I don’t even know how to begin this entry b/c it has been so long since my last one.  It’s ridiculous how I try to keep up with this thing and yet I always seem to fail at it.  It’s funny how I keep so much bottled up inside until I practically explode, and then I decide to write another entry.  Anyways, here we go again, and at this point I don’t even care how long the entry is b/c at least I am doing it finally.

So since I last wrote I finished my first year at St Joes and it was quite interesting.  In the beginning I definitely ran home a lot to my best friend and some of his friend’s and my other friends b/c I was very lonely and unsure of myself.  But then I finally met a group of friends at school, and towards the end of the semester I wasn’t running home as much.  At this point I still have no idea if it is the right place for me or not, but I have decided that I am going to stick it out either way.  At this point I have decided that college is important (that’s a no brainer haha) and that I am just going to suck it up and deal with it.  I have met a group of friends, and I plan to branch out more and meet other new people through new groups as well (or so I hope).  I guess though in a lot of ways it is tough b/c I am fairly discouraged at this point.  I feel as though I am always caring about people in a fairly genuine way, and yet so much of the time I get slapped in the face.  It sux b/c all I really want is to be comfortable in my own skin.  I want to feel as though I am a strong, independent person, and I don’t have to rely on or be dependent on other people to form my identity or feel good about myself.  I want to be loved and respected by the right people, and yet I find myself constantly surrounding myself with all of the wrong people and things.  Now, I just want to go back to school and find myself and be okay with who I am and with being alone.  I want to be content with who I am, and not rely on others as a safety net.  I want to try new things and meet new people and not feel so damn discouraged if one thing doesn’t work out.  I guess I just want things to be okay.

