ISNORTTHENOSELUCIFER's Xanga

To address some issues

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 21:42:20 GMT

Ladies and gentlemen, Old friends and new ones, I'll make this brief, and simple, and clear.

I'm 'bout to address some issues.

1. I've been annoyed to see more than a few people in the Xangarena ridiculing the contests and castigating the contest participants as being "shallow, conceited, craving of approval," and other such things. Go ahead. Talk. I like approval. Are you saying that you don't? Were you raised without the pressure to win that the rest of us grew up with? Why? Or is it because you know you would lose that you pretend to be above the competitions?

2. Before all of this XHOTY business, I had, to the best of my knowledge, five friends on Xanga. 1. ZSA_MD. 2. adventofreason. 3. SaadiaOnline. 4. kingofblur. 5. ArtificalEmbolism, and I was just beginning to get to know aaronmcnees.

Through all the exposure from the XHOTY competition, I've made a hundred new Xangacquaintances and they're all cool people. I think that is what this is really about, more than being recognized or getting attention or anything else-meeting new people, making new friends. And I've loved it.

But I'm telling you, if being in this so called "shallow, superficial" contest is going to distance me from my first real friends and acquaintances, I'm out.

This reminds me of high school, where you break into the hip set and your old drama club friends are waiting for you to come back and rehearse while you're out smoking blunts and listening to hip-hop with the jocks and players. Well fuck it. I know who real people are when I see 'em. It's not the jocks and players, it's the drama club. I love all people, but I love the ones who were down with me from the start a little bit more.

Hear people talking about "Xanga has been about popularity lately."

Damn right I want to win, so?

And finally, I've been hearing a few things about how many blogs I recommend. I recommend stuff because I can take something that ten people are looking at, and put it at the feet of 110 people. I don't do it to ingratiate myself into other sets. I do it because everybody wants to be read, that's why they blog. And if I can get you one more reader, I'm happy. I expect the same.

Hear about "mediocre blogs." You know who you are, and shut the fuck up. Just because it's not poetry about flowers and dewdrops and broken hearts does not make it mediocre, so just shut the fuck up. One day you'll realize that you're human, and your blood is bloody red just like everyone else's.

That's all.

Mad love to all. And damn right I want you to rec it, because I want everyone on Xanga to read it. Thank you.

XHOTY ROUND THREE!

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 02:07:08 GMT

PLEEAAASE TAKE A MOMENT AND VOTE FOR ISNORTTHENOSELUCIFER AT:

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/mpview/444467-97204

Muah. Thank you! Let me know if I can do anything for you!

And now our feature presentation:

Rec' it baby, sex sells.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ISNORTTHENOSELUCIFER....

shirtless.

*gasp*

Did you say shirtless?

Yes. Shirtless. Kind of lean, isn't he?

It's not his fault. He doesn't get fed a lot. If you see this boy on the street, give him a burger.

That tummy wants food.

Those titties want to be friends with you.

ISNORTTHENOSELUCIFER is a bit exhausted by all this. He needs to lie down.

So if you please, click here and vote ISNORTTHENOSELUCIFER Xanga Hottie of The Year!

http://www.micropoll.com/akira/mpview/444467-97204

If you do I will love you forever

And if you don't I will love you forever anyway.

Peace and Love

Please Recommend this to your friends and I'll return the favor!

P.S. It's come to my attention that I'm very pale. That's because I sleep in a crypt. I'm going to suck your blood.

Beauty

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 00:12:32 GMT

I look past your scars and I see beauty.

I look past your bitterness and I see innocence.

I look past your hatred and I see love.

I don't care if you have bad skin, I don't care if you have bad teeth, I don't care if you're overweight, I don't care if you have no self-confidence, I don't care if you smell bad, I don't care if you don't have any money, I don't care if you're a girl, boy, black, hispanic, anglo, I don't care if you're Muslim, Christian, Atheist, Agnostic, I don't care if you're Jewish, I don't care if you're a Republican or a Democrat, I don't care if you're a Green or a Tory or a Whig, I don't care if you listen to Hip-Hop or Honky-Tonk or Blues or Jazz or Classical, I don't care what you got on the SAT.

I love you.

And I don't tell you because you would think I was wierd, if I told you. You might call the police if I told you. You might try to beat me up.

But I do.

Xanga Hottie Questionnaire

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:39:51 GMT

1.Define your love life in one word.

Snuggly

2. In relationships, what are the things that reach "dealbreaker" status? Meaning, what traits make your significant other unacceptable?

