JadeHellbringer's Xanga

A day of memories

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:08:57 GMT

NOTE: This was an entry I posted two years ago on 9/11, and since it sums up my take on that day so well I decided to simply re-use it today with minor edits to get the right date

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I'm not really sure how to go about putting up a post about 9/11, because A) so many people have already said their piece, and I really don't have much to add, and B) because frankly I feel that this is a farce. Its seven years since the attack, yes... so what?

Before you burn me at the stake for that comment, allow me to elaborate. Why should we worry about it TODAY, 9/11/2008? Why not 3/12/2004, or 12/28/2009? Why shouldn't this strike a chord and stay with us always rather than just having it dredged up by the media on one day?

Forgive the awkward comparison, but bear with me. Valentines Day, to me, is the same idea. Why should there be a day set aside by the calendar for me to tell someone I care about that I love them, here's some flowers and chocolate, etc.? It shouldn't be something a calendar needs to tell me about- it should just be something I do anyway. Otherwise I'm just doing it because everyone else is doing it, and isn't that kind of lame?

Well, same with 9/11. Why is it just today we're supposed to honor those lost, remember the pain, the anger, the chaos of that day?

Shouldn't it be with us ALWAYS? I think so. Because otherwise, to me, it cheapens the deaths of 3000+ people.

And thats all I really wanted to say.

Mental Artillery

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:46:50 GMT

I'm a pretty tough person at the end of the day. I've got my share of worn out parts, a knee that could probably use a replacement yesterday, and the odd sore spots and such from years of athletics and self-abuse (I just hear Slade snickering at that part). Thing is, despite it all, I've managed to stay pretty healthy over the years. Which is why this past few weeks has just confounded me.

The good news is that the doctor I spoke to told me that its just dehydration, and not diabetes or kidney problems or any of that stuff. But the part that has him baffled- and myself as well- is that its not leaving. You name it, I've put myself through it to get rid of this- the doc's advice of 25 glasses of water a day depends, I suppose, on your definition of 'glass' (I didn't think to ask), but short of becoming a human submarine I don't think I really can put down that much water in a day without it being a bit of a problem! Trying to stay out of the sun, etc. is easy of course, but none of this is working- instead of shaking this within 48 hours the way I used to in hockey if I got a bit run down, I'm about to start my fourth week of this, and its got me sort of annoyed.

Part of it is getting older, I suppose. I'm not eighteen anymore, I'm not a pile of muscle the way I was in my best hockey years (come to think of it, I wasn't a pile of muscle then either...), and as one gets older the body doesn't react to things the same way. Still, I kinda had hope that it would be my knee or my mind that went first, and not my ability to function without a Gatorade in my hand at all times. I've even woken up a few times feeling ill and had to pound down a couple of glasses of water or Gatorade to help (those big bins of Gatorade powder are a godsend), though fortunately those haven't happened as often the past week or so.

Looks like the honeymoon with the youthful, energetic body is definitely over, as if I couldn't tell already. ;)

As far as the rest of life goes, same ol'. Work, sleep, repeat. Still no furniture in my place, though I at least have some glimmer of hope now- I'll just do it myself and get my own damn couch if the agreed furniture the landlord promised won't happen now (still think I should get a little off my rent for this, but she seems to disagree). That will have to wait for a little bit, but things are moving. Now that I know the couch wont' be arriving 'next week' the way it has been for so long, I'm going to finally just run a cable across the room so I have TV again- I've resisted doing so since I'd just have to re-do the whole thing again once the couch arrived. Its almost liberating to know that at least I'm no longer tied down by the phantom couch hanging over me and can do some things in there now based around whats really happening as opposed to the 'perhaps' option. Might even put a few pictures up at long last. I've had my things still in boxes and such for a long time, it will be good to finally make this place feel like home.

Sister is considering a move to the East Coast. Ack! Parents are moving next year to New England, so she looked at a map (she can read maps? Wow!) and determined that the best halfway point between parents in MA and brother in DC is... New Jersey? OK, well, I guess... but, ah, I moved here with a job lined up, a place to live, and a couple of friends already in order. Mom and Dad are moving out to New England to retire. I dont' think she's thought through on what SHE'S going to do in New Jersey... but thats a pretty typical plot by her. Come up with asinine plan, and ignore logic as long as possible. Of course, yes, she did ask for money- from both my parents and from me- to get this plan moving. Riiiiight.

Getting ready for GenCon again in Indianapolis, leaving in less than a week. Rather than fly like last year, I'm carpooling with Redshirt, GhostBear, and another good friend. Should be a ten-hour trip from what I hear, by which point I'll likely have needed about thirty restroom stops along the way (25 glasses of water, remember?). Should be good to see folks out there again, particularly since I'm at this time not planning to head back next year. Its kind of an expensive thing to do, going all the way out there and back, hotel, etc., all to work for most of the convention. Last year was a learning experience for me, and this year has reinforced it- if I want to spend a week working, I can do it here and get paid for it ;) Kidding aside, I like to be able to help out the game I love and the people I enjoy talking to, but its a lot of money that frankly I think next year is best used for other things. Granted, I'm saying that now, a year before, and much can change, but I'm at peace with the decision at this point.

