Currently Listening Landslide By Fleetwood Mac landslide see related

another thing

You know, someting occured to me the other day. I could be totally wrong about this, but I noticed that Nikki has been updating her message on her MySpace page more frequently than she has on facebook page.  not to mention she has said nothing about "being in love" or the "love of her life" on her facebook page.  She also hasn't put any pictures of her in Iowa since she's gotten there, and she's a pretty big picture girl.  The other thing is she hasn't blocked me on AIM.  She even told me she was going to distance herself from me, and she said that Paul doesn't like her talking to me.  And she is the kind of girl that completely blocks people out of her life.  If paul doesn't like her talking to me, then why hasn't she blocked me on AIM yet.  The other thing is I've noticed she is always online until around 4pm or 5pm... which is usually when the normal work day ends.. possibly when Paul gets off work?  Is she just staying on during the day with the chance that I might IM her?  Is she more afraid of getting in trouble if I IM her while he's there, or is she straight up hoping I would IM her?  Sometimes I want to IM her and get a feel.  But it just hurts so much to think about her.  I mean, maybe I"m over analyzing things, but I just can't imagine that she wouldn't block me if she really wanted me out of her life.  The LAST weird thing is one night when i was at days inn when i had just talked to her about whether or not she wanted to move to Iowa with this guy, she sent me a message over aim...  but I wasn't there to respond to it.  When I got ahold of her the next day she told me not to worry about it.  So that makes me think she wanted to talk about US.  God I'm such a fucking loser.  Why do I talk myself into these things? I Need to talk myself OUT of them.  Like I said I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy.  But I just think it's weird that she's on during the work day, and not at all at night, especially late night.  I deleted her number so I wouldn't be tempted to call her ever again.  I let her know before I talked to her last if she ever needs anything, even just somone to talk to I'm always here for her.  I want to talk to her so bad.  I'm not crying or anything like that, but I just don't ever want to do anything.  Everyone wants to go out and hang out, but I just want to be alone.  It's fun to go out every now and then, and I know it's best that I go out as much as possible, especially now.  I try to go out, but really it's just not as fun as it was.  Not to meniton, I've been gaining weight again.I just can't get the energy to work out at all.  I have no motivation.  Who the fuck do I have to impress?  I enrolled into two P.E. classes to finish my degree, which might have come at the perfect time.  Otherwise I'm pretty sure i'd never work out.

so i'm really toasted right now.  The sad part is i'm such a nerd that I don't make any typos.  The cool part is this was quite possibly the best birthday ever hands down.  It started off by Nikki taking me to dinner (On the Border) with the shitiest waitress ever, but luckily the food was orgasmic so it evened out.  Then we went to Nick's and drank my balls off.  That was cool seeing everyone and shit.  Not only that, she got me a CASE of shiner Bock and a hat for me... the story behind the one i lost is that I was driving and the sun was bright and the windshield wasn't giving me a good view so i stuck my head out in order to see the road so i wouldn't crash into the car in front of me.  Well nikki gave me a new hat.  That is why she is the coolest ever.  I love that girl to death.. I'm drunk and going to bed, night.

Edit 11 / 22/ 05 - Man I was gone that night, but i'm not about to change that post

Currently Listening The Beautiful Letdown By Switchfoot More Than Fine see related

"The Awesomest day ever times infinity +1"

Oh man today was quite possibly one of the best days ever.  For serious. To start the day off right... I woke up next to Nikki this morning and my days always go well when I wake up looking at that gorgeous girl.  After watching some pre game football on TV we went to McDonald's and I had some orgasmic food, and I got a few new monopoly pieces for my game thing.  Then I dropped her off and we hung out in the parking garage for a little bit, it kinda sucked but it was still a lot of fun .  After that I watched the Cowboy game, and we beat the living shit out of Philadelphia   It was so awesome seeing the scoreboard after the game.  I couldn't believe we had beaten the eagles like that.  After that I chilled at my place for a little bit and played some Halo and just screwed around for a little bit.  After awhile I was talking to Nikki for a little while and then when that ended I played Jordan on XBOX live in Madden.  And yes... I won .. barely but I won LOL.  So all in all the day fucking rocked.and like I could look forward to more of these types of days