In other news, I am finally beginning to let go of one of the most toxic, dysfunctional, difficult, unhealthy relationships of my life.  Although in a lot of ways I learned so much about myself, even after the final breakup, and grew as a person, I definitely lost a lot of who I was over the last 2 ½ years or so.  What I am realizing now is that I truly lost so much of who I used to be, and I have become quite unsure of myself in a lot of ways, and very weak and vulnerable at times.  At the end of the day though, I realize that as amazing as I felt at times when I was around him, it is not the right relationship for me, and I deserve so much better.  Sure I definitely miss a lot of the relationship (the hugs, staring into his eyes, the sweet and sensual kisses as well as the intense ones, the cute texts we’d send one another, especially when he left me cute one’s in the morning, going to Rice’s and New Hope, wearing his clothes, telling one another “I love you” and feeling it for the first time w/ him and thinking it was so genuine coming from him, cuddling, the hard-core make-out sessions, watching movies together and the OC, swinging at the park, holding hands, talking on the phone especially at night, driving his car, taking pictures together, the beach, bowling, concerts, visiting one another at work, him visiting me at Gettysburg, the carnival, going out to dinner, talking and feeling like he was my other half, shopping and buying clothes for him, Rita’s trips, him visiting me during a crazy rainstorm because we wanted to be together, sleepovers together, going to his softball game and being so excited when he got a hit, kissing at red lights, singing rent together, riding the shopping cart at target, and so on), but I also miss the independence of being on my own and feeling somewhat comfortable with just being me.  As much as I felt like I could be myself around him, I also felt nervous at times and very unsure of myself towards the end when things were coming to a close.  And I definitely don’t miss a lot of things as well (him yelling at me and the raged look in his eyes when he was angry, his bipolar personality at times, and never knowing what kind of a mood he would be in, him constantly bringing me down to bring himself up and purposely making me feel like shit, his constant judgment of who and what I was, his jealousy of my family and what we have and making me feel badly for that, him grabbing me and bruising me at times and being so mad with me for dumb reasons, his inability to talk things out with me and constant avoidance of stuff, his interference in my life and friendships or relationships with other people, his unwillingness to compromise in his very selfish state at times, his hanging up the phone on me at night and not picking up and leaving things unresolved, him turning around and treating me poorly like others have in the past when I told him in the first place not to, him using me physically and monetarily for his own benefit, him not responding to texts or not picking up phone calls because he didn’t feel like it, him lying to me and going behind my back and doing things, him talking badly about me behind my back to others and making me seem like a freak or a bad person, him calling me fat or ugly, him shoving other girls or things in my face to make me feel bad or jealous, him being ashamed of me and not telling people if he was talking to or seeing me, etc).  In general, we had a lot of good times and memories, but what I am realizing is that some good things must come to an end.  What I see now is that I never want another relationship to turn out so badly like ours did at the end.  I never want to become so jealous of others in a guys life or so dependent on a guy again.  I never want a relationship to end up not working, and have us be so cruel on purpose to one another.  I never want a guy to feel as though I treated him poorly (which by the way I don’t think I did treat him that badly and definitely never on purpose), and have the guy want to repay me 10x over even worse.  The truth is that I was a freshman in college when this relationship began.  I was young and immature and I was entering an unfamiliar experience and I was overwhelmed and stupid at times and I didn’t know how to handle it all.  I cared so much about him, but I didn’t always know how to handle that or show that.  I never meant to hurt him and I feel horribly that he felt as though I did it all on purpose like I was some kind of a bad person.  What I hate even more is the fact that he took so much out on me in return to hurt me 10x more then he felt I had hurt him.  I never would have thought that he could be so cruel, and it hurts me so much to have experienced so much of what he has done to me.  I hate that I didn’t realize how much I cared for him until it was too late, and then he resented me for that and wouldn’t accept that and hurt me on purpose anyways.  What he doesn’t understand to this day is how so many other girls who could have been in my position would have acted in the same way, or probably even worse.  He also doesn’t get that hardly any other girl would put up with his crap for so long, and that he can’t treat people the way that he treated me.  He doesn’t realize that he is never going to find another person like me, or another relationship like the one we had for the first year and a half or so.  Once I realized how much I screwed up, I shouldn’t have had to beg for him practically like I did.  I apologized so much and tried to make up to him for everything wrong that he felt I had done, and yet in a sick and evil way it didn’t matter to him.  All that seemed to matter to him was getting me back and making me feel so much worse than he had ever felt.  So many people in both his and my life said how much better I deserved and how stupid he was acting towards me.  But even that couldn’t show him how wrong he was being.  It sux though because no matter what, no matter how badly he has treated me or how much we have been through, he is still my first real love and I can’t get over that or change that.  He will always have a place in my heart, and I will always care about him, even if it’s just a little bit.  I still think about him everyday, even if we do not talk or see one another, and I worry about him all of the time.  I worry because he is so bipolar at times and so crazy at times and so out of control.  I worry because his parents are not there really and they have no idea what he is doing.  I worry because nobody really knows who or what he is and knows exactly what he does all of the time.  I worry because he feels as though he cannot trust anyone and because of that doesn’t fully open up to anyone.  I worry because he makes poor decisions at times, and can be very spontaneous but in a negative way.  I worry because I fear that he will make a tragic decision one of these days and I wish I could be the person to stop that from happening.  I worry because I want him to feel happy and be healthy, and yet I have no idea if that will ever happen.  I worry because I feel as though he needs help, and yet he is in such denial about that and will not ever be able to get better until he wants it for himself.  I worry because he has no true friends who really know him and really care for the real him because he doesn’t allow anyone too, he doesn’t even fully care for himself.  I worry because he is so angry inside and blames so much of that on me even though it is not entirely fault.  I just worry because for 2 ½ years I didn’t have to, but I spent so much time worrying about him and caring for him and in the end I got screwed over.  I spent so much time giving and giving of myself, and truly loving him, and yet he wouldn’t let me in the end, and didn’t want that, probably because he won’t be able to until he loves himself.  All I know is that it is not my problem, but at the end of the day I still wish that I could at least be his friend and have him in my life so I can help him in some way.  I wish that even if it’s not now or for awhile, that someday he will find his way back to me and he’ll be in my life in a good way.  I hope he will eventually be my friend and care for me, and not resent me or treat me poorly on purpose, and will allow me to care for him too.  I guess at this point I want to move on with my life, but I guess I just want to live freely and feel settled that he is okay.  I want to feel that his friends and his new girlfriend and his family really know him and care for him and will be there for him like at one time I tried to be.  I just hope that he settles down and finds his way some day, and will eventually look back on our relationship fondly, because even if in many ways I shouldn’t, I still do.  So to that guy; thank you for being a part of me life and for helping me through so much.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring for me at one time in such a genuine and loving way, and trying to give me the world.  Thank you for being my other half and making me feel like someone in the world understood me and like I had a reason for getting up in the morning.  I hope one day we can be friends again and care for one another like we did at one time.  I hope you remember me fondly and think of me and maybe smile like I do.  I hope you let go of the anger and hatred and stupid drama, and realize that I loved you with all of my heart in the best way I could.  I hope you are one day grateful for everything I did for you and gave you, and see that I never meant to hurt you or control you or change you, but loved you genuinely for who and what you were.  I am sorry that you changed and we grew apart, and I am sorry if you blame me in anyway for that.  I am sorry that life moves on and changes happen, and that our relationship couldn’t withhold that.  I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough for you, at least in your eyes, and I hope one day you find someone who is and you appreciate them and all that they are and do, but think about me and remember how I tried to be that for you.  I hope one day you are happy and healthy and get everything that you could ever want or deserve.  I hope one day you realize that I never begged for you back, but I begged for your friendship b/c for one time in my life I felt as though somebody actually understood me and losing that scared me more than anything else.  I hope one day you see me for who I really am and you let go of the anger and the judgments and the bad thoughts and all the bullshit that you want to think or believe that isn’t true.  I hope one day you realize that I never walked away, even after every single breakup.  I hope one day you see that I always loved you and I always believed in us and it was never about just you, much of it was about me.  I’m sorry that I let your parents and my parents and our friends come in between what we had.  I hope one day you see why I did what I did and you forgive me for it.  I hope one day you are you again b/c I miss that guy, that guy that a part of me will always love, even if they never love me back.

