This Thing We Call Life

Life is confusing, no doubt about it.  But why does it have to be?  Why can’t we understand?  Other creatures don’t have the same problem we do; they are only able to be hurt physically where we can be hurt emotionally as well.  Why do we have the ability to experience pain on another level?  Doesn’t it seem like a really cruel deal?  As I will explain in this post, this process is how we grow and is not a curse but a blessing.  Without resistance nothing can grow stronger, and it is the same for human beings, except that with us it is spiritual.  In addition to physical factors, we also must deal with the joy/anguish of our complex inner natures.

In my experience, the most confusing part of life is other people.  Why do people do what they do?  Why can we seemingly understand ourselves, but have such a hard time comprehending others?  And why must we suffer so much pain through our interactions with them, wouldn’t it be better if we were indifferent and free from the hurt they inflict on us?  This tumultuous experience is intensified many times in relationships with the opposite sex.  We have all been hurt, and generally it is no ordinary pain, it is anguish on a grand scale.  Our whole world is turned upside down, we question things we never thought we’d question, and we doubt ourselves. 

I will not pretend to solve any of these problems, and in truth I would not want to even if they could be.  I will only point out that when you think about it, other people are really the only reason for living.  Is there anything more dreadful than going through life with no family & friends?  But when they hurt us badly, why shouldn’t we just give up on them when the going gets tough? 

I’m not sure words will do justice to the reason.  How can I express how it feels when I’m feeling terrible, but a friend takes time to show they care?  How can I express the feeling I have playing Ultimate with my best friends, and experiencing the bonding we have as we laugh and compete together?  How does one express looking at a person of the opposite sex and just knowing that there is something special about them, something that you would travel anywhere without regard to consequence and sacrifice everything to discover?  And although I haven’t experienced it yet, what about having children of your own, and having them look at you with pure, unmitigated love, and you back at them the same way?  There is no way, my friends, to describe how important other people are.  I do know that without my friends and family I would not want to live, not even for a second.  No matter how beautiful this planet is, no matter how much I own, I would trade it all for a few moments spent with a friend.  That’s just how it is –we share a connection that was truly made in Heaven.  And it’s not because we all get along so well and that we understand each other perfectly.  Other people cause us the most heart-wrenching pain we feel in this life, but they also spark the moments of overwhelming joy and fellowship that make this life worth living.

People facing death don't think about what degrees they have earned, what positions they have held, or how much wealth they have accumulated. At the end, what really matters is whom you love and who loved you.

-  Bernadine Healy, MD

However, there is undoubtedly an even grander mystery, and it lies within us.  There is no question that we are mysteries not only to others, but also to ourselves.  I think everyone recognizes that deep within us there are things, both good and bad, that we never dreamed existed and have the capability to astound us when they surface.  Frankly this should not surprise us.  When a person gets to know you, how well do they actually know the “you” that you know?  When they look at you, can they really “see” you?  Of course not, our personalities are extremely complex and hidden to all except those we choose to share them with, and even then only a fraction is revealed.  Why do we find it surprising then to accept that we are complex beyond our own ability to comprehend?  And not only is this personality hidden, but also the potential each one of us has far surpasses what we could ever imagine.

Because I believe this, it follows that one thing that really bothers me is when really great people doubt how great they are.  Usually this will happen when they have experienced some sort of a defeat, usually at the hands of another; maybe they were rejected, maybe intentionally hurt, it could be a huge variety of reasons.  This reaction is probably the biggest mistake we can make as humans.  When we deny what we have inside us, we deny the potential we have, and lessen the chance it will ever reach realization!  We should never let anything drive us to that point.  Not only does it prevent us from reaching that potential, but we also miss the point of the trial if we react that way –the purpose of the trial wasn’t to destroy us, it is to make us stronger!  This is really hard to accept when you feel defeated and like giving up, but we have to.

Put the days behind you forever, both good and bad.  Never forget them, especially the good ones, but put them away before they can control you.  Many people refuse to do this, and really believe they have no choice but to hang on to them.  Instead what happens is they live in circles, trying to re-live (or avoid) memories of a time past.  When we do this we cannot reach the potential we have within us; our true goal is over the horizon –not behind us.  It is so easy to live in the past, of even yesterday, but we can’t.  We must use what we have learned and strike out to new frontiers in this adventure we call life.  If we don’t, we stagnate in a pool of remorse and wistful dreams of the past, losing forever the opportunity to reach fulfillment.

