So I've written a few private entries since my last one mostly b/c it was personal stuff & I don't want anyone thinking I'm talking shit. Yea, I know, thought I left high school 4 years ago but then again ya know how things go.

I looked at the last entry I posted public & how I was looking back at previous entries. Yea, well today is one of those days where I wish I had the past back. It's 9:54pm coming up on what should be my last pancake breakfast at NEC. Coming up on what should my final finals of my college career & my last week as a college student. But where am I? 330 some miles away from NEC from New Hampshire in general. Far away from the people who made my life so interesting & fun for 3 years & those same people who still do & always will  mean the world to me. I'm sitting here in Allentown, PA studying my ass off for my first final which is at 8am tomorrow & knowing that even when I'm done for the year on Wed....I still have one more year of college left.  Yea a lot of people would much rather stay in school an extra year instead of going into the real world but I'd rather be graduating w/ my friends, get on w/ my life, & sure as hell not be a student at ESU but the choices you make you gotta stick 'em out. 

Next week, I think I'm gonna lose it. Saturday is NEC's graduation. I'll be up there late Thursday night & I plan on making it one hell of a memorable time. But this is the last time I'm gonna get to see people for awhile & the last time I'll get to see a lot of them in that setting. The last time my roomie will be on the east coast til god knows when OUCH that makes me really sad. But also gives me a valuable excuse to up & go to Colorado haha I just don't know how I'm gonna take it ya know. Seeing your friends graduating knowing that you spent 3 years out of it w/ them but you're sitting in the stands watching . Shit sometimes I really wish I wouldn't have left so that I could just have that god damn degree in my hand come Saturday. Butttttt that would've meant 2 more years of schooling for me in grad school before I could actually get into my career. So basically it's damned if you do damned if you don't  Shit feels like just the other day we were all coming in as freshman. Or we were making friendships that would last in the halls of Colby & West. Just yesterday when I was barely surviving my first SMM bootcamp of field hockey pre-season LOL or 1st time winning the CCC's & going to the NCAA tourney. Feels like not long ago the person I couldn't stand & felt was too snobby became my best friend there & now we sit & laugh how we didn't really care for each other at first....how strange we ended up being basically inseperable!!!!

But I think the thing that really bums me out is that next weekend is when my family should be rolling into Henniker. My parents, my bro n sis-n-law, Skyler, grandparents, Jenna, & of course Felicia. All coming to see my graduation. All the ones who promised they'd be there to see me. It's really bumming b/c my bro, Allyson & Skyler only came once my freshman year. Shit, back then Skyler was only 3 months old & now she's going on 4. But my mom mostly. She never really got to see a lot of my friends there. She never really got to meet my roomie. She only saw my freshman dorm & in fact my 1st dorm only. Those are the things that hurt. Not to mention the fact that the weekend after, I'll have to sit in another crowd, being just another face in the crowd, as my best friend graduates college. We were supposed to do it together. Yea, she still has to go back for another semester to student teach but hey at least she'll get to walk.

But when it comes down to it.....I'll be there. I'll be there for everyone who means everything to me & has shaped me & my life in ways that I could never have dreamed of. I'm super excited for them to enter the real world haha  I just hope they always know I'll always be there.....those who know me know my friends mean the world to me. & the other thing I'm hoping to get out of this trip is to mend some broken friendships & let those people know they still mean something to me & I'm thankful they were in my life for that time & hopefully the friendships can mend & things will be alright.....

Oh yea & I'm also quite excited for getting shit faced the whole weekend & not having a worry in the world. Yea, that sounds like a good time...who's in??!!!

I got more to say on all this but Lower Eval can't kick my ass that much so I better get kicking on the studying....hopefully be back for some more ranting & raving before I leave.

Ok so I really have been a slacker on this thing. For awhile I forgot I even had it. But I never really did this for other people to read it was just a place to vent & something I knew I would have for a long time to look back on & see what I did & what not. But tonight I was in one of my memories moments & I was looking back at what I did 3 years ago from today, 2 years ago, & last year. It's weird how the entries are SO different. It's almost like I'm a completely different person but things don't feel that different.

So 3 years ago I was dealing with the quad issues....begging the trainers to let me practice & play again. Basically all my entries were about field hockey, friends, & school. Plus, I don't think I wrote about it much but I was still dealing w/ the 3 1/2 year relationship that I thought I could never live without. Yup, proved myself wrong & so glad I didn't get suckered into that. 2 years ago I was still talking about the same things but my love for field hockey was really diminishing I can still feel the heartache I felt then. But also 2 years ago I was in a relationship that for most of the time I thought was awesome & would last awhile. Heh, basically I thought I was in love. Kinda funny how someone can be apart of your every day life be most of your life mean so much to you only to turn around & you mean nothing to them, the memories seem so distant it's almost like it didn't happen, & you basically don't know who that person is anymore or what they're doing etc... And last year, I was basically in the same state I'm in now only my location was different & I guess you could say my attitude was different. I was having the time of my life thinking I had a whole nother year to enjoy, I was about to enter a relationship that I felt would change my life forever. Well only one thing turned out right...the relationship. This weekend will mark one year & let me tell you nothing in that department will be changing anytime soon! The location however has changed & it hurts to read about the good times not being able to have them. Almost makes me feel like I took them for granted & if I could go back I would've had even more fun then (if that's possible lol).

