Blah....that's how I feel right now.  I can't wait till finals are over.  One more to go and it's my hard one!  ACCOUNTING!    I'm so skurred....actually not really anymore.  I just am not sure what to expect.  I think I will just not worry about it because that seems to work for me.  Of course, I studied all day though, BUT I'm not going to get all anxious like some dumb-ass people in my class.  God I really hate some of the people in my class.  I hope I won't ever see some of them again just because they annoy the hell outta me.    Why do some people have to be so stupid, annoying, and bitchy?!  ANYWAYS...

Looks like the girls are all having a sleepover tomorrow night!  YAY!  It's been so long since we all saw each other!  Hey...don't make fun of me...yes I am 20 yrs and still have sleepovers.  The funny thing is I will probably be 25 and we will all still be having sleepovers, until gradually everyone starts getting married and we just gradually stop inviting that person... Haha jp!   Um, yeah crappy thing is I am not even sure if I can go anymore.  Looks like KeyBank wants me to come in for an interview on Friday.  I'm not sure what time, hopefully not in the morning!  I hope I get this internship!  I need money soooo bad!!!  I need money NOW!  I am so fucking broke.  I have like 30 dollars in my checking.  Pretty pathetic huh?    *sigh*  I can't wait till all my scholarship money comes in but that wont be till the quarter starts which is the end of the month.  But yeah, I think I got this internship in the bag though (at least I hope).  They seem to really like me, which is always a good thing. 

Yeah, well I should go to bed and get some rest for my good ol test tomorrow.  Acctg tests with only 2 hrs of sleep really sucks.  I don't want to get a migraine and nausea again....I have finally learned my lesson from the previous 2 tests...BUT i still did really good.  So hopefully this will be even better! 

Well, I didn't really do anything else so don't have much else to talk about.  I never really have anything meaningful to say.  Well,  I watched The Notebook again last night and I cried...AGAIN.  I am such a big baby when it comes to that movie.  Oh well.  

Time for bed! YAY!

SPRING BREAK!!! WOOOO!!!!!!!!! 

Wow been a while since I blogged in Xanga.  I got so caught up in the whole Myspace and Facebook thing that I ignored my original precious page here.  I will keep this updated more often. 

Well, maybe part of the reason why I haven't blogged is because I don't have anything to blog about really.  Well, I watched The Notebook last night.  I didn't think I would like it too much because I really hate romance movies but I decided to watch it because I heard it was really good.  So...I did....and I cried!     It was sooo sad!  I didn't think it was going to be sooo sad.  The guy, Noah, was sooo sweet!  He did everything for her and waited for her for so long.  Even though they hadn't seen each other in years, he still loved her just as much as before.  I think it was even more sad for me because of the story between the two.  (For those who haven't seen it and don't want to know the ending, do not read past this point.)  It's heartbreaking to know that the girl, Allie, when she got older had Ahlzheimers.  She couldn't know who Noah was, her own husband.  It broke Noah's heart to see he rthat way.  But he kept trying to make her remember every day, even for a few minutes who she was, who HE was.  ANd through the Notebook he read to every day, in hopes of sparking something in her memory that would help her remember.  It just all reminded me of my grandparents.  My grandma suffered from Ahlzheimers.  SHe has since passed away, God bless her heart.  The movie just made me think of what my grandparents went through.  SLowly, my grandma began losing her memory.  Forgetting little things at first, and over time eventually forgetting her whole life, her family, herself.  It's devastating to see something like that happen to a loved one.  To know that their whole life is slowly being taken away from them in such a helpless way is something that I hope known of my friends have to deal with.  "Watching" my grandma slowly deteriote mentally, as well as physically, was so heartwrenching.  I never got to see her very much because they lived so far away but it was so painful to see pictures of her in bed, just laying there helpless like a vegetable, with my grandpa next to her side.  Ahlzheimer's is such a horrible disease, and in my opinion probably one of the most emotionally painful diseases a family can experience.  You just watch someone you love so much forget everything, including you, and eventually the ability to remember how to do ANYTHING takes a toll on your life.  I couldn't imagine being my grandpa.  To have your wife just taken away from you like that.  She didn't know who he was...yet, he still loved her...

