Latin Mama....

I know I don't write much - but I think a lot - today I have decided to write because I know at this very moment the stark difference between how I last felt when I wrote Jan 27th, and here 5 months later, I feel so different.  I think that is what keeps me alive, I honestly believe tomorrow will be better, if I ever give up on that belief then I will surely one day commit sucide.

So I write today because in general I had a good diverse week, and seven days are not over.  I love weeks like this, it started with such low expectations or worse still No expectations.  However, I have started to hang with these very diverse people by my pool.  They are honest and real, Linda can burp like a pig in front of everybody and it's ok.  Tomas loves to cook and struggles so hard with trying to perfect his English, and tries for some reason to teach me Spanish, I cannot remember asking him to do this - in fact I could care less if I learn Spanish, but for some reason I go along with him.  Tonight at some point I know I learned how to say "sit down" but have already forgotton any remint of how it might sound.  Some girl who is falling out of her bathing suit is talking about a sample study on "munching" which I have since learned means oral sex, there are levels apparently.  And there is this strange couple who just got back together - she is wacko and he is a slease - not sure why they are together but they are suited or desparate.  Then there is Jeff, gosh he must have the bluest eyes I have ever seen - and he loves with all his heart -   I can only hope someday he will break up with this new girlfriend and notice me.

So what was different this week,  I met David on Sunday by the pool - the most impressive man I have met so far in my life, a man of a unique nature, I don't believe I ever felt before that maybe I had wasted my brain a bit.  What a smart man and he is only 35 I will never forget meeting him, of all the men that cross my path, he has in two encounters made me question my waste of life, my personal limitations - and the potential I have if I wanted to exercise it but choose to be lazy instead!!!! What a mind he has.  I know there is so much he has told me and observed, but the one thing I won't forget is about George Bush not having left the country ever before becoming President - how sad is that - how possible is it we elected him!!!

And then there was today, a baby shower for Crystal - I hadn't been to a shower in a decade I am sure.  Here I was at a Mexican Baby Shower - it was amazing, not only was the food and drink awesome - but I so much enjoyed the whole Mexican family dynamics - the sense of family - all the babies -all the father's taking care of their kids - the women looking as well as they could - dressed to the nines - but with beautiful hair - I love how real they all are.  I love how genuinely nice and hospitable they are.

We were at the pool all day - David showed up too - it was awkward - but whatever - life is too short to analyze it.   It is what it is - NOTHING.

So we all decided to meet around the fire dressed to party by 9pm - and sure enough we all did - and car pooled to Acapulco in San Marcos. 

So the music and lights beated to the Spanish beat - Gosh I loved it - I enjoyed dancing with so many men - I liked the beat so much - what is it about that that wakens the soul within me.

And this is why I write today, I love the feeling of life - tonight I lived - this week I lived, and it makes me cherish true life -

So if for any reason the world felll off it axis tonight - I lived today - I felt life's pulse - I died content - I love real LIFE and if all I got was one day to experience it - then I am very lucky.

Good night deamons - tonight you cannot wipe the content grin off my face.