JasonYee's Xanga

A lesson from Forrest Gump...

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 11:29:10 GMT

Life is like a box of chocolates...so please stop trying to guess the flavors of every piece in the box before you get to them. Just enjoy life one sweet bite at a time.

New Things Coming...

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 10:42:14 GMT

Hey everyone, ok so, I'm a total slacker when it comes to updating my xanga. Lately, I've been a little distracted. I hope I don't get burned at the stake for this, but... I go a myspace website! aaahahahhaaaaaaahhhhh oh no! ow oo ouch! ok stop. The only reason I did it was to get some recordings of me on the web to kind of "test the waters."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Further more, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."

Hebrews 10:24-25

"And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near."

If you believe in God working in me please visit my site at

http://www.myspace.com/jasonyeemusic

Your support would really mean a lot. Thanks.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 15:37:13 GMT

I'm starting college again. Yes, you read correctly. I'll be taking 12 credits this spring at Southwestern College. It's a bible college here in Phoenix. It's not a big school but that's ok. I'll be glad to get back to school and handle this degree thing. I'm really more excited about preparing myself for ministry in the future.

Speaking of ministry, God has a way of working things out. Upon the recommendation of church leaders, I'll be resigning from my staff position at church and I'll be going to school full-time. My pastor encouraged me not to work so that I can focus on my studies. My friend wants to rent an apartment with me but with no income I don't know about that. It's different for me to not have income. I don't know what to do, but my pastor encourages me that "the Lord will provide." well...if not through my own efforts then through who? I guess that's the lesson I'm supposed to learn.

With tuition due, Christmas in a few days, continued living expenses and school starting January 9th, everyday that passes I get closer to that moment of truth... should I break down and get a part-time job or should I trust what my pastor said and let God provide something for me? If you read my posts please pray for me, cuz honestly I'm a little unsettled.

I pray that through this I would allow myself to be shaped by the Lord into the man of God that He desires for me to be. To Him be all glory, honor and praise.

-Jason

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 20:46:12 GMT

I have concluded that short xanga entries get about the same attention as long ones. No one comments anyways.

Thanks to all those who have left feedback. While I was doing a gospel hip hop/dance mix radio show I learned of a well known statistic in the broadcasting industry that states of all your listeners only about 10% will ever respond or contact you at any given opportunity.

Well if that's true, then I'm doing better than the industry. Thanks to all my friends and even a few new brave souls who didn't really know what to say.

I've been working out lately. At the beginning of the summer I weighed as much as 186 lbs. Then we had a basketball summer league and I was suffering. I was slower and older than everyone else. Now while you may be laughing right now, it inspired me to get back into shape.

So now I've been working out, I've set some goals for myself to keep me on track. One goal is to see my six pack by Thanksgiving. Now while some of you may be laughing even more than before, I DO have a six pack...it's just burried underneath my belly. My second goal is to be able to slam dunk a basketball by my next birthday which is June 10. At this point it doesn't really matter how old I'll be because there are plenty of people around my age who can still dunk a ball.

Now that you're all rolling on the ground laughing at me, or think that I'm crazy weird, I'm happy to report that I've shed about 15 lbs of fat. I consistently weigh in at about 173 lbs. So that's all for now. Check back with me around Thanksgiving. If you're really nice to me maybe I'll show you my abs. Until then I'm still workin' it. - Jason

Monday, September 12, 2005

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 00:20:19 GMT

Love is like a rainbow. It's made of many different colors, some are bright and some are dark, but all together it is beautiful.

Here's one of the dark shades of love:

Love hurts...

Did you ever wonder what it takes for God to love us? Just think of all that He is, well, He is love, but He also displayed His love to us through the sacrifice of His Son Jesus as the ultimate payment for our sins.

Did you ever wonder what it feels like for God when we still sin? It's like when you love someone with all your heart but they choose to do things that hurt you. Like when the person you love can't decide whether or not you mean enough to them, so one day they say "I love you forever," then a couple days later they could care less about how you feel.

In light of my recent thoughts on God's love, I can't help but compare my own love to His. I think of my love for Him and my love for others. Am I completely devoted to God? Do I truly love others the way God loves them?