A brief side note: Ocean Spray makes a juice that is part ruby red grapefruit and part tangerine. This is bliss in a bottle, and should be given a test immediately by all who read this. Seriously- trust the fat guy, he knows the good juice.

Mom has been dropping small hints at me lately that she was 28 when I was born, seems like a good time for someone to start a family, etc... I know she means well, and anyone who reads this regularly is probably well aware that the only safe bet for grandkids is from my end of things (sister, not so much- I sincerely hope.), but lets be honest- my track record continues to be pretty dismal in the dating department to the point that I haven't even given it much thought in the past month or so. Sorry Mom- at least you have the parrot as compensation though ;)

The head of the company that does our contract with the government was in yesterday, which was interesting. I wasn't sure what to expect, but he ended up being a pretty nice guy in the end- apparently I've got some bit of charm for higher-ups that gets them to talk to me or whatever. He's an avid skiier, so when he asked where I was from and I replied "Denver", we had a good conversation about where to go for the best snow, etc., which was good- amusingly, he became probably the sixth or seventh person to tell me since I've moved to D.C. that I shoudl go into radio, he liked my voice for it. I've long believed I've got a face for radio, but a voice? I wouldn't even know where to start on such a career change anyway, but its a fun idea to ponder when lying awake at night anyway.

I've gone on long enough, methinks. Back to the office grind, and I'll put up an update following my return from Indianapolis!

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:12:05 GMT

Thoughts, myths and half-truths for a Wednesday afternoon:

+I hate to admit it, but when I typed the above line, I actually had to hold my mouse over the computer's clock to see what day of the week it was. Its that kind of week.

+Very hot, muggy, bullshit weather around here lately puncutated by the occasional thunderstorm or so. I hate this crap- freeze me to death anytime, I can put on another layer of clothing or another blanket, but don't do this to me. Makes me halfway glad not to be dating- only thing worse than that sticky feeling on your skin is feeling it on someone elses when its hot like this. Though a cool shower can be a fun help for that issue, of course.

+F-15s flying past Arlington every so often lately. Its funny, we sit right below- or more accurately, NEXT to- the flight paths for Reagan National Airport, the planes go AROUND our building (which is very weird), so I'm used to hearing jets roar past the windows. Those F-15s though... man, the instant the office shakes you know those aren't Airbus engines!

+Back to working on painting a little at a time. I find that my painting improves- and increases in volume- when I'm frustrated or angry about something, perhaps my little way of imprinting myself onto my work. I'm running a bit low on stuff to work on- I'll have to get some Pine-Sol and strip down some old Denver-based work one of these days so I can keep the workload up once my current set is finished! Lord knows I still have a few paint schemes in the box that are best described as 'meh', so refurbishing them (as I've done several times before) from ugly ducklings into swans would be a great activity for early fall- I'm sure I'll have plenty of frustration in life at that point, after all. I've managed to for the past several years straight, after all! Might pick up a few new items to work on at GenCon, but probably not very much this time around.

+Oh yeah, I'm going back to GenCon. I wasn't sure if I would- I was pretty angry after the last one with the 'good luck, asshole' workload I got handed, but the experience was good overall. Since several good friends are heading out, might as well join in, right? Looks like 20 hours of work again over three days, but thats fine by me. I just want to make sure I can get in a little 'for fun' gaming as well as the work aspect of it this time as well, I didn't get to do enough of that last time and I regretted it for weeks afterwards. We'll be road-tripping it this time rather than flying, along with three very good friends- we'll likely be ready to kill each other by the time we get home, but for now it sure sounds fun ;)

+Hoping to run into members of my old gaming groups in Spokane and Denver again as I did last year. I've missed the Denver group in particular lately, they're a fun group out there. The Spokane group... the folks I found last year (the famed Spector and Roese) are just great people, and I do miss them greatly, but the rest of that group was a little difficult at times. Certainly the situation I was in out there didn't help, my frustrations boiled over a few times no doubt, which probably colored things in a dark light. Regardless, looking forward to seeing old friends, as well as CBT forum denizens of course.

+Been taking meds for my back lately- it flares up every so often and needs some nerve-dulling crap. One of the side effects, unfortunately, is it means frequent trips to the restroom, which is very annoying- its one thing to have to head to the restroom a few times a day at work, but when I get up three times between midnight and 6:30 AM, thats pretty miserable.Hopefully the damn thing calms down before the Con, or I'm going to be pretty annoyed.

