So its been an extremly long time...and I dont care. Im not going to try and fill in the blanks because they are too big so Im picking up where Im at right now. I am really missing my best friend Amy...its kinda driving me crazy. Other then that I seem to be improving as far as staying happy. A lot of things are changing around here...I dont have time to list all of them but lets just say I see a lot of things that are working themselves out for the better...even though they may not seem to look that way at the moment.

Im really trying hard to deal with hating to look in the mirror everyday. Something that has always been hard to do. Ive always seen my reflection and hated everything I see...not just the physical aspects but all the things that lead up to the cause of me hating everything I see in the mirror. For example, lazyness, the fact that I tell myself Im going to do something but 9 times out of 10 wind up not doing,  all of my little insecurities like the way I look, the way I act and re-act, and how I seem to always have a negitive attitude. Basicly all of these little things that really have a weight on the way I feel about myself. But Im working on it...and so far I seem to be getting better and I really feel a lot better too...its going to be a long proccess that involves a lot of prayer and such but I really feel like Im ready to make the change.

The Land Of Sleeping Angels

I close my eyes only to see the land of sleeping angels,
As far as my eyes can see they lay in rest across this land.
They are so peaceful and so quiet, yet they are all so oblivious,
For they can not see the swarm of demons that hover over the sky.
Like locusts they have come to destroy and devour their innocent hearts.

In silence they wait for the perfect time to strike,
A time where the angels are the most vulnerable,
A time where the angels least expect it, a time such as this.
Someone must warn them, someone must prepare them,
For their time is running out as the demons are getting even more restless.

It is I who must warn them, it is I who must prepare them,
But how, what do I do, what do I say, I am too scared for this.
I alone cannot complete such a task there isn't enough time,
I have wasted too much time already, please will someone help me?
The war is coming and we must save as many as possible before the end.

One by one I must gather up an army,
An army that is willing to fight for their innocence,
An army that fights with their hearts guarded and swords held high.
Because though many will be saved, there will be some who still choose to sleep,
For this they will be left behind, and for this they will sleep, until they die.

10/15/04   Ryan Kohler

Alright so Im starting to lose interest in the Xanga world....I havent really felt like writing about whats going on in my life lately even though am still going through a major transition....I will try to keep up on it...but not yet...

Well Im back in Nashville but Im without a phone or a computer. I had to sell my computer or at least give it back to Steve so I can pay rent and I dont have a job so I havent been able to pay my phone bill....it really kinda sucks but oh well I should be getting a job soon...I hope.

My trip to California was well needed but I am suprized to say I was ready to go home and get focused on getting my bartenders lisence and a job as a bartender in downtown.

Last night I got to see a good show...The Chariot, Fear Before The March In Flames, Evergreen Terrace, and Norma Jean played....they all put on a good show...I was well pleased. Tonight I get to see another great show....Killswtich Engage and From Autumn To Ashes are playing....two bands in which I havent seen before that I like a lot. I actually think that Im going to get goin...I need to start helpin out...so till next time...