I want to love God more in the way that pleases Him. I want to make Him my first priority in life. Not my own selfish persuits. Through the pain and trials of this world's system I must make it my goal to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Then I must love my neighbor as myself. Of course it's impossible for me to love others exactly as God loves them. I am only human. But to love others as much as I would love myself, that is my aspiration, no more and no less. I hope to love others despite the pain that it may cause because the love that God gives is faithful.

Lord, forgive me when I place myself above you. Help me love you most and others as myself. Help me be strong through love's pains so that the message of Your true love can shine through. I ask this in Jesus name.

- Jason

Friday, September 09, 2005

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 21:06:12 GMT

READ THIS ONE!!

If you're ever going to read any of my entries then please read this one!

For those of you who are on my subscriber's list but have never chatted with me before I would like to say "Hello."

If you've never left me a comment, just let me know you're out there. I see you on my list but I'd like to hear from you. The fact that you even put my xanga on your list means a lot to me. Thanks for reading and I hope to hear from you soon.

lots of luv, Jason

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 18:51:47 GMT

random HTML stuff...anyway...as usual my thoughts are scattered and many. The moral of these stories is here at the beginning. The rest is for those who enjoy coming along for the ride. The moral of the story from a gardening perspective:

In the midst of tending the flowers remember to take time to look at how beautifully you are growing too.

Today I had a nice breakfast with a pastor friend from another church. We talked about how things are going and talked about the programs and ministries that we were both currently managing.

I told him about my church, the music ministry, the choir, the bands, the audio and visual media teams, about small group meetings and about the college group at ASU. I told him about how I felt God was working in all sorts of ways within each different area of ministry. Then he asked me a simple question that caught me a bit off guard. He asked:

"So what has God been doing in you?"

me? well...um...actually...I hadn't thought about that too specifically. I mean, I've thought about how God is wanting me to be a part of all these other things. But somehow I hadn't really considered what God wants to do in me...just me. Not through me, not with me, not around me, not in all the things that I'm a part of...just in me.

I stammered for words and stalled for a minute trying to come up with some half relevant answer. After a few moments of verbally processing his question and what I was feeling, I came up with the answer. I said, "I feel that God is shaping me into a soldier of faith."

What is a soldier of faith? I asked myself that question too in those short moments after I uttered the words. Now I know some might believe me absolutley mad, but honestly, I don't always know how to quantify or verbalize what I feel. I'm either a really deep person who's soul no words can capture, or...I need an English tutor and a dictionary.

Back to the soldier of faith, the background is found in Matthew 8:5-13. To sum it up, a centurion guard came to Jesus and asked Him to heal his servant. Jesus agreed to go and heal the servant but at that moment the centurion made some profoundly revealing statements that pointed to the man's faith. In verse 8 and 9 the guard said,

"Lord, I am not worthy for You to come under my roof, but just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to this one, 'Go!' and he goes, and to another, 'Come!' and he comes, and to my slave, 'Do this!' and he does it."

The centurion actually said a few things that stuck out in my mind. The first is, "Lord I am not worthy..." Wow, eventhough this guy had authority over many soldiers he counted himself unworthy in light of his knowledge of Jesus's identity. The second thing he said was, "just say the word, and my servant will be healed." Another wow! This guy didn't even need Jesus to lay hands on or see his servant, he believed that with just the verbal bidding of Jesus that healing would occur. Then the centurion goes on to relate to Jesus about why he feels that way about the verbal stuff.

I thought about this story in those moments with my pastor friend. I feel God wants me to be like this centurion, this soldier of faith, to have faith beyond my experience with God. Does that make sense?

I think too often we want to have super natural encounters with God, almost to the point where we end up depending on or functioning only on these encounters. We want our lives to be changed in some massive blaze of God's glory, whether its at a church revival, a Christian concert, a special night of worship, a mission trip to a foreign land, a church camp for youth, a college retreat to the mountains, or whatever else there is. We want a "burning bush" experience, or we want to see hundreds or thousands to be swept by God's heart. Sometimes we seek these "experiences" more passionately than we seek God Himself and that should never be.