Now I sit here & realize I'm not the same person anymore. I no longer play field hockey....yea it still hurts & I still have the passion but I don't have the leg strength or the time. Not to mention I wouldn't ever put a jersey on here...it's kinda like the Allen deal that I faced in high school. And speaking of sitting here it's no longer located in Henniker, NH a place we all love to hate & hate to love but do love. It's the people that make the place & those people made that place home for me & the best 3 years of my life thus far. Now, I'm sitting here in East Stroudsburg, PA basically by myself b/c I know people here but it's not like we're buddy buddy anymore or anything ya know. My life doesn't even revolve around the training room anymore which some people may find scary considering it was my second home lol. I go to my intership twice a week like I'm supposed to (aka the bare minimum) put my time in & don't make it too personal. Yea I love my internship but I don't have the time to put more hours in there.

Damn there's so much running through my mind right now I can't even put it into topics or anything. I guess this is why I should be writing more often. When it comes to the question of did I make the right decision. I think it's a yes & no answer honestly. Yes, academically I am being challenged more, advancing in my field of study, will be able to sit for the NATA-BOC exam right after graduation, I'm paying a hell of a lot less to go here, I'm closer to my family, my LOVE, & work & the fact that things around there have changed & I'm not sure I'd fully be happy there. No, in the fact that I'm hundreds of miles away from my friends, my social life basically has gone down the tube, I'm not the partier that I've been known to be (which sucks even more now that I'm actually legal lol), I'm really being challenged & having a hard time in one class, I'm stuck around people basically all from the PA area which is why I chose not to go here in the first place, & as much as it's nice to be closer to my girl it's harder b/c I have the chance of just up & leaving here to go see her which gets me into trouble lol. So there's my reasonings....can't decide if this was or is the best choice but I guess I'll focus on the fact of the academics in a positive light.

Yea, kinda lost my thoughts.....besides I do have a ton of shit to get done anyway. Still have to shower, pack my bag for the weekend, & get some sleep since I have an academic advising meeting at 9am lab 10-12 then drive home to work 5pm-1am & afterwards shower & go down to Felicia's. So yea...lets get on that....Happy One Year Baby!!!!!!!!!!!! Ain't nothing stopping us now! Maybe I'll start writing more often to have more memories on hand & to vent out some things b/c believe me there's a lot more I could say. But I will say this....I wish NEC field hockey the best of luck in playoffs *#1 in CCC's yet again!*(& womens' soccer for my life partner Erin's sake lol) & if you guys do make it to the NCAA's I hope it's down around this area yet again b/c I'm already planning on attending! Although w/ my luck watch...this will be the one year they play up in New England LOL Of course...'03: Montclair State, NJ '04: Drew University, NJ '05: Manhattanville, NY '06: hopefully somewhere around here haha

1 more month as of today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Damn, why do I have to be the younging who doesn't become legal til the END of the summer?! Haven't updated in a wicked long time but then again I don't get to do a lot of stuff I'd like to these days. All I can really say is I'm glad I'll be sticking around PA now year round that way I can do some of the things I've missed out on the past 3 years. Work schedule's been CRAZY but I'm finally paying down my debt which will be nice...it'd just be nicer if I had more cash in the wallet lol.

Here's the announcement to everyone so your ass better see this & get there....this Sunday 3:30 J. Birney Crum Stadium in Allentown...get your butts there for the 93rd annual Romper Day!!!! Hey if it makes it any better you get to see me dance lol & that's a rare occurance hahahaha But for real...come !!!!!!!!

Wow this summer really went quick considering Romper Day is already this Sunday & Musikfest starts Friday! oh hell yeaaaaaa boi!  Unfortunately this kid won't be partaking in the annual first night of Musikfest & the drunken festivities & experiences on the bus! haha GRRRRRRR damn for working 5pm-1am on a Friday! Buttttttttt maybe I'll get lucky one night I work & they'll need help out at the Brass Rail tent at Musikfest & they'll send me! haha Doubtful but I can wish...considering I'm one of like 3 that said they'd actually do it.