Life is both the process of finding out who we are, and simultaneously influencing who that person is by the decisions we make.  Every day I find out a little better who I am, and each day I feel that person changing as a result of the things I do, the thoughts I have, the goals I set, the people who I care about, and so many other factors.  Just when you reach a point where you feel comfortable with who you think you are, that “you” changes.  Every single day counts towards this building process, but many people don’t realize this.  Taking it for granted means taking yourself and your existence for granted and is a terrible mistake.  I am not saying this is a particularly easy or pain-free process, because obviously it’s not.  But someday you will be able to look back and smile, even through all the pain and confusion, the anger and the hurt, the good will shine through.  At least, that’s what I have to believe.

Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out

and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because

once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.

-  Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

That is what grace is all about I think.  God doesn’t care about what you did yesterday, he cares what you are doing now, what you are feeling, what you believe.  Why?  Because now is the threshold of eternity.  Tomorrow does not exist, and may never exist; all we have is this second.  When we pass out of existence, the person we are at that instant is the only thing that matters.  Not who we once were, not the potential person we could have become, but the “you” that has passed from the previous fleeting moment to now.  That person is the result of the decisions you have made, and nobody can take responsibility for it except you.

I struggle mightily trying to understand God’s grace.  It seems far too easy and too good to be true doesn’t it?  Not only do I not deserve it, but I wouldn’t take it of my own free will.  I would much rather just do my own thing and leave God out of the picture.  I would give up on God, but luckily for me, God will never give up on us.  No matter how much pain we have endured, no matter how much we have inflicted ourselves, there is still hope for salvation.  A hope that beyond the haze of this life, one day we will be able to “know fully.”  A hope that we have not suffered in vain, but that it has been part of the grand plan that God has for each of our lives.  The only thing God asks is for us to have faith, a simple request right?  Just believe that a man named Jesus died on a cross 2000 years ago for our sins and we’re good to go . . . except it isn’t exactly like that is it?  How ironic is it that the supposed easiest thing to accept is also the most difficult?  Wrapping our heart around this is the hardest part.  We can accept concepts with our brains, but it’s with our hearts that we believe.

This life is so extremely beautiful, and it’s not beautiful because it’s easy, or because things go our way all the time.  When people say beauty they want to mean that everything is perfect in terms of aesthetically pleasing, and free of pain, but those people misunderstand what beauty is.  Beauty is indeed perfection, but it is perfection in a higher sense, not restricted by limiting factors such as aesthetics.  This life is beautiful in this sense.  It is hard, and we suffer terribly, but it is precious beyond measure.  We may not understand it now, we may only glimpse it, but when the gates of heaven open for us someday I believe everything will become clear. 

Ultimately, I believe that God makes this life beautiful, but for an often overlooked reason.  Many people like to say that God’s existence is made apparent by the beauty of the world but I believe that the amazing world we live in pales in comparison next to the potential that human beings have for loving each other and for making the world a better place.  We are capable of great evil, but even greater good, and in that we must take comfort.  We must never give up and we must never doubt the potential for good that is inside ourselves, even when the world tries to dim the light that sustains us. 

Everything is always okay in the end.  If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

-  Unknown

Falling From God

I am seriously struggling in my relationship with God.  To be quite honest, I’m not sure what has changed.  One day I had this passion in my heart for him and it seems like over the course of a month He is completely dead to me.  Despite what arrogant know-it-alls might say, this is not something I desired.  I wish with all my heart that I was close to God and knew His will for me.  This has led me to do some serious searching within myself and to ask questions about the nature of faith and how to rekindle its life-giving flames.  Maybe my thoughts as I travel this journey will be of help to those who have experienced something similar, or will in the future.

I really believe that when our faith fails we are in a genuinely dangerous situation.  Many atheists talk about having faith one day, and then experiencing a separation from God that never healed.  Generally it isn’t a sudden experience, but more a withering and death by suffocation.  When our faith fails, it is a real possibility that it could never come back.  What many maybe don’t realize is that once you have reached this point, the road to disbelief looks much easier than the one that leads back to God.  The return to God is difficult and requires a deep change of the heart, while remaining in disbelief is easy because you are partially there already.  What I don’t think people understand is, that’s part of the nature of faith!  Further, I would argue that if you’ve never experienced this, you have never experienced real faith.  If you have never seriously considered the possibility that your faith may be misplaced, I don’t know what kind of faith that is.  How can it be faith at all?  Faith implies a trust, but without a danger there can be no trust, right? 

