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| Been a while... things are going well for me. Working all the time.. I've moved into my own place since the last time I wrote. Got over Ryan- FINALLY. Been having fun with my friends. Have a new boyfriend who (or is it whom? ) is pretty cool. Family doesn't really like him b/c he's black, but they'll just have to get over it I guess. My grandfather passed away, that wasn't a good thing, but it's been a long time coming. Went to see Kenny Chesney in concert and the Dixie Chicks- not in the same night. I miss rugby a lot. I miss volleyball a lot too. And every once in a while I miss the college lifestyle. I miss my friends at school, but I know I wouldn't be seeing them now anyway so it's not as bad, and I"m pretty sure I'll visit sometime soon. That's about all I've got for now.. but I do really love my job. Ok, I gotta go call Josam now. | | |
| Been a while, huh? Don't really know why, we all know I've had the free time. Oh well. I got a job, I start Monday, pretty excited. I went out last night and got pretty drunk and didn't kiss any boys so I think that's improvement. I believe Ryan and I are really going to be done for now, but I have to admit if he came along tomorrow and said hey lets get married I'd be game. And there's this other kid trying to date me and he's the nicest kid ever, but I feel like if it started it would be something that could last a while and if Ryan came along during that time I would probably be mean to this kid. Not to mention they're friends. Not really good ones, but they hang out every once in a while. Don't know what I'll do about it. This week might kill me. I work all week, babysit til 11 on Monday and Tuesday night, I'm visiting Philly at some point during the week to see Aaron, Stephanie, Joe, possibly Govind and "some girl" and that night will probably be Thursday. Christines also home for spring break so I'd like to see her at some point too. Then I have the GRE Saturday which I am SO not prepared for. Then Jess and Kim are coming to town Saturday night to party it up. And can I just say I'm totally used to doing nothing all the time and I went out Thursday night, last night and I'm about to go out tonight as well. Then the next weekend there's some talk of a road trip to frostburg. who knows.
Basically life is good. | | |
| The depressed mindset is getting a little better. I think I started my period so that's always helpful... at least I think it happened. I bought a kitchen table today, that helped a little too. Made me think there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, speaking of tunnels, my sister and I almost ran out of gas in the one in baltimore today. good times. Then we got pretty lost trying to get to bowie. We made it though. I'm feeling pretty good today, but i'm nervous that it's only because i got out of the house and spent money i pretended to have. at least it was on sale, i got a sweet deal. i really can't wait to get out of here. i think i'm so focused on that i'm kind of ignoring the job issue. but also the job place that's making me wait forever and a day is the same place where my aunt used to work and she said they did the same thing to her, the lady's old and slow. then there are a couple openings at my sisters work. i'd rather have the other job, but my sister seems to think they'll hire me if i apply where she is. i'd be a foster care worker. i dont really like kids though, so that could be a problem. it'd be okay, just looking for less social work more psych. anyway, i'm done, svu is coming on soon. big day tomorrow. babysitting and going to the gym. woohoo. i'll just stay at the gym for 3 hours or something since it doesnt really cost anything immediately and it prevents me from emotionally stuffing my face. okay, really done now. | | |
| That last one was a really long bitch-fest. Still fairly depressed, but I don't really know what to do about it. I'm hoping it goes away pretty soon because I hate it. I need a job. | | |
| It's amazing how much can change in a week. The job is still just kinda hanging there like I'm not sure if I really have it or not which is stressing me out to no end. I have no money and I sit around all day. It's one of the most depressing things ever. I can't exactly drive my car on my own yet. The boy and I are over, just wasn't gonna work. I have probably the worst pms ever, not the physical symptoms but the emotional ones that make me irrational, crazy, and moody. So it doesn't help when my family gets home and my dad just yells at me because he's bitter I stay here all day and he has to go to work... right dad, because that's exactly what I want to be doing. And then him and my sister fight and it drives me insane. I think my blood pressure goes up about 50 points when they get home. Then there's my grandmother who has 18 grandchildren and 6 kids, but will only ask my mom, my sister, or me to watch my grandfather when she "needs" to go get cat food. Not that I mind staying over there, I just wish she'd ask someone else every once in a while. Then there's Rachel who I swear doesn't want to be my friend anymore because I don't go to church a thousand times a day and because I drink sometimes... but she still expects me to pay for her dinner when I clearly have no job and no money. And then the place I am supposed to be moving into is having some issues with the current people living there and I don't know if I'll be able to live there. So basically the job is the catalyst and it makes everything else look either really bad or really good. It's one of the bad times because the lady emailed me over a week ago and now there's nothing. What am I supposed to do with that? Also, the boys around here. They're on a whole different level, and this is going to sound so bitchy and snobby, but I think I need an educated person. Because really it just bothers me when they spell things wrong or use incorrect grammar (and yes i know this thing is full of it, but it's ranting so I justify it). I also feel like these boys around here don't get my humor or something, not to say that I'm all smart and use smart humor, because I don't but they need to be able to pick up on the sarcasm and not be so damn serious all the time. It drives me insane. I don't want some suave ladies man kinda guy, i prefer the dorkiness. I know it's in them, they just gotta let it out. Also, some kid with a baby asked me out. It's come to that. I now am limited to the townies. Yeah, that sounded so rude, but I couldn't help it. I guess I could delete it now, but there's no reason to. Pretty sure no one will read one paragraph this long anyway. I'd skim it. And I was supposed to go out with my sister today so I got all ready for her, skipped going to the gym where I could've gotten some of this frustration out, and then I get her message wayyyy later that she cant come. Yeah, because I'm not depressed enough. I hate January. I get depressed in January every year, but this one has some exceptional things to add to it. I shouldn't worry though until it lasts for 2 weeks, it's only been a couple days so far. I think I'll drop out of it when I finally here from this job lady... although the way she goes about things it might be 2 weeks. Or it might help a little if I ever get my damn period. It's really late right now, I think it's from moving. Don't know what else it would be because I'm certainly not pregnant. I feel rejected by boys at the moment.. and you know the first thought is that he doesn't like me because i'm fat. and i know that's bad, but that's how it goes. I don't even want to date anyone right now. I don't want anyone until I get out of this damn house. Ugh, okay I think I'm done now, I'm going somewhere with my cousin so I can go rant to her for 10 hours about how much I hate life right now. I need to have some human interaction to talk about it so I can laugh about it and be okay with it. And she knows my dad so she knows how annoying he can be sometimes. I feel really bad that I even wrote that sentence, because now what if he gets into a car accident or dies before he comes home and I never see him again. Is that even a normal thought? I think about that everytime i say or think something bad about someone i love. I think it's from the accident, makes me worry even more. Good thing, because I don't think i'm neurotic enough. ugh, i need to get out of this funk like for real, i know it's so annoying to other people. i'm trying not to put it on anyone, i wish i had a friend around here who would be willing to talk to me about it (ahem, rachel), bc i cant talk to my sister about her and my dad fighting. and i love my cousin but she doesn't have too much empathy. i think i just want someone to say "yeah, you're right and everyone else sucks" haha. also, i hate that i analyze myself every step of the way. and now i'm laughing. oh my gosh, i've gone completely out of my mind crazy. and i'm soooo hungry right now. what the hell is wrong with me?!?!?! i have to stop she'll be here soon. and i really need to eat something. | | |
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