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Friday, May 16, 2008
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Here are some of the things I am struggling to comprehend and reconcile. Please know that I still believe all of the presuppositions listed below and I am choosing to trust God, but I do not have any answers for even one of the questions below. If you are ahead of me in working through this process, then please send me some answers!
Presuppositions:
Ø God is omnipotent.
Ø God is love.
Ø God is omniscient.
Ø God values purity and demands that we be pure.
Ø The Bible is inerrant.
Ø Parents, by God’s design are to care for and protect their children from things which they themselves are too young to understand and/or prevent.
Ø Children are a gift from the Lord.
Ø Children are precious to God.
Questions:
Ø Why doesn’t God intervene when a child is being abused?
Ø Why does God allow the purity of children to be stolen before they are too young to defend themselves or understand the situation?
Ø If God allows the purity of children to be stolen, then how can he expect any of us to be strong enough to ensure our own purity?
Ø Why do the offenders prosper while the victims suffer?
Ø Why does denial seem to provide a more enjoyable reality than facing the truth?
Ø Why does God not step in and stop situations that I, being flawed and imperfect, would risk my life to stop (especially when the victim is a child or defenseless)?
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
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Currently Listening
This Mystery
By Nichole Nordeman
Small Enough
see relatedHonest and Open
I can’t breathe. It physically hurts to breathe. How could I have let this fester so long? Why have I waited two decades? I know that I cannot turn back because the taste of the pain that lingers in my mouth is so rancid that I will never return to face it again. How can I explain in words the depth of this experience? There is not a moment of escape. Waking or sleeping, it is there permeating every moment of my day. How long will this go on? I have no answers. Oh how I wish it would dissipate into oblivion each morning. I wake to its existence. I scream out in my sleep longing for help, crying for someone to hold my shaking frame. Daylight fails to bring relief. I try to keep my mind involved in something at all times in a failing attempt to focus my thoughts and alleviate the harsh blow. Abuse. Is there any word with more power to grip the heart and mind and scar the soul? You would think that by thirty the stench of that small word would have lessened but it hasn’t. As I grow and mature, so does my perspective. Youthful ignorance allowed me to excuse the horrific as merely the result of poor parenting skills. I was able to chalk it all up to immature parents and excuse the sin as a minor infringement on my childhood. I can no longer do that. Each innocent child I see sends shock waves of indignation and pain through my body, resonating in my soul. At times I want to scream at the top of my lungs, giving voice to the depth of all that I feel, but it hurts to breathe. I do not have the ability to catch my breath and without that capacity my voice is weak and frail. Yet it has to escape. It finds a path to the surface in the most irreverent ways. The rancid stench of the pain has lingered in the recesses of my heart and soul. All the while the stench has grown stronger and stronger slowly rotting away, threatening to infect everything it touches. Even the joyful times are affected form its contaminating influence. My hopes, my future, my relationships, my ability to relate... all of it has been infected. So now I have to cure this ailment which spreads like cancer through every fiber of my being. There is no quick fix. The course of treatment requires time and vigilance. Like an antibiotic, I have to complete the course for if I stop now all of this will have been in vain. The cure is found at the cross. The hope is a God who loves me. The joy… it will return. The pain… it will fade. The benefits ... they will be enormous. My life… it will be abundant and free! ! My breath will return and the air will be sweet and uncontaminated for the first time in my life. All the smog and pollution will be gone and I will breathe deep of the crisp mountain air and let it fill the depths of my being.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
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Refocused
On the verge of something great
Awaiting its fruition
I can’t sleep, I can’t think
Of anything but Your grace
The hunger burns inside of me
My soul leaps from its veil
My heart soars on eagle’s wings
Your Words will never fail
Your hope, Your truth, Your majesty
Engulfs all that you have made
Your love for all humanity
Moves my soul to say
I love you, I need You
Lord, take all of me
The pieces that I’m holding back
No longer belong to me
Surrender, I surrender
All my hopes and dreams
All I want is You now
You are all I really need
Embrace me in your mercy
Trap me in your grace
Boldly I approach your throne
And gaze upon your face
Empowered by your Spirit
I know the night is long
Pain; I do not fear it
For this world is not my home
Hold me gently Jesus
Give me words to speak
Humbly now I bow
For You are ALL I seek!