Part of true faith must be the realization that it could be wrong.  We are taking a step over a cliff with nothing but our faith to support us.  If we absolutely knew that when we took that step, we would find firm ground, would it really be faith?  I don’t think so.  There must be a part of you that thinks you are going to plummet and be lost forever. But there is another part deep inside that truly recognizes the danger –and steps anyway.  THAT is faith.  Faith is not closing your eyes and pretending everything is fine; faith is facing your demons and trusting God in the face of your fear. Until you respect what you are up against, and the stakes, how can you take faith seriously?

So, when we lose our faith, when we fall away, can God always rescue us?  The terrifying answer to this question is no, God can’t always rescue us.  We each have the ability to choose our allegiance, and that is a decision that God allows us to make on our own.  If we choose to be an atheist, God will not force us to change our minds.  I would imagine that He tries various ways to make us see His truth, but ultimately the decision lies with us.  If God could always rescue us from our own disbelief, Hell would be a very empty place.  If we reach the point where we don’t want to come back, we don’t.  However, I believe that God can always rescue us no matter how far we have fallen, if we ask for His help.  This is a very encouraging thought for me in my present state, although I admit it’s not easy to believe sometimes in my darker moments.

So what is the nature of faith, that we can lose it and gain it back?  Where does it come from if not our own volition?  I am convinced we can’t have faith without God giving it to us.  If we could, I’m not sure any of us could go through what I am now.  If we were able to generate it, I’d just do whatever I had to do, create it, and go on with my life.  But it’s not that simple.  I believe we have a voice inside us that knows when we have strayed from God, and brings us back to him.  We have the option of ignoring this voice and taking the easy road away from God, or we can choose to humble our hearts and return to what we truly desire.  When we reach this point I think the only thing we can do is hang on to our hope and our love.  Love of a Savior that would sacrifice his Holy life for us, and hope that He will not forsake us when we are lost.

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;

O Lord, hear my voice.
       Let your ears be attentive
       to my cry for mercy.

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
       O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness;
       therefore you are feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
       and in his word I put my hope.

My soul waits for the Lord
       more than watchmen wait for the morning,
       more than watchmen wait for the morning.

-  Psalm 130:1-6

What is life without God (and why would we want it)?

Obviously people have many different answers to this question.  Some would reply that life is utterly devoid of hope without God; a life governed only by forces of nature and random processes is not worth living.  Others would claim a life without God is a step into the consciousness of modern humanity, escaping the dark and ignorant beliefs of our past.  Others might say that it doesn’t matter, the specific belief you hold isn’t important as long as you believe in it strongly.  So, who is right or is it true that the beliefs we hold truly don’t matter?

If I may, I would like to eliminate the opinion that whatever belief we hold is good enough, as long as we believe in it strongly enough.  There are many beliefs and religions that are self-destructive in my opinion.  Even if we are in one and think we are doing fine, we could be doing better.  Obviously to me, that seems to indicate that some beliefs are better than others (if we define “better” simply as more beneficial to the well-being of a human being).  So, now the trick is to determine which beliefs are better than others.  To narrow it down for the purposes of this post, is belief in the Christian God “better” than disbelief?

What truly, is the difference between a person who believes in God and one who doesn’t?  It seems to me one person will have a higher quality of life.  I have always thought this to be so painfully obvious that I doubted myself and thought that I was overlooking something.  But look, the person who believes in God believes there is a higher power that cares about them, and even further, loves them deeply.  This benevolent power is always with them and hears their prayers.  When they die, they have nothing to fear because they will be united with their Savior in Heaven.  Frankly, I don’t care if atheists think it’s a complete fantasy.  The fact is, whatever it is-fact or fiction, it works!  I think that is a strong argument against atheists –religion gets at some fundamental part of our human nature.  And if indeed atheists are right, and God doesn’t exist, then it still makes sense to believe in God because it gets us through life with purpose and hope.  Yes it also causes problems, but honestly, is anybody naïve enough to think that religion is used as anything but an excuse for the violence we are naturally prone to?  I hope not.

