The following is some copy I wrote for a small hometown appliance store, which sells discounted merchandize as a result of minor scratches and dents. I want you to know that I was first very excited about this script. No, more like in a fit of hubris. This. Was. The. Best. Ad. Writing. Ever. My weird sense of black humor was finally paying off. It was a masterpiece in copy writing, and I was f-cking Mozart! And I was very shocked when my boss shot it down... hard. His email response to my 60 second magnum opus contained only three words:
"Are you serious?"
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[suburban noises in background followed by a mild, repetitive scraping sound]
Guy 1: "Hey, Hey what are you doing?"
Guy 2: "Oh, just draggin' Grandma out to the curb."
Guy 1: "But why?!"
Guy 2: "Well, she's old and kinda worn out. Got a few dents in her too. I figure I can just go someplace else and buy a brand new one--Grandpa thinks it's a great idea."
Guy 1: "But there's nothing actually wrong with her."
Guy 2: "Yeah, but look at all that wear and tear. You've got to think about your Grandmother's resale value."
Guy 1: "Oh, I hadn't thought about it like that. Here, let me help you out."
Guy 2: "Okay on three. One... Two...
Narrator: Would you do this to your Grandmother?
At [ABC Appliance], we believe in the value of things despite their appearances. That's why we're excited to offer you savings of 20 to 50% on National Brand appliances which may not appeal to the eye, but still work great in the home.
Scratch and Dent savings on National brands like Maytag, KitchenAid, Whirlpool--refrigerators, ranges, dishwashers, washers, and dryers. All slightly damaged, but greatly discounted.
Hundreds to choose from at [ABC Appliance], North Main at 29th St. And for all your appliance repair and service needs, call [ABC]: [765-4321]
Remember: A refrigerator, even with a small dent, keeps your food nice and cool. A washer with a tiny scratch will continue to keep your laundry staying clean. And when you buy these affordable appliances at [ABC], your wallet stays full.
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Delusions of Grandeur, anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
My boss was right to flush this one straight down the toilet, and in a way I'm glad that he did. My ego suffered for one day but my boss's wisdom saved me from future embarrassment. Does the ad seduce your attention? Yes. Is it funny? Yes--though opinions might differ. Does the ad illustrate the point? Yes; what we define as "valuable" isn't found in superficial qualities alone. But does the ad also portray our client's products as "old," like the Grandmother, conspicuously flawed, and perhaps even disposable? You bet it does. Oh, and substituting a handicapped child in place of the Grandmother won't make the symbolism of the writing any better. In fact, it would just lead to worse problems...
One thing that I've learned now is that the use of a joke in advertising is a delicate thing. Of course the joke has to be funny--it more importantly has be funny to your target audience. But what the joke absolutely cannot do is insult the product you're selling. This is where I screwed up. Suggesting that the flaws in the appliances were as noticeable as the wrinkles on your Grandmother's face isn't likely going to motivate someone to go out and buy. You might chuckle over the ad's brazenness, but you won't be laughing with your checkbook in hand.
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