*Sigh*  I think I just experienced my first big real disappointment tonight.  I mean, of course, I've had lots of disappointments, but I think today was up there on my list of "Really Big Upsets."  Well, tonight I entered in the big Wednesday night tournament at the casino.  The turnout was HUGE!  The prize pot was over 3800 dollars, and first place took home 1520 of that!  So of course, I wanted to win that pot just like everyone else...but I was really down on money for Christmas and decided to use 130 of my last 200 or so dollars to enter me and Billy in ($65 buy-in plus Billy was short like 35 bucks so I covered him).  I figured this would be the PERFECT opportunity to get lotsa money for Christmas and to even pay my rent since I STILL haven't paid it due to lack of funds and it was due like the beginning of this month!  Me and Billy also have this thing if either of us wins the other gets 25% of the other's winnings.  Pretty good deal and I thought we had a pretty good shot of making money since at least one of us always makes it to the final table.  Anyways, well I made it to the final table and I had a lot of chips too!  I could almost taste the sweet victory...but...my luck soon started to suck as the blinds kept going up and I wasn't getting any cards.  I was losing money and soon became short stack after 4 people before me busted out.  I then offered to the rest of the table if anyone would object to giving 6th place their money back (which at that point was likely to be me) since only the last 5 people made money and 6th was left with shit except for a day wasted and money down.  Usually people don't object and to them it would have only been a 13 dollar cut from each winning.  NOT THAT BIG A DEAL!  BUT NO!!  Some motherfucking asshole decides to say "yeah, actually, I object."  WTF?!!!    IT's 13 motherfucking dollars!!!  I dunno what his problem was.  The whole time he sat next to me he was practically telling I shouldn't have or should have made some call or critiquing my plays.  You know what?  SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME PLAY MY OWN DAMN CARDS!!"  He fucking sucks and I can kick his ass in poker any day!!! He shoulda been out a long time ago.  Lucky bastard.  Yeah, he was being a total douche bag.  Finally, every hand I was in with him, I took his money...and soon HE was the one who became short stack and then had to go all in.  Ha I called that bitch and flipped over my A 6 of clubs and he had A 2 offsuit.  Then I was like "now don't you regret objecting?"   Unfortunately for me, we ended up splitting that pot because an A and 2 8's came down.  BASTARD!  Woulda been a perfect time to take him out too. 

THEN...to make a long story short...some stupid ass lady bet a lot of money and I then went all in and she called.  She ended up winning on her ace high and I lost.  She didn't even pair up!!!  ARGH!  I had K J and she had A Q, of course she had to call but still.  That is soooo frustrating!!!  Losing like that.  So I walk out with absolutely nothing.  It was almost 10 o clock at night and I had been there since 4 pm....it's so frustrating to leave like that....down 130 dollars and no money for Christmas and your whole day just wasted.  *Sigh*  I was so angry about everything that I started to cry as soon as we left the casino.   I never cry over this shit!  But for some reason today meant so much more to me.  And I've NEVER played with such mean, greedy, stingy ass people before.  Whatever, they all suck I have never seen any of them at a final table before today...They never wanted to split the pot, they never wanted to give money to 6th and 7th place....such greedy motherfuckers!  It's fucking Christmas!!!  I woulda split the pot!  Splitting six ways woulda given everyone over 600 dollars a piece!!!  And I'm nice too I let the last person to go out before making $ at least get their money back.  I hope their greediness bites them in the ass later.  Shit!!!  It's sooooo frustrating to have spent soooo much time playing there....and to come soooo close to making money...but end with shit.  Didn't even end up even on the day which woulda made me happier.  I feel like the Boston Red Sox before this year's World Series... 

POKER IS BRUTAL...I understand...I really do have respect for those who do this professionally...who make a LIVING playing cards!  This really is a tough place to make it.  To be consistently good enough to bring home money, that's damn tough.  I mean yeah, luck plays a big part in poker, but I believe your skill is what takes you far consistently.  But there are times where your skill can only take you so far.  I think I played very well today, probably the best I have ever played (even though I didn't win and I've won other times)....and I could only have done my best, cards just didn't fall right...According to Billy, I didn't make one bad call or anything...I did everything right from what he saw.  That really means a lot to me.  He's the one I learned from...  *Sigh*  Oh well...I guess I should be glad I wasn't the person who paid $10,000 to get into the World Series of Poker and took 251st place.  (250th and above make money).  Now THAT sucks.

Well, if there was anything I learned today it would have to be this: POKER IS BRUTAL AND MERCILESS your skill only takes you so far in poker and you can only play your cards the best you can, the way you know how to play em.  And everybody else?  FUCK EM. 

I also learned that everyone at my table were a bunch of complete assholes and douchebags.  MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!

Goodnight, this post was too damn long and I need sleep.