damn.i like this site

and i cant believe it'll be 2 months *next week* since jason and i startin chillin ..and that its the 1 year month this month. dammmmmmmmn! lol

but yea. besides jason i have chilled with some other guys -- or tried to at least. SOME havent called me .. well just one actually. but oh well. his loss. . its just like. why stick to one guy. i mean no jason doesnt call me everyday. hell he hardly calls me. i dont care cuz we have fun when we hang out. and no. not that kind of fun (for whoever reads this) .. but still whatever.

but seriously i think i kno why i go for older guys..  true. they are more mature but also because there isnt all this high school drama shit surrounding them. plus.. they are ALWAYS cuter than high school guys. lol gotta love that. but anyway . most of the guys i check out now are like 20, 21... yes 25.. its like damn why cant i have him!? lol but

whatever this is bullshit. im making myself out to be like a whore or something. which im not. i chill with 1guy a week. if i even hang out with anyone cuz im always fuckin working. . and its not always a different guy. there seem to be just 2 or 3 in the rotation. haha just kidding. damn

tough crowd

im finished

hey ok. . so i was sick of looking at that other entry for all of those who still read this xanga. . but anyway. im kinda upset in a way

jason came over last night. met the parents blah blah blah. . but the thing is. my parents dont think the best of him - yet. its like he has to prove himself to them. .and then its ok. like chris .. they liked him until he proved them otherwise. which he slowly did over time. .but now its like a prejudice against "older guys" that they all have the wrong intentions. honestly. if someone wanted sex. theyd go get it. they wouldnt want to try so hard for it. . so my dad says to me tonight.. "well my intial thought is that hes just gotten out of a long relationship and is sorta on the prawl for new territory (or something like that)" and im like. so  basically u think hes on the rebound. and hes like "well yea cuz when ur at that age difference, you dont run in the same circle of friends and you dont really have too much in common or hes just looking for sex" .. im thinking, ok so my dad thinks this guy he just met last night is on the rebound with me just looking for an easy hook-up -- in other words *from what he told me* jason can never actually be interested in me cuz "im too young".. when the hell will i NOT be too young for anything!? i mean seriously. . bein the youngest in the family has gotten me stuck with that phrase oh so many times and im just sick of it. im sorry but what if he actually IS interested in me . .and doesnt just want some ass. . ive known him for almost a year and now i decide to have him meet the rents and they bash him after he leaves. so whats the point? whatever i guess its better if they get out what they think of him now rather than if something DID happen, saying afterwards. well i was going to warn you. .  but still . .everyone immediatly asks me what do your parents think? im like. what does it matter. sure hes 24 (ok i said it. . hes 24). and im 17.. but the last guy i dated was 19 when i was 16. .  yea my parents didnt like him much, but he didnt try to push me to have sex with him, or do drugs withhim, or drink with him. . i know my own limits and believe it or not. i kno how to handle my own.. i make my boundaries known . and i dont break them. honestly. why cant people trust my word . .even if they dont trust his. i could kick his ass if i wanted to.. i could kick anyones if i took the energy to. and im not saying that to be cocky or w/e. . i seriously think if im in danger or pissed off enough i could do whatever it takes... but whatever. .

people just dont think girls can hold their own..

Name 20 Friends;

1 Quincy
2 Jace
3 Molly
4 Rachel
5 Mitch
6 Melissa R.
7 Tiffany A.
8 Alex P.
9 Bobby W
10 Amber
11 Sara
12 Felicia
13 Dave G
14 Dave L
15 Jess T.
16 Dan S
17 Bobby C
18 Dave H
19 Abby G.
20 Will

who is 8 going out with?  ..i think some sophomre. .
is 9 a boy or a girl? guy
would 11 and 2 make a cute couple? nope -- not 2 girls
how about 18 and 4? eh. no shes got a man...
what grade is 17 in? going to be a senior!
when was the last time you talked to 12? this morning online. . but in person like .. 3 or 4 months ago
what is 6's favorite band? she likes alot of artists. .  
does 1 have any siblings? yup. . one full sister, and a step brother and sister
would you ever date 3? no, . . not a lesbian
would you ever date 7?  im  not a lesbian. (i guess i shoulda made that list a lil better so this would be interesting)
what's 15's last name? Tack(ers)
what's 10's middle name? i have no idea. . .
what's 5's favorite thing to do? drive around with his buddies. .gettin kicked out of different places for loitering.. 
would 14 and 19 make a good couple? eh. . no. . shes not his type
what school does 20 go to? Hershey High
tell me a random fact about 11? . . shes going into the airforce. .well already is in the airforce -- at boot camp in TX right now actually..
about 3?  one of her nicknames matches mine - - mallz and hallz
have you ever had a crush on 15? jess. . i dont think so
what's 4's favorite color? hmm. .thats a toughy
would you make out with 14? no. . .not if it was my choice to do so or not..
are 5 & 6 best friends? they dont even kno each other
does 7 like 20? um. . not really i dont think?
does 8 like 19? they dont kno each other. . or if they do kno each other they havent talked in like 3 years now..
how did you meet 2?  german class...

im bored out of my mind 

..to take the question from the last entry -- who would WILLINGLY put themselves thru that shit?!everyone. .we all do it. we all figure. . oh no this and that . .it'll change, they'll grow up, they wont do it again .  . bullfuckingshit . . nothing fucking changes *not in high school anyway* . . im gonna cut this down a lil bit more -- I ALWAYS DO IT..i always go back to the things that hurt me most. . why!? because i always think things are going to change, people will stop 1. taking me for granted and 2. taking me as a gullible person .. im thru with that bullshit. . its happened wayyyy too many times and im DONE. .this bullshit is over im not mentioning any names because im not a bitch like that. . but seriously. .people have these opinions about me and then they are voiced by one person and others agree. .but ya kno what. . why cant people just fuckin tell me to my face! honestly. . why would someone go on to my xanga - trash talk me, then expect me to fuckin call them up and "apologize for being unreasonable" i dont fucking think so. . i hate this town and i just want to leave RIGHT NOW!

crying now. .whatever .

bye

why cant we, as humans take what is given to us? we kno that someone we're close with likes us but we always want something better, we always want to find another way out. we cant even smell the roses under our own nose. lots of metaphors there or w/e but still all the same- we cant be satisfied. . we have to always be searching for the next best thing and we cant enjoy what is going on in front of us..

this entry went from talking about some guy that i like that doesnt want to focus on that to life in general. but its all true. whether its circumstances in life or in relationships. . we cant just take what is dealt, we always need that extra draw to see what may lie behind door number 2..

whatever. . im thru with being dependent upon people, theyve only let me down. im relying on myself to get things done and all that. ive been hurt one too many times now and its not worth it all in the end. yea i learn from it but still . who wants to WILLINGLY put themselves thru that shit?!