Okay, so that’s about it for now.  Now I am just trying to move on with my life and be happy and independent and find what I really want out of life.  I want to continue to figure out who my real friends are some more and stay close with my true friends and my family of course.  I want to meet new people who I feel really understand me and care about me for me, and respect me and won’t take advantage of me.  I want to become closer with my sister and come to better terms with her and a better place with her.  Basically at this point I want to graduate school and find a successful career.  I am not so much focused on guys at the moment but hopefully at some point I will find a guy who cares for me and that I can care for as well.  Eventually I want a happy, healthy, mature relationship where I can grow with the person and be there for them and we can be there for one another.  I want someone who will understand me and love me for me, so hopefully that will happen.  But for now, life goes on.  Below are just some lyrics and quotes that have helped me over the past months, during the real tough times and also during the times when I was feeling better and more okay on my own, because music is very important to me and I believe that lyrics and quotes can really sum up how one is feeling:

P.S. ~ I am so sick of meeting and dating all of the wrong guys, and I’m just curious when it is going to be my turn to meet the guy who is right for me and who I am right for and will treat me well, the way any girl deserves to be treated.  I know it may seem like a lot, but I don’t think I have that high of an expectation of what I want in a guy, not compared with most other girls.  And I’d say I’m fairly open to the people that I date, in fact I wouldn’t even say I have a certain type.  I try as best I can not to judge people, because personally, I don’t want people judging me even though that’s so much of what society is today.  All I know is that I believe that God is the only one who can judge everyone, and that I trust in Him that He will send me the right person when the time is right.  I know that no matter what, I try to give any guy a chance, no matter what back stories I have heard, no matter what type of person they seem to be, because that’s how I try to be in general with anyone, friends included.  So honestly, if you’re out there and you have stuck around long enough to read this and read the lyrics and quotes and bumper stickers below and you think you could be the right guy for me, well then seek me out, because life is short.  All I know is that I have only been in love once, and I want to be in love again, I want that experience no matter how hard or painful it may be.  So people, open yourselves up, stop hiding from life, trust in God that He has a plan for you, and just live your life because it’s too short to be so damn guarded (and yes I am sorry if at times I am quite hypocritical with that last statement, but it’s hard to be glass half full everyday, but I’m trying, believe me I am trying).  And if you even want to consider dating me, read the following list b/c I understand that maybe not every expectation of mine can be fulfilled, but I think it’s a pretty general list for most every girl, so guys, stop being so dumb all the time haha…

