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Hsieh
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Name: Steve
Country: United States
State: Georgia
Birthday: 11/29/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: Violin, Basketball, Movies, Games, Computer
Expertise: None
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  Hsieh Steven
Member Since:
1/4/2003
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| Wow, it has been a really long time since my last post. I suppose I've been happy enough to have nothing depressing to rant about.Well, the stress of college and senior year has caused me to write, yet another, entry/ranting. Well, if anyone still reads my xanga, here we go.
Assuming we are all equal in ability and will power, I believe I can make the generalization that everyone works their hardest and tries their very best. Well, I believe I have given my all and reached a point in my life where things fall out of my hands. College Acceptance. For the past 13 years of our lives, we've been studying, learning, working, and dying to get into college for a "brighter future," right? We had control of how much time we spent on homework and projects and tests and whatever else we needed to do, and now suddenly, everything fits on one sheet of paper. All our grades average into a 2 digit number ranging from 0 up to 4.0. Here we are. A few numbers and a 250 word essay on our finest achievements. Oh well, I have gotten past this part. I really can't argue with it anymore. This is how life works and everyone must go through with it, like the SAT. I suppose, in the end, test taking ability makes a great student.
Now, after we get accepted into college, you'd imagine some choice. False. Incorrect. Wrong. Sucks. Instead, now the parents decide for you, but not even your parents really--money. These digits matter more than those mentioned above. I suppose that all people have the right to receive an education up to 12th grade. Then education isn't needed. Instead, we have to pay and give up our standard of living for a better one... maybe. So in the end, the "most important decision that will affect your future" which we have all been working for since 1st grade or whenever we started school, isn't up to you at all. Our futures rest on our G.P.A's, standardized test scores, and the amount of money our parents are willing to give up. Maybe this is why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
I'm not mad at what schools I'm able to choose between: they are all wonderful schools and I'm sure we can all make ourselves better no matter which school we attend. I just really wanted more of a say in what happens to me from here on out.
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| I have spent my entire life, up to this point, working for college. I boost my GPA and slash my own neck with SAT practice. I give the most precious years of my life sitting at this desk studying for pointless test and writing useless paper. Now after 13 years of this, I have just come to realize my error. I spend hours of my limited free time writing essays explaining my achievements and financial needs, and only now do I realize how little my parents care. I have never asked them for help with homework; never attained aid on projects; never learned about family from them. Instead, I had to research and write an extended essay covering the importance of family. What will I become in the future? I feel no connection with my family: I have never met any of my relatives. I am by myself, alone in the world, shivering and lost.
No matter how many times I've been angry with my parents or lost my temper with them, I have always believed that there was some speck of love. I see them fighting and arguing. I remember everything I've gone through. In all 18 years of my life, I have never been disappointed. Until today. For the first time, I asked my parents to help me with school paperwork. I need information covering our financial situation to what? I'm looking for financial aid to keep the pressure of college tuition away from my parents. But instead of understanding me, they yell at me for "wasting" their time. I spend hours working on scholarship for my family--or so I thought. Really, I am only working for myself, because I am by myself.
Do I love my parents? I have lost faith in them. I am not angry... I am hurt. I truly believed that they would come through for me in the end. Instead, they believe I have not tried my best. My grades are not the best; my SAT score is so low I can count it on one hand; I've gotten enough sleep in the past 3 days--10 hours. Why do I keep trying? Maybe I do want to leave home. Do all seniors go through what I'm going through? I was always under the impression that parents wanted their kid to go off to college. Maybe I should just give up. That's what they want, isn't it? Stupid.
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Happy Thanksgiving! Yay!
So why do I have a picture of the Andromeda? Well, a week ago I stood outside around 1 in the morning and gazed up towards the sky, because of the light pollution in Georgia, I only saw a few stars. At first the stars seemed so tiny. They all seemed to be bounded by the night sky. I then realized that these insignificant specks were really solar systems - universes - away, and trillions of times larger than the world we all live on. Can there really be no other living organism in such an infinite plane? Anyways, I sudden had an epiphany: I worry so much about my life; however, if you just glance outside, a gigantic universe rests all around us, constantly trying to remind us of everything else we're not enjoying.
What am I thankful for? I have so much to be thankful of, but I hardly ever realize; so, I'm going to dedicate this entry to the people that I have forgotten to thank. I am thanking all of you right now! Thanks for everything that you've given me. There's no doubt that you have all made me the individual I am today, and still continue to sculpt me until I find my potential.
My Family - I know that my family members don't read my xanga, but still... thank you all. The first people I came to knew, the first people to influence my development, the first people to love me, the first people for everything - you guys (and Mom!) will really always be around for me.
My Friends - I don't have many, but I wouldn't ask for any better friends or any more friends. I don't know what more to say. Thanks
Myself - You could be better: lazy, boring, useless, depressing, and much more. You have everything that you want; actually, you have more than what you've ever dreamed of. We'll work on you together.
and last, but definitely not last...
Rosaline Tio - There's absolutely nothing more to say about you. Both my bestfriend and girlfriend, I cannot say that you've ever been anything less than perfect, nor have you been anything but the best. I'll see you on the 2nd, right?
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| 11 Months + 2 Days
Hahahaha, we've been through quite a bit. I don't regret a single moment of it. I know that you like pictures; so, I thought that this one would make you smile. I mean, after all, this is probably how everyone sees us. Thanks for Everything. In exactly 4 weeks (actually around 27 days) you will have survived hanging out with me for 365(.25) days! I know that it's bad that I'm already looking a month ahead, but thank you for giving me the chance to look into the future with a smile. You are the best. Bestest! Bestest! 11 Months... that's 91.667% of a year. Wow. Smile and keep happy for me, please? Thanks Rosaline.
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| Why do I always mess up so badly? I really want everything to workout for everyone, but I somehow just screw everyone up and myself. I wish I could take back my actions; I wish I could change myself and become better. I want to become good enough. I really want to be someone you can be proud to know. I want to be trusted, to be understood, to be here whenever you need me. I'm sorry.
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