It's not that these things are bad, it's just that in those few moments, and I suppose right now in my life, God wants me to be a soldier of faith. To believe the Lord will do great things according to His words. What are God's words? They're in the bible. Every promise, every blessing, every longing of God's heart for us is in His Word. What else could I possibly want?

To know my creator, His word. To be blessed by Him, His word. To know His love for me, His word. To know His power working in my life, His word. His has been spoken, but will we believe? Here's what the bible says about Jesus's reaction to the centurion in verse 10:

"Now when Jesus heard this, He marveled and said to those who were following, 'Truly I say to you, I have not found such great faith with anyone in Israel."

Triple WOW!!! WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT!!! Jesus "marveled"?????? The Son of God, the Prince of Peace, the Savior...marveled? and at what? Simply, it was this man's faith. How can I be like that man, that soldier? How can I touch the heart of God? How can I bring marvel and wonder into my relationship with God?...Faith.

"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is the rewarder of those who seek Him." - Hebrews 11:6

I want to be like that guard. I want to be a soldier of faith. I want to believe in God beyond my experiences. That's what I'm learning right now.

What does this have to do with the moral of the story? Well, I realized through this conversation with my pastor friend that I need to take more time to reflect, meditate if you will, on the things God wants to do in me. Sometimes I focus way too much on things happening around me, the things I'm doing, the experiences that I'm a part of. I get more involved in the work that I'm doing with God and tend to lose sight of the work that God is doing in me.

So while I'm out in the garden tending to the flowers, admiring their beauty, marveling at their growth and thanking God for creating them, I must also remember to take time to noticing how God is growing me and thank Him for creating me as well.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 15:19:22 GMT

The conclusion to the BestBuy story...FINALLY!

So where was I....oh, ok. The receipt! I didn't even have to look at it because I knew all the numbers were correct, but I figured out why I felt like I lost money. I DID lose money and it was my own fault. Here's how.

The return policy calls for a 15% restocking fee. Well, 15% of $346.00 is $52, BLAH...that's soooo obvious, as I thought about it my sense of loss turned into a burning anger at myself. If only I had taken the kind advice of the customer service girl. What I should have done is EXCHANGE the $346 of merchandise for some cheap $100 dollars of merchandise. Why? Because I'd get $246 cash back with my $100 exchange. THEN, I could RETURN the $100 merchandise for a restocking fee of $15 rather than $52!!!!!! That's a difference of nearly $40!!! Today that would translate into a good hearty tank of premium gasoline for my finely tuned racing auto wagon!! Why couldn't I see that BEFORE when the customer service girl was practically telling it to my face!!!

ARGH!! The humiliation was almost more than I could bear. No one even knew what happened yet I was sooo embarrassed. I was driving alone in my car, no one starring at me any different than before, no taunting, no teasing, no making fun of my mistake, yet as I drove home I felt soooo STUPID!!! In my mind I was reliving those 10 minutes in BestBuy and picturing the outcome had I managed the exchange. As I played it over and over in my mind, my pride kept getting knocked down lower and lower. About half way home I admitted defeat...I was a broken man...a broken and helpless man.

Then as I was trying to come to terms in my own mind with what happened, I found myself waiting at a red light, behind a car, with my turn signal politely clicking amidst the low rumble of my engine, and the Lord quietly reached out to me in my broken, humbled state. He reminded me about His grace...

His mercy...

His forgiveness...

His freedom...

and His love.

He reminded me that there's so much more to this world than what I just got soo worked up about. He reminded me that there's so much more to my purpose in His kingdom than the things I was focusing my attention on in the last 30 minutes. As I meditated on these things I remembered what it was like to be wrapped up in God rather than the things of this world. I remembered what it was like to feel God moving in my life. I remembered what it was like to be moved by God and to be excited about running after Him with all my heart. I rememberd what it was like to wake up in the morning and have a burning desire to be in His word and in prayer, knowing Him more each day. I remembered what it was like to be broken by the sin in my own life. I remembered what it was like to be saddened by the brokenness of others around me. I remembered what it was like...

I remembered what it was like to be with God and I wanted that again.

Does this story sound too profound for a trip to BestBuy? Maybe for some it is, and for others of us who believe donkies have talked and men have lived in the bellies of whales, maybe it's not so far fetched. Because whether it's a donkey, a whale, or a trip to BestBuy the moral of the story is as simple and timeless as it's Creator. God is more than this world has to offer and He's trying to get our attention.

