Somewhere down in my thoughts and feelings, I'm more like a girl.

I noticed today how easy it is to make a huge reaction from something that looks small but feels big to you.

And when he doesn't react the way you think.  If you can't make him get angry or initiate the conversation the way he *should*.  I just dunno...you get bewildered.

And all through it, I love him all the more.  How boring would it be to have a man you really could control?  And deep down, isn't control the one thing I hate people exerting?  And deeper down, don't I love it when he controls me, even in the act of ignoring my controls?

How complex.

I've read 8 books in 10 days.  Reading fast is one thing; reading so fast you burn through $6-7 a day is annoying.

My baby got back from Death Valley.  I'm happy to have him back, even if it was only a few days.  From now on, I'll do whatever I can to be with him on his group's big trips.  I'm not going to miss out on such a unique part of his life when certain others maintain their connection long after their welcome should have passed.

Ugh, I've gotten myself into the habit of going to sleep at 2:30 instead of 12:30 or something healthier =P  Maybe I'll get tired soon...

            “Kostya?” he queried.  “Think you could help me with the pork?  It’s all but done except for the…” he trailed off when he realized there was no response.  He sighed quickly, turned off the oven and the stove, and strode through the living room to the door, muttering under his breath.

            As he opened the door and stepped onto the porch, he tried again, “Kostya, I need a little help in…oh, wow.”  His breath stolen at the sight before him, the young man stopped and stared at the horizon.  After a pause, he regained his composure.  “So were you going to tell me there was a beautiful moonrise this evening or just have this experience all to yourself?” he managed out of habit in half-hearted sarcasm.

            His lover frowned and quickly said, “I was about to call you.”

            “Of course, baby.” was the only reply.

Wade smiled and put his arm around the beautiful young man beside him.  The sky still glowed with a faint gray-blue in the twilight hour.  Holding each other close, they watched the pocked and shadow-ridden moon as it ever so slowly crept away from the horizon, the ginormous rosy orb loosing its warm, bloody luster and slipping instead to a softer, golden hue.

“I love you,” came the whisper, a tingling fire in his ear.

“I love you more,” he breathed in response.  Wade savored the moment as so many they’d shared over the last several years.  The warmth and love between the two bodies was palpable in the late evening air, causing him to temporarily forget the no longer perfect and now very cold dinner in progress.

“I was seriously about to call for you,” Kostya offered as they slowly turned and headed back through the door.  The moon had finally risen high enough to adopt the silvery white shine it was known for.

Wade grinned and returned, “You always have, baby.  You know I’d kick your ass if you didn’t.”  With that he shut the door behind them and opened the blinds to let the brilliant moonlight shine through.

I'll post the same thing on MySpace and Xanga since my west coast friends and my gulf coast friends will all pretty much get the same summary.

The last two weeks were the best of my life.

Almost two straight weeks with no one but him and me - feels like we've always been together.

It's been a long, long time since I've been as happy as I was climbing with the gang.

Jerry gave me a hug....which I've been told is rare and impressive.

Alisa is even more gorgeous than the pictures show.

Sunny didn't bark at me after the first day.  Apparently he loves me =P (I love him too!)

Kostya's bed is very comfortable (that's for Brooke's benefit - clean minds, ya'll).

Summary:

TH: Mall with Jerry and Alisa; drove to Ridgecrest
FR: On to Lee Vining, saw mountains and lakes along the way; explored the ghost town Bodie in perfect weather (storms and sun at the same time!)
SA: Pictures of the sunrise at Mono Lake; went back to sleep until heading back down through Ridgecrest to Trona - saw "Monster in Law" in Ridgecrest; lost our tent in the high winds at Trona (flew away); slept under the stars with just the sleeping bags
SU: Drove into Death Valley, walked a bit of Golden Canyon, hiked out across the salt flats in strong winds, came back to no power at the Ranch; spent the night with glowsticks =P [envious of Kostya's light-cloth pants]
MO/TU: Continued to Las Vegas where we spent two nights at the Luxor while visiting nearly every hotel/casino; saw KA by Cirque du Soleil; did the Oxygen Bar and AquaMassage and bought tons of souvenirs [searched every shop we crossed for those pants]
WE: Drove across Cali to Atascadero; did more laundry and played around [no pants to be found here =/]
TH: Hopped over to Highway 1 and drove up the coast to Ventana Campground; had dinner at the VERY high-class and yummy Ventana Restaurant and camped under the mighty Redwood trees; built a very healthy, strong fire on our first try (yay for scouts) and baked some apples; slept in our new tent =P [still no pants]
FR: Explored Carmel and its shops; ate at Casanova (Carmel's most romantic restaurant =P); stayed at the incredibly-omg luxurious Carmel Valley Ranch with our own little apartment-style triple-room suite with two TV's, a fireplace, a jacuzzi with candles, terry cotton robes, and a fully stocked bar [not even a shop for pants among all these shops]
SA: Arrived back in LA and had dinner with Stacey at Buca di Beppo; moseyed on over to Old Town Pasadena for some creamy gelato, some music, and a nice walk [saw my pants at guess...kostya said to wait until the next day at sherman oaks' mall to buy them]
SU: Climbed with the gang minus Leigh and the other ones I've heard about; maybe the best part of the trip, but then I don't think I could really choose; loved being a part of the family they share, and I was proud to make it up the Burchett Crack after doing the beginner's climb at Stoney Point.  My baby is a true spiderman =P; then went to Kostya's house to hang out and piddle until dinner at Cheesecake Factory; dropped the leftovers back at his house and retreated to the hotel [NO pants at guess in the mall, grrr....but wait - there they were at Express!  on Sale!]
MO: Saw StarWars Ep. III at the ArcLight and walked around the Grove; never felt like leaving the hotel after that
TU: came home

I left out a good number of tinier details for us, but that's the overall summary for ya'll.  Enjoy.

I can still hear you whisper in my ear each blissful night.  I can still see your beautiful face in the morning light.

People say that I'm too young to be promised and thinking about settling down in a more official union so soon.  But honestly, if you're really in love and with the person you know you're supposed to be with, how could you be "missing out" on "fun" with dating and multiple partners?  There's something bigger and better than just what's in the moment...in my opinion.

Muah.