HeatherMarie's Xanga

Open for Business

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 00:48:34 GMT

For anyone in Ventura County/Los Angeles County.
(and farther, if you're willing to pay - heh heh)

Friday, June 01, 2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 02:32:11 GMT

Well, since I've had a few of you ask where the heck I am, I guess I should speak up.

Present!

Anyway, I really don't do the whole blogging thing anymore. Life is actually going on and I'm experiencing that, rather than just posting the latest funny joke (which is pretty much all I was doing).

But I'll give you the latest news in a few seconds:

I am now a Certified Massage Therapist.
- Completed the whole school thing in just over three and a half months.
Been seeing someone for 6 months now. He's wonderful.
Been seeing a lot of theatrical-type shows lately:
- Wicked (2x)
- Jersey Boys (2x - San Francisco cast is better than the LA cast, just FYI)
- Twelve Angry Men (with Richard Thomas *John-Boy from The Waltons* and George Wendt *NORM! from Cheers*)
- yet to come: the real Frankie Valli & the 4 Seasons, Avenue Q, and much much more.
Recently spent a great long weekend in San Francisco for a mini vay-cay.
Still at the same job I've been in for three years now.
- Not liking it so much.
- But also working at a massage center and earning extra cash. That's my fun job.

That's pretty much the basic lowdown.

I still read all my subscriptions here via emailed daily thingamabob; I just don't really feel that xanga fits me anymore.

I can be found regularly on MySpace. If you wanna keep in touch with me, shoot me some messages there. Bye for now!

- Heather

Christmas Tequila Cookies

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 19:03:20 GMT

1 cup dark brown sugar
1 cup (two sticks) butter
1 cup granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit (dried cranberries or raisins)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans
2 cups all purpose flour
1 bottle Jose Cuervo™ Tequila (silver or gold, as desired)

First, sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the Cuervo to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour another 4 ounces in a measuring cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of the butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it is best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK. Try another 4 ounces, just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, picking the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt or something.
Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Cherry Mistmas!

Massage Anyone?

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 01:46:33 GMT

I know most of my friends on here aren't local to me, but I thought I'd throw this out there anyway....

I'm starting my intern hours at the Massage Center where I go to school. I'd like to get my friends in there to work on, if possible.

You get a 50-ish minute massage for only $25.

Can't really beat that, right?

--------------------------

Here're the hours I'm working for November:

Friday, 11/10/06

6pm-8pm

Saturday, 11/11/06

3pm-5pm

Sunday, 11/12/06

4pm-6pm

---

Friday, 11/17/06

6pm-8pm

Saturday, 11/18/06

2pm-4pm

Sunday, 11/19/06

10am-12pm

---

Friday, 11/24/06

6pm-8pm

Saturday, 11/25/06

10am-12pm

Sunday, 11/26/06

10am-12pm

--------------------------

Please Call The Massage Center and ask for ME!

171 E. Thousand Oaks Blvd #206

Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

805-495-1353

Mapped Directions

(To the Right of The Outback Steakhouse & Enrique's Mexican Restaurant off the Moorpark Rd. Exit on T.O. Blvd.)

Coupon for the $25 massage

Not to Toot My Own Horn...

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 02:57:20 GMT

...but toot toot! heh heh

Roommate Scott asked if I would help with making some cookies for his boss for Boss' Day on Monday.

Stipulation: they have to look like McDonald's foods.
(His boss eats McD's everyday, so he thought it'd be funny. He even got real wrappers & cartons to put the cookies in.)

Check out what I came up with:

Fries, Burgers, and Chicken Nuggets

without "cheese"

with "cheese" (royal icing)

(click to enlarge)

I'm very happy with the outcome.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 00:59:02 GMT

I Now Have Purple Hair

Technically, it's "Black Cherry," i.e. a deep burgundy. In direct down-light, it just looks like my hair is darker; nearly black. But when the light is behind me, man oh man... there's a serious purpley-red tone to it.

I don't mind. It's cool. I feel like an Anime character, though - purple hair and big round eyes. I just need tears shooting out the side of my head.

Although daylight would be better, here're some pictures:

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 23:18:46 GMT

Monterey: Day 2

Kind of upset with my camera... or at least the SD memory card in it. I had taken SO many pictures, but most were corrupted by the time I got back to the hotel room to offload them onto my computer. Oh well. At least *I* have the memories of what I saw - sorry to you guys. heh

Sunday, I went down to Pebble Beach (about 5 miles south of Monterey). A big golf mecca for those who don't know. I went on the 17 Mile Drive there. It's basically a gated community where people live, but there are some of the most awesome sites you'll ever see there. Aside from the houses... and VILLAS (no kidding, THAT large) all of which must have a million dollar monthly mortgage, there are about 20 vista points. I took pictures at all of them, but of course don't have pictures to show for it (or partials like you'll see here). But here's what I DO have:

1) the sea, so pretty 2) one huge houses 3) another house

4) Huckleberry Ridge 5) The Lone Cypress 6) It's over 250yrs old.

7) a lil visitor 8) The Restless Sea

After 17 Mile Drive, I went on a whale watching excursion. S'posed to be a 3-4 hour trip, but it was windy and the sea was rough so it only lasted a couple hours. And guess what, no whales to be seen. They said they saw a couple during the morning tour, but I took the afternoon tour. We saw a lot of Black Cormorants (birds), a lot of sea lions, a couple harbor seals, and a sea otter (I took pictures of that wth a different camera).