Friday, June 22, 2007
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When did this happen?
Most of my life I have prided myself on my ability to be a hermit. If needed, I could withdraw from society at any given moment and live in the peaceful solitude of my own cave for months on end. Since moving to Ohio, friends have been hard to come by. I have tieid to make contact with new people but to no avail. It seems Christian singles near my age have become an endangered species. On top of that, my demanding schedule of master's work and my job take up much of my day. I admit that I have had moments of loneliness but I visit with my sister and my beautiful nephews and the pending crisis is abated. I have not been depressed or in despair in the 18 months I have lived here. Then yesterday out of the blue, it hit me and left me gasping for air. Honestly, I felt like I had just been kicked in the gut. It took every ounce of self-control I had to keep myself from bursting into tears in the middle of Kroger. I have NO idea why this happened yesterday. Then I went to dinner with my parents last night and ran into a girl from highschool. (Just so you know, I have not run into anyone from my graduating class while galavanting around town until yesterday!) Last night when I went to sleep, I welcomed it. All night I dreamt about being with my good friends from college and even high school. Apparently, I am not the fortified island I thought I was. That's right. Here it comes... I need other people in my life. I need them not because I know Biblically and logically that I should have them in my life but because I truly need them. Why is that still so hard for me to admit after nearly 30 years? So, if you are a friend of mine who is reading this... I need your friendship. I need your support. I need to be connected to people. I am not sure how I will remedy this right now. I will really have to do my best to find some way of establishing relationships in Ohio. Please pray to this end with me.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
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Three decades later
Well, it is almost here. The day that I have been waiting for my whole life is just around the corner. On July 18, I will turn 30! When most women curl up in a ball in the corner and mourn the loss of youth, I stand on a chair in the middle of the room celebrating leaving those days behind. What is it about 30 that has always been so exciting for me? I am not sure. I think it has to do with the fact that somewhere in the back of my mind I think it will magically change other's perception of me. Somehow 30 seems to be viewed as fully adult. Lets face it, I was never much of a kid anyway. So, here I am.
What do I want my 30's to be like? Ideally, I will meet and marry the man God has for me and start my family. Professionally, I will complete my MA soon and hope to work in a clinical practice. Then a few years down the road, I would like to be a professor. Personally, I want to change the world one person at a time with the hope and peace that is only found in Christ. I want to be used mightily by the One who has blessed me so graciously. I want to see the world and minister to lives. I want to make an eternal difference in the grand scheme of things. I want to stand out from the crowd; to be a city on a hill; a light for the darkness. I want to realize my place as a daughter of the King of Creation. I want to see less of me and more of Him. I want to be so filled with the Holy Spirit that God's desires truly become my desires. I want to welcome trial and adversity as a means to develop patience and perseverence. I want to love God unashamedly.
These are my thoughts. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. God recently gave me some new perspective on a familiar verse. Phil. 1:6 promises that God has started an amazing work in each of our lives and as we continually submit to His plans for our lives, He will continue that work until Christ returns. His work in and through us does not die when we do. It is an eternal work! It will not end until this world ends and every knee bows to confess Christ as Lord. What a tremendous thought! The ministry and work of Moses, Abraham, David, Paul, and every other child of God continues on today through the legacy they leave behind. What will your legacy leave to future generations? What we do for Christ today will continue to effect each and every generation until Christ returns!
JWellsBlock
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- Name: Jen
- Birthday: 7/18/1977
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 9/16/2004
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About Me
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I am still "Jenny from the block." I came from the East side of Dayton, Ohio. I use to have so very little and now I have a bit more but I always know from whence I came.
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