God

Doesn't it amaze you how tight God's grip is on us?  It doesn't matter if we let go, if we try to walk away, if we forget to walk in the Spirit, if we mess up once or twice or all day long.  His grip on us is so strong that we can never be out of His prescense, away from His grace or not be covered by His forgiveness.  And just think, this is something we can count on for the rest of our lives and even better - in to eternity!

I feel like complaining...

Today at work, it was a bad day.  I just feel like sometimes, I am the only one who actually does any work.  I see my co-workers working but mostly they only do what they HAVE to do.  Nothing more and sometimes a lot less.  It's so FRUSTRATING!!  Is my mom the only mom who said, "Go the extra mile"????  I mean c'mon people!  When there is fruit syrup a quarter inch thick on the bottom of the fridge, don't you think it should be cleaned out!?  And when someone has the opportunity to go home early, don't you think we should take turns instead of you just leaving?  And when the pastries at the cafe need to be restocked, why don't you take the initiative and do it instead of leaving it for the next person?  And could you PLEASE take your break way before I'm scheduled to be off so I can leave on time instead of hanging out until you finally make it back to work? 

I know in the scope of life, these things don't really matter all that much.  But I just feel like I am being taken advantage of. 

You know, I think I just let people take advantage of the fact that I'll do the work if I see it undone.  Next time, I'm asking them to do it because right now, they are just standing around doing nothing anyway.  And no, I will not stay an hour later so you can go to lunch, you should have done that before and you'll have to wait until the next person is scheduled to be in so that you can count the drawer on THEIR time, not mine.  But I probably still will be the only person cleaning up the crusted milk off the sides of the fridge door.

Thanks for listening guys.

Adventuring

So yesterday I was struggling to carry in about 5 bags of stuff from school.  We are studing music in other cultures so I am lugging stuff back and forth from home.  Anyway, two Latter Day Saints guys were walking by and asked if they could help me.  I almost said "No" but then figured, "What the heck, I need help!".  So they helped me lug my stuff through the snow and up to the house and stood patiently while I organized my stuff on the steps.  And of course, they asked if they could have 15 minutes of my time.  So I prayed quick and said "Sure!"  So we stood in the foyer and talked for about 15 minutes.  You know, they were really nice!  Not pushy at all.  Usually people groan when they hear the LDS guys ringing the doorbell but I don't think I will do that anymore.  It probably wasn't the MOST comfortable conversation I have ever had but it definitly wasn't the most UN-comfortable conversation I have had either. 

My mom was a bit upset you know.  But see, I know WHY I believe in Christianity and I can give you lots of reasons but I can't articulate very clearly WHY I disagree with Mormonism.  I know all the reason's OTHER people have given me but I've never done any research for myself so I can give them an answer from my own brain.  We shouldn't have a problem with studying Christianity diligently and comparing what the Bible says with Science and History and Evolution and all that.  I also think we shouldn't have a problem with studying other religions and finding out why we DON'T believe those things.  Studying truth should not be scary - God's grip on us is bigger than our doubts and questions.  So while I will NOT be attending a LDS church or encouraging further visits from LDS missionaries, I also have come to the conclusion that it is not a scary or bad thing to know why I belive what I believe and why I don't believe other things.  Does that make sense?   

In other news, I am worrying a lot about a summer job and even next year.  The school I work at is pretty far away and with gas prices the way they are, I may not be able to work there much longer.  And finding a summer job is also a real pain because now that I have found a job I REALLY like, I can't imagine doing something that I DON'T like!  I'm so spoiled.  But as I was stareing morosly at myself in the mirror it struck me that a child of God should never worry about such things.  Worry is not a good fruit but patience and trust are good fruits. 

Yup - that's about all.  Thanks againfor listening.  Pray that I would be willing to do whatever God has for me - even if it is something I don't like. 

Totally Stoked!

LOST 2 hour season Premier TONIGHT! WhooHoo!  I am so excited!

Actually, I'm supposed to be collecting the trash right now but I am procrastinating. 

School is going well. 

My car is working.

Church is fine and so is Bible Study.

Family is great.

Yup - nothing to write about.  (Sardonic twist of mouth)  Odd  how only the bad or not so good things are what make it on my Xanga page...

Escaping the snow is not a good reason to become a missionary

I am thinking outloud.  Well actually, I am thinking on computer.

I've always wanted to be a missionary.  Why?  I don't know.  I've always loved living oversea's.  It's where my heart is at home.  Plain and simple.  But that's not a reason to become a missionary!  Maybe I don't really want to be a missionary at all.  What I really want is to just live oversea's like Americans live in America.  I mean, you all are Christians and live here, at home in the world around you.  You share Christ with the unreached next door and disciple youth and kids at church.  Why can't I do the same thing just in a different country?  That doesn't necessarily make me a missionary or anything.  But is that really the sort of life I want?  Do I really just want to "live and let live" for the rest of my life?  Go about my business and wait for the end?  NO!  What a waste of time!  And when I get to the end, what will I have to show for it?  Maybe something, maybe nothing.  I want to LIVE, to TRULY LIVE.  To live like what I do matters in some eternal way.  Is that even possible?  Should I just shut up, sit down and be happy with what I already have?  What exactly is "life abundant" that Jesus promised?  Am I the only person out there unhappy with the level of happiness she's received??  I guess it's not only foolish but unwise to expect every day to be some sort of eternity impacting adventure of course.  Who would do the laundry then?  And the dishes?  But a life on the whole that did something, anything worthwhile - that would be very cool.  Ecspecially if it was someplace warm, with lots of trees and everyone spoke Spanish...

I'm not unhappy with life here.  I love teaching, my kids and fellow teachers WONDERFUL!  But I'm not particularly interested in teaching there until I'm old, gray and 65.  But teaching is something that has eternal impact...maybe I should just be content with all that God has already blessed me with.  It's hard to know for sure.  When are you being discontent and when are you looking to what God has next?  I suppose it's discontentedness when you are looking to what God has next and He doesn't seem to have any doors open anyway.  Though I suppose it wouldn't hurt to look around for some doors.  Sigh*