+Been enjoying a little of the old Batman animated series from when I was a kid lately. Seems dumb, but I think its good to stay in touch with your roots- it keeps one from being a bitter old man... or at least, as much of one. Its funny, nearly two decades later and the show's animation is still surprisingly good- its not computer-done or any of that crap, and the old-fashioned feel to the city and characters is almost made more authentic by the older-feeling animation. They've aged remarkably well- and unlike other shows from that era that show huge cellular phones or ancient green-screen computers, here they're SUPPOSED to look that way because its a hybrid city based on the 1930s art-deco era. Remarkable foresight- or if it was an accident, it worked out in their favor for sure.

+Making preliminary plans for heading to Denver for Thanksgiving... sort of. Actually its a flying pain in the ass. Thing is, my parents are putting the house up for sale this fall, and Mom keeps telling me how she's looking forward to me heading out there- then in the same breath tells me that they might not live in Denver (they're moving to New England once the house sells). Well, that makes it kinda hard to plan- am I going to Denver or Boston, lady? She flip-fllops on it every time we talk, so i'm pretty much going to wait until after I get back from GenCon. If she's still giving me this garbage I'm just booking for Denver, and if they really are gone by that point (I personally think its near-impossible in this market that they'd sell so fast) then I'll spend Thanksgiving seeing some old friends there.

+Very interested to see what my sister does here with this. She's got four basic options- she can work for a living like a normal human being (I rate this very low in likelihood), she can find someone else to mooch off of when my parents move, she can sneak out there and leave them in a situation where they have to take her in again (they'd do it, whether they admit it or not), or she can sneak here and try to hunt me down. Option 4 scares the hell out of me- I scrape by as it is, but there's no way in hell I'm taking her in. She's inquired quietly a couple of times to mom about how much I pay in rent, and has asked for my address "so she can send things to me". Pah. I've seen this movie before- I've specifically asked Mom to keep my address at her office, but nowhere at home just in case for this very reason. She's made a mess- and I'm not cleaning it up again. I bailed her out of jail TWICE last year, which combined with losing my job last fall nearly ruined me. I don't make the same mistake twice.

+...well, I do, but not that one.

+I may have taught Joe to swim a bit TOO well- he's jumping in now without any supervision, which was unexpected. He's not a bad swimmer, but... certainly we're watching him now when he goes out just in case. Pesky dog! He's trying to learn to use the floating chair things in the pool, but he's not got the whole 'getting in' thing down yet- every time he tries to leap onto it from the side of the pool he flips it over on himself. But he has the right idea anyway.

+Still no furniture. Sort of. Apparently we HAVE it, its in the garage (I haven't seen it myself, but then again I don't go in the garage for anything). The workmen/retard-o's who did the deck were supposed to move it downstairs- where it was until it was moved to go into the model home. It went down there once before at some point, and it got moved UP the stairs last winter... but these bumbling tools say it doesn't fit back DOWN the stairs this time. Part of this is likely due to the fact that the slimy pricks didn't try, no doubt. Regardless, at some point I'm confident I'll have the furniture I'm paying for monthly. When that is, I'm not entirely sure, but at SOME point. Sure is making life fun in the meantime though.

To hell with this entry- its time to go home. Entertain yourselves dammit!

Monday, June 30, 2008

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 15:14:51 GMT

Its never a good thing to start a Monday morning with a rough hangover.

Its even worse when you didn't drink the previous evening. I have no idea where this came from... most unpleasant way to start a (blessedly shortened) work week. Amusingly, when I put my MP3 player on 'random' this morning the first thing it grabbed was NOFX's "Thank God Its Monday". Greaaaaat.

No updates over the past month. Know why? Because there's not much to tell. I work, I sleep (fitfully), I do it again the next day. Fun stuff. I live for this shit. I wouldn't even be typing this up if not for the fact that I need something to do with my morning while I try to get my head to stop pounding.

Vacation to see my family went quite well, actually. I figured it would be too short (only three full days and two half-days there), but really, I got most of what I wanted to do there done, and managed to escape before my folks drove me nuts. Must remember to try the same trick for Thanksgiving! Arriving there was interesting- my grandmother knew my parents were coming, but I was a surprise (parents and granddad knew). So I met up with my parents at Logan Airport in Boston, and headed to the ferry at Woods Hole with them. Grandma was watching for my parents, but not expecting me, she didn't even notice when I walked literally right past her (part of the plan). She met mom and dad, talked for a moment, then started heading with them to the car- at this point I walked up next to her and asked in my best tourist-y voice "Excuse me ma'am, I seem to have taken a wrong turn. Which way is Washington, D.C. from here?" She turned and had just started to reply something to the effect of calling me a retard (no doubt) when she realized Mom was laughing, and that the huge tourist standing in front of her looked awfully familiar... ;)

One more note from there: I'd forgotten how good swordfish can really be when its fresh. It gets kinda mushy and 'fishy' when its been out of the water for more than about 24 hours, even if its in a fridge, but when we went to dinner out there for grandma's birthday the swordfish I had was less of a main course and more of an art form. They did a cajun spice rub on the swordfish steaks, which I love on catfish but had never tried like this before, and it was just perfect. I knew there was something I liked about being near the coast... of course, still hard to find good Denver-fare like a good steak or good Mexican food, though I'm starting to find places like that around D.C. a little at a time. If I find swordfish like that in this town I'll gain ten pounds though!

