IntoTheSpectrum's Xanga

Variety is the spice of life...

Wed, 03 May 2006 20:09:10 GMT

Well...time for an update...so lets see. I spent most of last week in the hospital. Can I just say that bacterial infections are a bitch??!! LOL And OMG...someone needs to help those people at Lincoln General because they are all running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off. My favorite line while I was there was this, and mind you I'm paraphrasing: You have a bacterial infection, but we don't know where it's coming from, so we are just going to pump you full of antibiotics and hopefully it'll just go away. Yeah, that really makes me feel better...

School is almost over. Thank goodness. I don't know how much more I could've taken. Will someone please remind me to NEVER AGAIN take all TR classes??? Thanks. A sense surreality (is that even a word?) hit me earlier in the week. I registered for my last fall quarter of my college career. Well OK...not really because I still have grad school, but still. That means one very important thing...lots of changing are coming soon. I'll be out on my own in a totally new, unfamiliar place. I'll be an adult. It's really scary and exciting at the same time. But honestly, I fully embrace it because this has been a long time coming. I'm ready for new faces, new places, new friends, a new life. I need a change, because this life is slowly smothering me and I don't know how to escape...

Today is a good day...

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 19:05:21 GMT

The waters have finally ceased to ripple and tranquility has returned.

I realize that it has been nearly a month since I have written anything, but in that time I have discovered many things. Things about my life. Things about my surroundings. Things about my friends. Things about myself. Secrets and burdens that I have carried for far too long and have finally built the courage to bring to the surface. And what has come from this?

I am finally learning to let go of my inhibitions and fears, and to allow myself to simply have fun. Oftentimes I waste entirely too much energy on worrying what others think of my actions. I then hold myself back and as a result miss out on many opportunities. I find myself standing in the back corner alone as I watch my friends and life in general simply pass me by. What kind of life is that? None at all.

I am also learning that it is OK to be alone some of the time. As most young people are, I have been far too consumed with having as many friends as I can. But it is in your deepest, darkest, and most depressed moments that you come to realize that the thing that truly counts is not popularity but instead piousness. It is at this time that you truly come to understand the meaning of the phrase "quality over quantity." Because of this I get down on my knees and thank God every day for those people that have always been here for me through the years, and you know who you are. I love you all very dearly.

I am learning to let go of some of the stress in my life. I am learning that I cannot do it all. I am giving up some of my extracurricular activities at school so that next year I can focus mainly on finishing up my degree and getting into graduate school. If I can get into grad school at UT-Austin that will seriously be a dream come true. But basically, I don't want to spend all of next year having to run from this place to that place. I want to be able to have fun as well and hang out with my friends, most of whom I won't see after next year if I go to school in Texas.

So, today is a good day. A day of hopes. A day of dreams. A day of serenity. And with the school year coming to a close very quickly and the many opportunities that I have been graciously afforded this summer through my new internship and various trips that I shall be taking, I have many things to look forward to.

Yes, today is a good day, and tomorrow can only get better!

The balance is restored...

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 01:02:00 GMT

Have you ever noticed how when something bad happens in your life it is almost always counteracted by something really good? It's like there is this emotional scale, and when it tips too far to one side something has to occur to bring things back into equilibrium.

Anyway, that is what my week has been like. Kind of an emotional rollercoaster if you will. Earlier in the week Aunt Wanda and I had decided to begin looking for another place to live since the wonderful mold that is growing in our apartment keeps spreading (BAD!) and the property management company doesn't seem to worried about fixing it any time soon (WORSE!). So we began our hunt. Of course the condos in Ruston that I'd LOVE to move into don't have anything available (WORSE x 2!). Then we went all over northeastern Louisiana looking for something even remotely desireable and found nothing (WORSE x infinity!). So we have decided to stay here through the end of the quarter and start looking again this summer.

Today, though, a little bit of sunshine began to gleam over the horizon. And though it doesn't have to do with a new apartment or condo, I am extremely excited. I GOT A SUMMER INTERN POSITION AT CLECO!!! It is going to be wonderful experience, plus I'll be getting paid $10/hour!!! How awesome is that???