She can't be too narcissistic. She can't be illiterate. She can flirt with other guys and hang out with other guys, but if she kisses those guys, those guys are gonna get their asses beat. Two strikes and that's a dealbreaker.

3. What makes you a good catch?

Well, I'm fairly difficult to catch, that increases the thrill of the thing. I'm also gorgeous, muscular, and tough, but also decently sensitive to her needs. I'll give you two orgasms, make breakfast, go to work and come back and do it all over again. What more do you want? Oh yeah, the world. I can also give you the world. There it is, baby.

4. If you had to choose one, would you date someone of higher or lower intelligence than yourself? And why?

Well, higher, of course, so I could learn. I believe that you can learn from anyone, though, in the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In this, I can learn from him." That applies to women too.

5. Describe your perfect mate.

Curvy and cheery, and able to carry on a conversation. Not too needy, somewhat independent. Not shy in bed.

6. Do you believe in complete honesty in a relationship, including giving up the number of partners you have been with? Why or why not?

Yes. Five. Because I believe in complete honesty in everything. I can't lie.

7.What are your career aspirations? If you could have any job regardless of money/location/schooling what would it be?

Massage therapist. I have these big strong hands, and all they want to do is massage women all day. Instead, I climb ladders with 'em, 'cause of that "money" thing.

8.Where does your screen name come from, and if you could change it at all, what would you change it to?

It comes from a Bloom County Cartoon wherein Opus the penguin plays a record backwards to check for secret messages, and the result is "DEVIL BUNNIES! I SNORT THE NOSE, LUCIFER! BANANA! BANANA!" I chose it when I joined Xanga back in 2005. I would definitely change it these days if I had the credits, to my real name, Gabriel S. New. *Hint Hint* *cough* If I had the credits. *Hint*

9. Scenario: You have committed some kind of abhorrent relationship sin. You never intend on doing it again. Is it better to withhold the information and save the relationship, or to be honest with your significant other and hope you stay together? Why do you feel your answer is best?

Hell with that. I'll be all "Babe, you remember that pot of Zinnias you liked so much, the ones in the front window? I killed 'em. Can we stay together?" If she says no, then it's over. Damn flowers. My answer is best because it's what I'd really do. If you're in a relationship with someone, you're accepting them into yourself, and it's a very bad idea to lie to yourself.

10.What is it that you think women really want?

They want to be happy, same as men do.

11.What are your shaving/grooming practices and what is your ideal grooming practices for your partner?

I shower excessively. I'm destroying the planet. I get up early and shower for like fifteen minutes and then shower for like thirty minutes or more at night. The shower is my home. I like to take my lady friends in the shower and scrub them. That's the ideal. I shave when I get stubbly.

12.Are the lights on or off and why? And what position are we females in during this situation?

The lights are moody, not all bright and garish but kind of soft and red. I suppose that depends on how many of you foxy things are coming over, but I think it would be a safe bet that we'll be doing about fifteen minutes of missionary with lots of kissing and then switch to doggy style for an hour or so, you on top, up against the wall, all sorts of things. I switch around a lot, I hope that's ok.

13.What is your idea of the perfect date?

Go to the zoo, look at all the animals and talk about our favorite ones, telling stories about the old days and what we're interested in and getting to know each other better. Realize that we have a connection and start holding hands about halfway through. Go to dinner, Mediterranean, Italian, Mexican, or Asian, but absolutely no caucasian food. Talk more, get close. Listen to her a lot. Hopefully she can talk about what she likes doesn't like, wants, needs, expects, etc. Walk her home, smelling the warm night air around us, scented with flowers, looking up at the full moon. Start feeling like an animal. Start kissing her at her front door. Pull each other into the house, taking off each other's clothes and leaving them on the floor. We'll have to go and find those in the morning, but that won't be for a long time.

14.What physical/emotional traits attract you to a woman? Body traits and emotional traits, we insist on knowing both.

I need a beautiful behind on a woman. It's my requirement. It has to have that locomotion thing going on where the cheeks bounce up and down when she walks. God, I love that. Bom, bom, bobom.

She shouldn't cry about every little thing, such as finding a dead moth in her notebook or being late for work. I understand that crying is a way to deal with stress, but it tends to pass that stress on to the people around you. She has to have self respect and integrity, and respect and admiration for me. Strong, but tender. Able to do that little doe-eyed thing where she looks up at me like I'm the greatest thing in the world, and holds me around my waist and kisses my chest, very sweet.

