-- warning* warning* extremely long update below!!
i think it is a good time to rewind J
a new year…
a new beginning*
i know it may be late but here goes…
the happiness and tears that 2004 brought
is now just a memory. pictures scattered reminding
me of all the good times that were shared with the
people i truly adore, admire, and love. those times
stay fresh in my mind. while the pain and heartache
remain suppressed from my recollection…
in 2004 i learned more about myself and the people
who i choose to associate myself with… the friends
i without a doubt kept close to me, the ones who i
decided to let go, and those who i developed new
relationships with. there is some sort of surreal feeling
that i get when i reminisce about the many people who
have walked in then out of my life. it’s indescribable, yet
the word “hurt” comes to mind?! i question this feeling
constantly but never get a clear answer… i've always been
known to be a person who holds on to things, even when
there isn’t anything left to hold onto. maybe that’s the
answer, but i truly feel there is much more to it!
but since this is a new beginning, i have decided to let
go of this characteristic of mine and look to what is more
then perfect in my life* the people who continue to
make positive differences in my life. i am very blessed
needless to say! and i am very thankful for them J
it was all about me-me-me in 2004 as shallow as that may
sound! i without shame confess, that i got everything i
wanted… from the materialistic aspects to “all-eyes-on-me”
attention to my success in school and work. many memorable
events occurred in 2004 that i have pictures to remind me of!
but back to the “me-me-me” topic of this section! why give this
section of my entry such a vein opening? well because the
year was “all-about-me” i was able to become less of the “nice,
vulnerable guy” and more of the “things go my way. and **** you
if you don’t like it kind of guy!” call me a bitch if you’d like, but hey!
it was just a snap of reality that got to me. life is a competition…
it’s survival of the fittest. and if i plan on surviving this life, i will
do whatever it takes for ME to be successful!
i gained a better understanding of what the two people who
brought me into this world are all about in 2004 !! its funny
when a person realizes that they’re more like their parents
then they ever thought they were. funny how sometimes people
try so hard to not be like their parents… but off coarse fail! what
my parents believe and stand for, i too believe and stand for! how
they have raised me i am pleased with. if it wasn’t for their “tough-love”
i don’t think i’d be as disciplined as i am today. i do have a lot more
growing up to get through, but i am very satisfied with how
strong and independent i have become! my family played a HUGE
role throughout the year. i don't know where i'd be without them!
i've never felt a love like this... like in 2004 Y (o725o3) the most
serious relationship i have ever been in hit it’s memorable 1year mark!
all i have for this relationship is faith and hope* the two components
that are underestimated and over looked in many relationships…
no one can tell the future and no one can decide their faith. but in
any case, i do believe we have a bright future ahead of us! we have
been through a lot within the past year and without him i may have
gone a little loco. i admire his patience and his love* he's always
there to wipe the tears and reassures me that he always will, even
when odds seem to be against us! there's no doubt in my mind that
we can get through anything together... its ME and HIM against the world!!
…family*
…me*
…love*
…friends×*
and finally we’ve come to a conclusion! all-in-all 2004 will be
remembered as a highlight of my past time that i hope to
share with those in my future J …
bring on 2005 !!
i'm starting fresh !!
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