Anyway. Other than that, not much to tell. Went on a date a couple of weeks ago, went very well... then heard nothing from her for four days before getting an E-mail (!) saying that she "just wasn't really ready for a relationship". Awesome. When did breakups switch to an E-mail format? Thats twice this year now I've been dumped by E-mail, a little irritating. Do you reply to it? Whats the ettiquete for being E-dumped? Needless to say, it was a fine reminder of why I really shouldn't date people- because even when things go well, its only to set me up for the punchline later. And I'm just not laughing anymore. The old saying is that 'theres someone out there for everyone'... at this point, honestly, who fucking cares.

I've reached a sort of detente with Joe, the hyperactive mutt I live with now. He still crashes into me at full speed every chance he gets, but he settles down MUCH quicker- and has stopped biting me altogether. To my amusement, I got home Friday and he growled at me- then whined and ran off when I growled back. Apparently I'm a bit scary when I bare my teeth and growl back. Who would have guessed? I should try it the next time someone tries to sit next to me on the bus.

My sister started a new job... as a secretary-type for a drug rehab clinic (fortunately not the one she's been sent to several times!). I'm not sure how long this will last- depends on drug screening, I would think- but the irony is both extremely funny and twice as sad. Apparently the two clinics don't actually talk to each other- "Wait, you have WHO working for you?"

See? Nothing interesting in my life. You've wasted five minutes you can never get back reading this drivel, and you're none the better for the experience. Sucks to be you.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Tue, 27 May 2008 13:49:09 GMT

I've been in kind of a funk the past few days. Not sure what really has me down, but I've definitely noticed it. Activities that normally entertain don't, things that normally wouldn't bother me are driving me nuts, and there's a little black raincloud metaphorically over my head (actually, today there's a literal one as well, but thats not really relevant.)

I couldn't tell you what caused it. Started late last week, and just kept on going through to this morning. I've snapped at friends when normally I wouldn't, I've snarled at my parents when normally I'd simply ignore them merrily... even avoided trying to get a phone number at Saturday's wedding when really I might have had a decent shot at it. I wasn't worried about rejection- I just didn't even want to put myself into a situation where I'd have to find out. I even got so frustrated working on a miniature last night after getting home that I threw it across the room- its repairable, but its also out of character for me. I'm not a 'fury' person, and so this is very odd for me.

Regardless, as strange as this funk is and as unexplained and sudden as it has appeared, here's hoping that it disappears the same way and leaves me back to normal. Maybe its stress- between work, family, upcoming travel, etc., I certainly wouldn't say I'm relaxed lately. A migraine that has stuck with me for over a week now hasn't helped matters any either. I just hate that feeling of helplessness and gloom that comes with this, its pretty discouraging.

Regardless, all of that sounds incredibly whiny.

I leave in eight days to see my family in New England. My flight leaves in the early afternoon, not sure if I'll be at work in the morning or not. Either way, after a 90 minute flight I'll arrive within minutes of my parents flight from Denver, so we'll meet up at baggage claim and head south to Woods Hole, MA together to the ferry docks. My grandma still has no idea I'm coming, which is kind of fun but does make planning a bit difficult. I wish I could have spent longer out there, but at the time I booked this I didn't realize I had more vacation time than what I really have. I'll likely use the rest later this year to head to Denver, but it would have been good to get an extra couple of days out of this trip regardless. Still, good to get out of town for a while and see my folks, who I haven't seen since my other grandma died last March.

I've been loading up my new Zen with as much music as I can think of, and its been just joyous. Its fun to think back to younger days and look up music that in some cases I haven't heard in years so I can toss it on here- I'm well past 800 songs right now on it, with plenty of room to go. My commute to work is mere minutes now, and even then I can't imagine doing it without this thing now- I have no idea how I made it as long as I did with my previous commute without it, I probably should have withered away to nothingness on the train at some point. I can also confirm that on the list of the best headphones I've ever tried, these Skullcandy ones are right up there- its funny to listen to songs that I've heard many times, and have the sound so clear I can pick out little bits I never noticed before. In particular, highly detailed music like Blues Traveler are like a whole new experience. I did have my first hiccup with the new device though- on the train last night, it froze up on me. Slipping a paper clip to the 'reset' button solved the issue instantly, but it did teach me to keep a clip in the headphone case at all times just in case- it would suck to have it freeze up on my flight and not be able to do anything about it.

