip) likes her. or maybe they are together. i don't know. but i asked her before if she had a bf, because colleagues of mine were telling me she did. she gave me a very vague answer, like the guy was a long distance "friend". and there's always been suspicion about may and her manager, but she told me not to listen to rumor, so i believed her. i know the guy, he's a very nice guy and he's been nothing short of nice to me since i've joined the company. what am i to do now? i'm an intern, he's a manager. he's been with the company longer, i've been here 3 months. what will others say? i don't know. i don't want to start any conflict within the workplace. so in the end, the trip did not go well as far as me and her were concerned. so i felt it was wasted, but i still had fun nonetheless. it was nice seeing a new place, and getting a chance to just hang out with my colleagues.
i hate getting played hot and cold. it's too confusing, and you always wind up looking stupid. it happened before i left, and it's happening again. the common theme is the pretty face. i am so superficial. i always fall too fast too hard for these girls i don't even know very well. maybe if i got to know them better, i'd realize how ugly they really are. but i get too involved first. there were so many times during the trip i felt like she liked me, and then the next second it was completely cold. so the whole trip i was constantly contemplating whether or not to talk to her. the situation was not a good one. because of the nature of the trip, there was never a point there no one was looking on. like she and her manager were staying on the same floor, and when we went up the elevator to our rooms, they got off together, and people immediately started laughing about it. obviously, everyone already thinks they are an item.
who am i to step in and try to pursue her? from the professional side, it doesn't make any sense for an intern to step on a manager's toes. from the personal side, i've never liked having to compete for a girl, especially with someone who as nice as he is. so on the plane back to kl, i was thinking about the whole situation and i just wanted to get everything straight. the three of us were originally seated in different parts of the plane. when i got on, she last sitting window, alone. i chose not to sit next to her. because i knew. 10 minutes into the flight, she had company. so in the last half hour, i had had had enough of this, and decided to ask to sit with her for a bit. so i went up the aisle and i saw the two of them, heads on each other, and hands around her, which immediately made my heart stop. i immediately turned around and went back to my seat. i had gone up there to let her know how i felt. how stupid was i? at that point i felt so stupid for going on the trip because of her. accepting another trip in a couple of weeks (which is when my birthday is) which i have already gotten tickets for and blown more money to go on. and guess who else is going. i still owe him the balance and i am going to pay him back asap, but i don't know how. since he is in a northern state. but i know i definitely don't want to go on this next one. i'm not going to be a third wheel again. i don't want to spend my 25th birthday watching the girl i like with another guy. a colleague and a superior.
i was even thinking about staying here in malaysia for her, but now i'm just ready to go home. i never asked for this. my only goals here were to learn and let nothing take me away from that, and to come home with more money than i started out with. this whole situation has taken me away from both. i am ready to go home. i quit... | | |
| can we be friends?things at work have been quite smooth, but yesterday i had a reality check. i don't know what it's like back at home, but over here i can say that people at work (co-workers, colleagues...) keep their distance. my co-workers are very nice to me, and i really enjoy their company, but that's also the only thing they will be: co-workers. nothing more, nothing else. they treat me nicely, but only from a distance. like there's a 10-ft. rule in place. don't get any closer than that. and i know it's nothing against me personally, because they do the same thing with each other, for the most part. people at the office love the gossip and tell secrets and keep things secret and not tell anyone, and they always ask that of me. i've been told not to tell people where i've been, who i've been with, because people will talk. rumors, stuff like that. if it's one thing i can't stand it's gossip. i've been warned that people in the office may feel threatened or jealous, so that's the reason why they keep things on the down-low.
i don't know if this is a universal thing, but for me personally, it's a drawback. because of the fact that i'm a foreigner halfway around the world by myself, i don't have any relatives or friends. now people keep telling me to meet some, but really once you start working it's not easy to meet people. my colleagues are all older than me, so it's not like they will introduce people to me. so, i'm left with the people at work, but as i found out yesterday, we're not friends, just people who work in the same office. there was one whom i trusted a lot and truly thought was my friend, but it was revealed to me that this person was not, and i'm greatly disappointed. now back at home, it might not be as traumatic, but for me here, it hurt. because i thought i could count on this person, but now i see that our "friendship" was conditional. i just hope we can still remain professional at work. forget the personal.
so now, i'm very hesitant in trusting others. i feel like this sort of environment is very elementary and backwards, but by hesitating in trusting people, i'm acting the exact same way. is this the way to survive? regardless, i don't know who i can trust anymore, and i'm very confused. there are some i want to get to know better, but it's obvious they're shutting me out. if we are friends, we're friends from 8:30-5:30. apart from work hours, do not bother one another. so what am i to do after work? these very people tell me i need to get out more and socialize more, but i don't have choices.
but i guess this is for the better, since i will be leaving soon anyway. why get to know people so well, when you know you're going to leave them soon? so the only thing left for me to do is to sit tight and just ride out the rest of the time here. though it'd be nice to have someone to hang out and just chat it up with.
anyway, will be going to the philippines this weekend for company trip. i hope it's fun and there should be lots of photo ops.
