Illusionist_Dreamer's Xanga

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 13:26:39 GMT

(Dream)

~Current Song Playing~

"This is the last of me, the dreamer, and who I once was....I fly away....wherever it may take me...."~Illusionist Dreamer~

Ill try very hard for this entry to be my last. I dont want to come back here ever again. I plan to leave here in the future to someplace peaceful. I dont like the confusion in my life and yet I kind of like it. I think I had enough of what I can already chew. Its time to call it quits. Even though some part of me doesnt want me to quit, its for the better. I need to change, I want to change! I dont want to be the fool that everybody knows. I dont want to be the idiot that fell in love with a certain girl once. If that change includes hate, I wont regret it at all. I leave this place leaving 2 things. Ill leave a picture on top of my xanga reminding people who I once was. I also leave a song that some of you may know and may not know. I hope you listen to it. It should be able to touch your heart. Some of you may know that the picture is at the lake. Yes it is. That is what Im going to consider the "Remains Of My Love". I feel free, yet broken. Ill always feel this. Now I just sleep and dream and hope one day I wake a new person....

Hopefully in the next life I find you, and yet have you break my heart once more.

Goodbye and Ill forever miss you!

Monday, January 10, 2005

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 13:01:35 GMT

(Dream)

~Current Song Playing~

Kingdom Hearts 2

"...."~Illusionist Dreamer~

"The woman in white clothes will embrace you...."

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 13:42:18 GMT

(Dream)

~Current Song Playing~

Real Emotion by Koda Kumi

"Maybe I shouldnt be afraid anymore. I look in the mirror and I see someone that can accomplish anything. I walk straight into this darkness knowing that I will one day find that light again."~Illusionist Dreamer~

Well, Im back. So many questions in my mind I cant think straight. Ive always had them. I realize that all those questions are tied to one main answer. Depending what the answer is, I can finally find solace in this messed up world. I have many plans and goals to accomplish. But there is one main goal that I always think about, dream about and wonder if that will ever happen. Well, school for me starts pretty soon! A part of me cant wait.

Watch the video! One of my favorites! Its from Final Fantasy X-2! Its in Japanese of course! If I could, I would seriously stand up and dance to this song or sing along! Thats how much I like it! Riaru na sekai ni yureteru kanjyou maketakunai mou tada hashiru shikanai kono mune ni kikoetekuru kimi wa hitori jyanai! What can I do for you?

Lyrics are here! Real Emotion

A bright future....

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 13:51:19 GMT

(Dream)

~Current Song Playing~

About you by Ayumi Hamasaki

"I am the one who will save you from your final dive. I am the one who will one day make his dreams, and yours a reality"~Illusionist Dreamer~

One of Ayumis newest songs is playing on my page. Watch it or you suck! I hope something good happens to me soon because Im getting bored with my life fast. Long story short, I went with my bud Chim to Gurnne Mills Mall and met up with Lynn. First time we both see her. Oh and Lynn! Chim thinks your so fucking cute! Thats it I guess! Well, I can happily say that my site is dead to some people. I wonder if they know I brought it back. Oh well! Bye now!

The wallpaper I put up is perfect! Im Mamoru (The Guy) sleeping away and dreaming! How much I miss watching Sailor Moon!

Just thinkin about you....

Monday, December 20, 2004

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 14:40:13 GMT

(Alone)

~Current Song Playing~

Kanariya by Ayumi Hamasaki

"Without love, Ill be frozen in nothingness. I will no longer feel anything."~Illusionist Dreamer~

I want you to want me. I want you to hold me close to your heart. I want you to kiss me. I want to be with you always. I want a chance. I want to love. I want to make my dreams come true. I want to love you once more....

Im so....so....alone....

Monday, December 13, 2004

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 11:47:35 GMT

(Inside)

~Current Song Playing~

Real Me by Ayumi Hamasaki

"This weather is as cold as the scars on my heart. Why do I get this feeling like something is gonna happen?"~Illusionist Dreamer~

Well, today I feel like posting. Lets see, Paul needs to get better at Tekken 5 or just quit. He is good, but lacks setups. Okay on to the next thing. I havent been watching K-Drama for a while since my favorite drama ended. I woke today and watched what they were showing on the channel. Its called "Winter Love Song". Hmmmm, even knowing the fact that its winter here! Anyways, its aight so far. I turned it on to find out someone a girl loved died. Just at the climax. Anyways, Im gonna start school for sure January 30th which is cool. Dont get the wrong idea that Im a nerd wanting to go to school. I have to and I want to. I have so many dreams to fulfil that I cant waste time. I hope to make all of them a reality. Well, lets see what Im missing. Oh yeah! I really hurt my elbow pretty bad. When I was chatting with people and writing poems, I had to use one hand. Thats how much it hurted. Well, I guess thats all I have to say. I HOPE to be just as famous as Van in getting loads of comments and eprops, but then again, I wont come back for a while since I love dreaming which involves sleeping. Well, give me a whats up if you see me in your dreams!

Oh yeah, the video playing on my page is called Real Me by Ayumi Hamasaki! The lyrics are so fucking true about women! Not that its bad. Why cant some women be the opposite of Ayumi's lyrics? Just a thought!

Real Me Lyrics Link

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Sun, 05 Dec 2004 16:18:43 GMT

(Missing)

~Current Song Playing~

Kanariya by Ayumi Hamasaki

"Should I still believe in what I believe in or just forget it all and start a new life?"~Illusionist Dreamer~

Im back....

I want to say that Im sorry to those people that came to my site and saw nothing. I had to leave and think about a few things.To cleanse my mind, I wrote poems. I know what I must do in the future. To some, it may sound like Im a coward, but its what I think is right. Ive been thinking about things very hard lately. Not that I dont think about them anyways. I guess thats all I have to say. I hope to hear from all of you soon. I cant help to hold it in or lie about it, but I miss a few people. Well, until then, see you.

