sadly enough... buh this xanga is coming to its end... this will be my last weblog as of japnoybboy ... today well.. in the past 3 days.. i've been juss hanging out wid the guys.. bradford a new edition to the crew... ish my new best friend.. we kick like everyday now lol... yea.. its cool... he has a big firework stash.. big ass ones!!! its coool.. haha.. we played roman candle war lol.. we were shooting fireworks at each other and it was hella laughs... for those who dont know or heard big loud noises in c-side that was us!! haha.. we have those big fireworks from like 4th of july haha like at the beach.. it was so cool! lol... yea.. the next day.. we did the samething hahahah.. fireworks again hahaha.. buh we ran out of a ligther... so we bought a new one.. and yea.. continued on wid the mayhem... next day which is today.. or umm yesterday.. on monday.. i hanged out wid bradford,omar, dale, ai, steven, aaron and andrew.. we all went to the beach.. it was coo.. haha we did skin boarding.. and i broke in my new wetsuit.. its coo its quiksilver.. but even though i had the wet suit it was still freakin cold! so i took it off.. and yea.. used my surf shorts.. yep.. this weekend b-rad and i gonna get a better skin board.. and stuff at otb or at sunshine.. wow.. i almost forgot what it feels like to hang out wid the guys.. it reliefs so much stress...  buh then when i get home and get online... i feel sad..  i have no one really to talk to now... like i said.. only 1 person use to IM me all the time and now she's gone... i have no body now... like when derek, or ryan, or jon sign on their s/n's people IM them right away... buh me... nah... juss lil ole me.. no one does that... well use too buh damn.... i dun feel unwanted now.. except bradford.. he always calls me up and cheers me on.. granted that we do stoopid shit.. LOL but its all good hahaha.. anyways after the skin boarding we went on the wharf to eat bowl of clam chowder.. the guys were scoopin out the girls... i took a peek or two.. buh.. it juss didnt feel right.... in the past 500 or so days.. i have been devoted and committed to one girl.. and now here i am looking at others.. fuck... so much sadness to me.. i hate going online.. buh there's nottin else to do at my house.. cant play games.. cuz.. its not that entertaining that much.. cant watch a movie.. ( i hate watchin movies by myself)... cant watch tv.. (cuz i have no cable no good shows on)... and it brings more tears on me because today would have been our 17th aniversary... after the wharf we went to the carosel.. to play some games... played pool a bit.. then left.. i took some guys home.. and dropped them off.. cuz i had to go to school later at 7... after gay science class.. i called up b-rad and we went to go kick it wid ly, mary, trang, jon, brandon,ryan, estavon, estavon's brother, hannull, we were driving all over the place.. first in marina.. then in c-side then to monterey... in marina we juss met up at a gas station... then i decide to go to 2oung's house... yea... lol she was wearing dis cute lookin pj's hahah.. hella funnie lol .. buh yea.. i stopped by to get origami paper cuz i made one of those crystal lookin things for her.. its cool ^_^ im unique like that.. i love origami.. anyways.. after that.. i took trang, ly, and mary to the beach wid the guys.. and they were play wid Roman Candles again hahah.. they were shooting them at seagulls hahahha.. and we ran away hahahah lol cuz we almost got in trouble.. then we bounced to PG to playwid Roman candles again hahaha.. after that.. umm we met up at safeway... and some weird ass lady intercepted wid us.. she was weird and gave us a lecture about school and education.. lol.. yea.. buh after dat.. the girls had to go home.. so i took them to ly's house... on the way dere... it kinda sad.. and weird... and actually a coincidence... (blank) was in my car rite.. and so was (blank).. (blank) had (blank) cell phone number and yea.. (blank) didnt have a phone at all so.. (blank)called (blank).. he.. was kinda P.O.ed because (blank) told him his plans and stuff and he tried to kick it wid (blank)... (sounds like something very familar) he was kinda gettin mad about every thing.. cuz.. the way how (blank) does things... i asked (blank) do yo u guys still go out? and she was like.. well.. hmm sometimes.. i say yea.. sometimes i say no. and sometimes i dunno.. (sounds like very very very familar!) it got to the point where they were both kinda yelling at each other.. im sorry!!!.. and come to find out at the end.. he hanged up on (blank) and said.. F&*k YoU B*&Ch!!! how sad... (blank) i feel your pain... mr. sir guy i also understand what your going through too... its the same thing what i went through.. right thinkin of everything.. everything that I have been through widyou.. juss makes me feel so depressed... every lido thing you do or say.. juss gets me thinking... each person has they way of showing love.. i show mine by doing unimaginable things.. trying to make my girl (sorry a girl) the girl i love.. feel speical.. almost like a cinderella or a princess... the conflicts here... sometimes people show love buh they dun show it enough... to prove that they love you... most of the time its not noticeable buh people have to show it.. thas why i try to do unimaginable things... anyways... showing how much you love them... keeps things in balance for the relationship... it does make things better... and when a person doesnt do it... things juss fall apart.. i am so confused rite now... i love this area.. i love everythign about it.. the ocean.. cuz. i can go surfing and fishing... i can go to san jose.. (dun wanna live there) buh driving there for outtings its cool.. buh i so wanna move.. get out of here.. because of drama... the pain that she left in my heart... its sad.. though.. jon and christina.. christina broke up wid jon jon feels a bit sad... buh looks like things are gonna get better for him... and then now me.. im fallin apart.. buh looks like things are never ever gonna be the same... i said i never wanna let go... and i dont.... i said i will love you forever.. and i will... anything i said that i said.. my love for you is fading.. its fading but it will always be there.. like i said.. it will be there in the bottom of my heart.... and ever since that painful day.. i've been here waiting still... i will wait for an eternity... you said yourself..