What else is there to tell? More when I have something interesting to talk about I suppose.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Mon, 19 May 2008 15:51:16 GMT

Random thoughts on a Monday morning:

+There's something very nostalgic about getting an MP3 player set up. The one I had in Denver had died last year, and I got a Samsung, but it never did work quite right. I sold it a couple of weeks ago in frustration, and picked up a Creative Technologies 'Zen' recently. And I've been loving it. It came with a free Napster subscription (which I already have, thanks guys), and its been a very interesting weekend. With 8G to play with, I find myself in an interesting spot- on my other two, space was always a problem (both were 2G), and I would frequently find myself unable to put on things I wanted without having to delete others that I wanted to keep. This time? I still have tons of space, and I've been going back through old music I haven't had in years. My CD collection hasn't moved here from Denver yet (someday), and so discs I bought back in high school, music I enjoy still, has been unavailable since basically my move to Spokane many years ago now. Makes one almost feel young again.

+All set for a small family reunion in Vineyard Haven, MA early next month. My grandmother turns 90, and we have a good number of relatives coming in for it- I didn't think I'd be able to go, but managed to eke just enough time off work to make basically a long weekend out of it (Wed-Sun). As it is, I misjudged my vacation time, and could have stayed an extra few days- sadly, by the time that came about I'd already bought my tickets. By coincidence, my parents booked their tickets to land in Boston about twenty minutes before I will- so upon that realization, we coincided our travel plans from Boston to Vineyard Haven to make life easier. Best part: My grandmother doesn't know I'm coming, an idea my grandfather had. She knows my parents are coming of course, but while she's busy saying hello to them at the ferry dock, that will allow me to quietly sneak up for a surprise. Or anyway, 'quietly' as a 6'5" man ever can be.

+Of course, while the family is getting together for the occasion, my sister was cordially UNinvited. There's simply too much chaos and drama surrounding her, and frankly no one needs that. Plus she wants someone else to pay for her to go (I'm paying my own way, though my grandfather did help a bit). Sorry kid. She's naturally unhappy about this, and feels excluded, but there woudl likely be much more sympathy for her if she, you know, hadn't been busted for selling drugs, or had worked a day in over four years, or hadn't stolen things from my parents and I, or any of a long list of reasons that overall, its good for her to just stay home. Sounds cold, I admit, but in the long run it will make a better experience for everyone else- and frankly, majority rules. The odd part is that she doesn't even like my grandparents- at all. She just wants to go because she doesn't like feeling left out. You'd think this would be a best-case scenario for her, really. *shrug*

+Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Penguins on their return to the Stanley Cup Finals after over a decade and a half away, thanks to their 6-0 dismantling of the Flyers yesterday. Looking forward to seeing them take on whomever comes out of the West!

+...which looked like a sure trip for Detroit a few days ago. Now, I'm not so sure. Thing is, when you're up 3-0 in a series, you should be in the drivers seat. One little hiccup is disappointing (the Penguins let the Flyers steal an ugly one in Game 4 of that series), but two? Dallas has momentum now, and if they win tonight its anyones series again. How likely is that? Well, Detroit's blown it big time in the past two games, looking flatter than week-old Pepsi, while Dallas has been playing like their butts are on fire. Twice in NHL history a team has come back from three games down to win a series... and we're due for another. Could it be the Dallas Stars? I have hope.

+The phone calls have stopped. No number change needed (still doing it, don't ask again please), she just seems to have dropped off the face of the planet again. Which really is just as well. There's still a lot of unresolved business there, and frankly I'm fine with leaving it to rot at this point. We had some great times together, and there was a real connection there that I'm very sorry was lost, but... it was indeed lost, and its not coming back just because someone had a couple too many drinks. I'm optimistic that that phone number simply won't come up on my little screen ever again.

+...I really don't have much else today. Must be the lack of caffeine.

Jekyll The Sober and Hyde The Drunk-Dialer

Wed, 14 May 2008 14:39:28 GMT

I moved about two weeks ago down into Arlington, mere blocks from the famed cemetary. I'm much closer to my work now (a fifteen minute bus ride replaces a two-hour bus and rail marathon), its less money, more space, and just overall a better place to be. Great! I moved on a Tuesday, crashed out, and started unpacking the next day.

On Thursday night of that week though, the 1st, I dozed happily in my exhaustion from unpacking and work, when my phone rang late at night. Colorado area code, not one I recognized (certainly not at 3:30 AM!). My first thought was that it might be a family emergency, someone calling from a hospital or something like that. So I answered, hoping that I was wrong.

I was. But I could have hoped for better than what I got.

