HesMyRock's Xanga

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 02:14:57 GMT

So it is strikingly obvious that I have moved on from Xanga and have now been sucked into the tantelizing world of myspace. I know, I know I have a "giving into peer pressure too easily" problem...get over it

Monday, September 04, 2006

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 14:58:03 GMT

Steve Erwin, The Crocodile Hunter died.

I know that for the 1st post that I have made in almost a month this seems crazy but I really liked him....I am sad now. He died freakishly when he was swimming and a sting ray pierced his heart.....random. Of all the ways to die though they say that is how he would have wanted to go.

School is going well, I have a lot of free time b/c of off blocks and such but fill it up pretty fast between work and the homework in my college classes. We are writing a paper in my English Comp 1 class and I'm writing about Africa and how I was sad b/c I missed home but how quickly Africa BECAME home.

I am supposed to write using the sensory words: sight, smell, touch, hear, taste. So far I am having no problem but I am recalling small snap shots of scenes that seem completely irrelevant to my story but make me want to cry anyway because I want to go back. I want to go back to the "Jambo" culture. The culture of tea and milk cooked together. The culture where no one is a stranger and you are seen not as a "muzungu"-white person- but as a brother or sister in Christ. I miss that. I miss them. I miss home.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 17:56:59 GMT

There’s a place of quiet stillness ‘tween the light and shadows reach
Where the hurting and the hopeless seek everlasting peace
Words of men and songs of angels whisper comfort bittersweet
Mending grief and life eternal where joy and sorrow meet

There is a place where hope remains
In crowns of thorns and crimson stains
And tears that fall on Jesus’ feet
Where joy and sorrow meet

There’s a place the lost surrender and the weary will retreat
Full of grace and mercy tender in times of unbelief
For the wounded there is healing, strength is given to the weak
Broken hearts find love redeeming where joy and sorrow meet

There’s a place of thirst and hunger where the roots of faith grow deep
And there is rain and rolling thunder when the road is rough and steep
There is hope in desperation there is victory in defeat
At the cross of restoration where joy and sorrow meet

Great song by Avalon
Kinsey

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 14:02:08 GMT

We're back from Lonestar, camp went really good this year. IT was by far the best that we have ever had. Leadership is great this year, Freshman, Sophomores, Juniors are great, Drum Major is great (of course I am biased ) and Mr. Steele's whole attitude is better. He changed, you can tell. I am very excited-we're already all very close and school hasn't even started yet.

Tyler just left. I'm not afraid to admit that I cried a little-I waited until I was by myself-but I did. A couple of us met him up at the church this morning to have breakfast with him before he left. I'm kinda gonna miss that kid. I mean aside from the biting sarcasm and his insane ability to come up with a funny come-back no matter what . He really impacted lives here this summer. I hope he knows that.

Well now that I have gotten up early on my last free Saturday before school starts (it starts on Tuesday for anyone who cares) I can't go back to sleep...poops. Anywho I guess I will just watch "If Only"-a good lovey dovey movie that I literally balled the WHOLE way through (not just the sad parts either.) More later...

Kins

Monday, July 31, 2006

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 02:57:13 GMT

The law is good, then. The trouble is not with the law but with me, because I am sold into slavery, with sin as my master. I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good. But I can't help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do these evil things. I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't. When I want to do good, I don't. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I am doing what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart.But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. Romans 7:14-25

Billy preached a great sermon this morning. It seemed to hit right where it hurts, right in the belly of my sin and my shame--my pride. My insatiable, greedy, unquenchable, ravenous, gratification in myself and my own accomplishments. I hate that. I despise that with all my heart. What I despise the most though, is that I have let it take my joy. I have let my steal my joy in the things of the Lord. The things that he has given me. I am so sick of just being bothered by my sin. My wish is that I would be broken by it-broken to the point of intense, passionate worship. Worship that is completely not in and of myself. Worship that is sincere, and gratifying to only God.

We are reading this book in Accountability called "The Mortification of Sin"-it could not have come at a better time. It talks about mortifying sin-completely killing it. We have to kill the sin within us-deep within us. Sin that we may not know we have, sin we may think we don't need to deal with, sin that is embarrassing, or hurtful to think about. Since we started reading it on Thursday, God has used every opportunity to reveal hidden sin in my heart, and this morning he practically smacked me over the head with it (I love how he does that-I just wish that I could be still and quiet enough to hear him the first time that he does).