So how can we know what exactly God is trying to tell us? How do we meet God to know that He is greater than anything in this world? If you have some time I encourage you to reacquaint yourself with Jeremiah 29:11-13, but here's verse 13:

"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with ALL your heart."

I am reminded that too often we are caught up in the trappings earthly living. As we navigate through this American jungle we describe as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness we start to lose sight of what it is God created us to do. His strong, still voice begins to fade in the background against the daily clamor of traffic, radio, television, cell phones, computers and even people vying for a moment of our time. And as we give our engergy into balancing all these things with in our life our strength is lost for carrying out the call of God's love.

How does it all get so complicated. When did I become satisfied sharing with myself the glory that belongs only to God. What happened to my first Love. Where did I hide the picture of God's Kingdom. I'm tired of not knowing. I'm tired of not seeing. I'm tired of not hearing. I'm tired of not feeling. I'm tired of not being.

I remember what it is like to be with God and I want that...everyday. He promises that I will seek Him and find Him when I search for Him with all my heart, so that's what I must do. You see, finding the Kingdom of God is like the return policy at BestBuy. When it comes to the Kingodm of God we can't settle for taking life as it comes because we will miss out on so much more...and the difference is more than just $40. The difference is Life itself.

Dear Heavenly Father. . .

. . . You have my attention.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Thu, 05 May 2005 01:10:38 GMT

It's been over a year and the only thing I'm adding right now is a single story. I realize that really long xanga entries are hard to read in your email so I've put the moral of the story in the begining and leave you the option of visiting my xanga to finish reading the story. I call it:

SAVING $50 AT BEST BUY... a reminder of the Kingdom of God.

The moral of the story is: Finding the Kingdom of God is like finding the best deal at Best Buy, but if you don't really understand the return policy you might not get the most value from your purchase.

Ok, so, right now I'm in the market for a digital camera. Before now I haven't really been doing much research but I thought I had some pretty good ideas about brand names. So I go down to the local Best Buy and check out their selection of digital cameras. Among the 20+ digital cameras they have, I decide to purchase a 4.0 megapixel camera with at least 8x optical zoom. I see a camera by the trusted company of Nikon. It fits my needs and more importantly it's on sale!! The Nikon Coolpix 4800 for $399. So I buy it.

After I bought it I decided to make sure I got the best camera for my money, so with the UN-opened camera I went online to check the reviews. Now, I understand that my methodology here seems backwards and if you were to tell me to my face, I'd have to agree. None the less this is what I did. After reading online reviews and testimonials I realized that this camera was way too slow for my tastes and apparently many other people's tastes as well. So then I decide to exchange it for another camera with better reviews. I went back and exchanged for the Fuji Finepix S5100. This camera had better performance features and it was $100 cheaper!! Now if you're Asian you know I couldn't pass this offer up, so I decided to keep it, opened the box and shot around with it for a day.

After test shooting for a day I decided I didn't like it because it didn't have image stablization which is a real problem for someone of my hyper-spastic nature. I had troubles taking steady, clear photos. So after I thought about it for a while I decided to return this camera despite it's great money-saving value. Here's where the lesson on the Kingdom of God begins.

So I decide to return the Fuji Finepix that I already opened. I take it back to Best Buy and I tell the very nice customer service return girl my deal with the camera. She graciously smiles and asks if there's any other camera I'd like to exchange it for. I pause for a moment. Now having been to the store 2 previous times, I decide I've seen enough at Best Buy. So I turn back to the friendly customer service return girl and tell her I've decided I just want my money back. So she says ok and then proceeds to tell me they'll take it back but they have to charge me a re-stocking fee of 15%. Hmmm....I think to myself, ok... that doesn't sound too bad.

After scanning all the stuff I'm returning she turns back to me after a minute as tells me the total fee is $52 dollars!! WOW! That was more than I had thought about. $52 is more than half of $100!!! She can read the shock on my face and sympathetically asks if I'm sure I don't want to exchange it for another camera. I think to myself again...all that's left of the camera selection are really fancy cameras that I can't afford or really cheap cameras that I wouldn't waste my money on. So I look at her again and without turning back I tell her it's ok and I'll pay the $52 fee. UGH!! My heart was being ripped out of my chest as she printed my return receipt.

