A restless night gives way to a majestic morning.  A dream begins the day and ends the night in a sly fashion.  The grin on my face suggests a forbidden joy that can only pertain to the nonexistant. 

OK-enough poetry, I had a great dream last night and then i went to tank n' scotts for breakfast when i was picking up the crusader.  The owner made the comment when i was paying for my meal that I must  play basketball because i'm so tall.  I replied that no, I don't, because I have no hand eye coordination and can't catch a b-ball to save my life.  He then replied that that might be true, but he bet I had no problem catching guys.  Umm...I just about died from joy.  My waitress was horrified but I just kept laughing.  It was probably the best thing I could have ever heard to start my day.  I laughed out loud for about half of the drive back. 

I may have figured it all out.  (or at least fit a few pieces together) 

I've been bewildered lately--why do I like him?  What is it about that raving lunatic that drives me mad with desire and contentment?  It's because I can see my future in him.  Maybe not him personally, but he is what I'm looking for.  He is the freedom and independence I want, but don't see in myself.  He talks of spending a summer in NY just because.  And why not?!  He lives without his roots tripping him up.  Going to school at a conservative christian college would have been a disasterous choice if he hadn't shown up.  I would have expected what they expect of me.  Nothing more than finding a husband, getting married and settling.  Settling should be a curse.  But loneliness is just as miserable sometimes.  So the obvious solution?  Find someone who doesn't want to settle into the monotony of suberbia but wants to live, really live with you by their side.  Not that he wants me by his side.  He's already got his wild girl.  And I might still be a bit to tame for him.  But I'm learning. And when I finally find someone to be wild with it will be marvelous.