Father, Thank you for placing in me this desire for a more intimate relationship with you. Don't let it cease. Put a fire in my bones. Now Father help me to destroy this sin that keeps me from complete joy in you. Help me to strip off everything that is of me, of my selfish, prideful nature. I can't do this by myself and I realize that it is going to take more than one heartfelt prayer session, more than one long look into Your word, more than one day or so of this self-loathing. Keep me strong-in You. Keep my faith-in You. Break my heart Father, for my sin. Sin that I might not even realize that I have. Sin that I am too afraid to let go. Sin that I am too ashamed to ask your help. Sin that robs my joy in You. Thank you for the price that you paid. Without Your tears there is no comfort. Without Your death, there is no life. Without Your blood, there is no pardon. Without Your cross there is not crown. Without Your shame, there is no glory. Without Your grief, there is no JOY. Without your stripes, there is no healing. Without Your cross, there is no crown. Lamb of God, you bring salvation. And with your grace our hearts are healed. Lord with your tears of love you bathe our sorrows. In your eyes we stand revealed. Bring that realization to life Father. Break me of my sin, I know you will. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Jesus.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:52:00 GMT

Hey guys I know that it has been awhile and I am sorry but I have been really busy. Between Africa, All-State, planning Girl's Nights, work, and O yea my life I have had no time to myself to reflect upon the summer. So I am reflecting now......

IT'S GONE!

Summer is almost over and another year of school is starting up. I am actually glad that it is because I am kind of ready for it. Ready for the classes, the people, and the football games. I'm ready to see how God will use me this year and if I will take advantage of the opportunities he will place in front of me. **Pray that I will do what he has hounded on me this summer EVANGELISM.**

I just found out that Daniel, the Children's Minister at Ridgeways Baptist Church in Nairobi who has also become one of my closest spiritual friends, his uncle just found out that he has AIDS. In a country where 3/4 of the population is effected by AIDS, it is still hard to hear that someone in your family is part of that statistic. AIDS kills some 6,000 people each day in Africa, which amounts to more deaths than caused by wars, famines and floods. Africa is home to 70% of the adults and 80% of the children living with HIV in the world. The estimated number of newly infected adults and children in Africa reached 3.5 million at the end of 2001. It has also been estimated that 28.5 million adults and children were living with HIV/AIDS in Africa by the end of the year. AIDS deaths totaled 3 million globally in 2001, and of that total, 2.2 million AIDS deaths occurred in Africa alone.

***Pray for Daniel and his family. That they would be an encouragement to his uncle and a beacon to others like him. Pray for discernment, faithfulness, steadfastness, and hope.***

I miss Africa terribly and I pray that God will allow me to return soon.

Oh, my anguish, my anguish! I writhe in pain. Oh, the agony of my heart! My heart pounds within me, I cannot keep silent. For I have heard the sound of the trumpet; I have heard the battle cry. Jeremiah 4:19

Father, if for some reason you don't send me back to Nairobi, if for your glory you keep me here, or send me somewhere else, send someone else who will spread YOUR NAME and declare your name to the nations. If you don't send me, Father, if you don't send me, send someone......Father send someone.......

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:8

May you comfort the brokenhearted and may you be rest for the weary.

"Orphans of God" by Avalon

Who here among us has not been broken
Who here among us is without guilt or pain
So oft’ abandoned by our transgressions
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen, but HALLELUJAH
There are no orphans of God

Come ye unwanted and find affection
Come all ye weary, come and lay down your head
Come ye unworthy, you are my brother
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

O blessed Father, look down upon us
We are Your children, we need Your love
We run before Your throne of mercy
And seek Your face to RISE ABOVE!

*My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. -Psalm 119:50*

*I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you" -John 14:18*

Thank you Jesus for giving me passion. Thank you for bestowing upon me an abundance of undeserved grace and love. Thank you Jesus for moving my heart and filling it with compassion. Thank you for sending someone to Africa to be with those children. Thank you for your provision in their lives. Thank you for your provision in my life. Thank you for giving me passion. Passion like you. Passion that I may know the things of You. Passion that I might catch a glimpse of how You feel about me. Passion that tears at my soul. Passion that engulfs my thoughts. Passion that is real. Passion that is Christ.

In Christ, Kinsey

Friday, June 30, 2006

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 23:12:35 GMT

There's this song that I know by MercyMe called Homesick. I know that it is talking about heaven and how when it gets tough on earth relax b/c it isn't your home and you are just visiting. But there's a part of that song that pulls at my heart strings when I hear it.

"I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now."