As I was walking out I looked at my receipt in wonderment. I felt like in some way I had just been robbed...swindelled by the system...bamboozled by BestBuy. I was feeling as if something great had just slipped through my fingers. I wasn't mad, I couldn't be, the policy is the policy, but there was something else that I couldn't see immediately and it was on my receipt. Then as I began to drive home in silence listening to the roar of the performance exhaust on my car it hit me like a brick!! I knew what was wrong.

I didn't even have to look at the receipt because I knew the numbers were correct...

oy...gotta go...more on this later. ha...sorry to keep you in suspense.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Tue, 16 Mar 2004 14:41:25 GMT

My my my how time flies. So many things have happend since november. God has shown me lots. I hope I can retain it all.

In November 2003 around Thanksgiving I was asked to audition for the percussion spot on the Urbana Worship Team and got selected!! So in late December I went to Urbana03 hosted by InterVarsity Christian Fellowships. I had to spend Christmas and New Years away from home but I definitely wasn't too far away from "family." I got to play percussion on the worship team!! 20,000 people in one place!! It was awesome! On this trip God taught me many things about His sovreignty and His love.

Then when I got back in January we started up our contemporary services again at FCBC. At the same time I was in charge of coordinating a church booth at the city's Chinese New Year Festival. I kinda went overboard and got a planning team and wanted to implement all these new and wondrously glorious ideas...but I over estimated myself. Everything got done well, but I was really getting burnt. So God taught me patience, humility and waiting on Him.

Then in February our contemporary planning team opened up a "coffee house" for people to enjoy. I went pretty well for the first time. It was well received by all but it wasn't all that I had hoped we could accomplish. But everyone was really happy with it. The planning team did a great job, especially putting up with me. At the same time the Asian Bible fellowship has really been changing. God is shaping us into something way bigger than what we have thought we could be. He continues to give us His vision to see new ministry opportunities. We've had lots of meetings lately but they've been good. Sometimes I struggle working in teams. So God continued to teach me patience, humility and trusting in His sovreign will and His power.

Then in March I got the chance to go to another InterVarsity thing. This time it was an Asian American Staff Conference. Actually it was part of a larger conference for all Multi-Ethnic Fellowships but we split up into our respective groups. I learned so much about God's work in Asian Culture. I was also very encouraged to meet other Asians in my age group who are in full-time ministry. I've never really had that, so it was a nice experience. God really helped me see the "bigger picture" while I was in L.A. for the conference. It made me reconsider how God wants to use me here in AZ, cuz sometimes when you think you know what you're doing, God shows you what's really going on.

In March there was also gina beaner's birthday. I couldn't be there cuz I was in L.A. but I tried to get the FC Worship Team to surprise her at practice. It worked. The worship team really came through. Thanks to all the people invovled. I was trying to keep it a secret so some people are mad at me, but what's new. I was so happy that she was happy. I was so well pleased that the team came together. They're really good about being there for eachother. For me, I guess my feeling is like how a dad feels when his children come home to be together for a family gathering. eh...i'm getting old. anyway...

This week I'll be flying to Houston, TX to do some worship team training for Southwest Chinese Baptist Church. They have a young team and the pastor invited me out to talk with them about being a "worship team." Then when I get back its contemporary service again. God is reminding me of His sustaining power and His call for faithfulness and obedience.

Next month, April, is Youth Emphasis at FCBC so I'll be working with the youth worship team. It's also Missions Emphasis month in the career department. I'm heading that...then there's contemporary again. Then there's ABF planning to be done for the Fall semester. wow...God is good. full-time ministry...its a great blessing.

And all this time while I've been doing my own things learning from God, He has been sustaining the minsitry at FCBC and has also shown me who my faithful friends are. Thanks to the worship team at FC and the ABF leaders and my friends who check up on me even though I never have time to talk. It just reminds me how great it is to be in the family of God.

that's it for now. hopefully i'll find some time to write individual entries about each event. There's so much that God has been doing in my life.

Thanks God. You're cool.