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| how this world has changedIt's pretty late, for someone who works in the early hours to the surrender of the day. I find myself pacing through thoughts, ideas. It's not that I feel confused, but rather, unable to attain a certain peace of mind, peace of heart for some reason.
My work week was two days. The rest will be in San Diego with my family. I'm looking forward to seeing them, but before I do, I have endless chores, which has sparked a mascaraed of emotions in this battlefield that is my mind.
I've promised myself to go to the gym. I have decided to being weight training and need to start strong. How does nothing sound to start off? It's where I fear I am headed. heh, I look and reflect on my b anner atop. The only thing that can destroy a drea is the fear of failure. How true it is. Without doubt I couldn't fathom the human race. Perhaps peace on earth could be as simple as ridding ourselves of doubt. For it is doubt that makes us second think parts of our lives that need to further guidance. We change ourselves through doubt and become something we are not. Through the comfort of a lack od doubt, we begin to see our lives conform to an alternate peace that felt all to familiar...yet unfamiliar.
Packing
Looking up addresses
Calling back friends
clearing my car for the family
getting the oil change
driving to san diego
I drive at 10am...I have two hours for the former list.
It's so much of a burden I've decided to explain it hopelessly through xanga. If only writing out thoughts could attain a sense of true accomplishment...not to deny the fact that productivity has been a strong value in allieviating the subject. But rather wouldn't it be wonderful to have the power of accomplishing everything you set your mind to? There I go again, doubting myself.
Human.
It's late. 11. Many are sitting, gaining weight, watching their beloved stand up drama. The televisiono screen providing the only source of illumination throughout the home. Mice are allowed to scurry in silence and direct themselves only tot he dim light wrapping itself arond the faded white painted walls. The smell is thankfully not affected. For it's move in, then move out, and see you again when the beacon of hunger arrives the next day.,.unless of course it remains for the entire night as it has upon certain occasions. The large one coming home, running into walls, playing with the window, yelling at others down below on the streets, my second home. I do not understand his language, but emotions tell all. He is upset.
It's fun to write. If only I could complete a paragraph.
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| This sitehas changed so much. The internet has changed so much.
For lack of clarity in the mind I've found myself once again typing here. It's been a good place to get out emotions, thoughts, really...to slow down the process of thinking to the point where we can take a breath and look back at our ideas and dreams. What is really worth it? Why am I doing it?
I have a lot to do in my life. Sometimes it seems like there is no time, sometimes the time is spent wondering if I'm in the right place all along.
We all have levels of importance. We all want to do everything and anything we set our mind to.
Priority though holds us back.
Accomplishing those events most important to us are all that matter. Certainly, there are other figures of prospect within our daily lives that would let our minds become even more free, but they never get done. They are not important enough, or perhaps too difficult simply by an opinionated point of view.
I though, challenge you to this:
Accomplish everything you set your mind to as physically-able as possible. Do what you can, work as hard as you can to do it. Breaks will come naturally.
It is when we enter the process of thought that we begin to see ourselves as someone else unfamiliar. We must step away from ourselves and into complete focus. For the mind is a powerful tool, and I for one believe it can accomplish anything if trained correctly.
So stop thinking, stop worrying. Let nature take its course, let life take its course.
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| Hi everyone, 
The hour hand on the clock has certainly made more resolutions that ever since the last time my thoughts become words through X anga! Happy New Year to everyone, be safe and healthy throughout the year, you'll probably see another entry when we are at the same place in the solar system again :). As for myself, nothing of importance to mention. My friends and I gathered together last night to celebrate the new year. We held nothing away from the satisfaction of an unforgettable 2006. On one table a game of Scrabble was finishing in dramatic style. On other side of the room, video games. I highly apologize to those who wished to have attented this energetic rave like bambooza, but alas, only those who have shared countless dorky moments thoughout my life with me were invited! ========================== Many look to the new year as a time to become something better in their lives. I never see the reason to pick a point in time to decide there are things in life that desire alterations. Varying daily habits that one finds unsuitable can easily be changed at any point in time. That's why I made no resolution. If anything, I would make a resolution that others accomplish their dreams and live their lives according to the Heavens. Speaking of Heavens, lets tangent away to another place, been a while since we've been there :) It was a normal night in bed. The walls painted with the slight fade of moonlit blue. My eyes wandered under the thin layer of my eyelids. Sleep didn't come easy on night such as this. I knew in my heart all would come true for me in the following days, but how could I, a human, have the comfort of a saint or god who had control over fate? My eyes remained closed although I could feel the sharp red of my clock brand itself into my head. Lottery games ensued throughout my mind. 2:45? 