And it might sound crazy to some, but that is how I feel about Africa. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place because my heart is in there--with those people, with those kids, it's there not here. Don't get me wrong I love where I'm from, and the Lord has blessed me with so much, but this is not where I belong. Who knows the Lord maybe telling me this just to show me true passion and He may end up wanting me in a completely different place doing a completely different thing. My prayer is that I will follow what He wants me to do, where He wants me to go, and how long He wants me to stay. This whole year the Lord has laid on my heart to become a pediatrician and about 3 weeks before we left for Africa He laid on my heart to be a pediatrician who went to Africa. Maybe as a Dr. on a mission trip, maybe as a Dr. who lives among the people, but that is what I felt. Now that I am back and I see the extreme need for health care of children as well as adults is in Nairobi alone, how can I refuse? Does that mean that I will definitely become a pediatrician? No. That doesn't even mean that He wants me to become a Dr. at all, He might not even want me to end up in Africa. But I believe that He gave me this passion for a reason and my prayer is that I can follow through with my whole heart. It's not about me anymore. It's not about making people healthy physically anymore. This is about preserving their spiritual life and increasing the kingdom of God for His glory alone. It's not about me anymore. It's about God and His unrelenting quest to see His glory fulfilled. My heart hurts to be in Africa. It yearns to be among those people whom God loves. At this moment I belong there. I have to go back. Now whether I go back with the same vision that I have now is a different story and that depends on God. But I know that those people are in need of food, shelter, guidance, and health care. Physical as well as Spiritual. Please pray for me that this passion God has give me will be used for His glory and exaltation alone. Pray that if not me, then someone will be called to Africa to help spread the medicine of the body as well as the Medicine of the heart. Man, pray that I wouldn't lose sight of the prize: God's glory. And that no matter what He calls me to do whether it's distributing health care in Africa, cutting hair in New York, or teaching kindergarten in Texas that I would do it for His reasons-not mine. Pray now that I may use the tools that He refined in Africa to help spread the gospel here at home. That like Paul: "pray also for me that words may be given me that I may fearlessly proclaim the mystery of the gospel for which I am an ambassador in chains". Pray. Pray. Pray. I told my mom last night through tears that I had to go back because my heart was broken for these people and this is what she said "Kinsey isn't that what we ask God to do? Break our hearts? We can't get mad when He finally does. He broke it for a reason. A reason only He knows and it's up to Him to put it back together how He wants it." (God has really blessed me with a mom who follows Him and is Bambika na Yesu (which means Krunk for Christ in Swahili)) He broke my heart for that country and He will mend it for His kingdom. Praise be to God. I am so glad that He is in control and not me.

"Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations." Matthew 12:18

In Christ's unrelenting love,

Kinsey

My ship's set its sail
but still at shore
my heart cannot say its goodbye.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 20:11:43 GMT

We're back from Africa!!!

Words cannot explain the feelings I have for that place. Incredible. I fell in love with the people, the culture, the food (some of it ) and the climate. I love that place. Words cannot describe the sincerity of the people there.....it's definitely not like America. Well more later I have to go unpack and write emails to EVERYONE I met there ( I love them all). I love being with my family but I wish I was still in Kenya--that's how much I felt like I belonged there. More Later....

In HIS love,

Kinsey

Friday, June 02, 2006

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 22:36:43 GMT

Ever feel like not yourself? These past couple of days I haven't wanted to joke around or be sarcastic or anything and I don't know why. I've just been wanting to have a conversation w/o sarcasm and it's weird b/c I'm not used to that. It's almost like I'm tired of it......weirdness. I've found myself just wanting to be alone and quiet I'm not upset tho and that's what I think people don't get. I'm not sad or depressed or hurt or mad. I just want--need to be quiet for awhile.....And then our chapter in the book we're reading for Africa is about stillness and silence....coincidence? I think not.

Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. ~Lam. 3:28

In the secret, in the quiet place
In the stillness You are there
In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait
Only for You
‘Cause I want to know You more
I want to know You
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more
I am reaching for the highest goal
That I might receive the prize
Pressing onward
Pushing every hindrance aside
Out of my way
‘Cause I want to know You more

Anyway I got to see my cuz and my aunt last night in Longview and it was fun. I got some new flip flops and some extremely-out-of-this-world cheap sweatshirts and sweat pants from Old Navy....gotta love that place./ Anyway I gotta run for now b/ I need to take my Typhoid pill b/c Africa is coming soon! 14 more days....wow doesn't seem like it at all. Lata

In His love,

Kinz

Friday, May 26, 2006

Fri, 26 May 2006 05:39:59 GMT

I have been tagged by an amazing sister in Christ who has invested more in my life than she knows.

RULES - Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 8 facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

1. I am really uneasy around the elderly

2. Key Lime Pie with Dr. Pepper to drink is my favorite dessert

3. I love watching sunrises more than sunsets b/c it means that God has blessed my with another day

4. I refused to let my mom walk me to my kindergarten class b/c I knew that she would cry.

5. I peed my pants in 1st grade and my GT teacher (go figure she was a gifted and talented teacher but she wasn't very bright ) made me stand out in the rain to make it look like I "just got wet".

6. I am extremely obsessive compulsive

7. I have never farted in front of people

8. I'm terrified of leaving home and going off to college b/c I'm afraid of never seeing some people again.