HarlequinxRomance's Xanga

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 00:12:32 GMT

Times and Reasons I visited a Doctor last year (2007)
-to see a psychiatrist (about five or six different times) in which I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety
-for an odd allergic reaction in which they still don't know why
-for a possible cyst on my finger which turned out to be nothing serious
-for menstrual problems in which I was prescribed Ponstel
-for more menstrual problems in which I was put on Ortho Tri-cyclen lo
-for an eye appointment in which I then received glasses
-for a blood test (twice)
-for a tuberculosis test which turned out negative
-for a pap smear in which I was diagnosed with BV

I believe that's it. I think before last year, I had maybe gone to the doctor five times or so before in my life not counting check ups.

Times and Reasons I visited a Doctor this year (2008)
-possible bladder infection which they are testing to see if it's a UTI

That's all so far.
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Yeah, that's an old blog. But I need to update it.

Times and Reasons I visited a Doctor this year (2008)
-possible bladder infection which they are testing to see if it's a UTI
-infected cut in which i was perscribed Sufra (I believe) and some ointment.
Oh, then they called back and I couldn't get a hold of them so they just sent me a letter about staph. So I assume i have that. Minor case.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 16:10:18 GMT

Somewhere at a fast food join in North Dakota...

Employee: “Thanks for calling, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I came through drive-thru earlier tonight, and there’s something wrong with my food.”

Employee: “Um, okay…what’s wrong exactly?”

Customer: “Well, I ordered ***, and there was a used condom on the sandwich.”

Employee, holding in a laugh: “Sir, that’s impossible. We don’t practice safe sex here.”

Customer: “Well played.” *hangs up*

Friday, June 06, 2008

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 00:56:09 GMT

Today was my day off. Having just watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall for a second time last night, I was so looking forward to just lounging around the apartment, not having anything to do with the sun shining in and just enjoying life.

Holy shit, I'm so sick of this weather. It totally ruined my whole day and I felt nothing but loneliness all day. I couldn't' wait for Devin to get here so I could feel better.
What the hell was I thinking?

He comes here and things are good for about five minutes until.. oh, should've guessed.. he falls asleep. I understand though, I mean, getting up at 4:30 and working 6 to 5, tuckers a person out. But after he fell asleep, I just felt worse. I just wanted him to go home and sleep because I only felt lonelier with him here.

So I've been trying to get my mind of it.

I read a blog by Tiff.

Whoops.

Then I got all paranoid. What am i going to do with my life? I can't write, it's too hard to be so original. I can't act, and it's been my dream since.. fuck knows when. And even if I try to go with that, I won't be able to get to Cali until like.. six years from now since Devin will be in school that long.

I just can't find anything going for me.

Ode to my brother

Thu, 29 May 2008 16:20:36 GMT

'nuff said.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Mon, 26 May 2008 21:39:48 GMT

It's at a time like this where I wish I was in a two bedroom.

I'm starving but I don't want to eat

She actually said something to me and now I don't know what to do... Why do I feel this way? Why can't I forget and not pretend?

hmm.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Wed, 21 May 2008 01:01:40 GMT

I hate it when something means alot to me and others don't care or worse, insult it.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Sat, 17 May 2008 18:46:21 GMT

How can I watch this and not show it to my nerdy friends/brother? lol

ENJOY cuz I enjoyed the shit out of this!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Fri, 16 May 2008 13:41:21 GMT

Bleh.

I should know when it's about to happen now, since I tend to lose my appetite. Which makes for a rough day. I really hate working weekends too.

I just hate getting through the day on so many emotions. It drives me nuts. It's like North Dakota weather, how it's sunny and warm one minute and suddenly rainy and windy. I dont' want to have to fear this thing.

It certainly doesn't help, the past few events that have happened. I don't know why what bothers other people bothers me. I feel like I have no hope for myself and what will happen with me but I have hope for everyone else.

I would love to not worry about working at The Store this summer. But i need that money. I just wanted to look forward to summer, but if I have to work all the time, why should I? I get so sick of consistency, that's my problem. That's why I can't find a major I know I can stick with. That's why I get so sick of The Store.

I wish I could make myself get out and go when he's not around instead of just waiting. Last night sucked because I did nothing and I ended up crying later about feeling so low. I dont' get it, how things affect me. It's ridiculous.

I tried to have a good day yesterday. I did everything I hoped to accomplish but I felt so far from accomplishment. I'm just too hard to please when it comes to myself, but everything, everyone else can please me easily.

I don't mean to do any of this to myself. That's the worst part.

I need to do laundry.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 17:18:24 GMT

So i work 5-11:30 today.

Because I traded shifts for someone. Because no one else would. And I regret it.

First, because there are TWO birthdays i'm now missing.
Second, because I hate late day shifts
Third, because I didn't actually know it was past eleven till after...

I just sat inside all day watching The Office. I dont' even know how nice it is outside besides my computer saying 63 degrees.

I regret it.

Ugh. i hate days like this.

Jim, save me. I wanna work at Dunder Mifflin.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:28:56 GMT

chemical imbalance maybe.

hormones. well no, i mean, it's too much to be just that.

i dont' know.

i just find it incredibly odd, my emotions. How something like a frackin plant can make me smile so much sometimes. Or how a simple sentence can make me cry. or some little thing can cause me to overreact.

I hate when you look upset and then someone asks if you're ok. Like at work one day, i showed up crying for God knows what reason and i took a couple minutes in the back, came back when i was almost ok, and then people ask if' i'm ok, i start to cry again. i guess maybe cuz it's a reminder i'm not? but i have to be sometimes so i try. or like in Invisible Monsters, how the child hits it's head on the table and doesn't actually start to cry until the parents run to her to see if she's ok.

and no, i don't wanna talk about it when i'm upset. it's too difficult. but something i can do is reply to yes and no questions. When i lived at home and i was upset, my mom would come and ask me "Is it friends?" or "Is it boys?" or something and i'd shake or nod my head. And then "Are they being mean?" or "Is he being complicated?" Nod or shake.

ANdi don't like to talk about things that are wrong in person. cuz then i cry and it becomes a huge mess again. I can like.. only talk in writing or something.

if i could have just three things right now, they would be
1. no responsibilities (like summers were before we had jobs)
2. my fish to live forever
3. a peace lily.

that could be enough right now. i think.