I've been exhausted beyond I can handle... Sometimes this constant tiredness

make me so depressed that I begin to think about what would happen if I had
to be the first to meet god before my parents and friends. I seem to cry every

couple hours because of the tiredness I feel and when I think of not seeing my

brother and sister grow up, I feel that I wasn't the big brother that my sister

always wanted cuz I feel I treated her so poorly when I was a little bit

younger. My parents often comfort me everyday but it kills me to see them

crying next to me on the floor while they tell me they wish they could have

done better for me when I feel they are the best parents in the world.  My

brother is oblivious to everything that's going on right now and I can't help but

break into tears whenever he holds my hand or asks me to play with him cuz 

I can't do anything for him right now. It's been so hard this month and I don't

know how I would have survived if it weren't for God in my life. I seem to

pray every hour cuz I can't bear the tiredness and the emotional pain tha'ts

been killing me lately. Despite all this I intend to keep fighting one day at a

time and I know God will use me somehow eventhough I feel everything is

too much for me right now.



I know that this is pretty personal but I have to get it out of my system somehow and I have to let my friends and everyone that is praying for me know how I'm feeling day to day...

I want to see everyone again and I want to know how their lives are going but I'm to tired to see them...I hope this isn't too much to ask but maybe you guys can e-mail me just to update me on stuff... korih87@hotmail.com. Thanks

I have no idea where to begin...

It happened again... I woke up during the night 2 weeks ago and realized I was paralyzed from the stomach down. I was rushed to the ER and they immediately took an MRI and they put me to sleep cuz the pain was unbearable. I guess the surgery that they did earlier only relieved the spine pressure on the top of the nerves but not under (kinda confusing). Then they gave me radiation to the spine. For the next 3-4 days I lied in bed unable to move (my parents had to move my legs for me...absoluetly no function from the stomach down...). To tell you the truth I wanted to just die then...I didnt think all this suffering was worth the trouble ( I even thought of what Maury talked about in his book, attending your own funeral). All I could do was pray and hope God would heal me.  The very next day I was able to move my right toe hahahaha....YAY it MOVED!!! THANK YOU GOD FOR LETTING ME MOVE MY TOE (who'd have thought moving a toe would give anyone hope to live again lol). Then from there everything went uphill...by day 9 my legs were coming back and by day 12 i could walk with a walker... The radiation's side effects are finally catching up to me...numbness in my lower lip and chin, and my face swelling....its arite though.

I wanted to see everyone but I the truth is is that I didnt want anyone seeing me while I was having the most trouble...its kinda hard to explain...

I'm finally at home now...finally... praise god

I guess I got the biggest scare of my life a few days ago...and a great lesson..

Waking up on monday morning I realized that I couldn't walk, there was no strength in my leg and the numbness in my legs terrified me . On top of that my back has been getting worse everyday and the swelling caused pain that I've never experienced before. 

Just begging God to not let this be something serious I was rushed to the ER... I dont know what I'd have done if I was paralyzed...

I got a MRI taken while I was under anestesia and without my knowledge I got surgery on my back. The first 4 hours after I woke up it was hell, the excruiciating pain was hurting so much and there was nothing the docs or I could do about it untime some time past...all I remember is saying "do wa ju sae yo..."

Not being able to move while in bed acually made me thank God for everything he's done for me so far in my life...who thought anyone would be overjoyed with just walking a few steps...

They took a piece of tumor from my spine so I'm slowly but surely recuperating and can walk with a walker...I guess I'll just have to take things one step at a time from now on...

Thank you God...

        Everything has been so hard these past weeks and days... Weak stomach, other things popping up, the constant tiredness, and tons of stuff I dont feel like mentioning...

        I dont get why the heck God's making things so unbearable for me...
Sometimes I wish everything would just end...

        nothing to do but pray...

Christmas was pretty meaningful this year... The doctors said I wouldn't see it

but I guess God had other plans ... for christmas my biggest present was

the gift of life~

Found a new band....Switchfoot, dang they're good~