Respect me; respect my family and friends and try as best to get along with them; be honest with me b/c wat is there to lie about?; trust me unless for some odd reason I give you reason not to; love me for me and don’t try to change me b/c I am who I am and I want to change in positive ways but at the end of the day I am still me; defend me and have the balls to stick up for me and yourself, basically just be a man; be a law-abiding citizen b/c it’s just better that way; don’t smoke cigs, it’s just gross; be athletic or at least into sports b/c c’mon you’re a guy; try as best you can to care about my hobbies and such b/c it’s part of who I am; be a good family guy and father figure; be into music please, it’s who I am; don’t curse at me or hit me or anything of that nature, it’s just wrong; grow more and more everyday with me; present yourself well b/c why wouldn’t you want to?; believe in Jesus and raise our children that way b/c He is amazing and He gave us life and wat reason is there not to love Him?; have your selfish moments but be 50-50 w/ me most days, b/c hey, we’re in this together; don’t cheat on me b/c if one day it comes to that, then tell me before you do b/c I’d much rather know before it happens; forgive me if I make mistakes b/c it happens and life moves on and shit happens and don’t hold grudges or take shit out on me purposely, 2 wrongs do not make a right, and I will be forgiving for you as well, maybe not at first, but eventually I will be, I promise; and most of all just be you.  I don’t think I ask for very much or expect more than any other girl or guy would from a significant other, so just be yourself and love me for me like I will try to love you for you.  And I’m sure I left stuff out, but you get the gist of it.

Lyrics…

“I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken”~ Rascal Flatts “What hurts the most”

“Does it hurt when you think about me and how broken my heart is…

It's okay to be angry and never let go 

It only gets harder

The more that you know 

When you get lonely 

If no one's around you know that I'll catch you when you're falling down

We came together but you left alone 

And I know how it feels to walk out on your own 

Maybe someday I will see you again 

And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend”~ Yellowcard “Empty Apartments”

“And if I hurt you then I'm sorry
Please don't think that this was easy

And then you bring me home
'Cause we both know what its like to be alone…

And if this is what it takes
Just to lie in my mistakes
And live with what I did to you
And all the things I put you through
I always catch the clock it's 11:11
And now you want to talk
It's not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine

They'll never hurt you like I do
No, They'll never hurt you like I do
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you

God, I miss you

Cause this is what I miss, what I miss
We don't have much room
I said, does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
To live

My Konstantine”~ Something Corporate “Konstantine”

“I would never wish bad things but I don't wish you well…

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew
Exactly what you would do
And don't say
You simply lost your way
She may believe you
But I never will
Never again

If she really knows the truth she deserves you

But when your day comes and he's through with you
And he'll be through with you
You'll die together but alone

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never...
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never!”~ Kelly Clarkson “Never Again”

“Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father(mother) of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.”~ James Blunt “Goodbye my Lover”

“You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Keep holding on
Keep holding on

There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through”~ Avril Lavigne “Keep Holding On”

“Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don’t go so fast
I’m missing the moments as they pass
Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer
So wait for me this time
I’m down I’m down on my knees I’m begging for all your sympathy
But you (I’m just an illusion) you don’t seem to care (I wish that I could)
You humble people everywhere (I don’t mean to hurt you)
Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer
I’ll take what you give me. please know that I’m learning
So wait for me this time
I should’ve know better
I shouldn’t have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away
Now this is my time
I’m going to make this moment mine.
(I shouldn’t have wasted those days)
I’ll take what you give me. please know that I’m learning
I’ve looked in the mirror
My world’s getting clearer
So wait for me this time”~ Chantal Kreviazuk “Time”

“We belong, we belong to the light
Many times Ive tried to tell you
Many times Ive cried alone
Always Im surprised how well you
Cut my feelings to the bone

Dont want to leave you really
Ive invested too much time
To give you up that easy
To the doubts that complicate your mind

Chorus:

We belong to the light
We belong to the thunder
We belong to the sound of the words
Weve both fallen under
Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better
We belong, we belong
We belong together

Maybe its a sign of weakness
When I dont know what to say
Maybe I just wouldnt know
What to do with my strength anyway
Have we become a habit
Do we distort the facts
Now theres no looking forward
Now theres no turning back
When you say

(chorus)

Close your eyes and try to sleep now
Close your eyes and try to dream
Clear your mind and do your best
To try and wash the palette clean
We cant begin to know it
How much we really care
I hear your voice inside me
I see your face everywhere
Still you say

(chorus)”~ Pat Benetar “We Belong”

“Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life”~ The Fray “How to save a life”

“So it's safe to say that we've been here before;
Heart torn out, down for the count and still come back for more.
This lesson is learned too well.
Though, only unlearned by the time your wounds have healed.
Have you had enough?
I guess not because your lips are stuck to his.
It's Time to say enough is enough, you would be so better off.
You love him but tough because it's not coming back from him.
You can't win.
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone.
So leave undeserving him.
It only hurts at first.
But then you will find someone to give you everything you want.
Try not to go running back to him.
So it goes unsaid that we've been here before.
Lonely nights and endless fights and sleeping on the floor.
And he's sorry, so the story goes.
It's read and replayed and ends the same way
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone.
So leave undeserving him.
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone.
So leave undeserving him.”~ The Starting Line “Saddest Girl Story”

Quotes…

"Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up, these are the best days of our lives, the only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right"

"See you and me have a better time than most can dream of, better than the best"

~All I have to say is people change, and it's hard, it hurts deep down, and you can't do anything, but pray and hope that they realize the error of their ways~

"Throughout all of this confusion I hope I somehow get to you"

"Believe with your heart that life is happening exactly as it was meant to"

"Even the best fall down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme, out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow find, you and I collide"

"The only thing against us now is time"

"I guess the perfect guy, he could be anywhere in the world but he chooses to be with her b/c life is better with her by his side"

"There's a point in your life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything.  But it's not giving up... it's realizing that you don't need certain people, the bullshit, and the drama they bring"

"Noone can ever make you feel inferior without your consent"

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together"

"Long have I loved you, Never will I forget you"

"Life, Hope, Truth, Trust, Faith, Pride, Love, Lust, Pain, Hate, Lies, Guilt, Laugh, Cry, Live, Die, Some friends become enemies, Some friends become your family, Make the best with what you're given, This ain't Dyin', This is Livin'"

"Something's wrong with your mind it won't think of me any more was it all a waste of time?"

"They say that love goes anywhere in your darkest times it's just enough to know it's there"

"The craziest part about it is I would gladly wait for you if you asked me to"

"I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself."

"I dont wanna be something to everyone, I just wanna be everything to someone"

"The closer I come to you the closer I come to finding out you're a miracle to me"

"You see time, time is our friend, 'cause for us there is no end, all you gotta do is have a little faith in me, I will hold you up, I will hold you up and your love gives me strength enough to have a little faith in me"

"Will you be my shoulder when I'm grey and older? Promise me tomorrow starts with you"

"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the amount of moments that take your breath away"

"I sleep so I don't have to feel"

"Take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love wat you got, remember wat you had, always forgive, never forget, learn from mistakes, never regret, people change, things go wrong, just remember: life goes on"

Jeremiah 17:9~"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?".

"Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands, 'cause I can't do this on my own, I'm letting go, so give me one more chance, save me from this road I'm on, Jesus take the wheel"

"I said I love you, that's forever, this I promise from the heart"

"Sometimes I feel like I should walk away just to see who follows."

"I'm just tryin' to matter"

"And I know you know you touched my life when you touched my heavy heart and made it light"

“I need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the waves”

"We hide because we want to be found, we walk away to see who will follow, we cry to see who will wipe away our tears, and we let our hearts get broken to see who cares enough to fix them"

"Say anything but say what you mean"

"And she will be loved"

"It's what you do to the people you love that counts"

"Just live right now and be yourself, doesn't matter if its good enough for someone else"

"Lovin you isn't the right thing to do, how can I ever change things that I feel? If I could, baby I'd give you my world, but how can I when you won't take it from me?"

Noah: Would you just stay with me?
Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin' Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing. Allie: So what?
Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I though that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.

"...they didn't agree on much, in fact, they rarely agreed at all, they fought all the time and challenged eachother everyday, but inspite of their differences, they had one thing in common, they were crazy about eachother"

"Sometimes the greatest rewards come from the things you were most scared for"

"Everyday you wait is another day you're never going to get back again"

"You can't hide from life, eventually you have to live it"

"Every minute that you are not yourself is 60 seconds lost of individuality"

"You've gotta take chances for the things you care about"

"Its like all of the bad stuff that u went through that u hated along the way, the people who disappointed u, the things that didn't go the way u wanted, suddenly u feel grateful to them, b/c they are the things that got u here, I guess thats just what its like when u really like someone, I might even love u"

"So take a look at me now, there's just an empty space, there's nothing left here to remind me, just a memory of your face, now take a look at me now, there's just an empty space, but to wait for you is all I can do and that's what I've gotta face, take a good look at me now, 'cause I'll still be standing here, and you coming back to me, is against all odds, is the chance I've gotta take"

"What you've given me, for it there is no measure, of one thing I know, I'll give my best for you"

"I would rather be the type of person who takes the ride and gets hurt, than the person who takes the safe route and never feels pain"

"I'm back, back in town, and everything has changed, I feel, feel let down, the faces stay the same, I see, see shadows, of who we used to be, when I drive, drive so slow, through this memory. When we were only kids, and we were best of friends, and we hoped for the best, and let go of the rest"

"If it were up to me we'd have all the time in the world"

"I wanna save you, I need you to save me too, I wanna save you, Let me save you"

“Erase the lives and the faces and the people they know and it is easier just to let go, and I'm replaced by someone a little bit braver on the way from the ground to the sky, on every step I leave one thing they've taught me, on every step I unlearn some kind of lie, and I guess up here is where they keep all that peace, from all those wars they swore would keep us alive, ten flights up and she still isn't tired, the higher she goes, the lighter she feels, and maybe she's closer to God now, or something more real"

"Life is a day that doesn't last for long"

"This is your life, Are you who you wanna be?"

"No one understands the meaning of your eyes and how I feel burning deep inside, what if I never lost you? I wouldn't have to find you all over and over"

"The truth is you could slit my throat and with one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt, and all I need to know is that I'm something that you'll be missing"

"I didn't want it to mean that much to me"

"And don't say I didn't warn you about history repeating itself, and don't say I didn't try to, live my life for something, greater than myself, she says the days are long, but the nights feel longer and like my body I'm quickly fading, it's never love, and it's never been good, but you know I never thought I'd end up waiting, on this same street corner, but I've got everything I need she says, I've got almost everything I need, to survive, and she think she's always wanted to be, like the statue of Liberty, b/c she's free; but I got pockets of love, fistfulls of rage, angst is boring, hope is change"

"Something tells me that this is going to make sense, something tells me it’s going to take patience, something tells me that this will all work out in the end"

