Harvard_Ave's Xanga

NEW BLOG

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 14:42:35 GMT

Since I no longer live on Harvard Avenue I thought it was time for a new blog.

These posts will stop and you can find me at:

http://soulahsystem.blogspot.com

Thanks for the laughs, Xanga!

Missionary Care/Prep

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 17:25:14 GMT

Hi everyone!

Here are some good sites for missionary care:

Evangelical Missions Quarterly (you have to subscribe)

MissionaryCare.com

Missionary Care also has a database with links to lots of articles/books. Luckily, I work in a Bible college above the library, so I searched for the articles and then checked out these books:

Collins, Marjorie. Manual for Accepted Missionary Candidates

Foyle, Marjory. Honourably Wounded: Stress among Christian Workers.

Lockerbie, Jeannie. By Ones and By Twos: Single and Double Missionaries.

O'Donnell, Kelly and Michele, Eds. Helping Missionaries Grow: Readings in Mental Health and Missions.

I've been craving to talk to people I trust who have been missionaries themselves. However, most of my friends are not missionaries (although many are ministers) and most of the missionaries I'm acquainted with I am still getting to know.

I do have one dear friend Ginny who I've known for 8 years. We met in Fiji as high schoolers and since then she's been to visit me in Waynesboro, I've stayed with her family for Thanksgiving, she's stayed in my dorm rooms in college, I've stayed at her homeless mission in the Tenderloin District of San Fran. But for the last 3 years she's been living in Asia as a missionary. She sent me this email:

"i know what it's like having to leave everybody and everything. and it's not going to be easy to live in the thai slums...and life will be harder than it's ever been and you'll cry more than you ever imagined...but it makes life so much sweet, so much deeper...i can't explain it. but i know you'll love the adventure-(although some days it will feel like torture) and the waking up in a strange place with strange friends and speaking a strange language...and a lot of days it will feel like you're doing nothing and that you should just give up and go home...but then one day something will happen and you'll feel such peace and you'll feel like you're changing the world.

it'll be hard and you'll have to give up so much...but it's worth it in ways you'll never imagine. and it'll make you come alive in ways you never imagined...

and lexie...i know it's hard going over there single...and you think it would be so much easier perhaps to go if youre married. but i am so grateful for my time over here single....there is so much i could do-i could be gone for days at a time, i had all the time in the world to study the language...i could hang out with young single people-and they saw me eye to eye...and i miss those times. i am so grateful that i got to know the place and the language while i was single...

i guess i'm just excited for you because you sieze life and every opportunity and i sincerely believe you are going to change the slums of bangkok! "

I don't know about me changing anything. But it was great to hear this encouragement from someone I know and love who has gone ahead of me. It's true-- before we make sacrifices for God it seems too painful, almost impossible, but after every sacrifice we say, "Wow, that was WORTH IT."

Nice things so far this week

Thu, 31 May 2007 13:40:43 GMT

1) listening to Juanes RIGHT NOW. juanesjuanesjuanes. saying his name makes me feel like we're going out.

2) my bed. It feels even better in the new place. How is that possible?

3) Andrew offered to drop off my books at the Prison Library drive for me. and while I was there..

4) Bart and Kristen invited me to stay for their delicious whole grain/organic everything dinner! yum.

5) Lydia drove by wearing a scarf I gave her with a bag of winter things! yay!

6) My roommates prayed for me on Tuesday. I love them.

7) Mrs. Foose, who taught me Sunday school when I was about 3 years old, sent me the sweetest package. She clipped my article in the newspaper, and also sent a donation to my missions work from her fixed income. She also sent me possibly the most encouraging note I've ever received, saying that being a missionary to the very poor is "the best position in the world. You got it!" It made me cry.

8) I prayed about fundraising yesterday because I hadn't heard anything back yet from my first round of letters. Yesterday morning I got 5 responses in the mail!! Each person who responded was special to me-- a former student I led in InterVarsity who I love, a good friend, my grandfather, Mrs. Foose, and a dear friend from high school- we've had a bumpy road over the years but her note enclosed was so loving. It was such an encouragement.

