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~UPDATE FROM THE FARM~
Honolulu
Tonight we came back from our 5-day trip to Honolulu. For the first half of the trip, I stayed with Grandma Tomo (Kaneshiro), Auntie Wilma, and Auntie Karen. For the second half, I was with Auntie Raelene, Uncle Reid, Trevor, Raemee, and G&G. I love and miss my cousins so much. I had a such a fun time with them. They are the SWEETEST people.
When I woke up this morning, it was so sweet because Raemee had breakfast already and I was starving and searching for food. Just last night, I ate a bowl of her Cocoa Crispies (SO GOOD!) for a late night snack, which she generously shared with me. So, this morning I asked her, "What should I eat for breakfast?" Then she told me, "You can have the Cocoa Crispies." When I picked up the box and said, "Okay," I noticed the box was light and nearly empty. So I told her, "Oh! It's almost gone! I don't want to eat the rest of your cereal! I'll find something else." Then she replied, "No, Pam[ela], you can have it. I already ate some for breakfast and I saved the last of it for you." Oh my gosh! My heart MELTED when she said that! I almost CRIED at her SWEET HEART!!! She's such a loving little girl. =*) It really was one of the sweetest things a kid has ever done for me. How they know how to love so well at such a young age is a miracle to me and I am amazed. I thank God for my cousins every time I remember them (Philippians 1:3). 
Privacy
I'm a private person. I'm a really, really private person. Okay, I'm not private, but I'm controlling. I like to be in control of my life and the dispersement of information concerning me. I hate, hate, HATE going to the airport. I hate going to the airport because the security pieces of junk invade my privacy and stifle my freedom. I used to have a black backpack that was super old and faded (because I left it in the Hawaiian sun for a day when we were camping a few years ago). I went on countless trips after that and every single time I went through the metal detectors (before 9/11), every single security guard requested to check my backpack. Naturally, they were checking for drugs. My In Style magazine and Holy Bible look very similar to several pounds of crack, you see, so this is why I was always being stopped. *rolling my eyes* This was my favorite backpack and for this reason, I dumped it and bought a new one.
Today, as we left HNL, this security guard lady told me she had to look through my purse. I told her that was fine. She asked me if I had a roll of coins in my purse and I told her no. Then she asked me if I had anything resembling that physically and I thought to myself, "Maybe it's the sushi." Then I remembered that I had a buttload of poker chips in the side pocket that I never open, so I told her that. Then she goes, "Yeah, that must be it because it looks like a roll of coins on the monitor," as she swipes my bag like she's conducting a pap smear. At that point, I shoot her a nasty look that says, "I didn't know it was illegal to carry metal money on board an American plane. You're stupid and you're taking a really long time to check out my bag. Why are you looking in every little case???" She literally opened like five bags in my purse. When she opened the side pocket and looked inside, I thought to myself, "Okay, you found the poker chips, may I go now?" And she continues to search through everything. (If I were on my period, I'd be pissed, and not because of the PMS, but because I can't stand people knowing about my private life. If you know about my menstrual cycle, you know too much!) Brainless finally asks me, "Where are the poker chips?" And I think to myself a couple things: (1.) Are you blind in addition to being stupid? (2.) We both know you weren't really looking for poker chips. (3.) Why didn't you ask me when you checked the second bag and realized this process would go much faster if you just asked me where they were from the freaking beginning? This is why you work at the airport, my dear. I know, I'm really mean, but this is how I get when people invade my privacy. I truly and deeply cannot stand when people GO THROUGH MY THINGS withOUT my permission! And if I'm forced to comply with this searching business, it's the same thing as not having my permission. I feel like I was being raped this afternoon. Seriously, it has NEVER taken this long for someone to go through my things. She jingled the purse, shook it up, unzipped every bag, double checked things... it was a nightmare. I hate no-common-sense procedures! Oh yes, I forgot, it's called "rare sense" because it's not that common!!! 
I Will Not Call Him "Uncle"
On the way home from KOA (airport), we had dinner at Auntie Linda and Uncle Teri's place in Kailua. I'm sorry... I love Uncle Teri, he's great, nice, friendly, considerate, respectful... but I can't STAND that friend of his, CARL!!!!! That man is SO RUDE and has SUCH a BAD ATTITUDE (which is unusual for locals) that I had to start PRAYING and RECITING Scripture! I haven't had the need to do that in a while! Man, oh, man.
One Week
I have one week left in Kona. One week left to do what I came here to do. One week left to make a difference, to love on my Grammie, to spend time with her, to help her, to be patient with her, and to be a light of God's love in her life. I have a feeling this is going to be a hectic week and I'm really dreading it. There's so much to do, so many people to see, and so little time. *sigh* Here we go...
New Schedule
Now - August 26th: return to CA from Kona
August 28th - September 5th: Washington, DC for Paul's cousin's wedding
September 5th - September 7th: Boston for Seth's wedding
September 7th - September 16th: Shanghai
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| I don't know what to do. 
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
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| It's almost 2 am in Kona and I can't sleep. I just unloaded a single-spaced page of emotional, confusion and discomfort in my diary, but I think I'd rather talk to a friend instead. My trust, when it has been threatened, is nearly impossible to recover. And immediate withdrawal is inevitable and uncontrollable, despite many years of acting classes.
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With the exception of last December and the summer of 2006, I don't recall ever being so depressed and so unhappy and so stressed and so dissatisfied in all my life. Maybe I'll accidentally drown at the Green Sand Beach tomorrow afternoon. If I do, don't hunt for my body... I want to buried at sea anyway.
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