Goodness I should be doing school. Oh well, I'm unwinding after a stressful in class essay, thats all. Surrounding my on the table in the Perk are academc article, psychological  articles, all about the effects on interpersonal family relationships after a traumatic expreraince. They have strange effect on me. Some of them bring back memories, memories I don't really want to ruminate over. Others make me grateful that I havent experainced those things...yet. If it happened to me, I know that God would give me the grace to live through them. Oh, I suppose I should be responsible and get back to school.

bye all,
Cak out ;-]  

MoBap

Well, I had a wonderful first day back at MoBap and I'm looking forward to day. Melissa has been in town, yay, and I've seen her a fair bit, Yay! The past week has been great.

THats all folks!

cak out ;-]

Ahh, after yet another rollercoaster-day yesterday, today feels sooooo delightful. I woke up to snow, and honestly, is the a better thing to wake up to? I think not. I woke up because Hannah Akin was calling me on my cell phone, and I just love talking to her. Better yet, she was telling me that they might have a snow-pull tonight! Then I started cooking for tonight, and so, of course, I was in the best of moods. It was soo nice, listening to Trans Siberian Orchastra, watching snow fall and baking. Grand! The only thing that made it not picturesque was the fact that the house is in a mess. 
Of course, at some point it dawned on me that if it snows too much I will not be going anywhere tonight. Boo. However, I remain hopeful that such an evil will not dare taint my day.
Much love and er...Merry Christmas!
cak out ;-]

For a long time now I’ve been praying for three things in particular. Graciously, God granted two of them. One remains: the issue of direction. Several years I ago, I used to make fun of teenagers for complaining about how hard it is to be a teenager. I'm not even sure if I'm dealing with the same probloems they were, but suffice to say I'm not laughing at being a teenager now. I would say it's irritating not knowing what to do with my life, but it's not. It's just plain enraging. It's almost enough to drive me crazy. It is enough to drive me to the Lord and at His feet I sit. But not patiently.
I sit waiting....
Surely God wants to reveal his will for me now.
Why wouldn't He? THat way I could get on preparing for it sooner.
Lord, wouldn't we both be happier that way? You could start equiping me now, and I wouldn't have to turn around in these stupid circles of frustration. See? Don't you see Father?
Don't worry I'll wait.
Ahem. But you know, anytime now would be fine with me. Are You even listening?
I know. Maybe You don't want to tell me. Maybe you just want me to make decisions, and then You'll work through them. That OK with You? Ok, then, what to do....Oh you say to wait on You. Ok, I'll wait......

Well, maybe I should just look at this logically. You like logic, don't You? Lets see, I could do this, and then this and then this. How bout that? You like marraige and family, right? Me too. Sounds good.

Dang. People I look up to and respect don't like that idea very much. So, yeah, I'm back again...waiting...
Why, Father why? Why not give me answers? Don't You love me?

Andree Seu said it like this, "Cluelessness never stopped the clay from advising the potter." Andree also said this "God gave Job no answers. Nor did He apologize. He is God, He does as He pleases. We are all clueless, like children, and yet would give Him advice. He tells us He is good. There is nothing to do with that but accept it or reject it."
Tonight I sit and type, almost angerly, and wonder if having a good long cry would do me any good. Probably not. I can't remember it very well, but I think in one of the Narnia book a charactor comments something along the lines of "Crying is alright while it lasts. But sooner or later you have to stop and face life again." I sit, tantalized to the point of dullness by hopes and dreams, and then I am shot back to the world by reality. Theres nothing wrong with reality, I guess.

I need to go to bed.

cak out ;-] 

{Day After Edit} I think I should outlaw myself from writing posts late at nigh and/or when I'm emotional/upset. That post was an exaggerated view of reality. And I should have clarified; the middle part was a narration of the past couple months/years of what I have done without even realizing it.
Gosh I like Andree Seu.