Heroine_Addict's Xanga

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 12:27:16 GMT

I have no motivation to live anymore....well, at least no positive motivation anyway. I've never wanted to die as much as I want to die right now. I have no life. I wake up, read a little, go to work, come back from work, read a little more, go to sleep, wake up, read a little, go to work, etc.....I have no friends. I have nothing to motivate me. I have nothing in the future to look forward to. Getting back into college is pretty much a lost cause. I might as well forget about ever getting married, cuz no one wants to marry someone who's gonna be forever stuck in minimum wage jobs for the rest of their life with no future. I absolutely HATE where i live. I hate all these cocksucking Bible-beating, Protestant, George W. Bush-worshiping, inbred, ignorant fucking hillbillies. I wish with all my heart to give up my belief in the Apokatastasis for the sake of such people cuz i truly wish these people to spend an eternity in utter hell, CUZ THAT'S WHERE THEY'RE GOING. I want to die. I truly want to fucking die. I'm so fucking sick of life. I have nothing to look forward to. The only reason I am still alive is because of fear: the fear of hell. That's the ONLY thing that keeps me going....that and my insecurity complex which drives me to keep "trying" in life so that I can defeat my insecurity complex by going to college. If I go to college, THEN a woman will want me, and then I can get married. But right now I'm a fucking stupid worthless piece of no-good shit. I can't make ends meet. No matter how hard I try or how hard I work, I cannot make enough to get my own place or to get a decent car or even to see a psychiatrist. It's a completely meaningless existence. There's absolutely no end or raison d'etre in sight. NONE...whatsoever. I just make enough to maintain my own meaningless existence (and that even hardly). I CAN'T EVEN SEE A FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST!!! Look what these worthless white-trash, Fascist, "Christian", patriotic hicks are doing to our country!! Poor people can't even see a fucking doctor!! Now look what your stupid fucking "laissez faire" economic policy has done to our nation!! We are the most backwards nation on the planet. I truly hope al-Qaida comes and takes over America. I hope they take all these rich "Christian" mother-fuckers and slit their fucking throats and let them flop around having seizures...I would grin at the sight of their tremendous torment. I would just love to see how these people would finally feel actually BEING POOR.....

fuck this shit...I'm outta here.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 17:10:59 GMT

The fact that the vast majority of rich people are uncultured idiots is proof positive that Capitalism is completely ineffective (thus contradicting common American opinion) at rewarding personal excellence.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 00:25:56 GMT

i'm so fucking sick of my life....i can't take it anymore....i hate everything....fuck everything.....there's no point in living anymore....i'm a worthless fucking scumbag....i'm never going to amount to anything...life is pointless

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Sun, 29 May 2005 11:59:43 GMT

there's a guy at work I want to kill....tonight I am going to bring a knife with me and sink it into his fucking throat......cocksucking faggot.

I want to slit my fucking wrists....I'm so fucking sick of life. I hate God....Jesus doesn't give a flying fuck about me and neither does anyone else. I'm worthless....I'm ugly...I'm stupid...I'm boring and have no sense of humor....I'm the most worthless person on the mother-fuckin' planet.

I want to renounce my faith in Christ cuz Christ doesn't, has never, and never will do shit for me cuz he doesn't care about me......fuck Christianity...fuck Christians.....fuck all ya'll hypocrites.....i'm done.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Sat, 14 May 2005 11:39:27 GMT

MR. BOSS-MAN

Mr. Boss man's always eyein' me

Mr. Boss man, why don't you let me be

Mr. Boss man won't let me go

Mr. Boss man has my throat

Mr. Boss man is everywhere

Mr. Boss man says, "Don't you dare"

Mr. Boss man is in the mirror

Mr. Boss man is the desire in my fear

Mr. Boss man takes all I got

Mr. Boss man sure has a lot

Mr. Boss man on the shelf

I fear Mr. Boss man more than God Himself

Mr. Boss man's always eyein' me

Mr. Boss man, why don't you let me be

Mr. Boss man in the fire

Mr. Boss man is the fear in my desire

Who is Mr. Boss man?

Mr. Boss man could be the wavelenght band

Mr. Boss man inhibits my making

Mr. Boss man's got me breaking

Mr. Boss man is the cold

Mr. Boss man's been there since I was old

Mr. Boss man's always eyein' me

Mr. Boss man, why don't you let me be

Mr. Boss man is perpetually there

Mr. Boss man hears no prayer

Mr. Boss man is out in the streets

Mr. Boss man's got me beat

Who is Mr. Boss man?

I think Mr. Boss man is the Ku Klux Klan

Mr. Boss man might be a Guelph

I fear Mr. Boss man more than God Himself

Friday, May 13, 2005

Fri, 13 May 2005 23:36:40 GMT

I truly feel that I am reaching the end of the line of my sanity. Every day I dread waking up to my misery. And I dread going to sleep because I know how I'll feel when I wake up. I want "out" so bad, it tortures me....and yet I hate leaving the house because I literally want to kill everyone I see out there. All these fucking no-good, Norman-Rockwell-esque Bushite Nazis. They're everywhere. There's no escape. Please get me out of this fucking Evangelical shithole!

