so, here i am again, feeling really down.
i keep realizing how much i messed up this past year.
i think i'm learning my lesson.
yeah, still learning, it's a yearlong lesson, too.

here's what 'triggered' it this time.
we were planning on going hiking this friday, tomorrow.
we've been planning on it this whole week.
we still have ppl who can come, plenty, even w/out the Calaways.
but something is messing this up....we probably can't go.
why? b/c these certain ppl planned to hike at the very same time,
at the very same place, on the very same day.
that really shouldn't be a problem, only it is.
'cause we're not allowed to see them, or rather, they're not allowed to see us.
so we have to hike somewhere else?!?!?
dang, i didn't know they were planning to, somebody who's known since
monday could have told us, but they didn't, and we just found out.
it seems...idk, i wouldn't have even tried to go tomorrow if i had known, and now
ppl might think we tried to go at the same time!
i'm soo bummed...that's not really the word...
i just feel like giving  up. i am giving up.
what's worse...i guess i'm just disappointing myself, but, like,
this was supposed to be the summer i was going to have so much fun,
and we were going to go hiking a ton, and we were going to go camping as a family,
and i wanted to take a road trip with deanna, and soo many other things...
but i'm not doing the road trip, etc. b/c i'm going to ireland...which i have misgivings about.
but i'm such a failure. sometimes i just feel so out of touch.
i'm not a good friend to anyone, i just mess everything up with everyone, for everyone, etc.
and it's my fault that i can't do anything.
w/e...i'm just a mess...

Hey peeps,
so, i'm heading off down south again, this time south west to TX...
i'll be there till around the 15th.
i'm really looking forward to it, it'll be great.

um, it was just decided that i will be going to Ireland in August...pretty cool...
i just have to work all summer to pay for it, but it's not that much actually.
i'm going with Mr. Ramsay and Derek. 
We're going to travel with an Irish band and possibly i will play with them.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So cool, and it's weird b/c i just found out about it on Saturday, and we finally decided now.
soooo cooooool.....................YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, g2g have some packing to do still, and i gotta leave in the morn, not too early though,
i'll pack then....YAY!!!!!!!!

lyn