1) Mine! Waiting for fish 2) Goodbye shore 3) Deckhand Mike :)

to be tossed by the

fishermen gutting them.

4 - 6) Black Cormorants and Sea Lions

7 - 8) How pretty is that?

And that was my lil trip to Monterey. The End.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 00:51:37 GMT

Monterey: Day 1

Here're some pictures of my drive on PCH (Pacific Coast Hwy) up to Monterey this morning:

From left to right on each row is literally how the weather changed with every curve of the road. When it was foggy, it was cold... the fog would roll so fast and sometimes at a 45* angle up the mountain. When it was sunny, it was window-down time. Pretty neat, really. And really much prettier than the pictures captured.

Once here in Monterey, I went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I had a bunch, but all but two were corrupted. Grr. Got a couple videos, as well. Here're a couple shots from there:

I was glad that at least ONE of the shots of the otters was in tact.

Bathroom Humor

Tue, 02 May 2006 12:45:30 GMT

For all those men who wondered why women travel to the bathroom in pairs! Finally I have discovered and will release to you the answer to one of life’s little mysteries!!!! I am sorry girls but I think I have to blow the lid open on this one! I do not know who the author was but God bless her!
--------------------------
My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms. When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat."

Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and we'd have to go home to change my clothes. That was a long, long time ago. Even now, in my more "mature” years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain, especially when one's bladder is full. When you have to "go" in a public bathroom, you usually find a long line of women that makes you think there's a half-price sale of underwear there So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, who are also crossing their legs and smiling politely. You get closer and check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find that the damned door won't latch, It doesn't matter. The dispenser for the new fangled "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook if there was one - but there isn't -because it was broken or stolen. So you carefully but quickly hang it around your neck. (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!).

You yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance" -- Ahhhh, relief. But then your thighs begin to shake! You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance" as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale. Mom's face comes across your mind.

To take your mind off of your trembling t highs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you would have tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"

Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and sliding down, directly onto the insidious toilet seat. You bolt up quickly, knowing all too well that it's too late!!!

Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because you're certain hat her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't know what kind of diseases you could get." By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain that suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged off to China. At that point, you give up!

You're soaked by the splashing water. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket. Then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how too operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting cross-legged at this point, no longer able to smile politely. One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River ! (Where was it when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has since entered, used, and exited the men's restroom... AND ... read a copy of 'War and Peace' while waiting for you. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to WOMEN everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long.

It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. (It's so the other woman can hold the door and stand guard, and hand you Kleenex under the broken door and hold your purse until it is her turn.)

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 01:11:22 GMT

Finally, a Semi-Interesting Survey
taken from Michelle

My roommate once: cleaned up the kitchen without being hounded.
Never in my life: have I smoked anything.
The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile: Kristan. Prob'ly not the ONLY one, but the main one.
High School was: four long years.
When I'm nervous: I'm pretty quiet.
The last time I cried: was prob'ly sometime last week.
If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: Andrew (best man on my side), and I'd have Michael & Kristan sing.
I like salad: with everything that comes on a Cobb Salad. Mmm.
My hair: is very pretty.
When I was 5: my mother got remarried (she was 21).
Last Christmas: I spent alone, I think.
When I turn my head left, I see: the TV atop my dresser.
I should be: exercising in some matter right now.
When I look down I see: boobies & keyboard of the laptop.
The craziest local recent event was: nothing. This is a rich, old people town.
If I were a character on Friends I'd be: Ross, prob'ly. A goofy, loveable dork, who's unlucky in love.
By this time next year: I hope to be at my goal weight.
Current Relationship Status: Available.
I had a hard time understanding: Calculus.
At family gatherings I: want to leave early.
You know I like you if: I end up really laughing at some point.
If I won an award, the first person I'd thank is: the person who handed it to me.
Take my advice: advice is worth what you pay for it.
My ideal breakfast is: the french toast made from croissants with butter, syrup, and whipped cream, with a side of crsipy hash browns & bacon, from Le Petite Cafe in Ventura.
If you visit the place I grew up: you'll say it smells funny.
Where don't you plan to visit anytime soon: the hospital.
If you spend the night at my house: you'll hafta share the bed with me & my stuffed animals, but you'll have a lota fun with the roommates.
I'd stop my wedding if: a large swarm of locust starting attacking.
The world could do without: reality TV.
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than date: someone I don't click with.
Most recent thing you've bought yourself: is a combo binoculars/digital camera.
Most recent thing someone else bought for you: is lunch.
My favorite blonde is: Duke, the dog. Although, he's kind of a strawberry-blonde. Does that count?
My favorite brunette is: me.
The last time I was drunk was: last time Andy bought the drinks.
The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: kitties. What'd be better than a Super Pussy?
I shouldn't have been: allowed to eat whatever I wanted when growing up.
Once, at a bar: a lesbian complented my cleavage.
Last night I: did the same thing as pretty much every night.
There's this girl I know who: pretty darn cool.
I don't know how to: swim.
A better name for me would be: Jennifer, since I seem to remind everyone of a Jennifer.
If I ever go back to school I'll: get certified in Massage and/or get a degree in Physical Therapy.
How many days until my birthday?: approximately 270.

Congratulations, Heather!
Your IQ score is 131

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Facts Curator. This means you are highly intelligent and have picked up an impressive and unique collection of facts and figures over the years. You've got a remarkable vocabulary and exceptional math skills — which puts you in the same class as brainiacs like Bill Gates. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

Funny - I'm a few points higher than last time I took the test.