So, once again, the balance has been restored. And I pray that it will be a while before the wages begin to falter once again.

Time flies at the speed of light...

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 21:07:22 GMT

Well another break has come to an end and now it is time to get ready for school once again. The last quarter of my third year of college. I was thinking about that today and I realized something...one more year and I will be a college graduate! That is so crazy to me. It seems as though it was just yesterday I was moving into the apartment and entering the big, exciting new world of college life. Seeing old friends and meeting up with new ones. Late night trips. Thursday night dinner club meetings. LOL Concerts. Birthdays. Holidays. Ice cream cakes and gag gifts. Parting ways with loved ones only to reunite as if it were the first time you met. Friends. Roommates. Quarrels. Intervention sessions. Coming out. Going out. Forgetting people's names...and so so so much more. Man, how the time does fly...

It's amazing to me how much can happen in such a short period of time. So many wonderful memories. And soon it will be graduation requirements, graduate exams, admissions essays, and goodbyes. But even though I am approaching the end of my college career, I don't look at it as such. This is simply the beginning of the many wonderful things to come...and honestly...I CAN'T WAIT!!

Today is a day of change and a day of new beginnings...

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 18:01:42 GMT

Firstly, a new mindset. No longer am I going to try and make myself look a certain way because of what people may say about me or may think. However, this does not mean that I am going to let myself go. And though I may never looked like the toned Abercrombie model that turns everyone's head, I still have the right to feel good about myself. Besides, I oftentimes ask myself, "Does that person really exist?" The answer: No. That is mostly a combination of lighting effects and airbrushing to create "the perfect body." And then I have to think of what those models have to go through to keep a body like that. Spending countless hours at the gym. Depriving their bodies of food and nourishment just to keep themselves "in shape." Is it worth it? The answer: No. So what is the solution?

A new goal. Yes I do want to lose a few pounds. Though I have not gotten on the scales in a while I am beginning to see the effects of my out-of-control eating habits lately. And I don't mean that I want to drastically drop the pounds. I am estimation that I way somewhere between 135 and 140. And although that doesn't sound like a lot, for a person of my small stature it is a little more than I'd like. My ideal weight goal right now is 125. And I can do it. More importantly, I WILL do it.

A new solution. I have decided to try the Atkins diet as my weight loss program. Several of my friends and family members have tried it and have achieved great results. However, diet isn't enough. I need to get my level of activity back up to where it was when I began college. I will start walking again at least a few times a week. No more using the car to get across campus. I can walk. Plus I think I am going to look into an exercise program.

And none of this is unattainable. I can do it, and not for anyone else but FOR ME. To feel better about myself. So wish me luck everyone!!

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 18:53:20 GMT

Hey guys...

Just thought I'd let ya know that comments are awesome. They make me feel all warm in my happy place. SO LEAVE ME SOME BITCHES!!! Haha...just kidding!!

**MUAH** Luv u guys!

P.S. - Its DDR night here on Smith Hill. HECK YES!!!!

Friday, March 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 12:22:32 GMT

So I finally broke down and started a new Xanga. Why you ask? I thought this would be a great way to celebrate the one year anniversary of my coming out and the many ways in which I have grown throughout this past year. To think that just one year ago I was this shy, naive boy on the verge of entering a world the likes of which I had never experienced before. A world that, through both good and bad experiences, would help to shape the person that I am today. And yes, the road was not easy. There were family issues. Shock, anger, resentment, and many other emotions all rolled into one. There were personal issues. Depression, loneliness, perseverance, and finally...enlightenment. There were relationship problems. But through it all I have come to know some of the most wonderful people, have made lifelong friends, and have learned to live every day to the fullest. I have learned to be proud of who I am. And though many still consider me a "child" in my experiences, I feel as though I have accomplished a lot in this one year, and I look forward to many more...the laughter, the excitement, the friends, the boyfriends...life!