15. Why should you win Xanga Hottie of the year?

Well, I guess this is hubris, but I'm a demigod. I have a very strong spirit. I do what I want, and nevermind the consequences. I'm the champion.

Also, I'll use the credits to change my username to something more pleasant and familiar, so I can be friends with the Catholics too.

Peace and Love.

As always, mad love to ZSA_MD, adventofreason, Saadias_World, kingofblur, aaronmcnees, and everyone else who has been a good friend. All great bloggers, and you should check them out.

Mad props and thanks to antisoccermom for sponsoring the Man Pageant and accepting me as a contestant.

P.S. Due to a lack of publicity, I must humbly request that you recommend this post to your friends. Thank you! Muah!

antisoccermom Man Pageant

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:07:47 GMT

I, Gabriel S. New, being of sound mind and sexy body, do hereby announce my intention to compete in the antisoccermom Man Pageant.

And here's why.

I've been slaving in the hot sun, sweating like Roger Ebert, and every now and then sneaking off to update my blog, quite against the wishes of my employer.

This makes me a loyal xangan without a doubt, I think.

Beyond that, I've been writing the blog postings that make your heart tingle, like minty toothpaste, and you know you think my tattoos are cute. And you know what else? Believe it or not, those were done in a real tattoo shop, for money. Not in prison, with a lighter spring. Classy.

If you would like to see me competing alongside the other fine fellows of Xanga in the antisoccermom Man Pageant, please recommend this post and state as much in the comments section.

Thank you and mad love to you all, and especially ZSA_MD, adventofreason, Saadias_World, kingofblur, and anyone else who has been a good friend.

Reflections-Stares and Nectarines-Ouroboros

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 01:41:58 GMT

So, I came to the conclusion some time ago that our world in general, from the micro to the macrocosm, can be illustrated by this nifty little symbol, the Ouroboros, which dates back to somewhere around ancient Egyptian times, perhaps before.

It is a snake swallowing its own tail.

The symbol can be representative of time, growth and eventual collapse, rebirth, renewal, male or female sexuality, the general cycle of life.

We all do the same thing. We're born, from who knows where, our spirit comes, we grow, we learn, we kick and scream, we reach our peak and we are at our biggest and strongest, and then we begin to slowly or rapidly deteriorate until finally we are deceased. Then, depending upon your beliefs, this cycle may happen again, countless times, with your spirit and the matter of your decaying body being recycled into new beings, new lives, which in turn will eventually collapse and so on and so forth into oblivion. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. It brings a tear to my eye*

Unless of course you don't believe in that sort of thing, which is fine. Myself, I'm going to come back as a rabbit, and have lots of different little bunny honies. Then I'll be hit by a car**

So it may be helpful to visualize an individual life, or the roman empire, as a piece of bubble gum being filled with air-it grows, it grows, it grows, and eventually it doesn't have enough mass to sustain its volume and it collapses, to be inflated again and burst again.

I've been thinking about this when I'm in the supermarket, shopping for things like nectarines, (which, by the way, here in Wichita are damn good) and I will realize that I've completely withdrawn into myself. I am paying attention to myself. I am, oblivious to the fruit aisle, curled up in a chair beside a roaring fireplace, somewhere deep in the dim and spooky corridors of my own mental mansion.

And people will be staring at me, some with a mixture of curiosity and admiration, some with a mixture of flirtiness and fear***, some with simple respect. And I'll realize that I'm failing them, because I should be staring at them and not the other way around.

So I start staring at people, and that's when I realize:

They're all beautiful. Every single one of them.

Gabriel S. New 2008

*Not really.

**Damn it.

***Which is sexy as hell

Feast or Famine-The World

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 22:26:16 GMT

I want women to rule the world. Don't jump to conclusions just yet-give me a minute to see if I can explain myself. This isn't the type of thing you'll hear an 18 year old boy saying every day.

But today is your lucky day, ladies and gentlemen.

I have had an epiphany.

Bear in mind that women have been generally oppressed, whether subtly or overtly, since that cold morning at the dawn of human egotism when the first egotistical man assessed the first egotistical woman and noticed a few things.

1. She's gorgeous, and she can turn your stern resolve to mush with a cave, a fire, and a bear pelt.

2. She has a brain, just like you, and even though she may not be able to use a spear and club quite as well as you can, she can think her way out of a tight spot and probably weave a rabbit net more quickly than you.