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| 70 confessions1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
a friend.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
always.
3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
i've never kissed a girl.
4. Do you take compliments well?
not at all.
5. Do you play Sudoku?
yep, thanks to tracy!
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
if there are bugs, i doubt it.
7. Do you like nipple rings?
don't think so.
8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
yup.
10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married what would you do?
tell them how they are being a homewrecker, and the consequences.
12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
i think so, though it may be difficult.
13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
pursue.
14. Use three words to describe yourself at the moment.
hot, lonely, content.
15. Do any songs make you cry?
maybe.
16. Are you continuing your education?
in the future.
17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
not yet.
18. If your house was on fire, what wud b the 1ST thing u grabbed?
my photo albums, though my guitars comes in at a close second.
19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
my uncle (please don't ask)
20. Who do you call the most?
my mom
21. Favorite children's book?
the orphan train quartet by joan lowery nixon
22. What color are your eyes?
brown
23. How tall are you?
5'11"
24. Do you have a crush on 'Dave the Goofy Professor'?
who?
25. If you could do it over again, start from scratch, would you?
fresh start? why not?
26. Any secret admirers?
i wish.
27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
too many, especially back in my aZn dayZ.
28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
years, come to think of it...
32. Do you like mustard?
yes
33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
too tough to answer right there!
34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
neither
35. How long does it take you in the shower?
anywhere from 20 mins to an hour
36. Can you do splits?
never.
37. What movie do you want to see right now?
ninja turtles.
39. What did you do for New Year's Eve?
attended a memorable ball.
40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
never saw it.
42. Do you own a camera phone?
yep.
44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
ha, no. at least not that i know of... are there cheerleaders in hk?
45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
"h"
47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
anywhere from 3 to 12.
48. Do you like care bears?
care bears care!
49. What do you buy at the movies?
nothing. i only redeem my free popcorn and get all the butter i can before my buddy says stop.
50. Do you know how to play poker?
who doesn't?
51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
always.
52. What do you wear to sleep?
my boxers
53. Anything big ever happen in your town?
it became the capital of the country texas in 1837 until 1839.
54. Is your hair straight or curly?
straight.
55. Is your tongue pierced?
no.
56. Do you like Liver and Onions?
only onions.
57. Have you ever been in love?
no.
58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
serious.
59. Ever been to L.A.?
long ago.
64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
family stuff.
65. Are you a gullible person?
here in malaysia, yes.
66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
i think i've learned to do without.
67. If you could have any job what would it be?
professional musician.
68. Are you easy to get along with?
am i?
69. What is your favorite time of day?
when i get off work.
70. Are you a generally happy person?
yep. | | |
| greetings from malaysia!i am now in malaysia, living in city of petaling jaya to be more exact, and in the division of ara damansara. i will say right off the bat that this place is like no other place i've ever seen. it's like hong kong, but then it's not like it at all either. i do not know how to describe it. the population here is extremely diverse, consisting mostly of malays, indians and chinese. the chinese here speak about 4 dialects on average. the weather here is extremely hot and even more humid, which makes it all the more hot.
to be honest, the first night was the worst. i landed, and waited at immigration for over an hour. the people there worked so slow. then, because of that wait, all my luggage had disappeared from baggage claim. after i finally found my luggage, my driver found me, and he seemed a bit bothered by the long wait. then he dropped me off at this place called the coffee bean, where i waited for my roommate to get me. that was about another 3 hours. she had gone to a wedding banquet and could not get out earlier.
the feelings of loneliness and abandonment set in and it hit hard. i skipped dinner and went straight back to the house, which is a story in itself. the first night i wanted to go home as soon as possible. i had been in hong kong the previous two days and that was alright, because i actually knew some people there. malaysia is completely different.
anyhow, yesterday (the 2nd day) i went to the mall to go shopping for necessities. this was a much much needed trip. i got to know my roommate, who is really nice, and that has been a major help. she only recently moved into the house and is still settling in. i will have pictures up as soon as i can. i do not have internet at the house, which will hopefully change soon.
today was my first day of work at grundfos. you can see their website www.grundfos.com. i will be working in marketing for the first month and then will be attached to the finance department thereafter. the company in its entirety is huge, but our office here is quite small. it's 3-storied and there are a little over 70 employees here. it's quite clean and there's a/c here, which is a blast (literally). the people have been quite nice so far, no complaints. i will be given a car during the week some time and that should be really interesting, as the wheel is on the right side of the car. i am technically a trainee here, and i will probably be making coffees and doing slave work for awhile, but i am very excited about this job, since it's my first real job. the day was quite long and i almost fell into food coma, but i got through it. now i am at another huge mall here, freeloading their wi-fi.
so that will be it for now. i will update with images next time i get on, so stay tuned. i miss you all dearly and hope you are taking care of yourselves. and to my band: keep rocking. lastly to my wife... keep brewing that pho soup 'til i get back. | | |
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