| | 1. [what were you doing last night at ten?]
Playing video games, I think
2. [what color shirt are you wearing?]
White
3. [have you made out with anyone on your top 8 list?]
No [This is for Myspace, by the way]
4. [do you have "a thing" for anyone on your top 8?]
Um, nah, lol
5. [how many friends on your list do you know in real life?]
Most of them, I think
6. [do you hold grudges?]
Sort of, but not really
7. [have you ever had your heart broken?]
Sure
8. [do you have a good relationship with both of your parents?]
No
9. [most recent movie that you have watched in the theatre?]
Harry Potter 4 or The Producers. I need to get out.
10. [name three things you have with you at all times?]
Phone, wallet, keys
11. [would you rather give or recieve a massage?]
Give
13. [how much cash do you have on you right now?]
I don't know
14. [whos the 4th person on your recieved calls list?]
Bryan
15. [whats your underwear color]
A dismal plaid
16. [what time did you wake up?]
Before 6. Bleh, lol
17. [what were you doing at midnight two nights ago?]
Probably this, bullshitting my time away instead of sleeping
18. [how many ex's are on your friends list?]
None
19. [do you like having your hair pulled?]
Umm.. Not really
20. [favorite city?]
Well, since I've been to NYC now, I'll be a tool and claim it
22. [name something you can't wait for:]
Canada
23. [last time you saw your mom?]
Earlier
24. [do you get along with your siblings?]
Eh
25. [the one thing you want most:]
Love.. Okay, maybe just a mild returned attraction from someone
26. [if you had $250,000 how would you spend it?]
Well, I'd make my mom pay off the house and probably buy a car, and then the rest'll be saved for college or something
27. [how long have you been at your current job?]
Seeing as I have no job, this is a difficult question to answer
28. [is tom on your friends list?]
I think so
29. [last thing you said out loud?]
Probably something along the lines of "What the fuck? That's fucking bullshit."
31.[last thing you spent over $100 on?]
Me personally? ... I don't think I've ever bought something that expensive
32. [what kind of shoes are you wearing?]
None
34. [i really wish i had..]
Peace of mind
35. [most visited webpage?]
Gmail
36. [last person you text messaged?]
Bryan
37. [do you have an air freshener in your car?]
No
38. [do you have any plants in your room?]
Nope
39. [last email recieved?]
Some spam email and Myspace message alerts
40. [current pain in/on your body?]
Meh, I'm okay
41. [last taxi ride?]
No taxis have I ridden
42. [last alcoholic drink?]
Um. Yeah.
43. [if someone you hated died, what would you do?]
Depends on who it is and why I hated him/her. I'd probably feel remorse, though.
45. [do you own a camera phone?]
No
46. [favorite pizza topping?]
Pep
47. [are you/were you in love before?]
Meh
48. [do you like anyone at the moment?]
Overbearingly
49. [if so, why do you like that person?]
She's an amazing human being. She has everything I could ever possibly ask for in a girl: generousity/kindness, intelligence, beauty, a great sense of humor, etc. I find myself attracted to everything about her, no matter how stupid or insignificant it may seem. The way she runs, the way she sits, the way she sticks her tongue between her front teeth. All those little things that you're only supposed to notice when you're dating, I guess. Above it all, I just have this deep, undying concern for her. I care about all of my friends and usually will wind up doing anything for them, but she seems to be on a tier above that. Without a second guess, I would do anything she wanted me to, whether or not it's beneficial to me. As much as I hated A Knight's Tale, I would similarly let the jouster kick my ass. But I know that I wouldn't have to worry about that, because she wouldn't make me do anything harmful to myself. Regardless of who I am to her, she wouldn't have me do anything that I wouldn't do willingly. It's how she is, unless I just have a complete misconception of her. But I'll assume I don't. I have my doubts anymore of what love is and how it's supposed to work. I couldn't tell you what the hell love really is. I just know that every sight of her beautiful face or every sound of her beautiful voice (without a doubt, the most beautiful singing voice I've ever heard. I was honestly stunned the first time I heard her) makes me want to keep on living, with a hope of making the rest of the world as happy as I am in each of those very moments. That I care about her more than everyone else I know, period. If that's not love, then I really don't have a fucking clue. And above all, when I really think about it, I just want her to be happy. I really do, even if I can't do that for her. I like to believe I could if I would just have a chance to prove myself, but if I can't make her happy, I just hope she is happy with her current situation. I'm unworthy of her, anyway, so I pledge to leave her alone, to try and let her be at peace. I try to move on; hell, I even started to a few times. I'll find another girl that I kind of like; maybe she doesn't have that magic charm, but she's nice and fun to be around. So I'll quietly pursue alternate girl for a week or so, I don't know.. Before I know it, something falls through-- she gets a boyfriend or I realize that she isn't interested, whatever-- and the fog over my eyes lifts. I can see clearly again, see the truth again. And there she is again. I never stopped loving her, I just got disenfranchised and then distracted. I'm back to the same non-moving, wonderfully miserable place I started. And I get scared. So, so very scared. I try to be her friend because, well, I like to think that I am her friend, but I'm afraid of her. Afraid of what I might say, what I might do. Afraid of how she feels toward me, how it may change for the worse if I do something wrong. I can take the rejection, but I don't want to lose it all. I don't want to fail completely.. But I digress. It's almost 5 AM, so my inhibitions seem to have fled me. I guess that's why I found the nerve to write this. I'm usually a spineless coward with no confidence and no resolve to pursue anything to its end. Try as I may, I just can't seem to be more confident in myself. I'm working on it.. So yeah. The answer to the original question is up in there somewhere, I think. Take what you will.
50. [was this a good survey?]
Sure
------------------------------
You can't escape what makes you tragic you know; vicious 'cause you want to be, leaving time possessed to please you...
- Jeff |
| | Posted 4/13/2006 4:49 AM - 1 view - 0 comments
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