ima DoRK io (12:38:16 AM): but see im afraid if we stay away from eachother for to long we'll really go our seperate ways
ima DoRK io (12:38:18 AM): dats wah im scared of
ima DoRK io (12:38:30 AM): i cant juss forget about you juss like dat
ima DoRK io (12:38:33 AM): im not like dat
ima DoRK io (12:38:36 AM): ish been to long
yea its been too long buh here i am now... grieving and thinkin about the memories... see the reason why i dont let go of you.. its because you made me so happy... and all those happy times.. granted that you drive me crazy and insane.. i dont care.. that is LOVE... all i can do... is juss sit.. and watch my life go by... the life that i had share wid... im not mad at you beb... im juss confused... buh the only thing that seems that i can do.. is juss stay wid you... i was talkin to amber.. my co worker.. she's totally awesome... we were talkin on a level of relationships.. and.. she gave me a lot of advice... THANKS AMBER! yea.. not only she's my co worker.. buh she's a mentor and a friend to me... she told me that girls have to know what they want... she said give yourself sometime.. and give herself sometime... so i guess that is what i'll be doing.. i wont be calling her.. i wont be IMing her i wont be doing anything.. if she IM's me and all.. i'll talk buh... as of rite now im not mad... juss very sad at the moment... there's a couple of things.. i have of you and i cant believe myself that i'd keep it... i have your pepsi can.. i have your popsicle stick.. i even have the tissue that you blew boogers in and the apple jolly rancher candy that i gave you in my mom's car... the car that picked me up when gina, i and you were in cuz.. my car smelled like a skunk and it was smokin... and yea... later that time.. my mom.. got you guys drinks from star bucks.. i cant forget that day.. and even that day.. we both started doodling on the starbucks wrapper.. from the cookie i got.. wid our signatures on it.. i still have that.. i still have a lot of things.. and it juss makes me crumble lookin at them... its weird though.. you got me an anchor blue t-shrit that says anchor blue for x-mas .. and i work at anchor blue now i proudly where that t-shirt sometimes when i work and everytime i do stock... i run into those stretchy t-shirts the ones i got you.. and your condom pock ones.. the so remind me of you and your ralph lauren pefume.. whenever i walk around to say hi to lawrence ferburt i smell that because it reminds me of you... im sorry to say.. buh the more im thinkin of you the more i miss you...in my car lays that picture of you... at red stoplights i even stop to turn it over and glance at you for a few seconds.. and i drift off sometimes and i forget there is a green light.. i dunno where it went wrong... sigh... life wid out you sucks... i mean.. im having fun wid my friends.. buh does it trully mean im having a fun life? does it mean im having fun at all? inside im hurting because of the pain you left me... i was surprised you text me that day.. that day you got to florida.. my heart jump started... buh.... looks like your talkin to other guys and meetin them... and talkin to them... talkin about how hot they look... i tried to make this love last forever by i guess it wasnt forever... i cant do nottin now... notthing at all.. i juss sit at home... thinkin of you.. when will you return to me? or return to me at all? (im thinkin you wont) cuz it seems like.. its the best.. buh i dun think i would last wid out you.. you my first love beb....... and firts loves..... never die.. they never EVER do... i loved you wid my heart and soul.. let me refrase that again.. i LOVE you wid my heart and soul even though you left me on the cloud rainin day.. im still in love wid you.... people juss dont believe how much im committed to you.. people juss dont believe that i fell in love wid this unique and speical girl... people say i can do better.. buh.. why get someone better? when you already fell in love wid the girl.. i dont want anyone better.. i dont want anyone but you... and if i cant have you.. then... i guess my new name shall be j-sin-gle.... i trully believe that 1 person out there is made for another.. and i think i found that person..
up ROX 2 xerox (12:32:21 AM): well yea.. obviously you do... i know.. you do.. buh i tried to all i can... you changed.. and i cant do nothing about that... and because of this change.. we're like to magnets wid the same conductivity.. and it juss pushes one magnet away from the other
up ROX 2 xerox (12:32:39 AM): and it never connects anymore..
ima DoRK io (12:32:54 AM): yesh cuz i always use tah play wit maggnets
ima DoRK io (12:33:00 AM): and if yah leave one of them alone..
ima DoRK io (12:33:04 AM): and put it together
ima DoRK io (12:33:08 AM): the other will flip and connect
ima DoRK io (12:33:20 AM): all on ish own
up ROX 2 xerox (12:33:29 AM): so what are you trying to say? let be magnets?
up ROX 2 xerox (12:33:33 AM): lets*
ima DoRK io (12:33:35 AM): i dunno
up ROX 2 xerox (12:34:02 AM): heh sorry but i started laughing the whole magnet idea.. i should of brought it up.. buh yea.. it is like our relationship then
up ROX 2 xerox (12:34:11 AM): i guess.. your rite.. mabye i should leave you a lone and do your own things
up ROX 2 xerox (12:34:27 AM): talk like how i am.. and stuff..
ima DoRK io (12:34:39 AM): but ish tru tho..
ima DoRK io (12:34:43 AM): bouts magnets
up ROX 2 xerox (12:34:44 AM): and like you said yourself.. the magnet will flip over and connect again
ima DoRK io (12:35:24 AM): yea
i guess the magnet technique is what im going to follow.. i still stay away from you.. until we connect agian... buh until then.... all i can say is that.. I still LOVE YOU.. I LOVE YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN I SURF ON... TO THE TOP OF THE JUDO MATS THAT I FALL ON... AND AS HIGH AS YOUR SPECIAL STAR YOU POINTED OUT TO ME THAT ONE TIME...
new xanga s/n: BLuE GLoW StIcK
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