"I go a long way to bury the past, for I don't want to pay, oh how I wish this to turn back the clock and do over again, I was just wondering if you'd come along to hold up my head when my head won't hold on, I'll do the same if the same's what you want, But if not I'll go, I will go alone, I need so to stay in your arms, see you smile, hold you close, and it weighs on me as heavy as stone and a bone chilling cold"

"Hate me now so I can move on, make it easier to see that you're gone, all the things they're gone too, turn and changed into memories"

"I know that this will break me, I know that this might make me cry, you gotta say what’s on your mind, on your mind, I know that this will hurt me, and break my heart and soul inside, but I don’t wanna live this lie, I want the truth from you, give me the truth even if it hurts me"

"And some day if your dreams are leavin' you, I'll still believe in you"

“Worse than the fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before"

"I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting to wake up one day and find, that I've let all these years go by wasted"

"Remembering, everything, about my world and when you came. wondering, the change you’d bring, means nothing else would be the same. did you know, what you were doing, did you know. did you know how you would move me well, I don’t really think so."

"It's only gonna get better, I think we're gonna be safe if we keep holding on and on to hope for this long. If this is what you want, it's what I'm gonna get to you, 'cause I wanna show you things that you never knew, that you never knew, if this is what you want I'll get closer to you"

"I'm through accepting limits, 'cause someone says they're so, somethings I cannot change, But til I try I'll never know, Too long I've been afraid of, losing love I guess I've lost, well if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost, I'd sooner buy defying gravity, kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity, and you can't pull me down"

"But I don't want it, No, I can't wait it anymore"

"Don't ever let someone tell you that you can't do something, you gotta dream? Protect it"

“No day but today”

"You are my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for You"

"You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek, You are my all in all."

"Your love goes on forever"

"And I don't think you know wat you've been missing, 'cause I don't think you know wat you've been missing, I dare you to forget the marks you left, Just forget me, it's that simple"

“I am me, and I won’t change for anyone”

Bumper Stickers…

“The only people you need in your life are those who need you in theirs”

“Life is too short to worry about stupid shit, so have fun, get drunk, and fall in love, say what you want to say and do what you want to do, regret nothing, and don’t let people who don’t matter bring you down”

“Faith, Hope, Love”

“Carpe Diem”

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”

“Follow your heart”

“It’s hard to watch people change right in front of you.  But the worst part is remembering who they used to be”

“Everything happens for a reason”

"There's a point in your life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything.  But it's not giving up... it's realizing that you don't need certain people, the bullshit, and the drama they bring"

“Live, Laugh, Love”

“I’ve learned that goodbyes will always hurt, pictures will never replace having been there, memories good and bad will bring tears, and words can never replace feelings”

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”

“Love isn’t finding someone you can live with, it’s finding someone you can’t live without”

“Don’t take life too seriously; nobody makes it out alive anyways”

“The only thing a girl should chase is her vodka”

“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”

“Happy moments, praise God,

Difficult moments, seek God,

Quiet moments, worship God,

Painful moments, trust God,

Every moment, thank God”

“Only God can judge me”

“No regrets”

“In Christ alone, my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song”

“The truth is we hide because we want to be found, we walk away to see who will follow us, and we let our hearts get broken to see who cares enough to fix them”

“I want to be the girl you point at and say ‘that’s her’”

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams”

“It’s not about the one’s who act true to your face, it’s about the one’s who remain true behind your back”

“If it didn’t matter you wouldn’t be thinking about it”

“There’s no such thing as the perfect soulmate.  If you meet someone and you think they’re perfect you better run as fast as you can in the opposite direction ‘cause your soulmate is the person who pushes your buttons, pisses you off on a regular basis, and makes you face your shit”

“I want someone who just wants to be near me: to whisper in my ear, to hold my hand, to put my hair behind my ear when it falls forward, to wrap me in his arms and tells me he loves me”

“6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls, and sometimes all you need is one”