What I got was a quiet female voice asking me "nottohangupuntilIsaywhatIneedtosay". (that quickly that it ran together). What the hell? That almost sounds like... oh no. Oh fuck.

Soni. The one who I broke up with a little over a month earlier when I wouldn't convert to Catholicism with her.

Fuck.

I should have ignored her slurred request and hung the phone up, but at 3:30 AM one doesn't think rationally all the time. Plus I kinda had hopes of getting in a few choice words of my own on her- I'm not above letting someone know when I think they're a douchebag, male or female. So I listened. I listened to her tell me how lonely she felt without me, how she felt like she made a huge mistake and she wasn't sure how to fix it, how she wanted things to be back the way they used to be when she and I could tell each other anything and how it used to brighten her worst day just by seeing my name pop up on her phone.

How much she loved me still, and realized that she had made a mistake.

OK, whatever. Maybe your memory isn't working right, lady, but mine sure is working just fine, even without access to espresso. You hurt me big time- and if you need I still have the E-mails to forward back to you if you'd like a reminder. Because, you know, you did send out a nastygram by E-mail to end things, remember?

After an hour of back and forth, of her crying and of me growling into the phone sounding like a cross between James Earl Jones and an angry tundra wolf, she finally needed to get some sleep. I, now realizing I was too angry to get back to sleep (my hands were literally shaking from anger and shock), brewed up some coffee and got started early on my day.

Well, so Friday evening she calls again. And this time, different tune. She's sorry about last night, she said things that came out in a drunken state, on and on, she'd like to be friends and see if things can go anywhere from there but she still needs things from me, things she doesn't want to go into right now because she doesn't want to fight while she has a migraine (we call that a hangover where I'm from, lady), on and on.

Cool. Off the hook.

Well, problem is, this has continued since for a week and a half now. She goes out every couple of nights, gets drunk, calls me (I've ignored them at night since, and end up with long, rambling, often-sobbing voice mails professing how we're soul mates. Wheeee.), then calls the next day to refute her previous statements. Its kinda funny, in a "let me sleep, you rum-soaked harpy!" kind of way, but at the same time part of me is very shaken by the whole thing, and every time that number (now listed in my phone under "Horse Faced Bitch") pops up on my phone I can't help but feel a bit of sorrow at how things have ended up... and wonder which Soni will call me next, the equally sorrowful and repentant one produced by a bottle or the bitter and distant one.

Fun times. Is there a way to have black roses delivered to someone, perhaps with a card saying "Piss off!"?

Ah well. Back to work with me, more later.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Mon, 05 May 2008 20:50:48 GMT

Blatantly stolen from Mudwoman1326 because... I'm like that. Piracy, ha-HA!

Ology

MOUTHOLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice?
Ranch, or a good Caesar.

What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Popeyes, though Arbys is good too. And Five Guys, for local DCers.

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Good question... probably Chilis or On the Border. I like spicy food.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
I'm easy. Hit me with anything but mushrooms and olives.

What do you like to put on your toast?
Bacon and eggs ;)

How many televisions are in your house?
Two- three if the computer monitor counts.

*BIOLOGY*

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
right handed

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
More than a few pints of blood through hockey ;)

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A big stack of reports.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
For a few days by a poorly-aimed hockey puck- long story short, damn near died.

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Sure. Can I know how many I'm taking with me?

What color do you think looks best on you?
Black

Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
...erm, no comment

Have you ever saved someones life?
I don't know if she'd have died from it. Probably not. I tried though.

Has someone ever saved yours?
Thank you, Dr. Allen.

DAREOLOGY

Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
Hey, why not. Cash is cash.

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
250K??? Man, I got ripped off...

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Totally. Pay up, bitches.

Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
If I get to pick the person. I know a case where I'd PAY the money.

DUMBOLOGY

What is in your left pocket?
My phone.

Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?

In a sort of "I don't feel the need to gouge out my own eyes" kind of way, sure, its fine.

Do you sit or stand in the shower
I stand. Its a shower, why the hell would I sit?

Could you live with roommates?
I do. She's still alive. I'd say we get by.

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
0.

LASTOLOGY

Last Friend you talked to?
Sam, I think. Or Chris. One of them.

Person you hugged?
...I don't hug people.

FAVORITOLOGY

Season?
Winter

Ice cream?
Hard to find now, Ben & Jerry's Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz.

Type of music?
Punk rock, alternative, classic rock

CURRENTOLOGY

Missing someone?
I'll get 'em after I reload.

Mood?
Frustrated.

Worrying about?
Whether I can get the damn internet working at home again!

RANDOMOLOGY

First place you went this morning?
Burger King. I was hungry!!!

What can you not wait to do?
Get the hell out of this office for today.

What's the last movie you saw?
Iron Man. MUCH better than I expected, I was quite pleased.

