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| Of weeks that could have been better, but also could have been worse.Well loves, for another year, conference is done.
To be perfectly honest, I did not seek out conflict this year as I have in years past. I avoided the youth at all costs, spent a lot of time in my room with a book, and went to open table meetings where I was surrounded by like-minded people, all of whom are as weary as I am. I did not seek to be an agent of change through open controversy and challenging argument, but merely another of the foundation of the minority, seeking change through my vote. There was little else to do this year but hurry up and wait.
It was frustrating.
However, small progress has been made. The conference passed legislation I never thought I'd see happen this year. We passed legislation concerning taking better care of the environment (albeit, I had to sit through debate in which dozens of conservative, pig headed christians tried to deny that climate change is happening), we passed legislation that calls for us to be allies for immigrants to this nation, and we passed legislation calling for us to be more open-hearted in dealing with the sensitive and controversial subject of homosexuality in the church.
Of course, we also passed legislation that called for us to "come out against" a stupid television show, but you can't have everything. I made a speech against the legislation, I even sang a verse of "the Fantasticks" in front of the entire 2,000 person conference and told them we were being stupid, because if we boycott a television show, we're going to make it horrendously popular because people don't like being told no.
I was unable to get up and make the speech that I wrote on the homosexuality legislation, so I will share it here, in order that it be heard.
A while ago I was watching television with a friend when one of the commercials for the United Methodist Church came on: Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors. She asked me what I thought, and I had to pause a moment, before answering that I felt it was true of some of the people, at some of the churches, some of the time. I said I'd even go so far as to say that at conference I'd experienced that it was true of most of the people, at most of the churches, most of the time, except in regards to homosexuality. That my experience with the conference on this issue was that we are a church that is deeply divided, and that homosexuality is often approached with closed minds, and closed hearts and closed doors. That I had in fact experienced hateful sentiments with ugly words for the rainbow stole I wear in love. That I had been indeed unfortunately privileged to experience a mere taste of the pain my gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered brothers and sisters experience often, in a place that is supposed to be wholly christian.
This legislation as amended takes into consideration how much we as a church, and as God's children, struggle with this complex and challenging issue, and most importantly it calls us to continue to examine our own thoughts and actions with love, open hearts, without judgement, open minds, and with welcoming, open doors. I'm tired of our commercials being empty words in regards to this issue. Let's act, and continue to make disciples of Jesus Christ. Or, if we cannot, let's take the commercials off the air, and stop advertising falsely.
One woman stood up, and as every year, went on a long rant about how God does not love homosexuals, how God is a God of wrath, not a God of Love, and that we should feel free to judge those who are gay, and we should not be welcoming that "sin" into "our" church. I was both angry, and incredibly upset. It was expected, we get the same every year, but I cried for the amount of hate present in her speech, and I described to my mom how angry I was feeling towards her.
As always, my mom made an incredibly good point. She expressed that I should both be trying to understand where she was coming from, and that I should pity her. The more I've thought about it, the more I can say that I do. That she believes in, and worships a God that is so wrathful, that is so hateful as to condemn his own Children to hell, to damn them from birth, is an awful thing. I'm so blessed to have developed my faith as I have, that I believe in a God of love, of grace, and of forgiveness. I'm incredibly fortunate to have the parents I do, who encourage me to develop my theology as it fits me best, and who are wholly loving and caring, who have modeled for me in their behavior, what I want my God to be as a parent.
And so I do pity her. I pity her that her faith is built on a foundation of wrath and hate. I pity the youth that they can be friends with people who are gay, but are in such a place in their faith that they believe those friends are damned to hell. I pity the older members of this conference who feel that the church is being taken away from them. I pity them, and I forgive them, for they know not what they do.
In my lifetime, I swear on everything I hold true, we will see this injustice righted. | | |
| Of Strange Dreams.Once again, last night I had a very strange dream.
It started with my family, plus Jerrod and in all likelihood Champer in the basement of some house. We were participating in a clinical trial for Wesley, that involved all those who were around him regularly to fill out these outrageously long, ridiculously worded journals, and also to fill in these questionnaires. I protested that being away at college made me exempt, as I'm not around him regularly any longer. I was then handed my cousin Ethan, only he was an infant, and a very small one at that. I got lost wandering around this house, and as I wandered I began to realize that it was the house I lived in when we lived in the hilltop in Columbus, except naturally it really wasn't, but it was at the same time (I hate that!) and that they'd done a lot of renovations on it. I also began running into friends from Theta all over the place. As I continued to wander, trying to find a doctor for Ethan, or some help, the house continued to transform into this massive mansion like mall, that resembled both the Ohio Theatre and the huge convention center in Columbus, and had all these confusing windowed rooms with no where to go, and I was horribly lost, and people kept coming up to me, trying to convince me to go back down to the clinical trial stuff for Wesley, and I wanted to do that, but I needed to get help for Ethan, and I was flipping out because for some reason I really needed Tyler. Like I was focused on trying to find this doctor, but I desperately wanted to find Tyler and I kept seeing him, but he kept running off with a woman who in the dream seemed to be his wife, and I needed him and he definitely kept disappearing. And then I finally found the doctor, outside of the movie theatre in this mansion, just as Jerrod and Champer appeared to bring me back down to the clinical trial, and the doctor looked and sounded and felt like Josh, even though it wasn't at the same time that it was, and then I woke up.
What does it MEAN!? | | |
| Of chaos, my god-family, and "quiet" weekends at homeA lot has happened. In the moment of things for the past couple of weeks, I've been incredibly unable to put into words anything that I am feeling or thinking. And I still think that's appropriate. There aren't words, are there shouldn't be. So I'll leave it that way, except to note that it's been two of the longer weeks of my life, and I've got nothing on anyone else.