“The one guy that deserves you is the one who thinks that he doesn’t”

“The only things you regret in life are the risks you don’t take”

“What’s meant to be will always find its way”

“Be with someone who knows what they have when they have you”

“Love isn’t about the words we say, the actions we take, the things we do, the hearts we break, it’s about people who can look at each other and just know”

“I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye”

“Sometimes you have to test someone not because you don’t trust them, but to see how much they’ll sacrifice for you.  And sometimes you have to let them go not because you stopped caring for them but to see if they care enough to come back”

“Love the life you live; live the life you love”

“Learn from yesterdays, live for today, hope for tomorrow”

“As we grow up we don’t love friends, we just realize who our real ones are”

“Everything will be okay in the end; if it’s not okay then it’s not the end”

“Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted”

“The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes yet still loves everything about you”

“It’s sad when people you know become people you knew, when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life, how you used to be able to talk for hours and how now you can barely even look at them; it’s sad how times can change”

“Sometimes when I say ‘oh I’m fine,’ really I want someone to look me in the eye and say ‘tell the truth’”

“It’s funny how one minute you can be so close to someone and the next not know them at all”

“If you’re always looking for reasons not to be with somebody, well you’ll always find them, and I guess at some point you should let go and give your heart what it deserves”

“It’s the happy moments along the way that in the end make it all okay”

“Some people come into our lives quickly and go, other’s stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same”

“I know it hurts but it’s life and it’s real.  And sometimes it fucking hurts but it’s life and it’s pretty much all we got”

“The first time you fall in love it changes your life forever, and no matter how hard you try the feeling never goes away”

“Don’t fall for someone unless they’re willing to catch you”

“Live for today because yesterdays are over and tomorrows may never come”

“People will always talk about you, you might as well give them something to talk about”

“It all comes down to that one person whom you think about before you fall asleep at night”

“To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world”

“And she listens to that same song just because it reminds her of you”

“When you don’t have something you want it, when you have something you don’t notice it, when you lose something you’ll do anything to get it back”

“Forget regret or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way, no day but today”

“Sometimes letting go is so hard, but it’s easier then holding onto something that isn’t there”

“I do my thing and you do your thing.  I am not in this world to live up to your expectations.  And you are not here to live up to mine.  You are you and I am and I, and if by chance we find each other it’s beautiful”

“Don’t forget the songs that made you cry or the songs that saved your life”

“The past, it’s done, it’s unchangeable, move on”

“Real love stories never have happy endings, because real love stories never end”

“Isn’t it ironic that we ignore those who adore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us”

“And the hardest thing is watching someone you love, love someone else”

“You want to know the best thing about a long distance relationship?  Every kiss is like the first”

“I don’t know where I stand with you and I don’t know what I mean to you, all I know is every time I think of you I want to be with you”

“You are only as good as the love you have for other people”

“All girls really want is someone to want them back”

“Take me as I am”

“Ask anyone, when his name comes into a conversation, her eyes sparkle”

“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same”

“It’s not who you spend the most time with, it’s who you have the best memories with”

“Music is what feelings sound like”

“Life without you is like a broken pencil, it has no point”

“If it’s the thought that counts you can count on me, I think about you all the time”

“You’ve given me reasons to live, reasons to smile, good times to laugh about.  But most of all you’ve given me memories I’ll never forget”

“You’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you want to be”

“Love is giving someone the power to break you heart but trusting them not to”

“You just have to go after what you want and if it’s doesn’t want you back, so be it; it doesn’t deserve you anyways”

“Find someone that can make you smile and don’t give up on them”

“Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep, this air is blessed, you share with me”

“Love is only a chapter in a guy’s life, but to a girl it’s a whole book”

“Loved isn’t a word, there is no past tense of love; if you love someone you will always love them no matter what”

“Be what you want to be, not what others want to see”

“Nobody said it was gonna be easy, they just promised it would be worth it”

“Everything has beauty, just not everyone sees it”