Maybe it could be said that we would want a life without God because it would make us more independent and therefore able to do our thinking for ourselves.  I always kind of laugh to myself whenever an atheist says something like, “I feel so free now that I am liberated from belief in God!”  I don’t have any responsibility towards God, because he doesn’t exist.  This excitement reminds me of people (like myself four years ago) who leave home for the first time to go to college.  “I feel so free!” they say.  It is almost as if their parents don’t even exist and there is no need to feel any responsibility to them.  And what generally happens?  They get in some trouble of one kind or another, maybe nothing but homesickness, and always come back to their parents with a new perspective.  Instead of seeing their parents as a burden they see them as a blessing.  In short, who cares if you feel free without God’s impact in your life?  That doesn’t prove His non-existence and certainly doesn’t prove you are better off.

Obviously all this discussion doesn’t get us closer to discovering whether God really exists.  I’m planning a post dedicated to this topic because I find it interesting, but what would an answer to that question even look like?  Would a simple “yes” suffice?  HECK no.  That doesn’t tell us anything, but yet it’s the answer we are dying to find out.  Consider this; if God does exist he is necessarily completely out of our realm of understanding.  We could have no signs at all, and there still be one.  Maybe the Bible is some vague guidepost, meant for us to understand Him in the only way we can, even if it is well short of his true nature.

So then, why do people fall away from God?  Many reasons of course.  Although I think a prominent idea is that atheism happens in an instant, much like many people think conversion happens in an instant –the truth is somewhat different.  I think in a lot of cases the process is more gradual, people just rely on themselves for so long that they just forget about needing God.  God has to be relevant in our lives for us to maintain a relationship.  As with anything, if you don’t need it, if it doesn’t serve a function, we tend to discard it.  This is our nature, and essential to our wellbeing.  It’s important to remember something though.  Just because we don’t realize something is important to our wellbeing doesn’t mean we don’t need it.  In other words, if I have a disease, the fact that I don’t take the medicine won’t make me better.  I need the medicine whether I realize it or not, period.  Likewise, we all need God whether we recognize it or not. (this might be debatable and I’ll take it up in a future post)

I should finish this with some honesty.  I identify with atheists a lot and I side with them on occasion.  I have my doubts about my faith and sometimes it seems my mindset is more atheist than Christian.  I am by no means any better than any atheist and in fact may be less admirable because at least they take a firm stand and don’t waver. However, with that said, I am a Christian, either by choice or circumstance I’m not quite sure.   To me, a life without God seems to be one that falls short of the potential we have as humans. Just as a person could theoretically go their entire life without looking at the stars or the sky and denying their existence, the same way one could go through life and deny God.  Just as when we deny the existence of the beauty around us, when we deny God we miss something that could make our lives more full and joyful.  However, when we deny God we also deny a part of ourselves, and as a result the stakes are much higher.  What would you tell someone who told you there are no stars in the night sky?  You would tell them they just aren’t looking. 

Most people live, whether physically, intellectually or morally, in a very restricted circle

of their potential being. They make very small use of their possible consciousness, and of

their soul's resources in general, much like a man who, out of his whole bodily organism,

should get into a habit of using and moving only his little finger.

-  William James

I have not updated for over a month and I hope to make up for it this summer.  A lot has been happening in my life, most all of it good thankfully.  I have not done much writing in the last six months, and this bothers me quite a bit actually.  The more time I spend away from writing the less confident I feel about my ability and my motivation suffers a similar recession.  Writing, like anything else, is something that takes practice not only to yield skill, but also willpower and self-confidence.  In any case, God willing, I hope to write a lot this summer!

Here is some follow-up to some questions left on my duty post (Tuesday, April 10, 2007).  My main argument was that the duties we find ourselves in are ones we impose on ourselves due to the positions we choose to occupy (father, brother, citizen, etc.).  I hope these replies reinforce that point.

This post does make me agree that my analogies of human duties do not relate well to duty to God.

But I have to say that I am still not sure I agree completely.  I still argue there are inherent duty situations, and that consent is not any part of it.  If anything, your reasoning could help people have a cop-out in the case that they did not want their duty.

I do not think any of the further questions take away from my point, if my previous post is read carefully.  The answers you will find below re-illustrate my former expressions.

1.  What if a soldier is drafted?  Could he then not argue he had a right to desert?  Or disobey orders?

While the soldier remains a citizen of the country, he has a duty to be a soldier and therefore no right to desert.  He is able to abandon his citizenship and therefore be free of his duty as a soldier.  This may be a very difficult choice, but that it is still a choice nonetheless.  Because he chose to be a citizen, he implicitly chose to enter into a duty to the country, which led to his service in the armed forces.