Chaos is an interesting word.
noun: Complete disorder and confusion.
ORIGIN: late 15th century, denoting a gaping void or chasm
Khaos 'vast chasm, void'
Seems appropriate.
This weekend I walked into an utterly different kind of chaos, though in this case it was merely due to mess, which can be attributed to busy parents, one working full-time and the other working on her doctorate, and two children under the age of 18, one of whom has Autism and the other a very, very busy social butterfly of a 15 year old. It was an interesting chaos to walk in to, and Thank God, to help clean up. Unfortunately, my room still hasn't been unpacked since, oh, we moved in, so I've been living in boxes for the past year, and they've (past) begun to creep out of my closet and into my room. Challenge for when I return in June, I suppose. In any case: I've had the homemade and tastier version of chipotle, and tonight we're grilling out, and sleeping in my own bed has done wonders for my back, today I held and played with my god-daughter for a few hours at a picnic, which is always a joy, and I have clean clothes, which is indeed always good.
Also, this weather can stick around. Well, not the weather at this precise moment, but certainly the warm sunniness of the past few days.
Love you all. | | |
| Of Sunday School and the upcoming hellweekSo today in Sunday school we had another one of those conversations that left me struggling with my denomination. Every once in a while (which is unfortunately increasing in frequency) I have one of those weeks where nothing in the church seems to appeal to me. I have my beliefs, I consider myself to be a spiritual person, I believe in God, I struggle with the concept of Hell and don't really put much stock in its existence, I believe that we should be good to one another, etc. I have a really hard time talking politics with people who are more theologically conservative than I am. I make the distinction "theologically" conservative, because I can talk politics outside of church with people more politically conservative than I am very easily. Not without frustration, but easily. But fundamental theological differences really get to me, and leave me feeling incredibly discontented.
Today we talked about the attacks on Virginia Tech. It started out as a fairly generic discussion, the kind you heard in classrooms across the country this week, but then we got into his mental health issues. We discussed nature versus nurture, we discussed the social impact on one's decisions, and the effect of bullying. And then one student in the class shared that her impression from the videos she'd seen of him, and of the attacks, was that the "devil had taken hold of him". That he had so much hate in his eyes, that she believed that it was that he had been taken over by the devil, and he was to blame.
Now, I struggle with the concept of the devil to begin with, but this solution bothered me immensely. To say that "the devil took hold" really irks me, because it takes all of the responsibility off of the self, and more importantly, off of society. It says that some people are just born evil, that the devil is just present in them, and that the rest of us get off scot-free, because there's nothing we could have done.
I take issue with that. There are things we could have done. I do not truly believe that people are born evil. If we are going to say that evil was present, or even to go so far as to say that "the devil" was present, I'll give in a little to that, because in an act with so much hate, I'll accept that there was evil present, but I will not accept that pure evil, or the devil was the cause.
These acts, these school shootings, domestic violence, bullying, bombings, these are the results of our society. We are partially to blame. We are at fault. One should not and cannot put all of the blame on some distant and only somewhat present existence of "the devil", because we have to step up and take responsibility. If it were the devil, then why are these acts happening so often in America, and not often anywhere else? These school shootings are almost purely an American phenomenon, so what are we as a society doing to cause them? More importantly, what can we do to stop them? I strongly believe that what is at fault here is our glorification and obsession with violence, and with what is attractive and "in". We've evolved as a society into something elitist even while we value "down to earth" qualities in a leader so much to the point where the ideal is unattainable, and we step on one another endlessly in the process of trying to get there. And while this is happening, in our urban core, our children are surrounded by gun and gang violence, and in our suburban schools, our children are surrounded by elitist, money and image centered bullying, and in both to the point where thousands every year are taking their own lives. And every once and a while out of those children that take their own lives, we have children that snap to the point where they feel the only way to be heard is to take others down with them.
What have we done? Because hand to God, I don't believe it's the devil, I think it's us.
On an entirely unrelated note, this is the week from hell. Oh Sara Chambers, you suck my time and my soul. I love you dearly, but I cannot wait to be done with your script analysis class. And also, if script analysis doesn't cause me to go a little crazy, then my acting class will.
I never thought I'd say it, but thank God for Kate's classes.
Oh, and regardless of the insanity of my workload, I WILL be going to 80s night, because by God I deserve to actually celebrate my 20th birthday.
Hey... I'm 20. Weird.
Love you all. Sorry for the rambles today. | | |
| Of Company, and the Best Weekend EverCompany was pretty good. I was very impressed by a specific four of the actors, who I felt really claimed their characters and were invested both musically, and in their scenes. I absolutely loved the "not getting married" song. I'm looking forward to watching the DVD of the broadway version, because I think it's a show I'd really love if I were able to see it done a little differently. All in all though, it was alright.
I'm going to have the best weekend ever!
In a few hours I will be leaving for my first official meeting with Scott High School (something I'm very excited and very nervous about). From there, I will be driving to Columbus with Josh and Becky, where we will have my birthday dinner, and even more delicious, my birthday dessert (Chocolate cheesecake with a chocolate graham cracker crust and a dark chocolate ganache) and then sleeping in my own bed for the night, followed by a nice lunch with my family, and AVENUE Q (ilauntwieurjnflszkdjfnk I'M SO EXCITED!) and then driving back with Josh and Becky, and Initiation, and on Sunday we're filming Alex/Brin/Beth's thing for class.
YAY!
Looooooooooove you all! | | |
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