Yeah, this is starting to make me cry...I am going to go now and think of something else.  It just makes you think of about things you take for granted.  Like having that companionship and love with someone special.  Sometimes, we may not appreciate someone as much as we should, until we realize that it's almost gone.  And when we do realize how much that person means to us, it's too late.  I feel like that is how my life is characterized and I hate it.  Everybody, please don't take any of your relationships, lover or family, for granted.  Always do whatever you can to make sure you express how much you care or how much that person means to you before it's too late.  Because more likely than not, it WILL be too late. 

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE SUCKS!!!! 

What was with all the fucking hype?!  "This movie is so fricken hilarious you have to watch it!!!  Blah blah blah"  WTF?  I can't believe I wasted my time.  A couple parts were funny but overall the movie was just weird, stupid, didn't have a damn point; oh and did I mention weird?  I think Team America would have to be my fave movie compared to Napoleon Dynamite.  God...maybe it just sucked because people made it out to sound so much better than it was.  After hearing countless numbers of people quote over and over again in Napoleon's stupid voice: "Gooood...fricken idiot...." I had to watch it because I had no idea what they were talking about and I felt left out that everyone had seen it and I hadn't.  It wasn't funny when people were quoting his shit and I found out it still wasn't funny in the movie either.  I don't know why people thought I would think it was funny....I didn't even want to watch it when I saw the previews.  It didn't look funny to me and it still wasn't after I watched it. 

That's it...curse MTV films and independent films...I'm never watching them again!!!!   

Thanks for reading Pam's movie review.  If you don't like it: FUCK OFF!     

I HATE YOU NAPOLEON DYNAMITE!!!   

*Sigh*  I think I just experienced my first big real disappointment tonight.  I mean, of course, I've had lots of disappointments, but I think today was up there on my list of "Really Big Upsets."  Well, tonight I entered in the big Wednesday night tournament at the casino.  The turnout was HUGE!  The prize pot was over 3800 dollars, and first place took home 1520 of that!  So of course, I wanted to win that pot just like everyone else...but I was really down on money for Christmas and decided to use 130 of my last 200 or so dollars to enter me and Billy in ($65 buy-in plus Billy was short like 35 bucks so I covered him).  I figured this would be the PERFECT opportunity to get lotsa money for Christmas and to even pay my rent since I STILL haven't paid it due to lack of funds and it was due like the beginning of this month!  Me and Billy also have this thing if either of us wins the other gets 25% of the other's winnings.  Pretty good deal and I thought we had a pretty good shot of making money since at least one of us always makes it to the final table.  Anyways, well I made it to the final table and I had a lot of chips too!  I could almost taste the sweet victory...but...my luck soon started to suck as the blinds kept going up and I wasn't getting any cards.  I was losing money and soon became short stack after 4 people before me busted out.  I then offered to the rest of the table if anyone would object to giving 6th place their money back (which at that point was likely to be me) since only the last 5 people made money and 6th was left with shit except for a day wasted and money down.  Usually people don't object and to them it would have only been a 13 dollar cut from each winning.  NOT THAT BIG A DEAL!  BUT NO!!  Some motherfucking asshole decides to say "yeah, actually, I object."  WTF?!!!    IT's 13 motherfucking dollars!!!  I dunno what his problem was.  The whole time he sat next to me he was practically telling I shouldn't have or should have made some call or critiquing my plays.  You know what?  SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME PLAY MY OWN DAMN CARDS!!"  He fucking sucks and I can kick his ass in poker any day!!! He shoulda been out a long time ago.  Lucky bastard.  Yeah, he was being a total douche bag.  Finally, every hand I was in with him, I took his money...and soon HE was the one who became short stack and then had to go all in.  Ha I called that bitch and flipped over my A 6 of clubs and he had A 2 offsuit.  Then I was like "now don't you regret objecting?"   Unfortunately for me, we ended up splitting that pot because an A and 2 8's came down.  BASTARD!  Woulda been a perfect time to take him out too. 