3. If you make her mad, she will take her fire and bear pelt to your cousin Org's house, and melt his stern resolve for a change. (Later on, some more of your cousins will start coming over to Org's and if you can put two and two together, this explains an interesting piece of English etymology)

4. She is, in many a sense, more powerful than you. Your only choice, if you want to maintain control, is to tie her leg to a stake, hammer it down a good six feet in the yard, and use brute force to control her for the next several thousand years. (If she is just too beautiful for her own good, you can force her to conceal all but a single eyeball with thick dark cloth; this will coincidentally make her love you forever...If "love" means "secretly hate")

Some might argue that women have made advances since those days, and they have, undoubtedly. In various places such as the United States of America and much of Europe, women have cast off most of the shackles of male oppression and flourished into the free-spirited elegant butterflies that so many of them are today.

Just the fact that they could go from being overtly oppressed to being individual deities of mystery and wonder in our culture, says to me that they are smarter than their testicle-sportin' counterparts, such as me. Typically not stronger, no, but generally trickier and better at maneuvering their way into and out of ridiculous situations, and secretly controlling the minds of the world's leaders with their sugary tongues and pretty eyes. So, if this is going on in secret, why not bring it to the light? I say we replace all the world's leaders with intelligent women overnight.

Think about it. Would there be any more war, or just international gossip? Would there be any more budget deficit, or would the national purse grow rich under the auspices of meticulous fishing around, cleaning, and money counting?

Told

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 00:31:45 GMT

I'm what the pastor's looking at when he's not

looking at your eyes

I'm where the devil goes,

when the devil comes,

In the devil's best disguise

I'm where the many men and maidens

came to die in days of old

I'm the bad side of religion

I've won many to our fold

I'm the steps of the cathedral

You can beg there when you're old

I'm the instruments of evil

make you do what you've been told

I'm the flame and wick on the candlestick

And it's made of solid gold

I'm the bad side of religion

I've won many to our fold

I break the crucifix and I quiver lips

I burn the sticks just to kill a witch

I preach, I preach and lick my lips

To serve THE LORD's my only wish

And if He kills one, then He kills two

He killed his son, and He'll kill you

You'll be banished from the daylight,

Don't pretend that you weren't told

I'm the bad side of religion

I've won many to our fold.

How would you confront a friend with and eating disorder?

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:58:30 GMT

I'd grab 'em by their emaciated little wrists and force feed them a gyro sandwich.

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

Flouncy Bouncy

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 11:55:23 GMT

They're everywhere. Have you noticed them? I've never seen so many in my life. I feel like a country boy a long way from home, which is appropriate, because that's what I am. Oh, you're probably used to them by now, you of the many-splendoured real world, but I was a sequestered child. I grew up in a town of 900 mutants which the government had restricted to an isolated community in the middle of nowhere so that they wouldn't bother the rest of humanity. There was one stoplight but no grocery store. We did our shopping at the gas station. We would walk around on the street and get a ride from the first person we saw driving by. We would run from the police at night and shake hands with them in the morning. They would wink at us. It was a sweet little place. I'm glad to be gone.

There's one. The waitress. She must be about nineteen. She's tall, dark skinned, always smiling, talks like she's from California. Turns out she is. Well I'll be damned. Her hair, long and black, flips back and forth when she walks, like a metronome. Left-right-left-right-left. She's perfect.

If you're done with your plate, let's give her a nice tip and get out of here. On the street, there are hundreds. And when I say they're hot, I don't mean the pop culture definition of hot. I mean the actual biological heat that precipitated that term. Their skin is hot. Their blood is hot. Their eyes are hot, burning, twinkling, when they smile. The way they curve, and jiggle, and bounce, and keep time with their beautiful behinds, 1-2-1-2-1-2, it's almost overwhelming. But not quite. How could anyone resist that? They're smiling. They're happy. They talk sweet. "What does your tattoo say?" "How are you today?" "You're welcome. Hey, have a good day, ok?"

They know when they're being watched, that much was always clear to me. I can sense people's eyes as well. But beyond that, something that I've begun to suspect is that they can determine, without looking at you, whether or not they want to present for you, sheerly based on the quality and intensity of your auric energy. Most of they time they do, why I don't know, but I've noticed that a hell of a lot of them decide to pick something up right after I notice them. In reality, this phenomenon may be more appropriate to the category of street magic, but that doesn't cheapen its effect for me. It's beautiful. It's tantalizing. It's uncontrollable, and I'm inconsolable, because I have utterly no time to get to know them. I don't even have time to be writing this. I work 14-16 hours a day.

Damn, but their eyelashes, though.

Gabriel S. New '08