I am beginning to regret making any pretense to being a Christian at the beginning of this blog, because the things I feel and want to say are totally un-Christian. Every single person I see at the store I work I want to take my box-cutter and slice their throats Jihad-style....both customers and workers. All these fucking pretentious white-collar bourgeous pieces of shit customers thinking they're better than me because I am a night stocker....but I guarantee that my IQ simply dwarfs theirs. And then I go to Church, and it's not any better. They think they're fucking better than me because they are doctors or lawyers or other worthless, lazy white-collar cum-bags (that wasn't a typo, btw) stealing the money I so rightfully worked hard for. I would like to challenge these fucks to a test of wits or intelligence.....see what good their worthless, elitist 10-year education got them.

I say this in all honesty: I MUCH prefer the presence of a Satanist or a Wiccan to that of any given Christian. I have met more Satanists in my life who act more Christ-like than the people who go to my Church...and that is no exaggeration.

I truly am losing my sanity. I cannot stop having violent thoughts. Every single person I see I want to torture for hours and get pleasure out of it. I want to take part in a violent, Marxist revolution and overthrew our fascist, Zionist, elitist, corporate government. I want to see all these rich, selfish Nazis have their eyes gouged out, their infants dashed against walls, burned slowly....I can think of other more imaginative tortures but I think I will spare you this. I want Satanism to become the state religion, and all Christians and Jews will be tortured to submission.

FUCK YOUR WORTHLESS, FLOWERY, COMFORTABLE CHRISTIAN LIVES.

FUCK YOUR HYPOCRISY AND YOUR SELF-INDULGENCE IN THE NAME OF "FREEDOM", "CHRIST", OR WHATEVER FUCK ELSE YOU USE AS EXCUSES FOR YOUR SELF-DEIFICATION

I want to take like 70 Vicodins and end my miserable, fucking life. I want to slit my fucking wrists. I want to hang myself....I'm so fucking sick of my life....I'm never going to accomplish anything....I'm a total fucking waste....nobody wants me....nobody needs me...nobody loves me....

THE END.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Thu, 12 May 2005 15:22:36 GMT

Today the sun scorched my soul

I was finding out Bedlam when it happened

The gods were calling out "freedom" and I woke up

Painfully sore, I came to my senses and snapped to attention

The animals knew it before the humans

And I was knocked out senseless when I heard the news

Happiness was gathered from every corner of the universe and dumped at my doorstep

All the uncles and aunts and brothers and cousin-in-laws were staring and gaping

The politicians and their devices and their secrets drowned in the depths of the Red Sea

The mountainous and the glamourous were shocked

The gears of the cosmos were locked

And I was there smiling.......

But the animals knew it before the humans and all the humans were happy with me

And the animals were smiling since the dawn

I felt all the heat of God in my chest and I never wished all my un-wishes anymore

I was too busy finding out Bedlam from the days of old

But I didn't have to pay a toll the day when the sun scorched my soul

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Wed, 11 May 2005 18:59:10 GMT

Roses are red

Violets are purple

when my pants are this tight

I feel like Steve Urkel

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Wed, 11 May 2005 00:34:50 GMT

What should I complain about today?.....oooh, ooooh, I KNOW!!!! I'll complain about the "dating game" and the fact that I don't (or never have had) have a girlfriend.

It pisses me off that I see hot girls with such worthless-looking guys. What do they see in them? Why do fat, ugly, and dorky looking guys get such hot chicks? All chicks want is some dumb, neanderthal-looking jock who just watches 8 hours of football a day and tries to talk in a deep voice and who can't use words more than 1 or 2 syllables long. And then there's the dorky guy, who is obviously being dated by a hot chick for the only reason that he's got a lot of money......cuz God knows ALL WOMEN CARE ABOUT IS MONEY (although I would rather have that phrase in caps include a choice 4-letter word). It doesn't matter if he's ugly, boring, stupid, and has a small dick....just as long as he's got a lot of money.

But then why does someone like me never have a girlfriend? I've got it ALL. I'm intelligent, I'm good-looking, I'm funny. I have that rare combination of all three. Most guys have only one (or if they're lucky...two) of those qualities. BUT I HAVE ALL THREE. So why the f--k have I never had a girlfriend, huh? IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!! What the f--k is wrong with me????!!!!!!

....okay, enough ranting....

I'll try to write something positive tomorrow....I promise!!!....NO, I really will...teeheehee

Monday, May 09, 2005

Mon, 09 May 2005 23:43:10 GMT

man....I'm really tired of living in West Michigan. I f--king hate it. It's nothing but a bunch of Ambercrombie&Fitch-wearing, Christian Fundamentalist, radical-right-wing, golf-playing, uncultured, anti-intellectual, f--king Nazi, Fascist, do-nothing-but-watch-8-hours-of-football-every-day, f--king jock, preppy, redneck, hillbilly, hick, in-bred Republicans. I wish they'd all go to hell....or at least die. I swear! It's like living in a f--king Norman Rockwell painting! I SOOOO want to move out of here. I want to move somewhere where there exist people who are actually liberal and cultured....like San Francisco or New York.....or Rome or Istanbul or London. Actually, I hate America all together. We're the most evil nation on the planet. We are the ones responsible 4 every single war in the world. F--k America. It's not fair that I have to live here. Only people with low IQ's should live here. Anybody with a higher IQ should get a free pass to live somewhere else like Paris, Berlin,.....or Teheran. It's not fair that someone with my intelligence should be cooped up in some menial job like stocking shelves....surrounded by idiotic co-workers and living in this awful town in this awful area of the most awful country in the world......especially when I know for a fact that there are people with lower IQ's than me with white-collar jobs making 10 times more than me.

Sorry for the rant....but I am in a terrible mood right now.