THEN...to make a long story short...some stupid ass lady bet a lot of money and I then went all in and she called.  She ended up winning on her ace high and I lost.  She didn't even pair up!!!  ARGH!  I had K J and she had A Q, of course she had to call but still.  That is soooo frustrating!!!  Losing like that.  So I walk out with absolutely nothing.  It was almost 10 o clock at night and I had been there since 4 pm....it's so frustrating to leave like that....down 130 dollars and no money for Christmas and your whole day just wasted.  *Sigh*  I was so angry about everything that I started to cry as soon as we left the casino.   I never cry over this shit!  But for some reason today meant so much more to me.  And I've NEVER played with such mean, greedy, stingy ass people before.  Whatever, they all suck I have never seen any of them at a final table before today...They never wanted to split the pot, they never wanted to give money to 6th and 7th place....such greedy motherfuckers!  It's fucking Christmas!!!  I woulda split the pot!  Splitting six ways woulda given everyone over 600 dollars a piece!!!  And I'm nice too I let the last person to go out before making $ at least get their money back.  I hope their greediness bites them in the ass later.  Shit!!!  It's sooooo frustrating to have spent soooo much time playing there....and to come soooo close to making money...but end with shit.  Didn't even end up even on the day which woulda made me happier.  I feel like the Boston Red Sox before this year's World Series... 

POKER IS BRUTAL...I understand...I really do have respect for those who do this professionally...who make a LIVING playing cards!  This really is a tough place to make it.  To be consistently good enough to bring home money, that's damn tough.  I mean yeah, luck plays a big part in poker, but I believe your skill is what takes you far consistently.  But there are times where your skill can only take you so far.  I think I played very well today, probably the best I have ever played (even though I didn't win and I've won other times)....and I could only have done my best, cards just didn't fall right...According to Billy, I didn't make one bad call or anything...I did everything right from what he saw.  That really means a lot to me.  He's the one I learned from...  *Sigh*  Oh well...I guess I should be glad I wasn't the person who paid $10,000 to get into the World Series of Poker and took 251st place.  (250th and above make money).  Now THAT sucks.

Well, if there was anything I learned today it would have to be this: POKER IS BRUTAL AND MERCILESS your skill only takes you so far in poker and you can only play your cards the best you can, the way you know how to play em.  And everybody else?  FUCK EM. 

I also learned that everyone at my table were a bunch of complete assholes and douchebags.  MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!

Goodnight, this post was too damn long and I need sleep. 

WOO-HOO!  I did really good this quarter!!!  I got a 3.92 GPA!  It brought my cumulative GPA to a 3.71.  Yay!!!    Maybe I can finally get into the business honors program now.  I got 2 4.0's a 3.9 and a 3.8 

I'm looking forward to next quarter because human sexuality seems like it should be interesting.  Although I definitely am not looking forward to accounting.  Oh well, I am going to enjoy the rest of my christmas break.  I am glad I can stop thinking about my grades for now. 

Hmmm...what else has been going on...OH!  Me and the girls went to Club 131 on Saturday.  It was sooo much fun!  Me, Dianne, and Via danced on those bars in front of everyone, mainly to get away from dudes trying to dance with us.  It was hella fun though.  Lotsa people...I can't wait till we're 21 and we can go to clubs where all the young 'uns won't be.  I have 9 more months till the big 2-1!  WOO-HOO!  VEGAS!!!! 

Ooooh...today...or maybe I should say yesterday since it is 2:40 am..was Billy's 20th b-day.  Yay!  We just went to Outback Steakhouse (it was my first time)..YUMMY...then..we went to go watch Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events.  I really liked that movie!  It was pretty cool, well for a kids/family movie. 

I guess I better go to sleep now.  Gotta wake up early for the poker tournament tomorrow morning. 

Pam