5:23? Maybe it's been minutes since my body relaxed here under the protection of soft wool under the Heavens. I could feel mother, around the door, waiting for me. Always waking me before the alarm vibrated and jolted the calm and silent air around me. It was a painful reunion at most, but at times when my consciousness lay in full attention, well, one could say it was an enjoyable as dirt on a dry day. A breeze crossed against my cheeks forcing the electric firing of neurons in my brain to stagger my mind into full consciousness. Alas, sleep lost itself again in me. I went ahead in my dreams to a beautiful place looking for serenity. There was none. My mind was exhausted. Then, in a sudden instant I heard a sharp pierce and felt warmth against my skin. My eyes forced themselves open. A fire lay in front of me. I looked toward it in confusion. There is lay lit by a beautiful arrangement of wood carefully placed to keep a long burning. My eyes trailed upward to the source. A man, a young man with a dark hat upon his head that blended into the blackness looked at me. "Sorry", and he smiled. He then grabbed for something behind him, taking all attention away from me as if I had left the scene. A vintage frying pan with woodhandle was wrapped by the mans gloves. He smiled to me again, assuring me there was no danger. My eyelids fell a slight at each smile. Comfort worked its way into my body. Muscles released their tension and my body became a rag doll. "Hungry?" He asked. I shook comforted head slowly back and forth, no. He smiled again and added a large chunck of meat into the frying pan. With my eyes nearly closed all that was seen were figures bathed in orange and black. The mans smile still present with eyes on the food. Then in an instance, I felt a growl. My stomach had woken itself. Sleep was inevitable and I knew it. My eyes fully opened themselves once again. The man still there calmed by the darkness around him. I slightly raised my head, then planted my right elbow on the pillow to support my body. The man looked up to my with the same calming smile. "How about some food?" He said with confidence. "Yeah, I have some" I replied. He grabbed another chunk of meat and placed it on the pan to accompany his. Halfway risen, I looked around my surround to gather myself. Out of my bed, I placed my back to the man and found myself on the edge of a cliff overlooking the world. The stars in the Heavens glittering in the sky like diamonds. Heh, how cliche. I felt a smile come across my face. Then everything came back to me, how was I supposed to sleep outdoors with friends days before I vowed to love the woman of my dreams? It wasn't possible, no thoughts could calm me down now. "The food ready yet?" I laughed in relief. ========================================= 
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| Evening,
Good to be back in my journal
Sorry Mom, Sorry Dad, Sorry Val
I've taken FOREVER to update. I don't know what's coming so lets just enjoy:
Beach Party: Sunday came, left, but memories stayed. I traveled with
the professor in his car along with a few other students to a private
beach in San Pedro. We drove on the freeway through downtown LA and
along side the Staples Center (Where the LA Lakers play). You think El
Paso's spaghetti bowl is impressive? There are tons of them in LA,
something to do with the 4 million + population probably. Anyway, we
get there, set up, and enjoy. I spent the start throwing the football
around with an All-State high school football player. Yeah it's a
little intimidating when he throws the ball at 'real' football speeds
(although he wasn't a quarterback, thank goodness). I spent some alone
time along the beach which was fun. I'm happy to go out and do things
on my own here, I feel like everyone only wants to participate if
everyone else does so they can be in a group. Life takes an individual
ambition to succeed, not a following thread of people.
Anyway, I think three skips of a rock into the ocean was a personal
record. After that we all got together and played volleyball. Each of
the games we won something like 15-1,15-2,15-1. That's what happens
when you have the professor on your team and he calls all of the rules
as the game moves in his favor.
(I'm in the yellow shirt and white trunks...doing something very
weird)(I like how my friend took this photo, focusing strongly not on
the beach and beautiful ocean to our left, but rather the tranquil
atmosphere of the parking lot and envious houses atop the hills) I'll
have to make up for it with some that I took:
Other than that I've been happily enjoying how beautiful life really
is. Like a normal person I sometimes forget about how great and
fortunate we are to live where we live and see the things we get to
see. The Lord really blessed all of us to undertake the variety of
tasks put in front of us, and realizing it's only Earth and only life,
so much more can be accomplished in so much more positivity that it can
only lead to bigger and greater and more colorful things. I'll take an
example of my friend Jon Peter. He was a USC Film Student. He's 23 or
24, not sure, but already shooting music videos for a rap group that
will air on MTV Jams (Different channel). Everytime I chatted with him
I felt so comfortable. Then I finally looked him up with the contact
information he gave me, and it's striking how we both share the same
philosophy. Only difference...I hadn't felt mine in a long time. He
left his away messages like "Why not now?" and "Life is Beautiful". I
used to feel these things all the time, but its hard to keep something
in your mind. What if you proclaim it though?
If you proclaim happiness, well being, faith....will it stay in your
mind longer? Will you feel better forever if you keep helping others
realize that life is beautiful and worth living? I feel it does. I feel
like throwing this computer in excitement, running out into an open
street with an umbrella, soft pouring rain, and just yelling out in
song how wonderful life really is.