9) I found my Cher CD that I thought I lost! Cher is so awesome.

10) My parents sent a beautiful bouquet to my office yesterday! It has roses, daisies, astromeria, and some stunning pink lilies. It's so exciting to receive flowers!!

_________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, it's been a crazy last few days. There's a lot going on. But God knows just what we need, just what we can handle, and He knows exactly how to speak to our hearts-- through flowers, friends, Cher-- God is so good!

holla if you love change!

Thu, 24 May 2007 12:47:13 GMT

Ok, most of us hate change. Transitions are hard. Some people out there get antsy, feel claustrophobic in when they stay in one place for too long, hunger for the next adventure.

That ain't me. I LOVE stability. Feeling "settled". I love knowing everyone in my community, being able to welcome new people, host, etc. That's why I've made the choices I have: small college, small church, small denomination, small office, staying in Claremont for three years after I graduated.

Next week, we're moving and though it's certainly my choice to move on from this place, and God is calling me to go, I'm feeling sorry for myself because "other people" are good at change and "my gifts" emerge when I feel settled. boo hoo!

But lately i've been wondering if that isn't just a bunch of crap. Sure I like to feel settled, but what I don't like is to feel VULNERABLE!! EEeek!! Moving to a new place means: disoriented, don't know my neighbors yet, unable to host because of boxes everywhere and who knows what kind of furniture, etc. In August there are two weeks where I won't have any place to live so I'll be sleeping on friends couches and stuff and I hate that idea!!! Do I hate change? Or do I hate to be needy?

Hmmm.....

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Tue, 22 May 2007 12:51:36 GMT

I love a good princess story as much as the next girl (ok, possibly more.) When I was a kid, I was obsessed with heroines-- beautiful, smart, courageous girls who were kind to strangers and saved the day. My mom, who is a great feminist, bought me books of "alternative" heroines where there wasn't always prince but they didn't differ from traditional stories in this one aspect::: They were all basically perfect. I loved these heroines-- everyone from the Little Match Girl to Rapunzel-- because they represented the perfect woman that I hoped I would grow into. As I got older and drifted from fairy tales to romantic comedies, it was basically the same story, except that "quirks" became a part of the "perfect woman"-- they were merely a part of her perfection, a la Meg/Reese/Drew: a love of crosswords, someone who wears a lot of baseball hats, and the ol' standyby: an ice cream jones (combined with skinny genes of course). A lot has been written about what it means to be female in both myths.

But now I want to talk about a popular Christian princess myth. I know that so many people have been blessed by John and Staci Eldredge, the authors of "Wild at Heart" and "Captivating". There is a lot of Biblical truth in these books, and I'm so glad that this couple has been a blessing to so many people. But one idea rests uneasy with me: the idea that a woman's basic, core need is to feel beautiful (captivating)-- to be a princess worth rescuing etc.

Here's the problem: I AM NOT A PRINCESS. I am a human being. Here is an incomplete brainstorm:

Ways I am like a princess		Ways I am not like a princess
	Need to be saved or rescued	The eminent danger to me is not in the outside world but in the ugly parts of my own heart.
	Physical merits	Physical flaws
	Want a man	Not all men want me. (thank God! if every relationship I wanted had worked out then I would probably be married to a certain rosy-cheeked stoner who dresses only in tie dye.)
	I have a greater purpose and a place in the Kingdom	The purpose is not my glory, and the place is not the throne.
	Jesus fights for me	I also have to fight.
	Try to be kind to strangers	The strangers are normal people, not fairies in disguise
	I need to feel loved	I need to be rebuked
		I need community- real partnership with other sisters and brothers- in order to lead a fulfilling life
		I am not the “best” girl ever. My beauty, niceness, brains, singing voice (especially singing voice heh heh ) are not beyond the assets of all the other women in the world.
		Being put on a pedastal does me more harm than good.
		There is life beyond the rescue!

It's so much more rewarding to be a PERSON than a princess.

