HeArTbReAkErR_x0's Xanga

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 02:49:18 GMT

.. she's not the type to apologize for her actions, she is spontaneous, wild and charismatic. Any guy would be lucky to be her's, as long as he knew never to try to change her uniqueness. If he tried to change her, she would be stubborn and defiant, she is set in her own state of mind and she isn't gonna change for noone.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 21:54:32 GMT

Things I need*

There are a few things that I need you to know
when you look deep into my eyes
part of me isnt real
sometimes I wear a disguise

I am a very broken person
and sometimes it hurts to breathe
I cry a lot more than you know
these parts I dont want you to see

I try so hard to be strong
but I think we both know that im weak
I dont know what it is about you
that my heart chooses to seek

I didnt think you were anything special
until you gave me that smile
until you grabbed my hand, stole my heart
and made my life worthwhile

I fall short of peoples expectations
and I dont always succeed
but I think its then I need you the most
is that something you can see?

I need you to hold me
and tell me everythings gonna be okay
I need you to make sure that im safe
and call me each and every day

I need you to tell me im beautiful
and i need to know that you care
I need you to kiss my lips
and run your fingers through my hair

I need you to know that im sorry
that i cant be everything for you
I wish I could give you all that you want
I wish I could be there like you need me to

Im sorry that Im not perfect
I dont want to let you down
I dont want to be another disappointment
I cant afford to lose what ive found.

Please know that Im trying very hard
to do the things I need to do
because all I really want right now
is to truly be with you...

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 23:28:20 GMT

u all wonder why i stopped posting .. Cause i didn't get any feedback on what i was doing.. I posted two days in a row and all I got was one feedback..

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 21:20:35 GMT

never thought i would loose him
i was stupid and played my little games
he relized i wasnt worth it
and now he dosent want me
its not like i dont have someone
because i do
its just hes nothing compared to him
i mean he took my breath away
just to hear his name gave me butterflys
it still does
my heart beets for him
i guess you could say i need him
i didnt think it was possible
to love someone this much
when im so young
i knew i was love struck
i just let him slip away
and now hes gone
he treated me like a princess
like i was the prettiest
smartest nicest girl in the world
and i took advantage of it
im a cold hearted bitch
that never thought about him
or how he would feel
then i saw him look over at me
and close his eyes
it was like he was trying to forget me
im just a bad memory
that should have never even came
i hurt him and i know it
i just wasnt expecting
to be hurting more then him
and longer then him too.
i dont think ill ever get over him
i dont think there are anymore
quite like him
i made a mistake
i made it again
and now baby your all i think about
even when im with him.
all i've got to say is im sorry
and it will never be okay.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 02:32:11 GMT

Made by me...

its something i cant explain, when i'm with you baby;; all i can imagine is reality

she has an opinion. she wants to be heard. shell do anything to get her voice out. you better watch out though. because she hasn't figured out just how far shed go yet. when she does though, trust me, she's going places

so much is happening in this life of mine;; i don't remember when or where it began anymore..

when she smiles, it isn't real. she tries to make people happy, but hardly succeeds. she hurts herself with her self esteem, or in most cases, lack thereof. she's a sad girl. she cries every day. she has trouble talking in front of a class, but displays great leadership skills. she's great with people she knows well, and people she doesn't know at all. but the people in that middle range make her pretty much queasy. she doesn't like to know she's getting a surprise, but she loves surprises. she likes to surprise her friends and other people she loves. some of her teachers like her, others don't. her coaches love her, but she cant bring it out of her to love herself. she can make anyone laugh, but she hardly ever cracks a smile. criticism hurts her unduly. she's scared of success, scared of love, scared of living. she spends her time daydreaming. she wishes she was beautiful and thin. she wants to die more than she wants to live. she doesn't trust many people. not even herself. she thinks she knows what love is. she knows she never did in the past. she likes to snuggle, way more than having sex. she likes to kiss her friends on the forehead when they're upset. she's a good friend. she always puts her friends first. but she hasn't always been that way. she used to be selfish. that was the eye opener of what she wants. she wants to die. she wants to live. and as scared as she is, she doesn't wanna miss a thing in between.

