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ItrustYouLord
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Name: ItrustYouLord
Gender: Female
Interests: Precept leader, cross-stitch, reading, painting, drawing and hot baths
Expertise: I haven't arrived in anything.. still learning every day.
Occupation: making our castle a safe haven
Industry: homemaking
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
7/26/2006
 True
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| Keeping Him in focus..Jeff
was able to increase his commissions a bit today, but his check will
still be 70% less than it usually is if God doesn't step in. This is
our big bill paying week, and I don't see how we will be able to pay
rent and buy groceries with what is scheduled to come in. I haven't had any sales this month. Nothing on my website, nothing on
my Amazon account.. *shakes her head* God obviously doesn't want me to
be able to "fix" this situation. I'm
trying to keep my focus on Him and see that this is the perfect
scenario for a miracle. Last time I checked.. He still does those.
*wink* I also keep reminding myself to be thankful that he has a job.
There are many who don't have one, and would be greatly blessed to get
a paycheck. I am so thankful.. and know that it's only by the grace of
God.
It's been a real struggle to keep myself from slipping to the negative
side of things this time around. Sam has been great to keep me
smiling and thankful for the wonderful gift he is in my life.
Wednesday I was feeling a bit down, so he and I went out for a swim.
We were floating on our rafts.. holding hands.. thinking of things to
thank God for. It was so wonderful to hear his sweet little voice
thanking God for things that are important to him. It wasn't all toys
and such.. it was people, favorite foods, things we've been able to do
as a family. *tears* What a blessing to hear his heart having the
right perspective on life. I could learn so much from this little guy.
There are other areas we are waiting on God for, but I'll spare you the
details on those. I'm sure that eventually, it will come out.
*smile* He has a way of using all things for a lesson.. for me or
someone else. I'm so thankful that He still takes the time to teach
and train us in how to 'do' life...
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| I know what he's up to..The
enemy simply wants to steal my peace and my joy, and I won't have it!
Jeff called with news that would normally send me to a quiet corner of
the house to cry, but I will not give in and be defeated today. What is
ahead of us is in God's hands. I cannot change a thing.. but He can do
all things. I am asking Him to work a miracle for us in this area. Jeff
has been faithful in his work. We have been faithful in our tithing and
giving. We know that the enemy is out to cause us fear and to make us
take a step back and be more cautious ..but we can't do that. We must
obey Him in all things, and that includes our money and how we handle
it. After all, it's not ours anyway! We have less of it lately with the
added gas expenses and driving an hour one way to church. I sometimes
question if we should cut back, but then I feel that I'm not giving God
the ability to use us and provide for us.
Jeff's in sales, which
is not the best profession, but it's what he knows.. and he's good at
it. He has had a lot of sales this month, but the clients haven't paid
their bills. We don't get paid for the sale until they pay their bill.
If they pay after Tuesday of next week, we have to wait another month
until we get paid that commission. That seems so impossible for us to
make it that long.. according to my flesh. But my spirit knows that God
is already working on the issues and has His answer on the way. That is
what I desire.. His answer.. His provision.. His guidance in how we get
through the month ahead. I am so thankful that we can lean on Him.
I'm
off to listen to some more encouraging preaching, as I can feel my
flesh trying to cause anxiety in my body, but I just won't have it! I'm
still suffering effects from the previous anxiety attacks.. and I
cannot be out longer. I have so much I need to be doing, and when it
hurts to even type.. it limits what I'm able to do. Jeff has ordered me
to take it easy, which I am doing. The house is presentable, and the
laundry is almost caught up. I will focus on that tomorrow and spend my
Saturday finishing up my preparations for my Pre K class on Sunday
morning.
Time to remind myself of some great blessings:- His Word.. that continually promises and encourages me to keep on.
- A pool to cool off in and allow us to keep the thermostat a bit higher in the house.
- Sandwich fixins.. and kids that love sandwiches! :)
- My iPod that allows me to be encouraged and retreat to a quiet place at the same time.
- Not having to "fake it" for others today.. that wears me out.
- A husband who loves me and knows how I worry.. so is careful to protect me when he can and break the news gently when he can't.
- The internet that still allows me to "get out" even when I can't leave the house.
- Sam's desire for learning. We are now working on counting past 100!
- COFFEE.. I may be drinking a few extra cups as I work on my Bible study today.
- My family.. that loves me even when I find it impossible to love myself.
