I look at you lying there

Sleeping so soundly

Sometimes I wish I could sleep as calm as you

& I bet in your dreaming

I’m there

I look peaceful

& maybe you’d assume

I’m lost in dreaming too

But despite how I try to close my eyes & join you

Despite how I try to hold my breath & body still

Despite how I try not to jolt you or wake you

I can’t sleep

I don’t breathe

I won’t move

Am I fulfilled?

I look at you lying there & I want to love you

I want to sleep for decades by your side

But w/ you im restless, I’m running on empty

I’m living a life where I have compromised

You’d think in my sleep I’d see you in my future

You’d think in my dreams I’d see our kids play on the lawn

You’d think in my nightmares I’m living life without you

You would think

You would guess

But I can’t sleep

So you’d be wrong

You have blue eyes & I love blue eyes

I love how you’re 6 feet tall

I love how we question if God’s really there

And how we hate Christmas time at the mall

And on paper we’re great & our stars are aligned

And it looks like it was all meant to be

But night after night

I keep shutting my eyes & I try

But I find I can’t sleep

I look at you lying there sleeping without me

I bet you’d never guess

My restlessness just grows

While I want to shut my eyes & know the things you know

I can’t sleep

I can’t breathe

I can’t move

How I wish I could wake you

I wish I could jolt you

I wish I could love you

But wishing that I love you

Isn’t really loving

I suppose