I know. Its been.... quite some time since I've updated.
But I felt it was necessary today that I updated my Xanga about whats been going on...
Well, as of right now, I've decided this:: I do not have an eating disorder, nor did I ever. I'm truely begging to believe that it was all a frame of mind. Yes, I eat very low calories, and hell yeah I'll exersize every fuckin last one of them if I can...
But I don't think thats an eating disorder.
Yes, I'll be underweight by the time I'm happy.
But should me just being 'underweight' count as something as drastic as an eating disorder? I don't think so. Yes, I know that I may have some symptoms of an e.d. but that doesn't necessarily mean I HAVE one. they are two different things, I've decided.. I've also decided that I just don't like eating and it gives me no relief to eat my little heart out when I'm depressed. In fact, it makes me sick to my stomach.
Water is my god.
You may have another, but I'm never going to say I have an ED again.
Tell me I'm in denial, and you might be right....
But who the hell am I to say that my weird eating patterns could be concidered an ED? I'm not a fuckin' doctor who deals with this stuff. I'm a stupid girl, trying to loose weight, and I think what I'm doing is healthy, to tell you the absolute truth. I see nothing wrong with dropping pounds quickly. I find it to make myself someone who's just working hard to obtain a goal...
Anyways, I've, once again, changed my weight goal. It will now be at 85... 85 pounds and 5'2 sounds perfect for me. : ]
I really don't have time to update you all on everything else right now, but I swear I'll be back tomorrow to tell my lovely Xanga why I haven't been on in more than a month.

Well hello everyone Im sorry this is going to be the shortest post ever I just need to make sure I post.. sometHING lol. Well I really wanted to post a picture that I took, but my problem is I can't get it to paste over here so I'll write more tomorrow and figure out whats going on. talk to you all later. <33

OH AND IM 108 LBS<3

Currently Listening Operation Ivy (Energy) By Operation Ivy see related

Helllloo there.

Well lets just say this week has been so incredibly kickass. For starters, I've been told TWICE that I'm skinny. Not once, but TWICE. Gosh. Once by a good friend who's also kinda Ana, then another by a guy who I use to like in 7th grade. I mean, c'mon. For a GUY to tell you that you look skinny is just about the greatest feeling in the world. Admit it.

As for my weight loss, I'm totally ready to loose thoes 15 pounds as quickly as humanly possible. I only ate abouit 200 [maybe 250] cals today.WOooooo

Oh, and the last final thing that fixed the camels back... I finally got a cell phone. So now I can start inserting pictures of myself into my entrys so you all can see how I'm doing. : ]

OH! ANd another thing!! I met a guy at my friends bowling party yesterday. His name is Zach and we were talking alone for like 2 straight hours. I really got to know him. But please oh god don't let me get another crush because I can't take it. Between Robert, Rex and Zach, I have no clue what to do anymore.

<333333
You gotta love weeks like this

Currently Listening The Bravery By The Bravery Honest Mistake see related

CW:: 110

beautiful, skinny pounds. <3

Just when I was about to give up, Ana pushes through again. YES! I wasn't feeling too good about my weight, feeling like a lazy fatass so I picked up a few magazines, flipped through them... then this week, I like practically stopped eating. I'd eat as little as possible and such... then I went to the movies last night with my friend [who KIND of is Anorexic, but is defeating it] and she told me I looked skinner. I got on the scale this morning, and I was a clean 110. That is so fucking kickass, you don't even know. I was up to like 118 when I wasn't posting, and I guess half of the reason was because I hated my weight and didn't want to admit that I was gaining. Ahh.. I'm so happy. I'm right back on track, and this time I KNOW I'll stay on that track. I started to eat more and such then.. ah, now this. A breath of air. I can't wait to be down to 95 pounds. I have 15 more to loose.. <3 <3 <3
Anyways, you can probably expect posts every day from now on about what I've eaten. Instead of listing everything I've eaten in like.. the past month, I'll just tell you what I've eaten today.

Breakfast:: 1 ego waffle [90 cal]

Lunch:: Peach Propel [30 cal]

And thats it so far. 120 calories. I plan to try to skip eating anything else for lunch, but who knows. When my mom comes home from shopping she'll probably make me eat SOMETHIGN small. Maybe I'll have fruit...
As for the rest of my life.. Its not going too well. The guy I really like gave up on me... I guess it serves me right. His name is <3Rex<3

Anyways... long story short, I've turned him down 5 times [and I didn't like him any of thoes times].. Then I started to and now he has a girlfriend. And I try to tell myself that it's how it's meant to be.. that its a GOOD thing I didn't like him while he asked me... But now whenever I see them holding hands or hugging in school, my stomach feels sick and I can't watch... I really miss having someone just.. likeing me I guess. You know? I don't know, maybe that sounds selfish, but thats how I feel... I mean.. I should have gone out with him before. I've never met a sweeter guy in my life. Heres just a few things he's said to me...
"...And I'll point you out to my friends and tell them that shes the one"

"..I can honestly tell you that you are the most beautiful girl I have ever met. No one even compares"

"I haven't exactly had the best life, but when I'm talking with you, or even when I see you, everything feels alright.. Like everything's going to be okay."

And I turned him down.

</ 3 I. Am. Such. A. Bitch </ 3

Hey all..
I'm kinda dissapointed in myself... I threw up tonight in the shower. I ate too much at dinner time, and everyone was gone from my house... so I got on all fours, stuffed 2 fingers down my throat and watched and felt as my dinner came up and out of my mouth..
Horrible? Yes. Did it accomplish something? Yes. I personally, don't like throwing up. So i know that this was a good lesson for me to learn. I heard Ana hissing at me as I ate dinner I'm going to MAKE you throw that up, you know I will.. dont take another bite you fatass, it's all comming up anyway... damn you! STOP EATING!!!
So then I stopped eating, took a shower, and up it all came.
<3333333

Other than that, I'm mildly upset... my friend is going out with a guy I started to like about a month ago. I guess he was fair game since I didn't make a move, but she knew I liked him, so I guess thats what pissed me off the most..
Sorry everyone that I haven't been posting more often. Between school, exersizing and other things, I have NO clue when I'm gunna be able to post. Just know that I wish you all the best. Heres a fact about me::
I hate my body. [[gasp]] is that a shocker to anyone?