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I_dont_LipSync
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Name: Deborah
Country: United States
State: Florida
Metro: Jacksonville
Birthday: 11/23/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: Jesus, music, guitars, chocolate, friends, family, phones, lightning, mics, stars, flip-flops, studios, bikes, sleep, movies, cameras, FL, hoodies, stereos. DANCING, and for some strange reason, drumlines seem to have become noticeable. lol.
Expertise: singing, listening, playing, writing, working, smiling, laughing, grinning, sleeping, eating, drinking, loving, surfing, jamming, reading, something.
Occupation: Sales Associate
Industry: Retail
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  futurerockstar3
AIM:  ColorMeRed88
MSN: FallAwake@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  littledebbie88_02
Member Since:
3/30/2005
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| posting so this won't die... | | |
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| so.
yeah.
i have no desire to come home on January 5th.
i also have no idea where i *will* go on January 5th.
i don't do last minute so good...
so, anyone know somewhere i could stay for a few months (very cheap or free) until i get a little bit more money to get an apartment?
i'm
freakin'
scared.
i knew it was coming.
and it finally did.
it had hit me before, just not full force.
when i just told my dad, it did.
the one definite option i have right now isn't an option due to my raising.
gah!!!!!
*sigh*
moving home would render the past 4 months null and void. i can't have that. and i think, if i was to move home at this point in my life, it would squash some other stuff i've got going on. i'm at that point in my life where i'm figuring out what *i* believe and why. i'm trying to get rid of the whole "i believe this cuz my parents believe it" or "i believe this cuz it's how i was raised." i want to figure out what i believe for myself; and i want to be able to say i believe this because I believe it. not cuz someone else does. anywho, i think that if i moved home, i'd shy away from that and sink back into believing things cuz it's what i'm surrounded by. i've been exposed to a bunch of stuff in FL these past 4 months. i've had to decide what i believe without having my parents around. i've had stuff shoved in my face and yanked out from under my feet. but i've come out okay. my recent mistakes are part of my learning. granted, those were times when i yanked it out from under my own feet. so i'm paying for that. but i'm learning. i don't think i'd learn if i was at home.
i'd go insane for so many reasons. not just my parents riding my back or whatever. all my friends are in FL. i have a crew down there that i love. i am a people person. i'm one of those ppl that would literally die from loneliness. i have to have my crew. they are life at times. i don't have a crew here in Charleston anymore cuz everyone is at school. and because when i was here, i only spent time with Andrew. i didn't make any effort to build a crew around me. down in FL, i have Naveed, but i had my crew first. so he's actually part of the crew. actually, i've made more friends since i started hanging out with him. definitely a perk!
i'd feel like i was running away if i came home. it's the easy thing. it's even easier than the non-option i mentioned earlier. think about it: i'd suddenly have no bills, no responsibilities, no anything! i'd have work. that's it. all i'd have to pay would be my car payment and my car insurance. i could do whatever i want with my money. that would render *that* lesson moot! (a little while back, i learned the hard way why you should always balance and keep up with your checkbook. i went a few hundred dollars under on my account, and am still getting out of that. i'm pretty much out, but stuff is still tight...)
i know people wouldn't think less of me if i moved home. but i think i would. it was hard enough to move out the first time. i think, if i moved home (even if it was just for a few months) it would be harder to move out the second time. i'd have a lot less self-confidence. especially since i know i wouldn't be moving out with my best friend. i think, at this point, my biggest worry is the fact that i have to find somewhere to live, so i'm not as panicked about who i'm living with. does that make sense? i mean, i don't want to just live with anyone, but you know... i think moving home for any amount of time would be a shot at my self-confidence, and i can't have that.
there are times when i have to step back and look out for me. i can listen to counsel and thoughts and advice, but ultimately it's my decision. this is my life we're talking about here. kind of a big deal.
so, there you have it.
my thoughts, as of late, are deeper than my last entry would have you believe. yes, i've been thinking about Naveed. but a million other things too. actually, at this moment, he's really the least of my worries. right now, money, housing, bills, and a job are my biggest worries. Naveed, i really think, will take care of himself, as will that situation.
i gotta get back to FL to start packing no matter where i live. that's going to be crazy.
anyone want to help? as far as i know, i'm working everyday next week except for Monday and Tuesday. and i have to pack all my stuff. luckily, i never unpacked everything... but i did unpack most of it. *sigh*
here we go...
this is more than just jumping off the deep end.
this is being shoved off a 40 foot cliff into the ocean.
this is probably a good time to mention that i don't like being *in* the ocean.
but, i'm falling fast towards it.
God help me.
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| in charleston.
this Christmas is turning out totally different. money's tight, so i don't know how it'll be in the morning.
not going to Augusta. that's NEVER happened. wow.
*shrugs*
party at Nathan's house last night. 'twas fun to see everyone. i chilled with Craig and Josh for a lot of it actually. it was cool. whenever Josh (or me) would walk away, we'd get, like, 10 feet away and be like, "i miss you!" lol. we were all being retarded. since i'm not going to Augusta, i'll be able to hang out with everyone some more. that's cool. prolly do something with E'lise, Nathan, Craig... maybe Becca? idk. lol. we'll prolly all get together and do something sometime. like i kept saying, cheap is good. FREE is mucho better. haha!
just thought i'd say Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!!!!!!!
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