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| I need You, Lord...I woke feeling stressed, down, and defeated. This is
not a good combination for me. I spent some time outside crying a
bit.. hoping that somehow, things will start to pull together in my
heart. I know that I'm getting weary again from the waiting. The ups
and downs of this part of our journey really gets to me from time to
time. I'm thankful that He doesn't give up on me when I get like
this. I can't imagine how He puts up with me.. as I'm so sick of
myself already. I know that in His perspective of time, this wait
hasn't been long at all. For me.. it's felt like an eternity.
I
have spent some time outside getting things cleaned up and was sitting
in the yard crying a bit when Jeff popped out the back door and said,
"We need to barbecue today!" That sounds wonderful, but I don't have
any thing in the house for us to barbecue. I miss those days when we
had more freedom to keep the freezer and pantry full and could do
something like that at the drop of a hat. I remember having people
just drop by, and me be able to put a wonderful dinner before them. I
would be embarrassed if I had to try to do that now. Our finances
aren't anywhere near where they used to be.. back when I took having
our favorite foods in the house for granted. Now I keep my freezer
unplugged because it's usually empty.
Today needs to turn
around. I can't continue on this path. My family isn't ready for a
weepy Momma again. I hate being that way anyhow.. but it's so hard to
pull out sometimes. I dropped a line to my counselor, and was told I
really need to try to get back on medication, but that's not an option
with our finances as they are. I will trust Him to give me what I need
to keep on keepin' on.. He can handle that. I will do what I can, and
leave the rest in His hands..
I would appreciate prayers.. thanks.
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| A long, wonderful day..We
had an early start, even though we were late getting to church. That
hour drive is getting to be so hard to face on a Sunday morning.
Thankfully, it was a great day, and I was able to have lunch with my
favorite aunt. *smile* She made spaghetti and meatballs, and it tasted
just like Grandma's. What a wonderful treat. I stuffed myself (not so
good).. but it was really wonderful.
Afterwards, we ran a few
errands while we were in town, and looked at a house someone had
mentioned to us. It was "doable".. if that's what God wants us to have.
I would prefer a bigger kitchen, since I spend most of my time in
there. That's really the only downside to the house. The location isn't
exactly what we were hoping for either, but it would put us much closer
to church. Jeff's drive to work would just be more congested. We are
praying, and asking God to make it clear what He wants for us. That's
all we're after... what He has for us. Everything else will work out.
We then stopped at the bookstore on the way home so I could pick up a book I'm so anxious to read, Dead Heat.
I couldn't bring myself to pay what they were asking for the book.. so
I will wait until it comes out on paperback in September. Until then, I
have it on reserve at the library.. but that's not too promising right
now either. I rarely get anything I put on reserve out here. I miss the
libraries "back home"... *smile*
I should get going, finish up my chores for the night and try to get some sleep. I am so thankful for the things we do have.
- We have a great family.
- We have a wonderful church.
- I'm married to my best friend.
- My boys are the greatest!
- Our car gets descent gas mileage.
- My car may be able to be repaired.
- God has never let us out of His care.
- God has provided for our every need.
- God also provides for wants now and then.
- Coffee and flavored creamer.
Now I'm off to finish those chores, and soak in a hot bath for a while.
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| Am I awake?Sam woke me at 7 am.. never mind the fact that I didn't
get to sleep until 5 am. He was feeling sick, and my morning routine
was set. I'm still not fully awake, even after 2 pots of coffee. He
was finally able to keep something down, and now wants to go outside
and chalk for a while. I think he's feeling better.
Now I
need to get some of my chores done, finish getting the pool open (it's
not much bigger than a kiddie pool.. so don't get too excited).. but we
do filter it and treat it so it doesn't get gross. I do have 3 men
that use it *ewwww*.. so lots a chlorine to kill their cooties. Now to
do something about this junk in my trunk that is keeping my suit from
fitting properly..
Which reminds me ..I haven't eaten yet
today. That's a victory! I'm trying.. no, I'm GOING to get back to
intuitive eating (faith based of course). I must do this for myself.
I know I'm not feeling as well as I have in the past, and a lot of that
has to do with what I'm eating. Even the muscle spasms can be
partially attributed to my diet, which has been spurred by stress.
This cycle has to stop.. I deserve better than this.
I tend to forget who I am. I treat myself worse than I would dare
treat another human being. I keep getting reminded of that, and He is
urging me to see what He sees, but when I get a glimpse, I don't
believe. Who am I to treat something He created as trash. After all,
I am His creation. Would I treat anyone else the way I treat myself?
The answer to that means I need to change a lot of things..
It's going to be a long day..
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