The events of the weekend:

• a beautiful four hour drive to Searcy - Woke at crack of dawn so I got to watch the sun rise - the first half of the trip I was surrounded by trees of brown,green, yellow, and orange so the sun creeping the was absolutely gorgeous
• sitting in bible class between two beautiful men
• the caf!! though the food sucks there's not a better place to run into everyone you know
• the 2nd glances i got from people who had no idea i was in town...priceless
• bling bling shopping with Michael and Brandon, though we found no bling we made some awesome fart noises in Freds
• THE KNIGHT'S DRAGON ROAST all thugged out - there were truly some amazing outfits
• Taking pictures in the Christmas lights at the park
• Spinning below the lights and trying to run out of the door way...not easy!
• Going 50mph over the same speed bump multiple times
• Donuts
• Spotlighting
• Pretending I discovered the zebra-horse haha Sorry Joe I didnt mean to try to take your credit
• Adding characters in the nativity scene
• saw Brandon decked out in camo....wow
• a visit with joe before i hit the road
• Then back to ole LA to work at AE on pajama day...shoulda chose fun over money joe you are always right

It was a great weekend and I so glad I had the chance to go back to Harding.....I really miss that place, so much Im coming back...BUT as of now it looks like it wont be until fall out of respect for my parents request but that could change to spring or to never but right now im givin it a 90% chance for fall - So if thats the case I have my mothers blessing to drive up once a month so I wont be a stranger and my b/f wants to join me on the trips too b/c she thinking about transfering with me which would be amazing! I cant figure out how to put pics up on this things so check out my facebook for the pictures from this last visit!

Just a quick update...IM COMING TO SEARCY THIS WEEKEND!! Its supposed to be a quick trip like get there Fri am and leave Sat am...but some amazing friends are trying to talk me into stayin for a sat night of ice skating...all depends if I can get off work guys, it is the holidays and I do work in retail! Anyway the awesomely goodlooking Michael Pruitt has asked me to accompany him as the hottest date ever to the Knights function on Friday night...Im pumped so if you see me walkin around like a lil ghetto gangsta thats the theme Michael and I have choosen for ourselves! Look for me Friday, I'll be around!

PS if you have any ghetto/gangsta jewelry or clothing you could contribute Im takin donations so let me know!! thanks

OK boys...chill I dont really dance naked...what do you take me for...i totally meant i danced in my high heels, gstring, and tassels! LOL JOKE!

Anyway so whats new with me... Well had an early Thanksgiving Sat...it was great to see my family from Shreveport - we took children photos, mom swears she's gonna send out Christmas cards this year - we'll see if they get out - Although I love me family I swear we cant get together w/o conflict...I love my mom but seriously she doesnt  know when to keep her mouth shut - Im not like that am I? Say too much or say my thoughts that will hurt your feelings when they are better kept to self...hmm hope Im a little more thoughtful of people's feelings

I mentioned earlier I'm in a huge spiritual slump...Im slowly starting to get a grip on myself buts its tough guys when at times I dont want to get a grip - I was crying on the phone to my mom sunday night... she asked how church was like she always does and my usual answer of great was "okay i guess i was too tired to pay attention so i didnt get anything out of it" seriously thats the first time ive been that way at my new church but she totally flipped out on me and said if you dont what it your gonna but yoursalf in a bad postion...i was so angry cause it was already true and I yelled over the phone " I am already in a spiritual slump- i dont care about my relationship with God right now and if I stay in this hell hole long enough I dont know if I'll eveer wanna crawl back to Him" WoW once I said it I couldnt believe it, but it was true - I felt like God called me here, but if I stay here I dont know if I can make it spiritually - I have a friend who says chrisitain schools are for the spiritually lazy which i dont believe its completely true, but i know if I dont get back in one chances are im not gonna survive...

Mom upset me more when she says I guess you wanna go back to Harding...well it aint gonna happen - I grew completely silent and had nothing to say to her. She called me back the next morning after talking to Dad and they agreed I can go back or to any school I want as long as they know for a fact I have spent time in prayer over it. I was relieved when I had the opportunity to go back to HU but Im still not sure if thats where God is calling me... I miss my friends like no other... I've got 2 people I can call true friends here when at Harding I cant count em all...Plus HU has a great advertising program which is what i want to do, but it would also be hard to go back to a school that doesnt believe like I do when concerning the Holy Spirit, gifts of the spirit, women in authority, baptism...and so on ... I guess Im just waiting to hear from God A school with my friends...major...but different beliefs ...  here in Monroe... another school which I would have to take time to search out and apply to ... or taking off a semester to really search God ... if i do take off a semester and decide to stay in monroe i lose my free tuition...whats a girl to do...I dont think I'd be up such a creek if I would have kept my life up spiritually and I dont want to go back to God just b/c I want answers I really do miss Him but you know ... ugh  I dont know guys...just keep me in your prayers cause I gotta know somethign soon atleast if Im going back to harding - my re-admit form is coming in the mail prolly Wed or Thurs and i gotta get it turned in soon

These are beautiful lyrics from Natalie Grants song The Real Me...

Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry

I want to be the perfect tapestry that reflects Christ...even though Im just a bunch of shreaded fabric right now He still sees me as beautiful but He's workin on me and He's not gonna give up until Im a beautiful embroidery hanging on a wall

So it's been a while so I thought I'd put down a few thoughts...I'm in that slump again I guess thats why Im writing...it's about the only time I do - but Im gonna try not to complain tonight it is 1am and I dont feel like getting close to deep

Things Ive done recently:

• watched "Derailed" - amazing thriller a  must see
• ate Outback with Abs and Trish
• worked at AE getting to pick out clothes for hot guys
• highlighted my hair blonde blonde instead of the usual honey blonde
• skipped all my classes in Thursday
• stayed the night at someone of the opposite sex's house on a school night
• Made excellent grades on all of last weeks tests
• danced naked in front of my full length mirror to "my hump"
• watched a school play that included sexual content and bad language almost appalling
• busted my knee open tryin to show off in dance
• cried
• cursed
• cooked a real supper instead of eatin a turkey roll up
• drank my first margarita in  about a year in a half.... with adults
• wanted to  be with someone who wasnt worth being with
• wanted to tell the amazing guy who would be all worth it all how i felt but chickened out
• wanted to run away from everything i know and start all over again
• wanted to go back to my old foolish ways

Yeah so anyway I thought my list was gonna be better but apparently not....maybe after this weekend I can add something more exciting

So I had my first day of work at AE Sunday...I absolutely enjoyed myself...I get on the schedule next week it shall be glorious...its sad to leave all my friends at Bennigan's but I was tired of getting screwed over by crappy schedules, seating charts, and the cooks! Saturaday night was the worst night there by far...it took 30 minutes for my table's appetizer to get out... I suggested to them to leave and catch their movie it wouldnt be worth the wait, I was not gonna defend our crappy delivery time.

Hmm what else... So when you were a child do you remember when your mother told you not to play with fire or you'll get burned...well why do we seem to always choose to play anyway. I've found myself playing with a lot of fire lately...its tempting, appealing, exciting, ricky, adventerous, wild, and crazy ... I havent gotten burned...yet... but Im playing with what I don't really want or need...but its become so much fun and habit its hard to let go...Im getting attached and developing those emotional ties that were never meant to develop... Thats not supposed to happen right? Why does what is wrong for us always look so dang good...its just not right, really, its not!