Do you smile often?
Not really. I carry more of a dry, sardonic wit to me.

Are you a friendly person?

95% of the people on this planet, I would rather light on fire than talk to them. Sadly, gas is so expensive I can't.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Fri, 02 May 2008 17:22:38 GMT

The masses cry out to me, begging for an update. And I shall provide that update.

...actually, not one of you has cried out for an update. Thats a lie. You bastards, do I not have feelings too?

Phooey.

Regardless, updates and such. My readers (both of whom have requested anonimity to avoid being laughed at for it) should enjoy seeing my witty rhetoric and such again. Or I'll beat them with sticks. I have sticks, you know.

So. Thoughts, musings, and grumblings for a warm Friday morning.

+Finished moving this week! I've been living in Gaithersburg, MD, which gave me a two-hour commute to and from work every day (though usually only an hour and a half coming in, I carpooled with Redshirt). That wears on a guy, you know that? When you leave the house at 6:30 AM and get home at around 8 PM, you get a bit crabby eventually. And I'm not exactly a ray of fucking sunshine in the first place, mind you. My new place costs less money, is in better shape (which doesn't say a great deal, I admit), and is- get this- a 15-20 minute bus ride to work. No train, no rush hour, just leave the house at 7:50 AM and I'm at work early enough to get a cup of coffee... or a few cans of Arizona tea, my nemesis addiction. Mmmm, iced tea with lemon and CRACK. Its not on the label- but its there. It makes it addictive- and when I drink it my imaginary friends keep me company.

+The problem is the dogs. The new landlord has two big Boxers- one is ancient, and to sound cold, probably isn't long for this world. Very nice old pooch, but he's got to be approaching the age of driving- and not in dog years. The other one, he's the problem. The owner treats these two like they're her kids, which I understand- thing is, if my kid acted like that I'd ground him. This dog has no training- and while she says he's "playing" when I come home at the end of the day, I've been around dogs- there's playing, and there's trying to bite the hell out of the guy who walked in the door. This is much more the latter- and it concerns me, because I don't like the idea of walking in that door every day to a pissed-off 75 lb. dog coming after me. Naturally, the best thing to do, I'm told is to "ignore him"... easier said than done when he's got his teeth clamped on my arm. These are my work clothes, and I'm pretty fond of my arm, so lets work on training the mutt, ok? In the meantime, it was discovered that a dog will let go of an arm he's gripping very quickly when flicked by the other hand between the eyes. Still, not fun.

+I suppose, since I haven't spoken here in a month, that I should mention the two NHL teams I follow. Well, the good news is the Bruins. They made the playoffs (on the last day of the season!), and took on #1-seeded Montreal. Now, they hadn't beat the Habs in eight games this season, getting one point out of 16 possible. Owch. Still, that didn't matter- they jumped right in and played a hell of a series, and although they got knocked out as expected, they put on a big fight. At the end of the day, they had taken the top team in the East to seven games, and the strain and wear on them seems to have really hurt the Canadiens in the second round against the Flyers. The B's played with some of their best players hurt, and still held their own to the end- I have great hopes for next year, as they continue to improve and players return with a playoff round under their belts to have learned from.

+On the other hand, a while back I predicted that the signings of Peter Forsberg and Adam Foote would not do much for the Avs other than sell tickets. And I was right- ticket sales went through the roof to see these two old stalwarts return for another tour of duty... and the Avs did do well in the first round, but looked very flat at times. The heroics (I can't believe I'm saying this) of Jose Theodore really saved their bacon a few times against Minnesota, setting up a second round against- who else?- the old nemesis from the old Foote/Forsberg days, the Detroit Red Wings.

Here's the thing. Back then it was the best rivalry in hockey, two elite teams who genuinely hated each other, tearing into each other with fists, checks, and wicked goals to see who would come out on top. The result were three Cups for Detroit, two for Colorado, and some of the most legendary playoff performances of all time. This time? No comparison. It was like watching a boxing match, in which one guy has a huge advantage in every way over his opponent and has no problems beating him mercilessly. But instead of finishing with a couple of jabs to the head and just knocking the guy over, Detroit went for the showboat uppercut to the chin to finish Colorado, and made a statement to the NHL that despite their age, the Wings are still the elite of the West. 8-2... I mean, thats as embarassed as I've ever been to be an Avalanche fan. And it showed something- while the Wings have spent the money to keep stalwarts like Kris Draper and Darren McCarty (that one an unusual case, I admit), Colorado didn't. So the Wings third and fourth lines stayed as potent as ever, while Colorado let players like Dan Hinote, Stephane Yelle, Rene Corbet, Alexei Gusarov- the stalwarts of the team back in the old days- go for pennies if for anything in favor of keeping high-priced superstars.