Jesus is so much more than a knight in shining armor. YES He is a savior! He is also a mirror to our souls, cutting straight to the ugly parts and bringing them out of the depths of shame where they were hidden. YES He loves us and will stop at nothing to have us by his side. He also takes us out of living the lie that we are perfect or can even come close on our own. YES, we are beautiful, truly-- we are the work of God's own hands and our spirits reflect the Lord-- but our beauty comes from the reflection of God that He put in each one of us--- not the I'm-making-you-my-captive-with-my-hotness kind of beauty that "captivating" implies.

Moreover, God's words about his rushing gale of love for us, His eagerness and joy at committing to us forever as his flawed and straying metaphorical bride, His sacrifical fighting and dying for our sake--- family of God, that's for us as a WHOLE community! -- teenage boys, old ladies with Alzheimers, Bill Gates, the celluloid, the glamazons, newborn babies, drug-addicted homeless men. God sees this all, his heart is for all of us. He died and rose for us- the broken- and he gives us his peace and He doesn't stop there: He gives us His Holy Spirit and he invites us to take part TOGETHER in building a Kingdom of God here on earth as we follow in this process of risking daily in trying to love other people (and probably messing up and hurting their feelings sometimes), striving for righteousness (and being honest and free to confess + repent when you make the wrong choices), and building each other up as a messy-but-always-growing body.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Sorry! Whew had to get that off my chest. Here is a caveat to the above: I haven't actually read Captivating. I bought it and read the first chapter but then (this is so stupid and even more proof I am not a princess): I had also bought a candle at the bookstore and I left both in my car on a hot day, and the candle melted all over the book so I couldn't open it past like, page 30. So. This is not really even a rant against the book since I didn't read it. But I'm glad I didn't read it because I was like, really vulnerable when I bought it, and there are ways I am so tempted to buy into the whole princess thing... that's why casting it off feels like, "HA!!"

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**** In other news!!!! ************

:::(this is a totally different topic):::::

PLEASE TAKE PART IN MY NEW PROJECT

Do you ever email documents to yourself? I know that you do. My question is: What do you write in the message space, if anything? I am not referring to full emails to yourself, but just when you need to attach a document and that is all. The blank space represents an opportunity. Do you take it? Do you write affirming notes: "Here's your essay, hot stuff!"? Stream of conscious: "I am so tired." ? Nonsense: "alsdkjrferuinv"? Jokes?

Please share this information with me. I am eager to hear your voice.

i quit.

Sun, 20 May 2007 21:51:10 GMT

i'm jealous of pretty women. It's hard for me to view beautiful women as sisters because often when I see someone beautiful I either think, "How can i look more like that?" or "boo-hoo, I will never look like that." INSTEAD of thinking, "Oh here is a person who God loves, with a soul and a purpose and made in God's image."

But i'm sick of thinking like that. It grosses me out and it's based on a whole pack of lies. I've idolized beauty for too long and I'm throwing in the towel.

here is an excerpt from the book Ruby Slippers, by Jonalyn Fincher:

"Recently I asked my dad the philosophy behind what he used to say (that true beauty is on the inside). He told me that he had noticed the way women spend their entire lives competing over their looks. "I knew you could never win. Not because you're not beautiful, Joni," he added. "but because no one wins that game."

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Thu, 10 May 2007 12:37:22 GMT

Decorating for Christmas is one of my favorite activities, as many of you know. I love Christmas so much; everything about it-- nativity scenes, Starbucks cups, lights, figurines, carols, Christmas spirit, peppermints. I have a lot of Christmas decorations-- the last time I moved I had more boxes of Christmas things than I did of clothes and shoes. My Christmas decorations run the gamut from exquisitely crafted candleholders and tree skirts to homemade God's eye ornaments (thanks jake), little mice ornaments from Cinderella that belonged to my friend when he was a kid, beautiful handmade Santa figurines from my mom... I love this stuff so much and every year it fills my apartment (or dorm room years back) with so much warmth and joy.

But now I'm faced with giving most of it away. We're moving in three weeks and I want to get rid of most things that I'm not going to take to Thailand. Unless I will definitely use it in the next 6 months or its something so precious i'd take it to the grave, I am trying to give or throw it away.