Yea...so the woman's here & she's more important but just a lil update. Maybe another update before the end of the week b/c if Keck doesn't get center I might be mad & if we do...I'll be bragging & telling you even more to get your ass to Romper Day on Sunday! lol

lata playa

My roomie turned 22 today (actually yesterday but you get the point) Then again it's still her b-day in Colorado haha Damn she's getting old one me lol. I miss her loads already & I'm gonna miss her like hell next year  

I still haven't done the whole end of the year thing I've done every year....I guess in a sense I don't want to re-capture all the good moments we've had b/c I know it's not gonna happen anymore & that just makes it hurt even more.

So much for a summer break huh?! Been slaving away at the Rail basically since coming home. & now that I'm in the drive-in (that's right those douchebags are letting me cook lol) I'm working more hours & suffering in the heat haha It's gotten up to 114 degrees already in there & we haven't even hit the really hot days yet...YIKES! Buttttt Romper Day starts Monday! woohoo & then it's back to Keck on Tuesday which I'm wicked excited for. However, not excited about all the work I'll be putting in. Next week I'm working 60+ hours....grrrrrr Brass Rail: Sunday-11am-9pm Mon, Wed, & Fri- 5-11 & then Romper Day Monday-Friday 9-3:30.

In some ways it's been GREAT to be home!!!!!!! Spending LOTS of time w/ the love of my life which is amazing. Been doing shit like going to Pocono Snake & Animal Farm, Dave & Busters, tons of shopping, hiking, dinners, movies & mini golf & tons of other stuff planned including going to the beach which I can't wait for! Sooooo glad to not be 350 miles away anymore! Plus, I've been catching up w/ quite a few old friends which is always good. The other night went to shoot some pool w/ some people from work & saw a bunch of people from h.s. over at Buzzy's. Finally got to see Jenna's new house lol. Plus, making plans to catch up w/ quite a few people who I haven't seen basically since high school or 1st year of college which I'm really excited for! & a bunch of my friends are getting married this summer which is scary but gonna be a blast! Jaime's wedding is in July & Cindy's is in August & there's afew others just can't remember.

Went up to ESU today...got some stuff accomplished but not everything. I was supposed to go on a campus tour at 12:30 but I got stuck at Brass Rail talking to the lady in the office & didn't get outta Allentown on time & then got stuck in construction & traffic on 22 (gotta love that heh) so I missed that but I got my e-card, got my e-mail, found out about housing which doesn't make me too happy at the moment but working on it....& I also found out I don't actually have to be up there as early as I thought b/c the summer course I'm taking is gonna be online since I'm the only one in the class. But NEC can suck my left tit at the moment b/c they're screwing me over BIG TIME! Still haven't sent my final transcript which is holding up my financial aid....FUCKERS. Seriously, if they wanna screw w/ me like that I should sue their ass & they can fucking pay for my education. & then b/c they didn't wanna talk to me they talked to my mom (oh yea real cool I'm over 18 douche bags & it's MY education) so my mom went off on 'em lol & they gave her lame excuses like the printer broke...uhmmm I sent the request almost a month ago so SUCK IT! Yea well....working on that shit.

I'm tired....only worked 5-10 tonight but it was busy as fuck. Plus there was a banquet for 150 people that we had to make shit for & 2 people did a no show so we were already short. & towards the end of the night we had both managers, 2 cooks, & all of us working in the drive-in b/c it was so damn busy. Yea well, wound up staying late but hey it's extra money so I guess I shouldn't complain too much. WOW...too much written I"M OUT

Oh how I heart Henniker, NH ::sarcasm:: 2 floods in one year what's up w/ that??!!!!! Yea, so this is the last night here  EVER...really don't feel like going into much detail at the moment b/c honestly it hasn't fully hit me not to mention there's a bunch of people here so trying to hang out w/ them as much as possible. I'm just not gonna be ready for the tears...not gonna lie  oh yea & all I gotta say is....Kate York is a whore!!!!! Who gives someone a C+ when they have a 79.4 average??!!!! & ok if they were a strict professor but HELLO she goes clubbing w/ her students & she allowed one student to basically ask her the answers to test ?'s while allowing them to sit right next to her. Hmmm...find that a lil funny. Yea well, she got bad reviews from me for both semesters & yep that's right she got FIRED even tho' she claims she just wants to go back to UNH. I don't see how she's able to work at UNH when she can't even handle Human A&P here at NEC!!!!!!! Anywho...here's some pics from today's adventures w/ Meggy & Gonzo...I'm gonna miss them soooooooooooooooo much

Megan by the Contoocook over by the steel bridge

Uhmm yea the road's somewhere under that water!

This WAS Warner Road....the pond & brook over flowed & destroyed it

Well...this is goodbye Henniker, NH what a nice goodbye eh?!!! Ehh, same way I came in this year...oh lovely rain! It's been a great 3 years here & I won't forget most of the people who have made those times but it's time to move on & pursue my dreams but I'll be back to visit!!!!!!!