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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| "My Dear Husband,
I would be mighty glad to see you and I wish you would write back here and let me know how you are getting on. I am doing tolerable well and have enjoyed very good health since you left. I haven't forgot you nor I never will forget you as long as the world stands, even if you forget me. My lose is just as great as it was the first night I married you, and I hope it will be so with you. My heart and love is pinned to your breast, and I hope yours is to mine. If I never see you again, I hope to meet you in Heaven. There is not time night or day but what I am studying about you. I haven't had a letter from you in some time. I am very anxious to hear from you. I heard once that you were sick but I heard afterwards that you had got well. I hope your health will be good hereafter. Master gave us three days Christmas. I wish you could have been here to enjoy it with me for I did not enjoy myself much because you were not here. I went up to Miss Ock's to a candy stew last Friday night. I wish you could have been here to have gone with me. I know I would have enjoyed myself so much better. Mother, Father, Grandmama, Brothers & Sisters say Howdy and they hope you will do well. Be sure to answer this soon for I am always glad to hear from you. I hope it will not be long before you can come home.
Randolph B. Campbell and Donald K. Pickens, " 'My Dear Husband,' A Texas Slave's Love Letter, 1862," Journal of Negro History 65, no. 4 (Fall 1980): 361-64.
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| Okay, so maybe I'm a bit neurotic ... but that doesn't mean that I don't know how to project a positive attitude. I've grown up in an environment where the only thing I could do was display a big fat grin on my face. That doesn't imply that my smiles are fake; I'm content with life. I just choose not to plague others with my weary thinking.
As a result, people often mistaken that I live this perfect life. Have we still not learned that no one, in their right mind, is destined to be flawless? There are probably about three people in this world who understand me. From my point of perspective, three is plenty. I'm probably more fortunate than most. I have this wonderful support system running, but it still isn't enough somehow.
So I think negatively.
For example, becoming a Gates Scholar has changed my life drastically. People don't think I need to worry about financial aid, and it disgusts me even more when people suggest that I should take my award to an advantage and purchase tangible materials for my own personal use. It isn't about how much I have, but what I have. I can go out and upgrade all of my technology -- new cell phone, flatscreen tv, desktop -- but I choose not to. And you know why? Because it only evokes greed, and that doesn't serve the purpose.
I don't have everything. I always feel like I'm running out of time, but I can't purchase that. I can't buy knowledge, or freedom, or compassion, or hospitality and happiness.
And even if I had all of these things ... I don't think it will ever be enough. Because you see, I'm not greedy in the physical sense.
I'm craving something else -- something unattainable and vacant.
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I'm striving to be more resilient.
I want to cope with change.
I crave comfort and assurance.
I'm surrounded by concrete walls.
I won't let it go.
I'm unable to grasp free.
I stray further from liberation.
Now breathe .... | | |
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Limits.
People often tell me that the sky is the limit. I never really understood what that meant ..
I always interpreted it two different ways.
Taking it literally, the sky is so beyond our reach that the phrase
implies that the possibilities are limitless.
However, the more I think about it, the more complex it becomes. Perhaps the sky is simply a symbol of heaven,
the home we hope to dwell when we’ve perished.
But if that is the case, then wouldn’t death be the limit?
I once read somewhere that the most important part of a
gravestone is the tiny dash separating the birth and death day. Sometimes I wonder why life is celebrated so
little, but I can say that I see and hear things that help me understand.
I’ve heard that our time on Earth is just a physical aspect
of our relationship with God. When we
pass away, it is only then that we are given the ability to rejoice in eternal
life with Him.
Yeah, typical preach-y stuff.
Reflecting on these thoughts provoke me even more.
If our entire life, we search to please ourselves and
satisfy our deeds on Earth as long as that “tiny little dash allows,” then
eventually .. we die and reach heaven …
That’s the limit.
That’s it. All over.
..... So is there anything with no boundary after all?
Because more and more .. I feel like there is an ending to everything.
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