2.  What about accidental fathers? Maybe they think they don't have duties?  They only had a baby indirectly by chance.  They consented to the possibility of having a child, but not directly to the having of the child.

You assume that accidental fathers actually do have a duty to the children they create.  I think someone could argue that they shouldn’t be forced, especially if they took precautionary measures.  However, let’s assume that they do have a duty.  When the male engaged in the activity, there was the possibility of a child being created.  He took that risk on, and unluckily for him, the odds went against him.  In no way does this release his from his duty.  Just because you lost $1000 on a game of Blackjack doesn’t mean you can claim that you don’t have to pay because the odds went against you.  You measured the risks and still took the action and by that choice you also assumed the duty.

3. On the idea of siblings:  I feel like I have a duty to protect my little sister from bad things happening to her.  This same duty obviously can't consign me to protect every girl, since that would be literally impossible.  I can make sure things are ok with my little sister, but obviously not all girls.  Do I only have this duty because I want to?  Because I consented?  I really don't think that's true.  And I don't really understand your social-biological sibling dichotomy.  Perhaps that would shed light on this one for me. 

I would argue that the reason you feel protective towards your sister is because you love her.  Because of that, you feel you have a duty to protect her.  However, love is a choice, although sometimes the conditions are set for it (in the case of family members).  I do not see that this circumstance denies the choice of love.  You do have this duty because you want to.  Look, if you didn’t want to, you wouldn’t, there are people who don’t.  You did consent, if on the most basic way possible.  You chose the duty to be a brother (in the socially defined way) as much as you chose any other one.

My main point in defining the difference between being a “brother” in a social context versus a biological context was to highlight that biological connections don’t by definition imply duty.  My example of becoming a father completely unbeknownst to me showed this.  Being a “father” or a “brother” is a socially-defined role just as any other role we have.

4.  What of a witness in a trial that was subpoenaed?  Are they allowed to lie? I would say even though they were coerced into testifying, they still have a duty to tell the truth.

They are not allowed to lie.  They chose to be a citizen, as such they chose to follow the rules of our society.  If they don’t like it, they can choose to leave.

5.  What of a person who for some reason can't move out of the country?  Don't they still have a duty to do what they can to help their country as much as possible?

This can get tricky.  However, I would argue that even though the choice is very difficult, it is still a choice.  You can be an invalid and renounce your American citizenship.  Of course, you will be cut off from certain benefits, and may be deported, but you can still choose to.

Now, say that you have a family and can’t afford to move out of the country.  Additionally, you really want to stay in America because you believe your children will get the best healthcare here.  But unfortunately you are drafted into the military, something you are morally opposed to.  So, in a sense, you are free to leave, but it seems that maybe you aren’t.  I still think this falls under choice, it becomes a matter of balancing moral concerns.  The concern for your children growing up healthily vs. the concern for serving in an unjust war.  Although your back is still against the wall, there is still a choice, and the associated duties that will come with it.  Notice that there is no duty automatically to serve your county if you think it violates your moral beliefs.  We only do so if by participating we protect other moral beliefs we hold higher.  Duty is conditional to what you choose to believe in.

6. What about moral duty?  Do you think moral duty is the same thing as having a duty to God, or are they separate?  If they are separate, then that's a problem for you, since a person can choose then not to obey that duty.

I think this is your most valid point.  However, we have to define where moral statements come from.  Is following the moral law the same as obeying God?  This is highly debatable.  For a believer in God the answer may be yes, while for the unbeliever obviously the answer is no.

For the Christian: this is related to the duty we have to God, which I will write about eventually.

For the non-believer:  in this view, morals are something that society has constructed, presumably as a result of our evolutionary conditioning.  We survive because we have morals.  So do we have a duty to them?  Yes, if we want to survive and thrive in society.  We can always choose to live by ourselves somewhere or even die.  These may be undesirable, but there is still choice involved.

I think ultimately the answer is yes, every moral decision we make somehow goes back to our belief of what God commands.  Why do I pay my speeding ticket?  Because I believe it’s the honest thing to do

7.  What about duty to the law?  You say a person can move away; what if they don't like any laws, anywhere? Do they still have a duty to the law in the country they live in? 

In any case you can think of, there is always the default of ending one’s own life.  There is always a choice involved, even if the two options are highly undesirable.