And it backfired a few times- for every success Pierre Lacroix has had (Patrick Roy, Rob Blake, Ray Bourque) he's had miserable failures (Theo Fleury, Teemu Selanne, FORSBERG). Yes, I know, its now Francois Giguere in charge- but thats a puppet GM if I've ever seen one. Some of these stars have failed, while the Wings have been much more careful and have had much greater success for their troubles. Two great franchises going in different directions- and last night showed which was which, sadly enough.

+It snowed in Denver yesterday. On May 1. Here it was 80. I miss home sometimes.

+Got drunk-dialed by the ex on Thursday morning... at 4 AM. She was buzzed, got home, realized she was lonely, and decided to call- and I quote- "the one person who I realize now has just always been there for me when I needed someone to talk to... the man that I still love."

I should note that at 4 AM, I'm not there for anyone. Not even myself- I don't know which way is up that early. It took me several moments to figure out what number it was calling me. So that part is out the window. And while I admit I do miss her at times, I cannot- and will not- forgive what happened. One does not easily get over being ordered (!!!) to convert to a religion he does not believe in- ask the Spanish Inquisition folks how well it works, lady. It simply pisses your 'converter' off more than anything- and I'm still pretty pissed. So while I was polite, listened to her ramble, was very honest with her about where I was at with her, etc., there was no intent- and remains none- to ever stick my hand in that food processor again.

I have standards. Forced religious conversion falls well outside of them.

+I dont' know a whole lot else to say for now, but I'm sure I'll come up with something again soon.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 12:59:34 GMT

A bit over two years ago I broke up with someone I loved very much, as you all know if you've been reading this thing. It took a while to deal with it, I don't mind admitting- though things ended in a fireball of anger and a long Greyhound bus ride in mid-December of '05, I really wasn't myself again until at least April or so. I was heartbroken, shellshocked, my entire world had ceased as I knew it up to that point. And that was a big adjustment.

Fast forward two years and some change, and I'm well beyond that now- though I still value the old memories, and of course wish her well in her upcoming marriage, I don't lay awake at night wondering about her. Time heals, as cliche as that sounds, and indeed I'm left with a few scars but not much else from that very painful chapter.

It goes without saying, of course, that with the same thing happening this time around, the same thing should be the case, right? Lonely nights of wondering what went wrong, what I could have done differently, wondering if its too late to change things, etc... And yet, I'm not. And THAT is what has had me up at night, as ironic as it sounds.

Am I merely jaded at this point, wounded so many times that its almost routine now? Did I not care as much about her as I thought I did, and so the pain itself is lesser this time around? Is it the distance between us, making it easier to deal with the adjustment? A combination? Or have I truly become as bitter and coldhearted as I feel these days? I don't know.

I do know that the anger I felt during my previous entry here has faded. I firmly believe that forcing ones religion on another is simply wrong, and that she felt it was the right thing to do is simply unforgivable. That may be part of the reason things are easier on me this time around. With Jenn, we may not have gotten along... well, at all... but she never did try to cram God down my throat, for whatever reason- just her family. Even as awful as those people were to live with (and believe me, they were), it doesn't compare in my eyes to having to live with someone elses religious system being imposed on you. I know I said that in the previous entry, that I was upset about that, but it really is one of the most disrespectful things I can imagine a person doing to someone they care about. I'll deal with asshole in-laws-to-be if I must, but an unwanted God is a different matter entirely.

But. Elsewhere... finally got out to the Udvar-Hazy Center at Dulles Airport this weekend with a couple of friends. After ironing out some early-morning grumpiness on all three parts (I hadn't slept well, and my knee got progressively worse as the day went on), a good time was had- and some great photos, which one of these days I'll have to get downloaded to the computer so I can post them. I was struck by sizes- I'd always expected the shuttle, for example, to be a big bird, but not quite THAT big. The F-35 was also a surprise, merely that it was there more than anything else. Next time you're in the DC area, its a good place to go through if you enjoy aviation. Just don't do it on a bad knee- I felt awful for my friends having to keep asking me if I was going to make it, I could barely handle going up a small flight of stairs by the end of it, and I know there was a significant hobble to my walk. Not even 30 and I have a shot leg... good times.

I've been working hard to get caught up on painting- still a good amount of primed but unfinished work sitting on top of my printer waiting patiently. That number will be growing, as a number of older minis are being prepped for a bath in Pine-Sol. Its funny- years ago when Jenn and I posted some of our minis on the CBT forums, we were met with very mixed reviews, and I remember Worktroll saying that no matter how good we thought we were at this, we'd be stripping them down in a few years and redoing them as we got better and realized how bad these now looked compared to our new skills. Sure enough, a few years later here I am getting ready to strip the Jade Falcon Star I was so proud of back then (I think I even have a pic of three of them on the blog a ways back).

I guess not much more going on than that. I should get going on my work day, more later this week if I find reason or motivation.