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| Reality.dreaming.Honestly, Sometimes i have trouble excepting reality. I don't want certain things to be real. I want things to change and be the same all at once, i want to bring back people, I want to move, but I'm stuck to the ground, I wage war inside myself, and take it outwardly on other people.
Reality is at times something i cant handle, or at least today.
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| We are nothing but a shellWhat are we finding ourselves based upon but a shallow shell of who we once were or wished to be. the fighting has gained us nothing but sorrows and emotional scarring, our lives that were once so vibrant are slowly fading into dust. We all used to be so full of life, and no one cared what tomorrow may have brought, we lived each day in the moment, we were happy then.We all made our vows to stay away from drugs and alcohol, to put our friends before anything, and not let the "cliche" know-it-alls bring us down,We just wanted to listen to our music about fighting authority and be whoever the hell you wanted, we also listened to the songs about heart break, maybe not fully understanding their meanings. Then one day we began to get bored and some of us went experimenting, we found new friends,did new things, some of us went and did things we had promised to our old friend we'd never do, but hey new faces bring you to new things. We each had our secret lives, knowing the others would be disappointed in what we had done, but never realizing maybe they had shared the same experiences. Life kept on and we all grew farther apart, the people we thought were our friends that gave us new fun things to do left us behind, but we never thought we could go back to our originality of "Just us". We were growing up(or so we thought), we said to ourselves" i have no need to go back to childish friends of immature things". We marched on to where we thought we needed to be, but the stress built up, and we had no where to turn, the artificial world and happiness we had set up for ourselves collapsed in our faces.Bruised broken bleeding and not knowing where to turn, where did we turn up? Frantically trying to reach the ones we knew so well long ago, But we had changed, no one was the same. Faces were different, beliefs were opposite, and the stability of the ground we once walked was now in shreds. But we made our amends and cried in each others arms, we were going to be okay. Life was not going to break us down, if we had subconsciously held on to these small micro slivers of a friendship, we could restore what we had once obtained. We worked from the ground up repairing ourselves, we reintroduced ourselves, and found that deep down we were all still very much the same. We were going to be okay. We were no longer shells as we once were, we had substance.
I dont really know what i just wrote or if it made sense.
Meaghan.
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| Each day the sun shines less, and the air is cooler.Everyday it's hard to wake up, but none have been so hard as the past few. My eyelids stay sealed shut, hoping somehow the past few weeks have been a dream. Ever since grandma died, things have been steadily going down hill. Whether it be money problem, depression(which leads to fighting), or another death. My uncle died just this past Friday. I know it's not the end of the world, and we should celebrate the life of the one who is deceased, but somethings are just harder to understand, and cause the mind so many complications.
It's Stress on top of stress, and my mind and body feel like they are about to crack. I feel as though I've been beaten. My ribs burn, my stomach aches, my back feels bruised, and my eyes believe they are swollen shut. When we begin to look for the clearness in the skies, the hail falls and shatters our hope.
I've been listening to My from Autumn to Ashes cd that skips on every song, and drinking day old coffee, i think i've reached a new depression for me.
I know all will be better one day, sometimes it's just so hard to let things go.
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| The air may be intenseley humid, but I can finally breathe
Home leave has so gracefully bestowed upon me:
A payment to a friend who graciously bought me tickets
and bought me stove-top Rooster salt and pepper shakers.
A drive to Calhoun
A perhaps a visit to a cousin in Marietta who's birthday was yesterday.
A endeavor about town
what to do with one's self for the next 4 or so days of freedom.
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My grandma died recently, She was a fighter. She went out with a smile.
It's a mazing how we seem to subconsciously hold on to things we believed when we were children.
Things that some of us may not even realized that we held a belief in, Like that adults are invincible, and will always be there.
As many times as i have experienced the death of someone,never had i realized i believed that until it was grandma.
It just never seemed as though she would be gone.
Unfortunately, i didn't get to know my grandma very well due to some issues my mother had with her when i was younger.
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I've got space to breath.
But i'ts limited im sure.
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Today i got a chance to make things right with a friend,
i set all things right in my mind
and let the day begin
I took in the morning
and let the sun touch my skin,
It seemed life had just begun,
your brought me to this moment,
where peace and serenity exist,
You calmed the storms of my heart,
and brought down the fears in my eyes,
The day is bright and the afternoon full of vibrancy,
the shadows cool our faces as we talk,
one day this will be us eternal.
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Something else i just so happen to read made my brain twinge.
It was pretty interesting.
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Okay once again,
The end.
Meaghan Czachor.
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| A time agoan Life is stressful lately.
More so then it's been.
Or it was that stressful.
now things are okay.
I finally got a tatt.
Neat stuff.
I dont feel much like going into depth today.
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