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IllusionsStandB4Me
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Name: Alicia
Birthday: 3/18/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Losing weight, becoming beautiful, and successful.
Height: 5' CW: (see current entry) GW: 100; HW: 135 LW: 105
Expertise: Web design, building websites, hating things, and being stubborn
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  SoSeiKoChoU
Member Since:
5/26/2005
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| well I am back again..
I'm at my highest weight ever...I dont even know how much I weigh because I threw away my scales because I didnt want to face the truth... but Im in the biggest clothes Ive ever be in, Jeans a Size 9.....hell I used to be in a size 0 and never went past a size 3....now im in a big fucking 9
I dont know what happened. I think I started working to much become to busy, and my only way to release and to escape and to feel real again was to eat
I feel like no one understands, its weird cuz I feell skinny in the inside and when I look at myself in the mirror I dont even recongize myself. I hardly even look in the mirror anymore, I totally avoid it.
I really need to do something about it..I need help. Im huge I hate myself I hate everything, I cant go out anywhere, I dont feel comforable in my own skin...I feel so guilty everytime I eat but I still eat a lot.
I need control...I need help
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| Thank you so much ladies for you comments, I apperciate it so much!!!
Well went to the gym yesterday, man Im out of shape. It was so embarssing watching people all in great shape totally kicking ass :(
Well heres what I ate on Sunday and My Workout Stats:
1/2 of chicken friend steak:? I ate it super early though so I would burn more off
Ramen Soup: 290
Sugarfree Jello: 10 Calories
Total: I would say around 700
GYM:
1.75 Mile /Speed Walk on Treadmill
40 Minutes
150 Calories Burned
haha I was on there forever haha cuz I coouldnt run because I was so out of shape, all well its a starts
I also cleaned the house so that shouldve burnt some calories as well,....hopefully it was total calories of around 550.....
Then today I had like a handful of pasta salad and then a chicken sandwich with chickenbreast, chedder cheese, bacon, tomatoe, and lettace. Not sure how many calories that is, I wish beyond bread has nutrional facts. I hate that most restarunts dont have those, grrrr....
Thanks Again for you Comments, I really love when I get them :)
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| I did it.....I finally joined the gym...
I realized even though I was cutting calories it wasnt doing shit cuz I was just sitting on my ass all day
I need to change
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| Anndddd.....I'm back....
Well Ive gotten fat again, I got well, happy, lived my life. And now I hate myself for it. Im back to starving myself. Isnt it weird its easier for me to just not eat then it is to eat heathy? Its like if I eat heatly them Im still eating and them Im still eating bad things, so its just easier to starve myself. Easier to control, easier to control calories...and what I need know for it to be easy...
Lets see what have I ate the few days
Yesterday 11/5
1 crab cake and salad
Ahi Tuna with a Napa Cabbage Salad
Lots of bread bad bad bad
2 glasses of pineapple juice
Half chocolate ice cream cup thing (thanks hunny I didnt eat it all though I threw half away when I got home)
Today
11/6
Water
2 Vitamn Waters
Luna Bar
Steak Soup
I learned that if I dont eat at night I lose weight pretty quickly..so just gotta do that. Ill post images later
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