While I was thinking, I came across thing song by Ayumi Hamasaki. Its called Kanariya and its playing on my page. Long ago, on a very special day, I remember hearing this song when someone lent it to me. It intranced me and so I loved the song a lot. Everytime I hear it, Im reminded of that specific day. Please take time to hear it. I would appreciate it a lot. Here are the lyrics because without them, you wont understand where Im coming from.

Kanariya by Ayumi Hamasaki

The city is alive
The people are restless
The birds that
fly into the night
are already asleep.

I fear
my dreams waking up
My heart breaks
I'm afraid to go.
As long as I've
not gained anything
without giving
I'll always be
searching for a reason.

It's not that the canaries whose voices were crushed to death
couldn't cry.
They just didn't.

It's not that the canaries whose voices were crushed to death
couldn't cry.
It's not that the canaries whose voices were crushed to death
couldn't cry.
Maybe
they just chose not to.
Please notice soon.
Maybe
they just chose not to.
Please notice soon. If you're there, more...

Monday, November 08, 2004

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 19:59:51 GMT

(Change Into)

~Current Song Playing~

GAME by Ayumi Hamasaki

"Around this time last year, I needed your warmth. The only thing my heart craves is the warmth you give off. Is it wrong to want that warmth so much? The warmth you gave me that one last day is fading. Will I mean anything without it?"~Illusionist Dreamer~

Well, I just came back from Borders. I got Utadas other album Devil Inside. That makes 2 Utada albums. Im happy for the moment. Oh yeah, sorry Paul! I dont know about you, but I gotta change. Dont worry about it. Its all cool. Anyways, I didnt know that I was a sexy pirate. Come to think of it, do I even look like a pirate? Ah, whatever! Im not sick right now but I know I will be around after next week. I always do man! Im getting my new look Friday so too bad nobody can see it. Whatever! Maybe its me, but I dont know what love is anymore. I lost all its meaning. Its been a long time since I knew what love was anyways. It aint my fault. Sorry for giving some of you a lame ass conversation over the phone! Saturday wasnt my day at all. Ah! Almost forgot my sisters birthday is tommorow! Oh well, Ill be talking to you all soon!

Here are the lyrics for the song if you want to know what she says.

GAME by Ayumi Hamasaki

Little by little the warmth you left me with is going out
If it's gone completely, what will my body mean?

Seized with several impulses, I'm lost in a maze with no exit
The sense of reality urges me suddenly to find the way out
But why can't I leave this place, so strangely?

I can smile naturally about this time tomorrow
As if nothing had happened
I've always walked in such a manner
But I can't control this game as I wish

The moment I say something
Everything may slip down through my fingers like sands
And I only wait the time passing by so calmly

I need no makeshift words
Which I'll probably forget about this time tomorrow
I had made this game a little longer than usual
No problem, I'll be able to find another one

Please tell me that this pain is surely an illusion
Please tell me that I'm not like myself at all now
Please tell me, because otherwise, I'll yearn for your warmth again

Friday, November 05, 2004

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 14:37:36 GMT

(Pain)

~Current Song Playing~

Painless Pain by MOVE

"Is it me or am I just dumb? Nope, naw, thats just who I am!" ~Illusionist Dreamer~

Im gonna get plastic surgery and change my face. Im gonna tell the doctor to give me an ugly ass face. That way the nice compliments stop coming. If my heart and physical appearance were linked, I would be ugly as hell. I can truly say right now that my mind and thoughts are so fucked up right now. I dont want to blame anybody, I have no right to anyway. I guess Im gonna have to deal with this. Its a part of me so I guess theres nothing to do. Well, Im getting sicker and sicker. Instead of getting medicine, I go out in the cold or in the rain and get worse. Well, thats just me. I know when I get older and move out on my own, Im gonna die because I dont know how to take care of myself. Yes! Baka cant survive alone! Ha! I guess Ill manage somehow! Well, Im getting worse. Until then, bye!

Monday, November 01, 2004

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 16:26:18 GMT

(Home)

~Current Song Playing~

CAROLS by Ayumi Hamasaki

"Dreams are nothing but visions of what we want, some of them may cause us to daunt, should we keep dreaming or should we walk away, or should we sway, stray and paint our dreams deep gray. "~Illusionist Dreamer~

Please listen to the song. I really like it. Ayumi sings it of course.

Well, today I gotta go roam the streets again in search for "ANOTHER" job. Lets see, yesterday I took the kids out trick or treatin. It was ok cause one of my little friends (The Monkey) got scared when he went into a house that he screamed, "Oh! Shit dude!" There were a lot of parents around so it was funny because they were like, "Whos that kids parents?" There all looking at me and shit. Man, do I look old enough to be a Father? Wait, I think its the gotee. Oh well. Anyways, yeah. Today after I get more info on the job, Im gonna ask borders to special order me Utada Hikaru's, "DEVIL INSIDE" CD. I already have EXODUS so why not get the other? Ill be seeing Paul this Wednesday seeing how good he got in Tekken. Im gonna go on the "ASIAN DIET". Its something I made up that includes the bowflex and asian food. Im only gonna eat rice and noodles and work out everyday. And to make it more better, Im gonna eat with chopsticks! Yes! Well, other than that, I got no other plans. Right now Im starting to feel my usual November sickness. Im showing the syptoms so that sucks. Oh and to finsih this entry off, I would say, Today is a rainy day which makes this day the more better! Yay! *Sarcasm* Anyways Im out! Los vemos! Sayonara!