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| Don't know if I will use this againIt has been over 2 years since I last blogged. I have since forgotten about it all. I now have a 14 month old daughter whom I love more than anything and am still married. I never thought I would get this far in life and I hope I can get farther. Life hasn't been much fun lately and I realize now and wish I had come to this conclusion eariler in life, that life is not all fun and games. People grow up and have responsibility. I just hope it is not too late. I think I need a miracle to change my life because I haven't been able to change. My efforts are painful and lead to nowhere. I don't have much of a relationship with God like I thought I did. My life has been based on tv, video games, and self-centeredness. I don't even know if anyone still reads these Xanga things anymore, I just needed a place to write down my thoughts etc. I am not happy, nor is my wife and that is not good. Our world changed the moment she said yes. It was from that point I changed. I don't know or understand why, I just did. I since hate who I am and would do anything I could to change this so called person living inside of me. I want to be free of this selfish jerk that I have become. My wife doesn't feel love from me anymore because I have inadvertantly ignored her. We need a miracle. I need a miracle. I have come to that conclusion only I fear it may be too late. Only God knows what is in store for any of us. My life is since plagued by the thought of losing everything that I hold dear, but the only problem is that nothing in my life would be able to show that I hold these things dear to my heart. I need God in my life, not just the thought or idea of God but an actual relationship with God. 'God I need you and not just because of the situation with my family but because I have fallen from You. I realize that I am scared because I don't know where I am going when this life is over. I want to be with You more than anything and am willing to let go of everything that You want me to let go of. Change me, change my heart and let me come into your arms.' | | |
| January 6 is coming up fast! I am very excited about this new chapter in my life and I know that Brittany is too. There are still some people's addresses that I need so that I can send them the invitation (which will be sent out around 1 1/2 - 2 months in advance). So Laura, Hilary, Karin and anyone that I am forgetting, please be sure to somehow give me your mailing addresses with your name soon. You should all have my email add. if not you can call me if you have my # on another note; I have 2 cell phones for sale! They are both motorola V265's with camera, and they work with Verizon Wireless only. Each one comes with a home charger, a belt clip, and an instruction booklet. We had them for 2 weeks when we decided to go back to Samsung because we like it better. Great phones though. Anyway, have a good day! | | |
| Pray..........Just...Pray | | |
| Hello Xanga friends! School is almost out! but then there's summer school, and fall semester, and then spring semester, and then I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!! I am very very very very very very very excited!! We do need your prayers, soon we start counsiling and we know that things will come up out of nowhere. Just pray that we will continue to follow in the Lord's steps and that we don't neglect each other (actually, that we don't over the dumb things that I do!). Laura, we'll get in touch soon okay? God Bless! | | |
| It has been a while. Xanga just takes up too much time. Anyway. There are a lot of things on my mind right now and I cannot sleep. I have a very BIG decision to make this week, so if anyone would pray for me I would greatly appreciate it! God works in mysterious ways!
~Chris~ | | |
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