Still Alive!

Hello Friends

I'm back! I didn't really think that I'd missed xanga at all but I finding out that maybe I did.  So here I am, different, stronger...braver(I think)...more loving...a little less chained...a little more free...a tiny bit broken...but me .

summertime please pass slowly...I don't want these memories to fade..summertime please pass slowly...i never want the sun to go away

I've learned a couple things since I last posted. There are fews things more incredible than boats and sunshine, even fewer things more incredible than family and friendships, and absolutely nothing more incredible than my sweet sweet precious Savior and his everlasting love for me.

my Savior, precious Savior. I will follow after you. Savior, my Savior you are

One of the biggest things I've learned in the past couple months is that life changes. You never know when and you never know how but it does. Those great big monumental experiences that we always saw when we were young, the ones we never thought would come...do. And we have no clue how to handle them.

the stars aren't out yet, haven't done my part yet, cause i forgot my line, now i'm just waisting time, and i jumble the words, as stumble it hurts...

And in the endless endless cylce of change..we lose sight of what's important. We think, "oh as soon as everything slows down I'll change. I'll make it better, I'll get back on track, set everything straight." The problem is nothing ever slows down. No matter how far we dig our feet in the word just keeps on turning, and our heads just keep spinning right along with it. Have you ever tried to look at the same object the whole time your spinning around in a circle? Guess what? Its impossible. Cause even if you look at it everytime you come back around to it. You start to get dizzy and you start to lose focus and pretty soon you can't find it anymore.  

round and round, around she goes. when she'll drop no one knows. round and round. around she goes. when she'll fall no one knows.

But eventually you get so dizzy...you fall. For awhile the room continues to spin, but slowly slowly things come back into focus..and somehow in the midst of everything...we find Jesus, or Jesus finds us, or something. We never know when and we never know how. We just know that He's there. And then we find out He was there the whole time and we just weren't paying attention.

I'm falling, falling, falling apart. Father, Father hold onto my heart.

We were too busy spinning around in our little circle that we lost sight of our Object. So we fall...but we get back up. We might walk a little crooked for awhile, but eventually everything clears up. And eventually...we spin again. We fall...everything comes back into focus...we get up...we walk a little crooked...everything clears...and then we spin again! The endless endless cycle! But maybe just maybe we can break it...maybe we'll grow up and quit standing in the middle of the living room racing with the ceiling fan. Maybe we can keep our eyes on the Object. Maybe we can spread the light, start a fire. Maybe we can start to breath, to speak, to walk, to live, only for our sweet sweet precious Savior. Maybe...

She walks to the stairs, then she turns away
she ignores their stares as she find another way
and though she cannot stand, she stands for what is right
and even when these weakend hands, she won't give up the fight

His pockets are empty, his wallet is bare
his shoulders are sinking, under what he bears
and though he cannot pay, he's paying for his pride
his house of sand has washed away, he can no longer hide

and this is their song, the song that they sing
this is there song of their hope in their King

There is You, there is You. There's always You and You are what I need
There is You, there is You. There's always You, You're the oxygen I breathe
You are the life inside of me. You are all that I need. You are all that I need.
You are All

oh and sorry for using we...when its really more like me. sometimes i just feel better if i'm not alone.

laughter in the sunshine
we're spending all of our time
making footprints in the sand
trying to make plans
but the future seems so far
the journey seems so hard
summertime please pass slowly...

The Struggle

    Pencil poised over paper, ready, waiting for command. It starts to write...then stops. Nothing comes. Minutes pass unnoticed. The pencil never moves. The mind works, strains for a thought, just one. A word!! No...half a word, and then erased. The page is empty except for the small smudge of an "almost". The clock continues... blind to the pain of the pencil. Ears long for the scratch of brilliance. Eyes wonder searching for inspiration...settle, watch, record. Suddenly the mind breaks free and runs! The pencil struggles to keep up! Racing, racing...STOPS...then runs again! THE FINISH LINE AT LAST! The pencil drops in exhaustion.
The page is full.

Just in case you forgot...

...I Believe In You.

When there's nothing to believe in, I belive in you
Forget the past and let my hand in yours be the proof
Though the strong could be my company, you're the one I choose
So remember, I believe in you

I know it feels like every eye is watching you
Waiting for you to fall, expecting you to lose
But I see victory, so all you have to do
Is remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

There will come a day when love will lift you out of here
There will come a day when love will bring the truth
There will come a day when love will free you from your fear
And you'll remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

Bethany Dillon
                        

Perplexity

I sit here strumming my guitar
Try and write, don’t get too far
The words don’t come so easily
They seem to be stuck inside of me
The feelings I have won’t show up on paper
I write, I sigh, pull out my eraser
start again, I start again
My mind hasn’t consented
I need words un-invented
Where is my imagination?
Where is my imagination?

Words…such simple things
Leave me in perplexity
They make or break
Mold or shake
Give or take
Words…such simple things
Leave me in perplexity

I play the melody over and over again
No words seem to fit in
How do I convey my emotion
My creativity is broken
 The feelings I have won’t show up on paper
I write, I sigh, pull out my eraser
start again, I start again
My mind hasn’t consented
I need words un-invented
Where is my imagination?
Where is my imagination?

Words…such simple things
Leave me in perplexity
They make or break
Mold or shake
Give or take
Words…such simple things
Leave me in perplexity

The words I need are still unspoken
The letters separated and broken
They won’t fit in, they’re jumbled and shaken
They hide, their definitions mistaken
The feelings I have they run from my head
I try, I sigh, empty pages I dread
start again, I start again
The words haven’t consented
I need my mind reinvented
Where is my imagination?
Where is my imagination?

Words…such simple things
Leave me in perplexity
They make or break
Mold or shake
Give or take
Words…such simple things
Leave me in perplexity

Words…such simple things
such simple things
such simple things
Leave me in perplexity
But I…still try
Where is my imagination?