If i was to forgive you and we went on with our lives together would you do it again?

try to smile every now and then. you're gorgeous, sad, but gorgeous.. faking happy eventually leads to being truly happy, even if its only for a moment

I'm falling for you, I'm falling hard. It scares me because you'll be leaving soon. I don't want to get attached to you and then have to say goodbye. My heart is too fragile, there's no way I can do this. I can't fall for you....I just can't

You know when your heart hurts...But it's a good kind of hurt...You love and care about someone so much that it just hurts to be away from them for any amount of time.

This isn't about me trying to make you feel guilty for not loving me...this is about you not being able to see that I feel like dieing because you don't.

I hate holding you and crying because I know eventually Im going to have to let you go.

I hate feeling this way. I hate being so helpless over our situation. I hate that you cant just give me your heart and trust that I wont break it, but most of all I hate that I gave you mine, knowing you couldn't love me back...

Stop acting like if you walked out of my life today that I would just be able to pick up the pieces and go on with my life. Stop acting like you dont know you have total and absolute control over my heart. And most of all, stop acting like your oblivious to the fact that from the day we laid eyes on each other we both knew nothing would ever be the same again.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 19:27:30 GMT

anyone looking for another update??

Monday, February 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 22:40:15 GMT

Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?

Its a broken day but everythin is okay

I'm up all night but everything is alright

it's a rough week and I don't get enough sleep

It's a long year pretending I belong here

-I like the way i feel, nothing hurts when no ones real-

... you're missing the point. Things fall apart.

Not everything can be put back together,

no matter how much you want it.

i would like to stay a secret,

like walking in the dark, if

no one knows you, no one cares

and no one breaks your heart

Promise me, just promise, that you

will never forget me. Tell me I

changed you somehow. Let me know

I had an impact on your life.

Promise me that you'll always

remember me, Losing you was hard

enough but I don't want to live

knowing I meant absolutely nothing to you

life is about trusting your feelings & taking chances ; losing and finding h a p p i n e s s ; appreciating the memories & learning from the pain and realizing that people always change

&& i had f o r g o t t e n how it felt

to have someone you just CANT

get [ E n 0 u G h ] of <3

& SHE`'S SCARED BECAUSE SUDDENLY iT`'S

CLEAR H0W MUCH HE REALLY MEANS T0 HER

Have you ever met someone that's almost like an addiction? You know you shouldn't do it. You know you're only going to hurt yourself in the end. But. You still do it. You really can't stop yourself.

Yeah... I met him four years ago. And, trust me, I'm slowly working my way over this addiction.

We can't talk to each other like we used to. There are just some things we can't say.

I?ve never fallen for a guy like you before. I?ve never fallen for a guy that smiles at me when you see me in the hall, or yells out my name in a loud room or one who can make me laugh at the stupidest things, or keeps me tossing and turning all night, wondering what I should do about you. I?ve never fallen for a sweetheart

I haven't really been myself lately. I used to know who I was, but now I'm just not sure. It's kind of like I died. But yet, I'm still here wandering around through everyday life, wondering why everyone cares so much.

How do I tell you that I like you? How can I say that you're the only thing on my mind? We're supposed to be just friends, but for me there's so much more there. I just don't know how to tell you.

Ok its like this; I think about you constantly. All the little things, they somehow remind me of you. Whenever I hear someone mention your name their own conversation captures my complete and undivided attention. When I see you my tummy turns and I get butterflies, and you don't know it, but its because of you. I wish you weren't so blind and you could see me looking at you the way that I do. I wish that you could look into my eyes a realize that I need you. And all those little conversations we have...the ones that you probably think of as just a normal person saying normal things to you..well those get me through my hard days and tough times

i?m loving everything; his loveable personality, his cute little comments, the way he makes me smile and the way he knows how to get to my heart.

It's the way you make me feel like I was never good enough for you.

And I don't wanna work anymore cause sometimes I just can't ignore the way I feel when I see you smile and someday I'll just shut my eyes and maybe then you'll realize.

&&& This is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with.

hope you alll enjoy my little update hereee

Monday, February 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 19:35:14 GMT

i have some quotes building up in my collection anyonee intersted in reading em???

Monday, February 13, 2006

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 17:42:12 GMT

does anyone still actaully come here?

Monday, December 19, 2005

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 03:53:19 GMT

OFFICALLY CLOSED