Realizing how beautiful life is really relaxes a persons mind body and
soul. It helps them live longer and happier, and as we all know, being
relaxed conserves energy. At Panavision for instance, I notice
sometimes I get really tired from 9-11ish. I don't know why, but its
awful. My hypothesis is that I wake up with too much energy and convert
it into stress or a type of defense so I can prepare myself fully for
anything that comes to me at work. It somewhat makes sense, usually
when I understand everything and how it works I stop putting up that
defense because I know exactly what's heading my way. That's another
story though.
In order to help me cope with some of that natural stress, I've been
going to the beach every Thursday. It's so beautiful to have that
option whenever. I basically endure the 30 minute drive and then job
along the beach on those small cement roads meant for bikes and
rollerblading (which I really want to rent fyi ;) ). At the end of my
jog I reach a nice pier that has a rollercoaster, ferris wheel, and a
bunch of colorful restaurants. It was later in the day when I went so
those soft glowing neon lights moved so quickly around my body as if I
was entering a new galaxy. I spend time looking at the ocean and just
dropping my brain into that endless book of stories filled with
passion, survival, and horror and just think: what will be written
today?
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| LAHello from Hollywood!
So I'm here at the Oakwood apartments hanging out in my room that is
shared by three other UT students. I've enjoyed the beautiful blue
skies blocked by thin slices of palm trees that reach to the heavens,
the soft breeze of ocean air passing along my face like a new wave of
life, and of course, the endless billboards promoting movies created
miles away.
I got here Saturday. That's when the view from the bug stained window
held endless desert and massive rocks mixed with decaying cacti.
Since I've been here a while I'll go ahead and just describe some of the most memorable things that have happened so far:
* My roomate Chris and I drove to his internship location which is
located in Culver City. The street is Washington, which is next
to Venice Blvd, which leads you down to Venice Beach, which leads you
down to Muscle Beach! They have the famous gym right on the beach. To
my surprise not only did a gym showcased on ESPN appeared before my
eyes, but several basketball and paddleball courts. These aren't your
average courts, not when you're in LA. These courts, at least the
basketball courts, hold some of the best street ballers in Los Angeles.
Chris and I sat to watch a few of them that Tuesday we went just to see
how true the movie "White Men can't Jump" is. Turns out the movie is
not far from reality. 8 blacks, 2 whites. The blacks would
occassionally make a fast break and slam dunk the ball with one hand
while one of the white guys dribbled the ball on his foot letting it
roll out of bounds. That was just a Tuesday, apparently the Saturday's
and Sunday's are intense with people and ballers. Something to look
forward to.
* Panavision: my upgrade from working a few summers as a waiter at the
Country Club. I haven't started just yet, but I've had a tour of the
place. Before I begin I'll explain what Panavision does in the
"industry". They're a camera supply company. Not just any cameras
though, they have the reputation for the best cameras in Hollywood.
Most of the movies you've seen have been shot with Panavision cameras.
The HD cameras range in the $80,000-$100,000 range themself alone. No
one buys the cameras, they just rent them, and that's where I come in.
I'll be starting my first two weeks in the "SHIPPING AND RECEIVING"
room. Basically I'll help loading trucks with camera equipment. When we
get returned items, I go through the cases, make sure everything is
working, and then take it back to the storage room. This will help me
understand how many of the parts of the Hollywood cameras work in and
out. After my first two weeks of working in Shipping and Receiving,
I'll be moved to the "READY TO RENT" area. Here I will be loading mags
(which stores the film in the camera) and also building and cleaning
accessory cases and getting them prepared. After those two weeks or so,
I'll spend the last month and a half on the Prep Floor. This is where
we get the cameras all set up and make sure they work efficiently.
* Back home we have burger joints like McDonalds, BK, Carls Jr. All
good places for El Paso, all forgotten in LA. If you don't know where
I'm going with this, then you haven't been to the best and cheapest
burger joint in the nation:
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Other than that I've been getting to know the streets of LA. I'm
thinking about taking a drive up to Beverly Hills and walking down some
of the big streets where celebrities are often seen. Shouldn't be too
hard to find anyone since the "papa - raut - sees" are always following
the big names.
This is all happening very fast so if you all have any questions for me
please leave a comment and I'll answer it. I know a lot of my relatives
read this page and are not members (cannot leave a message for me) so
here's what I've done:
FOR RELATIVES/FRIENDS WHO WANT TO LEAVE COMMENTS/QUESTIONS FOR ME:
1. BELOW THIS ENTRY YOU WILL SEE A LINK THAT SAYS EITHER 'ADD COMMENTS'
OR '# COMMENTS" WHERE '#' IS THE CURRENT NUMBER OF COMMENTS, CLICK THAT.
2. SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE WHERE YOU SEE A BIG WHITE TYPING BOX. WRITE A COMMENT, AFTER YOU'RE DONE
CLICK SUBMIT.
3. YOU WILL BE PROMPTED TO ENTER A USERNAME AND PASSWORD TO CONTINUE. ENTER:
USERNAME: IKNOWJASON (ALL ONE WORD)
PASSWORD: JASONSEMKO
Thanks!
See ya!
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