Tuesday, when Charissa and I were listing out our stuff for moving and looking through the cupboards I saw the Christmas decorations and started to cry. I'm not going to be here at Christmas. It will be so different in Thailand. My Christmas decorations, more so than clothes or even books, represent my personality, who I am. (i know that's weird).

Last night I cooked dinner for the Cal State LA intervarsity group and sat in on their fellowship meeting. They sang "What Child is this", even though it's a Christmas carol, and as we were singing it hit me-- Christmas is about Jesus's birth. Jesus was born into urban poverty. As much as I truly love lights, ornaments, and cookies-- and i do think the warmth and hospitality of this Christmas honors God-- it does not reflect the Christmas that Jesus was born into. It will really honor God to celebrate Christmas among urban poverty. And that's why i'm going in the first place.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Wed, 09 May 2007 14:23:52 GMT

6 of my college friends are getting together for a beach day in a few weeks. It's hard to plan with these people. Below, see why:

On 5/8/07, Alexis Keller wrote:
Guys,
Saturday June 2nd is also the day of a Grunion Run at Cabrillo Beach. If we
go there and stay there all day long we can catch grunions with our hands!!!
I have always wanted to do this. Of course we don't have to but just throwing it out there!
Love,
lexie

On 5/8/07, Ajoy Vase wrote:
what the deuce is a grunion??

also, what is the meaning of life?

On 5/8/07, Maite Rodriguez wrote:
Ajoy et al. I don't know what a grunion is, or the meaning of life.
But I think they are one and the same.

On 5/9/07, Jacob Vigil wrote:
I have actually seen the grunion run.
Only Nature herself could serve up such an odd and spectacular performance.
A grunion is a fish. Look it up on Wikipedia. The grunion run is a primordial event, one closely synchronized with the tides and the phase of the moon. Fish having sex.

On 5/9/07, Jonder Ho wrote:
Wow fish having sex. Sounds like an exciting time. Wow...lol

On 5/9/07, Ajoy Vase wrote:

That's what she said.

Yersh.

On 5/9/07, David Dilworth wrote:
Oh my god...

Keep your enemies closer...

Fri, 04 May 2007 12:49:45 GMT

I'm not a Republican, but i kind of wish I was a registered Republican so I could help select their presidential candidate. Honestly, I like all of the Democratic top three, even Hillary. So shoot me, I like her-- I like her policy, I like her style, I don't see anything wrong with her except that other people don't like her. So if any of those three were president, I'd be happy, i don't care that much who wins the primary.

But what about the Republicans? It seems like the nomination is up for grabs. I haven't been following the candidates but I listened to the debate last night. From what I can gather, I think my ideal Republican candidate would be like the baby of Ron Paul and John McCain-- with Ron Paul's non-interventionist foreign policy and John McCain's more comprehensive immigration plan (many of these people want to deport everybody! and spend zillions on "securing the border" with a fence and giving every single citizen a tamper proof id card. how you can implement this-- especially if we stay in iraq or go to iran-- and still cut taxes and cut gvmt spending like they keep saying? wha?)

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Wed, 02 May 2007 11:55:34 GMT

Two things happened yesterday that made me feel excited for Thailand:

1) At work, a worship song was playing with the verse "I am His." That simple phrase reminded me of how good it is that God has chosen me to be with him. It's great because it's not just a relationship between us, but it's like God has been inviting me along to be involved with the things he's involved with, to love what he loves. The whole thing is a pretty romantic notion. Because the process of God calling me to Bangkok has been so long, and confirmed in so many ways, and really so specific it feels kind of private and special-- also romantic. This was a really nice thing to meditate on yesterday; I needed the reminder that I'm chosen by God.

2) I got to go the Pomona-Pitzer senior testimony tonight and hear the seniors-- who were freshmen when I was a senior-- tell the story of what God has done over the last four years. It was amazing. Everyone that shared I have had the chance to lead in some way during their college experience, but it was so cool to hear what God has been doing when I haven't been looking. Also, since I knew all of them when they were freshmen, I've seen how much they've changed. Now they are leaders. It made me really excited to think-- hey, what if the same thing happens in Thailand? that I get to see people grow from nervous teenagers into mature leaders- men and women of God. Wow. I can't wait.