Long Road

I have spent the last month out on the road away from my family. Breaking my back to bring home pennies because freight was slow and the miles just weren't coming to me. It's a long lonely road and time spent driving, working, and oftentimes just sitting and waiting for work is time spent thinking a whole lot about just about everything. A whole lot about why you are trying to make more money when the toll you need to pay is time with family. When you know that just you being home would bring more comfort than the almighty dollar could ever deliver. A whole lot about how fast life passes and how you wake up one morning and find out your over 30 years old and wonder just how in the fuck that happened. You talk to your wife over a cell phone over 5 times a day because you worry about her and the kids... and also because you are just lonely. I spent hour after hour sitting in the sleeper of my truck wondering how in the fuck I ended up away from my family when one of our set rules as a family was to always make time for us. I spent time driving down the road in the rain and remembering how fascinating and mesmerizing the streetlight sheen used to be to a 4 or 5 year old boy just yesterday. Well, it sure seemed like yesterday to me. Watching sunrise and sunset walk by like two old friends that came over to visit just a few hours of each other. The days froze into night and then melted back into day in a cycle so much faster than most people really realize I think. I already knew that I was going to let this over the road driving go and trade it in for some local work that was going to get me home every night... but when someone you don't know jumps into your cab waiting at a red light in the middle of Newark, New Jersey and takes you for about $75.00... well... lets just say that the process to get my life on track had been expedited. That very day I drove the truck to the nearest terminal and told them that I couldn't do it anymore. The way I figured was, if I found myself in a situation where that could happen in broad daylight, then I could definitely find myself in situations where a lot worse could happen. It's an odds game and they were no longer in my favor so I cashed in the chips and took my winnings. All told I netted about $525.00 when you take away the $75.00 I gave to the one holding the cards. Now... again comes the reflection. In hindsight I should have done a lot of things that could have saved me money, time, heartache, and even some embarrassment for the few small missteps that snowballed into a $75.00 mistake. After weeks of thinking on how I can better the life of my family, the first step was definitely not to become a hero in which case my family could be the ones to pay if things went sour. However, I am a firm believer that just about everything that happens has a reason. I could guess for another 3 weeks on exactly what that reason is, but I'm damn sure I already know the answer and I'll put my money there.