Sometimes the hardest decision and the right decision are the same thing

you know the feeling when a pimple is coming?  usually right before you go to bed or right wen you wake up, you are in the bathroom and you start noticing this red patch becoming more and more evident, and you are jus waiting for that pimple to grow and right wen that sucka is nice and ripe you pop that ish.  but in the back of your head you are thinking, dood i need to get rid of this now, cuz everyone will notice, but at the same time, i cant get rid of it now cuz then it will leave a mark foreverrr, therefore i should jus deal with it and jus accept the fact that i got a fat pimple forming on my face.

i want to say this is like life, but not really.. haha.  this past year i feel as though a lot of nothing has happened but at the same time it feels like a lot.  first its family.  now if you know me, family has never been my strength and has never been my favorite topic to discuss.  as much as i hate dealing with my parents and the annoyance and frustration i experienced, at the same time i enjoyed it. why? iduno, its a dilemma.  now before you start judgin, you have to realized, i didnt come from some happy perfect family or had the type of support the fresh prince did, but i came from a very different family.  i dont feel like explainin too much, but whether its my dads health or whatever shit that comes up with it, eventually, i realized that family is family. no matter what, you should never be ashamed of your family, no matter what pple say or how pple think of you.... its your fam and family is family. 

another part is my faith.  One thing i tried so hard to strive on this year, is to stay strong.  but it made me think of the things that happened in my life so far, especially during college.  yes, i am satisfied with my life now, and yes i am every excited bout the future, but there will always be a little part of me that regrets some of my past.  just tellin myself that the big man upstairs got my back the whole time and i have to show him i can remain strong led me to one thing.  the one biggest lesson of my freakin life so far this year.  no its not from some bible study, or some great speaker.  see i hate that, im sorry but im gona have to say this, i like it wen pple come up to me and tell me to go to this one church or to this one bible study, yes thas great but wen you start sayin how its better than the church im goin to and how the pastor is a better speaker, see that shit can really irk me... cuz first of all, we are all readin from the same bible, i hope so.. and we hopefully are learning the same thing.  but really, i dont want to limit god to some bible study or some sermon, i want to experience god and feel him.  see i didnt grow up in a typical christian family.. so wen anyone starts askin me if i know what the "truth" means i jus shy away... cuz i hate that... i hated it so much wen i was younger cuz i thought christians were the biggest hypocrites ever.... show me more than jus talk and tryin to be self righteous all the time and how i jus need to believe and life is good.... but fortunately i know there more to it....you wonder why gandhi said i love your jesus but not your christians....sorry if i pissed you off.  

o yea... back to the what i learned....so from this whole year... i have to say.. being strong and puttin up this front made me realize that i was indeed weak sauce.  being strong really meant being able to admit weakness.  yes i will admit, there are some things i wished i did better and mistakes are made.  do i need to make some changes? mos def... life is not jus full of transitions is one big fat ass transition, i jus gota keep up with it and not fall back.  if i want to get better stronger whatever... i need to be that change i want to be.  the reality is, my life is gona be full of setbacks, but ultimately how i handle them, is gona measure how i succeed in my life.  thank God He still loves me.

In order to see to light, sometimes you cannot be afraid to experience the dark