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| Assurance
So...I've been quite lethargic this past week. I'm glad work starts next week...I need some productivity in my life.
So in my state of...laziness, my once cleaned out room has once again become cluttered with clothes and bags and boxes and books and....more crap hahah. Among the papers lying around however, I stumbled upon the sheet music I made for the Peru Missions songs last year. That led to my listening of the mp3s I had which then led to my reminiscing of the past Summer missions trip to Huaraz, Peru. Something about reminiscing of this past summer made me feel really excited, whether it was through the relationships built or the songs that were sung. I don't know. Anyways, I fickled through my iPod and played "Theory of Flight" by LaRue (a song we did a mime to, in case you don't know the relevance of the song) before falling asleep and guess what? I had a dream...a good dream at that. It was a very nostalgic dream of just ... good things. Renewal-like I guess: of a time when things were "better" than they are now. It was quite refreshing (as weird as this all sounds). I woke up happy (and early....9am!!) for the first time in a while. Not that I'm not happy when I wake up, it's just I usually feel ehh about having to wake up when I'm feeling inadequately rested.
So this entire day, I began reflecting on the mission trip(s) for this summer. The Huaraz team for this year was surprisingly small but, I feel it's better that way. I was really skeptical and worried about it but, in reality, it's nothing (shooo Satan!). Fifteen students with a few "leaders" including myself, Peter, Jaemyung and a few others. I have a good feeling about this year's team. The heart of the students and the sense of intimacy was feeling existant more so than last year's team of like....thirty or so students. I have high hopes for this year's team and I'm sure God will do great things through us as well.
As for the other POSSIBLE missions trip I may be going on, I'm not too sure because I haven't met with that team as of yet. It seems as though all the potential Peru people were just vacuumed into going to Philedelphia to help out with the Uber St. Missions (which was a downer at first but, again, seems beneficial for the Peru team in the future in terms of building intimate and Godly relationships. Not that Philly won't build intimate relationships it's just, small numbers help haha). Anyways, whatever happens in my ties with this missions trip, I am sure and confident that God will also perform marvelous things in Philly as well.
Good start of the week though: a good (reassuring) dream as well as high and exciting hopes for the Peru and Philly missions trips.
Off to bed now~
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| So it's finally over.
Freshman year, what a change; what a rush; what an experience.
I'm happy and yet, sad to say that I'm back at home. Happy because it's home and I have no more school work to worry about and yet sad because it's ... home hahah. It seems as though I just have so much more to worry about while I'm at home. Extra nagging from my parents, trying to reclaim my room from my sister, the amount of things I have to unpack and organize back into the house, the lack of transportation [sometimes] to go out. Other than that [which is quite minimal actually], all is well:
I feel confident about how I finished this past semester. Definitely a change from the 2.636 GPA from first semester. Depending on the extent of my "wellness" in a few of my second semester classes, my GPA should go back up to the 3.3 - 3.5 range...right where I need to be for the business school.
I'm back on Praise Team also. It's nostalgic and awesome all at once. The maturity, the leadership, and the chemistry between the Beloved Ministry Praise Team is inspiring and a learning experience. Not to belittle my previous experiences on Praise Teams in the past, but having served in Youth Group Praise Teams, the transition into a different environment is obvious. It's a good thing.
While along the lines of music, I have found my next guitar!
Alvarez PD100S
The "Tree of Life" inlay, the sound and tone, and the overall beauty of the guitar has won me over. Thanks Joe (even though you won't ever read this) for selling me the guitar, although I haven't actually bought it yet.
(I've already picked a name: Eve - the Tree of Life inlay influenced it)
Now I just need to find a good keyboard to invest in...too bad musiciansfriend.com discontinued the Casio PX-310. Gotta start searching again. (I miss the piano...)
.500 batting avg in EM Softball. Not bad for my first day: ground out, fly out, in field HR, single. Cannot wait for next week's game against...Remnant though...exciting stuff hahah.
Anyways, it's 2:45am now so I should go to bed in an attempt to fix the sleeping pattern I've picked up in college. So that'll be all for this ... day / week / or whenever I remember to update again. (I've neglected Xanga too many times...sorry friend)
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| I got this email a LONG time ago but only found myself to actually sit and read it tonight. I know its very lengthy and the thought of having to read so much is what kept me from reading it when I originally received the email. But now, after having read the email, I feel compelled to share it to....whoever decides to take the time to read it. It became a good reminder for me: I have a Savior and He covered me. So here it is:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later
told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote." It also was the last.
Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it
while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School.
Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's
life. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are
there." Mr. Moore said.
Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County.
The Moore's framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore
said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him."
*
Brian's Essay: The Room...
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list
titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the
first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being
told, I knew exactly where I was.
This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity,
coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder
to see if anyone was watching.
A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have Betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird - "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed
at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger," "Things I Have Muttered Under My breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.
Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched," I realized
the files grew to contain their contents. When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered
at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room!
I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy, I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a
single card. I became desperate an d pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And
then I saw it.... The title bore "People I Have shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep, sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the o verwhelming shame of it all.
The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must never, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.
No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched
helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.....
He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. ; But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could
find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but he next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.
He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever
believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
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| It’s finally here…Spring Break! Midterms are all done (and
passed with A’s!!) and nothing to look forward to but a week of resting, relaxing,
and hanging out. It’s kinda hard to believe that already, I’m at the Spring
Break of my freshman year of college…I’m pretty much done with the year! People
said that your college years go by fast…but dang, I was not expecting this
rush. It’s kinda cool and exciting…the anticipation for the years to come…mmm~
Anyways, I was going to share more (in depth) from the
leadership training that I’ve been going through…but, I decided that since a
lot of kids are taking it and because I don’t want to act as a substitute for
those who want to take it later on, I’ll keep my summaries pertaining to the
lessons, brief. Instead, I’ll fast forward to an in depth analysis of my
evaluation of the Spiritual Gifts Assessment and Personality Test.
[Week 2]
The Starving
Baker
While being able to feed others (spiritually) is
important, don’t forget or neglect to feed yourself.
[Week 3]
Move Ratings
Poster
Filtering what you’re feeding yourself with: be selective
of your inputs.
[Week 4]
The Inner
Circle
Surround yourself around those who can “sharpen” you
(accountability), as well as those that you can disciple and those who you view
as mentors.
[Spiritual Gifts
Assessment & Personality Test] [Week 4]
This thing was…very thorough and very confusing at times
but, after taking it a second time, I’ve got a pretty good “guesstimate” of
where I lie in terms of my spiritual gifts.
My top spiritual gifts: encouragement & creative
communication in first, faith & evangelism in second, and discernment,
intercession, & pastoring/shepherding in third.
I know there are a lot of multi number one’s, number two’s
and number three’s but it’s because a lot of interpretation of questions comes
into play. These spiritual gifts were
consistent in their placement on the chart so I consider them all “up there.”
Encouragement (The
Counselor)
Lift others up
Compelled to give
advice
As counselors,
often have steps of action
While Prophets, declare truth and Teachers clarify truth,
Encouragers like to tell you what to do with truth
Bless others with a strong sense of concern
Looking to encourage others, sought out as counselors
Friendly, understanding,
practical
Enjoy communicating
to share insight
Creative
Communication (The Actor/Musician)
Love expression and teaching lessons through role playing and skits
Very creative and
able to act out specific feelings to communicate biblical truths
Make great
reflections of THE Light of the World
Add much to worship and preaching by creating dramas that
illustrate the lessons of the sermons
Guard against
seeking the spotlight
Faith (The
Optimist)
Trust God in most
adverse circumstances
Deeper dependence
upon God and His Word
Believe strongly in
the presence and power of God
Stretch faith and commitments of others
Encourage others to
act upon their faith and challenge others to increase their faith
Must learn to be
patient with others
Evangelism (The
Missionary)
Compelled to win souls
Seem to have the
ability to communicate the gospel very effectively
Concern for witnessing to a lost and dying world
Desire to be
involved in ministries to reach people for Christ
Motivated to want nearly every message they hear to
include the gospel and an invitation to trust Christ
Missions and
outreach are important
Always being ready to give an answer to every person is
their goal
Conversations often turn toward eternal values
Discernment (The
Listener/Perceiver)
Unusual ability to
see through a lot of confusion and pinpoint problems and solutions
Concerned about right and wrong
Tend to listen well
and hear the little and seemingly insignificant things that shed light on a
specific need
More serious
Distinguish between good and evil, truth and error
Like to ask
questions and give advice
Feel strongly about
obeying truth and living by the Word of God
Guard against being too critical or too quick to share
Intercession (The
Prayer Warrior)
Compelled to intercede on behalf of those in distress
Faithfully petition God on a daily basis for specific
needs
Recognize spiritual battles are often won on one’s knees
Believe God moves
in response to prayer (Much Prayer, Much Power)
Guard against being pushy and feeling superior
Spiritual glue of every church
Pastor/Shepherding
(The Discipler)
Motivation to lead
Encourage others to
work together for the body’s sake
Their service is to
help others mature
With a motivation to unite the ministry, they feel strong
about spiritual health
Guard against taking advantage of trust and manipulating
the flock
NOTE: Those in italics are the ones that I feel are applicable to me and the ones that I need to work on (ex. Guard against...) Alright...because of the length of this SINGLE entry, I'm going to let lazy take over and stop it here. I'll update again with my Personality Assessment and how the book says to blend the two and how I've come to blend the two. Hope everyone has a good week and...HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE! (..16 is a good year)
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